Restoring a Broken Relationship

“Restoring a Broken Relationship”

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My middle son Jordan broke his arm three times when he was a teenager. The first time he was skateboarding in the driveway; I was sitting on the

Tell- gate of the pickup watching him. Bethany was out there on her scooter; Jordan was doing kick flips, and all the sudden he fell on the concrete and I heard a snap. I ran over as he was getting up, and looked at his arm; it had an extra joint in it. I said Jordan you broke your arm big-time; get in the truck we’re going to the hospital.

Tess drove up, Then Jared drove up from football practice; I told them Jordan broke his arm and I’m taking him to the hospital. Tess followed us to Mercy; they put Jordan’s arm in an apparatus and set his bone and put a cast on it. (Tess passed out when the Doctor was setting the bone)

The Doctor restored Jordan’s bone back to its original possession.

Jordan’s bone was OUT OF PLACE; and the doctor put it back in its right place; connected to the other bones around it.

The Bible talks about being in a right relationship with God through Jesus Christ, and being a right relationship with others.

-“Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such a one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.

The word restore was used to describe; repairing a broken bone. The Bible says if you are spiritual restore that person who has fallen into sin; they are out of place; not in right relationship with God and others. We are to reach out and restore them; help them get in a right relationship with God, and others. The Bible calls this the ministry of reconciliation; helping people get in a right relationship with God, and in a right relationship with others.

What did Jordan need when he broke his arm?

· He didn’t need a lecture, not right then; what he needed was restoration.

· He didn’t need me to ignore him and walked back in the house, and leave him out there in agony and pain.

· He didn’t need me to take pictures of his broken arm and post them all over Facebook, and tell everybody how Jordan broke his arm.

· He didn’t need someone to come along and shoot him and put him out of his misery.

· He didn’t need someone to amputate his arm.

What he needed was to be picked him up, put him in the truck, and carried to the hospital, where a doctor could repair his broken bone. His arm has a bump on it, and his wrist snaps when he moves it, but it’s healed.

What my son needed, was a tender touch from his dad, and a helpful hand from the doctor.

What do people who are broken by sin need? What do people who are living in a broken relationship with someone else need?

They need someone to share with them how they can be restored to a right relationship with God; and how their broken relationship with another person can be repaired.

In these verses we see Jacob and Esau reconciled. Jacob and Esau had been separated for 20 years; the last words Esau had spoken to Jacob was I am going to kill you!

Now Jacob and Esau are going to meet each other, Jacob is afraid, he doesn’t know his brother’s intentions. He must face his brother if he is going to be right with God, and free from his past.

Jacob must meet Esau, he must make things right with his offended brother. God would not allow him to sidestep making things right with his brother.

Jacob makes preparations to meet his brother, he gets alone with God; and Jacob has an all-night wrestling match with God.

God had to deal with Jacob; before Jacob could deal with Esau. First get right with God; then get right with your brother, that is always the way it is. You can’t be right with God and wrong with your brother at the same time.

In the account of Jacob and Esau restoring their broken relationship we learn three attitudes that are necessary to restore a broken relationship.

To repair a broken relationship:

1. You Must be Humble.

V:1-11.

God has humbled Jacob, he has been crippled by the touch of God, and he has limped back into camp with a new name and a new walk and a new dependency upon God. He is physically exhausted and spiritually conquered; V:1-“Jacob lifted up his eyes and looked and behold Esau came, and within 400 men.

Though completely exhausted, Jacob arranged his family to meet Esau, V:1-“and he divided the children under Leah, and under Rachel, and unto the two handmaids”.

Jacob put the handmaidens and their children in front, then Leah with her children next, and Rachel and Joseph last, this ranking probably fed the jealousy over Joseph later.

Picture Jacob limping, halting out in front of all of them to meet his brother.

V:3-“And Jacob passed over before them, and bowed himself to the ground seven times, until he came near to his brother”.

Jacob is approaching his brother humbly, showing reverence and respect for Esau. This was the way a person approached a king or Queen; he would bow himself in a deep bow seven times. Jacob is humbly approaching Esau as he would a mighty king. Jacob is humble, transparent, broken as he approaches his offended brother. Jacob takes the initiative, he goes to talk with his brother; he doesn’t send someone else.

He doesn’t have an attitude of pride and arrogance; he doesn’t think Esau should be bowing to him. He knew he had stolen the blessing and had wounded and offended his brother. Jacob knew the relationship was broken, so he steps out to fix it. How did Esau respond to the humility of Jacob? V:4-“And Esau ran to meet him, and embraced him, and fell on his neck, and kissed him: and they wept”

When Esau saw Jacob humbling himself, broken and bowing before him; he eagerly ran to Jacob, hugged him, kissed him, and they wept together.

