A Dysfunctional Family

“A Dysfunctional Family”

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There is nothing more precious to us than our family, you want a happy marriage and a successful family. An old Chinese proverb says, “It is harder to lead a family, then to rule a nation”. Can I make an obvious statement? Our families are in trouble in America, let me go further and say, Christian homes in America are in real trouble, can I go further; some of your homes are in trouble! Every week I hear about couples that are having marriage problems, and parents who are having difficulty with their children. And my heart is broken over the condition of our homes!

Christian marriages are breaking up at the same rate as unchristian marriages. Many Christian homes are just as dysfunctional, as unchristian homes. That is not the way that it should be! We have Jesus Christ in our heart, and the word of God in our hand; and if will surrender to Jesus Christ, and follow the word of God we can have a successful marriage and a happy home. What causes a family to be a dysfunctional family?

As we look through the tent flap at this family you see a dysfunctional family; and we quickly learn who the persons are that make up a dysfunctional family.

When I look at this family, I feel like I am looking at a modern day family, because the same persons that made this family a dysfunctional family, are the same persons that make a family today a dysfunctional family; different names, same persons.

I want us to look at the persons in this family and see what role they played in making their family a dysfunctional family. If we can learn what not to be, and what not to do from this family then we can keep our family from being a dysfunctional family.

This family didn’t start out being dysfunctional.

If you would have met this couple, Isaac and Rebekah a few years earlier you have predicted that they would have a great future together. After all Isaac was the son of Abraham, was dedicated to God, was a man who was obedient to the Lord. He trusted God to choose his wife for him, he loved Rebecca. He prayed for his wife; and with his wife. What a great start, what more could a married couple want?

But you can’t put your marriage on autopilot, you must continue to communicate, pray together, share your heart with each other, and work through your problems together.

Isaac and Rebekah started out great, but as the years passed they drifted away from God, and away from each other. They substituted the relationship they had with each other with their relationship with their children. Isaac favored Esau, and Rebekah favored Jacob, and there was division in the family. Jesus said, a house divided against itself cannot stand, and boy oh boy this was a divided, dysfunctional family and it manifest itself in .

Scene one – Isaac who has gone blind calls Esau’s oldest son and says to him, I’m old now and I think I’m about to die. Take your bow and arrows and go kill me a deer, and cook me some venison stew the kind I love so much and I will bless you before I die. Isaac was not supposed to bless Esau, he knew that God had chosen Jacob over Esau, he knew Esau was an ungodly man who sold his birthright to Jacob.

Well Rebecca overhears Isaac tell Esau this; tent walls are pretty thin; she calls Jacob and tells him, Esau has gone hunting to kill a deer to make your dad venison stew. But were not let that happen, go get to goats from the flock bring them to me and I’ll fix them to taste like your brothers venison stew, and dress you up like your brother, and you can serve your father the stew and he’ll bless you instead of Esau.

Jacob follows his mother’s directions; deceives his father and steals Esau’s blessing.

Esau comes in from hunting fixes his dad some venison stew brings it to his dad and ask his father to bless him. Isaac is shaken to the bone, he says your brother came in and deceived me, and I have given him your blessing. Esau broke down and cried, and said please give me a blessing to father. And Isaac gives Esau a weak blessing, and Esau is so angry with Jacob his brother that he says when dad dies I’m going to kill Jacob. Rebecca again overhears what is said and packs Jacobs bags and sends him to live with her brother. And as far as we know Rebecca never saw Jacob again.

In this dysfunctional family every member of the family was only looking out for themselves. Sin and selfishness destroys families.

I don’t think I can say this often enough or forcefully enough; Satan is aiming his biggest guns at the family! Satan knows if he can destroy the family he can destroy the church and the culture. Satan knows that if he can destroy your home and my home, he can hurt this church and the cause of Christ. Satan knows that if he can destroy the family; he can destroy this great nation and what it stands far. This nation is no stronger than the homes that make it up.

This church is no stronger than the families that make up this church. Satan is on the attack against our homes! I want to help us keep from having a dysfunctional home. As we step through the front door of this home we discover the persons who make up a dysfunctional family. The first member of a dysfunctional family is:

1. A Father who Makes Decisions based on the Flesh; instead of the Word of God!

V:1-5.

A dysfunctional family usually starts with the father, and this family is no exception. Isaac started out as a man who was in tune with God, the last time we see him in he is building altars, pitching his tent, and digging wells. He was a witness to all the unsaved people who lived around him. But when you get to he is a carnal fleshly disobedient father.

He is now making his decisions based on what his flesh wants; instead of what God has said.

-“There are two nations in your womb, and two different kind of people; and the elder shall serve the younger.”

God had made it known before the two boys were born that Jacob was to be the spiritual leader of the home after Isaac’s Death. That was what God had said, and Isaac knew it!

