Family Feud

“Family Feud”

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When you think about a family feud, what do you think of? Do you think of the game show, where two families compete to see which family is the smartest? Or do you think of the Hatfield’s and the McCoy’s of Kentucky and West Virginia who were always “a feuding and a fighting”? The Hatfield’s and McCoy’s have become synonymous with arguing, fighting, fusing, conflict and revenge. All the original Hatfield’s and McCoy’s are dead, but their relatives that live on; because fusing and feuding and fighting between individuals and families, and churches are still taking place today!!

Do you know anyone who is fussing and feuding? Are you living a life of conflict, arguing and fighting? Some people seem to love to argue and fight and quarrel, they enjoy strife. But most of us do not like strife in our lives, families are church.

Those of us who are saved have the Prince of Peace living in our hearts, and we are told by Jesus in -“Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.

Children of God are to be peacemakers, not troublemakers!!

In the verses we read this morning we see strife break out between Abraham’s cattlemen, and Lot’s cattlemen, and Abraham and Lot get drug into the fight. Something is going to have to be done about the family feud; before somebody gets hurt!

Let’s paint the picture of what’s causing this family feud, and then we will talk about How to end a feud. Abraham and Lot leave Egypt and come back to the Land of Canaan in V:1-4.

We are told that both Abraham and Lot were rich:

· V:2-“Abraham was rich in cattle, silver, and gold”

· V:5-“Lot had flocks, herds, and tents”

I picture a western; all the cowboys that worked for rancher Abraham and the cowboys that worked for rancher Lot are driving their cattle to the watering hole. One of them gets there first and takes up all the room and the other cowboys can’t get their cattle to the water, and a fight breaks out. Kind of like an Old Testament “Open range”.

I want us to see what caused this feud and how it was handled.1st of all let’s see:

1. The Source of a Family Feud.

We are told two time in V:6 that they could not stay together because the land could not provide for all their cattle it they stayed together.

What was the source of the tension, conflict and strife between Abraham and Lot?

The 1st source of the conflict was:

a. There close Proximity.

They were living in close proximity, “they dwelt together”. And that brought fighting and strife.

Trying to live, work, and worship close-up with people can be a problem sometimes.

It is one thing to be engaged to him-girls and you can say goodnight and go your separate ways. But when you get married and he is your husband it is an altogether differ deal. You are now sharing a bathroom with him and he messes up the sink with his toothpaste-why does he leave toothpaste in the sink? Why does she get makeup on the hand-towel, why does he splash water all over the mirror, why does she put the toilet paper on backwards?

Living close-up brings challenges! Doing life close-up sometimes causes strife!

The Bible and church history makes it clear that some of the greatest problems have come because people are thrown together and can’t get along. How many arguments, divorces, and church splits have come because we refuse to tolerate each other up-close! Sharing a bedroom or bathroom with a brother or sister, sharing a classroom at church, sharing a parking space can cause tension.

Waiting on someone else can bring strife and tension. Because our selfish nature says, I DON”T WANT YOU NEAR ME! I don’t like you, I don’t want to get close to you, and I don’t want to talk to you or fellowship with you, or spend time with you; stay away from me!

But that is not an option for a child of God in the body of Christ:

· We are “labors together with God”

· We are “built together an habitation of God”

· We are to “Strive together for the faith of the Gospel”

· One day we are going to be “caught up together to meet Jesus”

There are no solo fights to heaven, we are going up together! We are told to encourage and built up one another; we don’t have the right to say, I don’t want you near me, I am not going to speak to you.

I am not going to work things out with you, I am done with you.

Behind the conflict was the fact that they could not work together in close proximity, they refused to learn how to work together.

Another source of the conflict was:

b. Their material possessions.

Material blessing can be a mixed blessing; I know families that have been divided because of fights over money and the inheritance; who should have gotten what. And now there are family members who are divided and haven’t spoken to one another for 25 years!

Abraham and Lot were both wealth and weighted down with all kinds of stuff to take care of, and prosperity had brought strife. Everything that we possess whether it’s a little or alot has the potential of bringing pleasure or frustration.

Every toy you buy for your children is something that can bring them joy or cause a fight if someone else tries’ to touch it.

As adults a lot of strife and arguing comes because of stuff and possessions. Abraham and Lot’s prosperity, rather than pulling them together, divided them.

Prosperity became a wedge between Abraham and Lot. The love of money has destroyed a lot of good people, and caused a lot of heart-ache and division.

Proverbs tells us that people will lie, mistreat others, cheat and kill for money. Paul told Timothy that the love of money is the root of all evil; it leads to all kinds of evil.