This response from Esau shows clearly that God had been working in Esau’s heart; and Esau had forgiven his brother and no longer held a grudge against Jacob. Jacob and Esau had both been wrong in dealing with each another, but Jacob the spiritual man is the one who humbled himself and approached his brother. To be reconciled to an offended brother you must take the first step. You take the initiative. Don't wait for the other person to come to you. If you do, chances are that you will die at a deadlock and selfish standoff!

Humility is necessary for repairing any broken relationship! The Bible teaches, that we enter into this world with a broken relationship with God! We are born as broken, fallen sinners. Our sin nature makes us enemies and rebels against God; our sin separates us from a Holy God. We don’t have a relationship with God; we are not at peace with God. We need to be reconciled to God; to make peace with God! If you want to be reconciled to God; have peace with God, have your sin forgiven and to be saved, you must humble yourself, bow your heart before God and ask him to forgive you of your sin and save your soul!

Salvation was purchased by Jesus Christ on the cross; as he humbled himself and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross. ()

Jesus humbled himself; and left the throne of Glory, and was born as a man in the lowly manger in Bethlehem.

Jesus humbled himself; Jesus who made the world and everything in it, it became a humble carpenter in Nazareth.

Jesus humbled himself, and became a servant, loving people, healing people, helping people.

Jesus humbled himself; and allowed the Jewish leaders to arrest him, and the Romans to crucify him on the cross between two thieves.

Jesus humbled himself, and hung naked, beaten, and bloody, nailed to a Roman cross.

Jesus humbled himself, and took my sin, and your sin, and the sin of the world on his body on that tree, and died for my sin and your sin.

Because Jesus Christ humbled himself; took my sin, and died in my place I can be forgiven of my sin, I can be made right with God – reconciled; I can have peace with God through the blood of Jesus Christ.

-“Now all things are of God, who has reconciled us to Himself through Jesus Christ, and has given us the ministry of reconciliation, God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not imputing their trespasses to them, and has committed to us the word of reconciliation. We are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were pleading through us: we beg you on Christ’s behalf, be reconciled to God”.

Your greatest need is to be right with God; and because of Jesus death on the cross, your sin can be forgiven; and you can be reconciled to God today.

-“Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ”.

But friend; you’re going to have to humble yourself and come to Jesus as a little child.

-“And said, Verily I say unto you, except you be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven. Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

Your greatest need is to be reconciled to God; and for that to happen you must humble yourself, admit your need and come to Jesus.

Your second greatest need is to be right with other people.

If you have a broken relationship with your wife, husband, child or anyone else; the first attitude you must have to restore that broken relationship is an attitude of humility. Jacob is a great example of how we are to approach a person we have a broken relationship with-Humble.

-“Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such a one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted”.

The word meekness means – gentleness, humility.

The idea is to approach that person with a gentle humble spirit. Not blaming, accusing, criticizing, overbearing, judgmental and harsh. But with a tender touch, a meek spirit; gently trying to set a broken bone; to help this person to be restored back into a right relationship with you.

Before you can ever be reconciled to an offended person you must first humble yourselves and approach them with respect.

You may find this hard to believe, but I played on the offense of line in high school; I played tight-end. Our offense line coach, would tell us stay low; no matter how big some of those linemen where he would say stay low.

You won’t to get leverage on the other guy so you got to stay low. In your spiritual life if you want to be victorious, stay low. No matter what title you have in front of your name, how much money you have in the bank, or how many people know who you are, stay low!

Humble yourself under the mighty hand of God; and he will exalt you in due time.

What if Jacob had gone to Esau and said; Esau I forgive you for saying you’re going to kill me, for cause me to run away from home and spend all those miserable years in Laban’s house; if you will forgive me for stealing the blessing.

I guarantee you the outcome would not been the same!

Jacob sought to make restitution with his brother; he knew he had stolen the blessing so he humble came to Esau to make things right.

He also gave Esau a gift of 560 animals. Esau asked Jacob in V:8-“What do you mean by this company of animals that you sent to me”?

Jacob answered, V:8-“ these are to find grace in the sight of my lord”.

Esau said to Jacob I have enough my brother; keep what you have yourself, Jacob said no, I beg you, if I’ve found grace in your sight receive my present.

V:11-“Take, I pray you, my blessing that is brought to you; because God has dealt graciously with me and Esau took it”.

Jacob could not give back the blessing to Esau; but he could share some of the blessings with his brother. Jacob was trying to make restitution for his wrongs. I no longer want to steal your blessing; I want to give you a blessing, I want to be a blessing.

When you’re seeking to restore a broken relationship, you must make restitution if it’s necessary.

A lady stole a dress from a department store; shortly afterwards she was saved. She still felt guilty for shop-lifting. She sent to the store manager, explained what she had done, told him she had become a Christian and paid the manager for the dress she had taken.