We’re told that Esau was an ungodly, fleshly man that was controlled by his fleshy appetites, who had married ungodly women; and had no respect for the birthright. He sold his birthright to Jacob for a bowl of beans in . The book of Hebrews tells us he was a profane man, he had no place in his life for God or spiritual things.

Isaac knowing that Jacob was to receive the blessings and carry on the family line determined to reject the word of God, and follow his flesh and give the blessing to Esau. Why? Why would Isaac reject the word of God and determine to give the blessings of God to his ungodly, fleshly, unspiritual son?

Isaac is now making his decisions based on his flesh; instead of the word of God!

We are told in -“And Isaac loved Esau, because he did eat of his venison: but Rebecca love Jacob”.

What a dumb reason to love one child more than another. Isaac is favoring Esau, the wrong son, because he could really cook a venison stew! Sounds stupid doesn’t it?

What you have here is a father who makes his decisions based on his flesh, materialism, the things of the world, the things he could see, smell, touch, and taste – to flesh, the senses.

V:3-4-“go out into the field, and take me some venison; and make me savory meat, such as I love, and bring it to me, that I may eat; that my soul may bless you before I die.

Here’s a dad who is controlled by his flesh not his faith. He had not only lost his physical sight but he had lost his spiritual sight.

When you live according to the flesh instead of the word of God; you’re constantly going to be deceived by your feelings. You can’t depend upon your senses your feelings and your flesh.

· V:2-“ I’m old, and no not the day of my death.

Isaac thanks he’s going to die any day so he needs to hurry and give Esau the blessing. The fact is Isaac lived for another 40 years, his flesh deceived him.

Isaac is a picture of a carnal believer, living by the natural instead of the supernatural, and trusting his own senses instead of believing and obeying the Word of God.

· V:4-“ that I may eat; that my soul may bless you before I die.”

My first concern is to eat the venison, and then I’ll bless you. My flesh, appetite first and the spiritual blessing of the family second.

This is another indication that he was backslidden on God; the first thing, main thing on his mind was taking care of the physical. The point is not about Isaac eating, the point is he was more concerned about the flesh than he was the spirit. That can happen to any of us; if we don’t crucify our flesh daily it will rise up and take charge.

When Jacob brought the fake venison stew to his father, Isaac said boy that was fast how did you find a deer so quick? Jacob lied.

· V:21-“And Isaac said unto Jacob, come near, that I may feel you, my son whether you really are Esau are not.”

Jacob came near and Isaac felt him and said, the voice is Jacob’s voice, but the hands are the hands of Esau.

And he discerned him not because his hands were hairy, as his Brother Esau’s hands: so he blessed him.

Isaac said, come close that I may feel you, he wanted to touch him; he made his most important decision according to the flesh.

· V:25-“bring it to me that I may eat of my sons venison.”

He wanted to taste it, he couldn’t see it, so he one to taste it.

V:26-27-“ Isaac said come near my son and he came near and he smelled the smell of his garment…

But we know that Jacob had on Esau’s clothes, so when Isaacs smelled Jacob he thought he was smelling Esau. His nose deceived him.

Isaac is making decisions based on his flesh, senses and feelings instead of the word of God! And he is deceived! And so will you be!

You look at this scene and you say how could you be so dumb Isaac?

You can’t taste the difference between goat meat and deer meat?

You don’t know the difference between goat hair and human hair?

You don’t think that Jacob could have easily put on Esau’s clothes?

That’s not very smart! You say, don’t be so hard on him! After all, he couldn't see! That was his problem. Did you know all of us have been blinded by sin? We're all unwise if we live in the realm of the five senses because your senses can deceive you, and any cheap magician can prove to you that the hand is faster than the eye. What fools we are when we live in the realm of our senses! Feelings are fickle, and you'll never get anywhere in the Christian life when you live after the flesh and after your feelings!

The Bible says in - "For they that are after the flesh, do mind the things of the flesh; but they that are after the spirit, the things of the spirit. For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace."

Isaac wasn't spiritually minded, he was carnally minded. He's just like some of the men who are listening to me this morning. You know how to taste things. You know how to smell things. You know how to feel things. You know how to figure things. But it’s all about the flesh, and it leads to death!

Here is where he missed it, V:22-“ the voice is Jacob’s voice, but the hands of the hands of Esau.

The voice! The voice! Sounds like Jacob! But the feeling is Esau.

You better learn to go by the voice of God rather than by your feelings, my Friend.

Let me point out what I believe is the thing that will destroy your children’s confidence in your spiritual life more than anything else. It is inconsistency!

Saying one thing, and doing another. Isaac was a man who professed to love and follow God, he worshiped God every day. He was a good man and a moral man; but when it came down to making decisions, he made his decisions based on the flesh instead of the word of God.

He talked the talk; but he didn’t walk the walk. How many fathers lead their families to be dysfunctional families because they make their decisions based on the flesh, and the world’s standards, instead of the word of God?