Then Paul told Timothy:

-“But godliness with contentment is great gain. Lack of contentment causes conflict in marriages and relationships.

The source of Abraham and Lot’s conflict was their close proximity, their possessions.

There is a third source of conflict.

c. A heart of Pride.

The conflict came because the cowboys are not giving in to one another. They refused to submit to one another, pride is involved.

Pride is involved in every conflict, quarrel and fight!

-“By pride comes nothing but strife”

You find a person who is full of pride, they think they know everything, they are always right; you will find a person who is always fighting, arguing, quarreling about something.

Strive and fighting is always evil, it is from our fleshly nature and it displeases the Lord.

-“But if ye have bitter envying and strife in your hearts, glory not, and lie not against the truth. This wisdom descends not from above, but is earthly, sensual, and devilish. For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work.

From God’s viewpoint quarreling and strife “are wicked works of the flesh”, that dishonor God, grieve the Holy Spirit and destroy relationships and fellowships and churches! That is the source of a Family Feud. Let’s see secondly:

2. The Solution to a Family Feud.

It always takes two to fight; you can’t have an argument if no one will argue with you.

Someone blows the horn at you…if you want to get things heated up-blow it back. They jump out of the car, you take off if you smart; it takes two to fight.

You raise you voice, she raises her voice and...Let’s get ready to rumble! It takes at least two to start a fight, but it takes at least one to stop the fight!

The first solution is to:

a. Take the Initiative in Resolving the Conflict.

V:8-“And Abraham said to Lot Let there be no strife, I pray thee, between me and thee, and between my herdsmen and your herdsmen; for we be brethren.

If a conflict is going to be resolved someone must make the first move! Someone must lay down their pride and go to the other person and say, “Let there be no strife, I beg you”

It is the mature person who takes the initiative in resolving conflict.

It is Abraham the man of faith, that approaches Lot the man of the flesh and says let’s stop the strife and conflict that’s going on, we are brothers!!

It you are having a problem with someone, why don’t you take the initiative and go to them and make things right? You must choose to be a peacemaker; it does not come naturally; if you wait until you feel like being a peacemaker you never will! Being a peacemaker is an act of your will, Jesus said, blessed is the peacemakers! Are you a peacemaker or a troublemaker? When strife and conflict comes do you blow up, slam the door and stay locked-up for hours. There are couples and friends and family members who are holding a grudge, and haven’t spoken to one another in years; what needs to happen? One of them needs to take the initiative let it be you!!

Someone is sitting there thinking:

If he wants to do something about it, I am here, he knows where to find me, he has my number, he can call me; I am done trying to fix it.

What you are saying is I refuse to take the initiative and try and resolve the conflict. Jesus confronts His disciples and tells them that they are to take the initiative in resolving conflict whether they did something wrong to someone else, or if the other person did something wrong to them.

-“Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has ought against you; Leave there your gift before the altar, and go your way; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.

Here is a guy who has come to church to worship, and he remembers that he has offended, sinned against a brother, he is told by Jesus to leave his gift at the altar and go and get right with his brother FIRST, and them come and get on the altar and offer his gift to God! You cannot be right with God and wrong with your brother!!He remembers that the guy has something against him; and yet he is told to take the initiative, go get reconciled to your brother!

There are Christians at the altar with their gift of worship that God is not receiving, because they will not go and get right with a brother or sister.

-“Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone: if he shall hear you, you hast gained you brother.

In this case someone has sinned against you, but the instructions from Jesus are the same, you go to your brother, you take the initiative!

There are churches that are cold and dead because this has not been done!!

What conflict and strife could you solve if you just took the initiative and went to the person and talked with them and said, we need to get things right between us!!

There is a second solution to strife and conflict:

b. Value People more than Possessions.

V:8-9“And Abram said unto Lot, Let there be no strife, I pray thee, between me and thee, and between my herdsmen and thy herdsmen; for we be brethren. Is not the whole land before you? Separate yourself, I pray thee, from me: if you will take the left hand, then I will go to the right; or if you depart to the right hand, then I will go to the left.

Abraham valued his relationship with Lot more than his cows, and camels, and donkeys! He valued his relationship with Lot more than his pride, or what his cowhands would think about him.

Abraham was the Patriarch of the family, and he had the right to say to Lot; you’ve been tagging along with me sense I left Ur, you would have nothing if it weren’t for me, I’m the leader of this family, God has promised me this land, not you; I want you gone by sun down.

But Abraham doesn’t response that way! Instead Abraham gave Lot the choice of the Land, he said you choice, and I will take the leftovers,V:9-read.