That is exactly what Zacchaeus: When he was saved: -“Lord half of my goods I give to the poor; and if I have taken anything from any man by false accusation, I restore fourfold”.

To be reconciled to an offended brother you must make restitution.

Jacob is dealing with his brother in humility and grace; when you’ve experienced the grace and forgiveness of God, you can give it to others.

Jacob’s awareness of the grace of God is all over this chapter. Esau never mentions God our grace; but Jacob refers to the grace of God over and over again.

· V:5-“The children which God has graciously given the servant”.

· V:8-“ these are to find grace in the sight of my lord”.

· V:10-“ if I have found grace in your sight”.

· V:11-“ God has dealt graciously with me”.

Once the grace of God becomes real to you; you can extend grace to others. We forgive others, because Jesus has forgiven us.

-“And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.

Some of you have spouses you need to seek reconciliation with, employers you need to initiate reconciliation with, neighbors, family, friends who you need to seek reconciliation with.

You can’t be right with God and wrong with your brother at the same time; ask God to touch you, humble you and approach that person and seek to restore your broken relationship.

The second attitude needed to repair a broken relationship:

2. You Must be Careful!

V:12-17.

Esau is so overjoyed with being reconciled to his brother that he offers to lead Jacob’s family to his home in Seir. But Seir was outside the land of Canaan; and God’s word to Jacob was to return to the land of Canaan. Plus Esau was not a man of faith; and God’s chosen people were to remain separate from those who were not people of faith. Jacob was wise in refusing to journey to Seir with Esau for two reasons; #1 God had told him to go to Canaan, specifically back to Bethel. #2 Esau was a fleshly, lost man, Jacob and Esau didn’t have the same philosophy, worldview, direction or desires.

Jacob tried to be polite in refusing to travel with Esau to Seir; he told him my children are young and the flocks and herds have babies and if we overdrive them they would die. So you go ahead and go on ahead of me. Esau says I leave some of my men with you to help you; Jacob says that will be necessary I’ll meet you in Seir. But Jacob never intended on going to Esau’s house; he should’ve been honest and told Esau that but he didn’t.

Esau and his 400 men leave; and Esau marches off the pages of recorded history. He makes a brief appearance at his father’s funeral and that’s the last we see of him.

Jacob and Esau end up in two very different places, Esau goes to Seir, and Jacob goes to Shechem.

Jacob and Esau have been reconciled; but they didn’t travel down the same road or live, or settled in the same place.

This is very very important please listen! You can be okay with someone, love that person, care deeply about that person; and not agree with everything that person says, does or believes.

You don’t have to travel the same road with someone to love them, talk with him, and get along with them. I don’t have to accept your agenda, to love you; sometimes you hear someone say “you don’t love me, care about me, or respect me because you don’t agree with me”.

Well, you don’t love me, care about me, or respect me, because you don’t agree with me. A person who has a different worldview, who doesn’t accept the teaching of the word of God on the subject of sexuality is traveling down a different road.

I love them! I just simply don’t agree with them; be careful you don’t travel down the wrong road with a person who doesn’t believe the Bible.

As a Christian you can love people; without accepting their agenda, are going down the same road with them.

So be careful when you seek to be reconciled to someone that you don’t think you have to accept their sin to accept them.

The Third attitude needed to repair a broken relationship:

3. You Must be Thankful!

V:18-20.

To our surprise Jacob stops short of where God wanted him to be; which was Bethel. He stops in a place called Shechem, V:18, bought some land, and began raising cattle.

Jacob is back in the land of Canaan after 20 years; he builds an altar and worships God.

V:20-“And he erected there an altar, and called it Elelohe-Israel.

The name of this altar means – the mighty God is a God of Israel.

Jacob built this altar to acknowledge that God has kept his promise and brought them back to the land of Canaan after 20 years. In the naming of the altar he proclaims that his God is a mighty God!

In building this altar Jacob is acknowledging that reconciliation is a work of God.

He’s looking back now on the miraculous reconciliation with his brother Esau; and he realizes that God is the one who reconciled him to his brother.

The change in Esau from wanting to kill his brother, to running, hugging, and weeping and forgiving his brother was the work of God! And Jacob acknowledges that by building this altar and worshiping God.

God desires you to be reconciled to him; and reconciled to the person you are at odds with. So much so Jesus shed his blood so you can be reconciled to God. God’s Spirit filling and controlling you will enable you to humble yourself, reach out and restore the broken relationship.

Today if you have a broken relationship with God; Jesus Christ will reconcile you to God!

If you have a broken relationship with someone; God sent you here today to encourage you to be reconciled to that person. Today determined by the grace of God that you will be reconciled to that person. You don’t have to continue to live with a broken relationship; humble yourself and go to them and make things right.