9b. Christian Living in the Home, Part 2 1 Peter 3:7

7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

When we looked at verses 1-6 when Peter addressed Christian wives, the assumption is that there were Christian wives married to non-Christian husbands, and the instruction was crafted for their situation. If she was married to a believer yhe counsel would still be valid.

What we find here when Peter addresses husbands is different. Peter speaks of the wife as a joint-heir of the gracious gift of life.

Generally, and this is a pretty broad brush I’m painting with here, if a man is a believer and he is married, odds are pretty good that his wife is as well. Now, there are definitely cases that are exceptions, but I would say that it is generally the case that if the man is a believer, so is his wife.

What Peter is exhorting us as Christian men to be aware of and to not succumb to is that we would simply adopt the values of the world around us. Because of the fall, we men generally have a sinful tendency to act in a dominating and selfish manner. Our default setting in our approach to our marriages would simply be that of thinking of their our needs and taking our wives for granted. (see Macleay, 150-151)

If we are as Christian men, as husbands to be manifesting the new life we have in Christ, to live as manifesting more and more the fruit of the Spirit, it will affect how and what we think, say, and do with regard to our wife.

Christian husbands are to respond to their wives ‘in the same way’ (i.e. by being obedient to God) and to behave appropriately, for if they do not it will be a hindrance to their spiritual lives.

We find two big questions arising from our text today:

1. Husband, how do you regard your wife?

2. Husband, how does God regard you?

1. Husband, how do you regard your wife?

Peter gives two directives:

A. God calls you to live with her with knowledge

B. God calls you to honour her, as the weaker vessel

A. God calls you to live with her with knowledge

1 Peter 3:7 ESV

'…husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way....”

In an understanding way is literally, “according to knowledge.”

“Knowledge” here can refer to the intimate knowledge a husband and wife have, both physically, and also a greater depth of understanding of her is also part of this meaning. To live with her as a husband means to a life-long student of her, in order to properly care for her, to truly understand her.

The phrase “according to knowledge” may also refer to the relationship of husbands to God. Husbands, then, should live together with wives informed by the knowledge of God’s will, of what he demands them to do.

And you really cannot genuinely live with your wife in an understanding way unless you know what God’s will expressed in His word is for marriage.

Part of that understanding of your wife is that she is, as Scripture calls her, the weaker vessel.

That leads us to the second directive:

B. God calls you to honour her, as the weaker vessel

Peter takes-on our sinful inclinations head-on. We said last week that part of the curse of the fall that God pronounced on our first parents was that instead of loving cooperation with Adam in fulfilling the creation mandate of being fruitful, multiplying, filling the earth, and subduing it, the woman would have the sinful desire of not responding properly to her husband’s leadership. Her desire would be to control him.

Sinful man’s response to this is to domineer, to not exercise dominion as God intended. So we as Adam’s heirs would, in response to this desire for sinful control, respond in such a way as to attempt to “put our wives in their place.” Sometimes, that sinful response results in abuse: physical, emotional, mental, verbal. That lives our the curse, and not God’s creation design for marriage. (cf., Sanchez)

Vessel is a reference to our physical bodies. Peter states the obvious, that women generally are weaker than men in terms of sheer strength. Because of that fact, we are to respect, honour, our wives.

Think of it this way: when we go to the coffee shop, if we get a mug it is of pretty stout construction. It is designed to tackle a lot of wear and tear and rough usage. Any run of the mill establishment that served the public with fine bone china would soon go bankrupt. Each item has its use and role to play. Each is meant for a particular purpose and our handling of each item would be different.

Peter’s point is that we must understand our wives, to not subject them to rough usage, to honour/respect them for who and what they are as God’s creation and good gift. Christian husbands are to lead their wives in an understanding way, honouring them - to lead their marriage as Christ leads the Church (Ephesians 5:25-33)

Ephesians 5:25–33 ESV

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Brother, are you leading your wife with an understanding of her and God’s will that leads to a sacrificial, servant love that allows your wife to flourish and grow as a disciple of Jesus under your care?

Men, become students of your wives. Study God’s Word in this calling you have to be a husband. Learn her concerns, fears, and desires. Be curious. Ask lots of questions and listen, listen, listen.

Why are we to do this?

since they are heirs with you of the grace of life

They share with you as fellow believers the same imperishable inheritance as you. It was bought and secured the same way as yours: by the blood of Jesus shed for you. They are so treasured by God and cherished by our Lord Jesus, and indwelt by His Holy Spirit as you are.

Being an heir should trigger our remembering there is an inheritance to come, and that we will one day have to answer for our conduct. We must all give answer before the judgment seat of Christ. As believers in the finished work of Christ for us, we will be saved, but we also must live in such a way that seeks to please the Lord as loving children

But it is something that not only has a future aspect to it, but affects us in the hear and now--.

That leads to the second big question this morning:

2. Husband, how does God regard you?

1 Peter 3:7 ESV

Husbands who ignore God’s command will find that their prayers are hindered, which means that God will refuse to answer their prayers. God does not bless with his favour those who are in positions of authority and abuse those who are under them by mistreating them.

Look down the text to verse 12:

1 Peter 3:12 ESV

12 For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and his ears are open to their prayer. But the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.”

Back in Texas there are anti-littering signs along the highway that say, “Don’t mess with Texas.” Your wife, if she is in Christ, is the apple of God’s eye. You don’t dare mess with her!

Christian husband: you should never presume to think that any spiritual good will be accomplished by your life without an effective ministry of prayer. You may not expect an effective prayer life unless you live with you wife ‘in an understanding way, bestowing honour on her. To take the time to develop and maintain a good marriage is God’s will; it is serving God; it is a spiritual activity pleasing in his sight.

Christian marriage must be based on a mutual love that treats the partner with respect and honor. Peter here establishes Christian marriage on the highest possible level as the loving union of two persons who share together and equally in the promises of God. He assumes that husband and wife will pray together. They do not live separate Christian lives, but they share together in the deepest relationship of their life.

Are you praying with and for her, studying God’s Word together?

Even where only one of the partners is a Christian, the relationship should still be marked by love and respect. The love of the Christian partner will include something of the love of God himself for those who have not yet responded to his grace. The Christian partner who feels this love for an unconverted spouse is obligated to live in such a way as to commend the Christian faith to him or her.

Men: Thank God for the undeserved gift He gave you in your wife. Even with all her flaws -- however many they may be, you don’t deserve her. Thank God for the companion He gave you in her. Praise and worship and bless God for her and for her unspeakable beauties and ask God for His grace in every area of your marriage.

If she is a big sinner, remember that you’re a bigger one still. And yet -- neither of you are beyond the saving grace of God and the restoring mercies of the Saviour! Refuse to complain! Storm the mercy seat and come boldly! Come with confidence! Come for your bride! Come with your bride in prayer. Pray for her and pray with her. And may God transform your marriage as you emulate Christ, your Bridegroom, who right now, at this moment, is still praying for you before the Father’s throne. (Geoffrey R. Kirkland)

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