WHY would he do that?

Because Lot matter more than his stuff, more than being right, more than anything!!

He wanted to be right with Lot more than he wanted to exercise his rights! Sometimes the solution to the conflict you are having is to give-up, let-go of your right to be right. Value the other person more than getting your way, or having the last word. Don’t let selfishness and pride keep you from solving the problem and restoring peace in your marriage, home, office, or church relationships! Abraham would rather loss some livestock, money, and laid down his rights than loss a brother!! Many relationships have been destroyed because two people have to be right, have the last word and win the argument. Abraham was the wise and mature one and he says I submit to you, the greater was submitting to the lesser. Abraham was also aware that the strife between two brothers, worshippers of God was being watched by the lost people around them.

V:7-“There was strife…and the Canaanite and the Perizzite dwelt in the land”

These unsaved people were watching to see how the people who build altars and call on God’s name and proclaim the name of the Lord act when they have disagreements.

You and I are being watched to see how we handle conflict, problems and strife in our lives. God children should respond different they the world around them when difficult comes.

People matter more than things, more than being right, more than looking tuff or cool, more than a raise, more than a property line, more than an inheritance, more than anything!

Are you fighting with someone? Your wife, husband, dad, mom, brother, sister- they are more valuable than whatever you are fighting over!!

The wise man Solomon said,

-“Where no wood is, there the fire goes out: so where there is no one talking, the strife ceases.

Tension, conflict and strife stops when one person acts selflessly like Abraham did.

Abraham took the initiative, he valued Lot and he said, Let there be no strife, and he solved the conflict.

Any conflict that you are in can be solved if you will value the person more than the issue!!

If you are living in strife, fussing and feuding you have put yourself in a jail, locked yourself behind the bars of unforgivness and bitterness.

-“contentions are like the bars of a castle.

-“The contentions of a wife are a continual dropping.

Life is to short and God is too good for you to live a life of strife, arguing, and contention!

Members of Crossway Baptist Church, and born-again believers, let there be no strife, we are brothers!! The unsaved world looks at churches and Christians to see if we will love, forgive, care for each other, and surrender our rights and preferences that the church might to in unity!

-“With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love; Endeavouring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

-“Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!

What is behind most fights is selfishness, pride, envy, and jealous, let’s love one another enough to say, there will be no strife from me!!

There is a third solution to strife and conflict:

3. Trust God to take Care of You.

Lot chose the Jordan valley and pitched his tent toward Sodom! Moving toward Sodom was the first step toward a life of destruction for Lot; it was the worst decision of his life!! He is walking by sight, not by faith, he saw money, wealth like in Egypt, V:10.

He does consider the sin and spiritual climatic of Sodom, or how it would affect his family, he moved for the money!!

After the conflict was over God appeared to Abraham, V:14-18-Read.

Abraham didn’t have to fight with Lot over the Land; he had already been told by God that the land would be his and his families after him. Abraham was trusting God to take care of him; he didn’t have to fight and argue with Lot.

This chapter starts with Abraham coming back into the Land from Egypt, tells us about the strife over the Land, and ends with God promises the Land to Abraham!

This is a totally different Abraham in these verses than the Abraham that doesn’t trust God to take care of him when the famine came in 12:10-20.

In chapter 12 Abraham didn’t trust God, led his family to Egypt and made a mess of things.

But when this test of faith came Abraham passed with flying colors.

WHY? Abraham trust God to take care of him because he had been to the altar in V:4-Read.

The difference between the Abraham that went to Egypt in unbelief and the Abraham that trusted God to take care of him and gave Lot the choice of Land was the altar!!

What prepares you and I to deal with strife, conflict and difficult things and people is the CROSS!! Spending time on our knees in prayer, prepares us for the challenges of life!

This chapter starts off with Abraham at the altar, V:4, and ends with Abraham at the altar in V:18. The life of peace, power and purpose comes from spending time on our knees in prayer!!

You and I cannot be people of peace without spending time talking with the prince of peace!

Abraham trusted God to take care of him, give in the land, a son, and make a great nation out of him.

This chapter closes with Abraham worshipping God, and drawing his strength from God!

When we are convinced that God will take care of us, we don’t have to fight, argue and compete with others; we know God will take care of us!

Are you living in strife, conflict and fighting? God gives us the solution right here in this chapter.

· Take the initiative in resolving the conflict.

· Value people more than the reason for the conflict.

· Trust God to take care of you.

Do you have peace in your heart with God today? -“Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ:

Are you quarreling, fighting in a conflict with someone today,

-“Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.

Take the initiative and talk to them today!!