Kids are not dumb; they know who is in charge of your life, they know if it is God are your flesh. When your kids see you go to church, and then do things that are sinful and wrong you send them a mixed-signal. And they don’t take God our church seriously, because you don’t!

They know what you value the most, football or church, your job or Jesus, the math book or the Bible. Their GPA or their devotional life, more stuff and things, or giving your money to help your church reach people with the gospel.

God help us to be dads who make decisions according to the word of God and not according to the flesh! How many of you dads are asking God to call your little boy to the ministry? How many of you are praying “God please call my boy to preach the glorious gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ”! I want you to know, I prayed that for my son, and I’m praying for my grandson; I will never tell him, and you don’t tell them either. But I’m asking God to tell him!

It is more important that your children give their heart to Jesus Christ, and live for him, and glorify him; than become a success in the eyes of the world and make millions of dollars!

Dysfunctional families are made up of fathers who make decisions based on the flesh instead of the word of God. Dads let’s make decisions based on the word of God not our flesh!

The second member of the dysfunctional family is:

2. A Mother who doesn’t Respect her husband; and Undermines his authority!

V:6-17.

Rebekah new that Jacob was supposed to receive the blessing, she knew he already had the birthright. So when she heard that Isaac was planning on giving the blessing to Esau she went to work to undermine her husband.

How sad to see a husband-and-wife who were once dedicated to the Lord and each other no longer talking about what’s going on in their life, are what the will of God is for their children, are reading the word of God together are praying together.

Instead of talking to her husband, respecting her husband and submitting to her husband and letting God take care of the blessing Rebekah took matters into her own hands. She was going to make sure her favorite son got what the Lord had promised him. Rebecca could have gone in and talked with Isaac while Esau was out hunting, maybe she could have reminded him of what God had said about Jacob receiving the blessing. But instead, Rebecca chose to disrespect her husband, and undermine his authority.

Instead of waiting on God and trusting God, she decided to manipulate, maneuver, plot, plan, and lie to carry out her plan. God had already promised Jacob the blessing, but Rebecca refused to trust God, or work with or pray for her husband.

Now you know whose watching as she puts together this plan of deception? Jacob is watching and learning; she taught him not to trust God, she taught him to plot and lie.

She taught him that God couldn’t handle things in his life, he would have to handle them himself.

The New Testament says, that a wife is to respect her husband!

But what if a wife finds herself married to a man that has very little left to respect? Rebecca was married to a man like that. The Bible says that a husband is to love his wife like Christ loved the church, to love his wife and care for his wife like his own body. Once Isaac love Rebecca, now he loves savory meat; and Rebecca no longer respects Isaac.

Rebecca was a strong-willed, clear minded, practical, hard working woman. From what we know about Isaac and Rebekah, she would have the stronger personality of the two. The lessons for women like Rebecca who found himself married to carnal, fleshly, spiritually weak man are many.

Don’t boss and overpower your husband, if you do he will after a while draw in and let you take charge. You will resent him, and want a stronger husband; you could’ve had but you overpower him. Your husband needs you to respect him, just like you need your husband to love you! If you are a strong willed wife, you need to learn how to use your strengths to build your husband up, not rob him of whatever backbone he might have.

Rebecca is the story of the un-submissive wife, who contributes to a dysfunctional family.

She is also a mother who sides with her son against his father. Mothers who side with their kids against their fathers are messing up their kids! Moms who side with their kids against other kids, other parents, teachers, spiritual leaders, are messing up their kids!

Rebecca is a mother who can’t trust God to take care of her son, she thinks you must do it herself!

Please think about that for a moment; God can do a better job taking care of your son or daughter than you can!

God had already said the blessings goes to Jacob; but she doesn’t believe that, so she takes matters into her own hands and plots and schemes and deceives her husband.

She tells Jacob to get her two goats and she makes them into a meal for his father. Jacob says but mom my brothers hairy and I’m not, dad will know that I’m not Esau. Rebecca says bring the goat skin and hair and will make you a goat suit for your hands and neck. So when your father touches you, you’ll be as hairy as a goat, like your brother. Go in your brother’s closet and get some his close, you can put them own and smell like your brother; just like the great outdoors.

And Jacob does what his mother tells him to do, and here is a boy watching his mother disrespect, and undermined his father’s authority.

A dysfunctional family has a mother who doesn’t respect her husband and undermines his authority.

The third person we meet in this dysfunctional family is:

3. A Son who lies, plots, plans, and deceives his Father!

V:18-29.

Jacob doesn’t respect his father because his mother doesn’t respect his father. Jacob played his part perfectly in these verses, he is a deceiver and liar.

· He lied about his name.

V:19-“and Jacob said to his father, I’m Esau the firstborn…

Isaac is suspicious because he didn't expect Esau to return so quickly from hunting (v. 20). And the voice he heard didn't sound like the voice of Esau. That's when Jacob told his first lie: He claimed to be Esau.

· He lied about the food and the Lord.

V:19-20. He claimed to have obeyed his father's wishes, and he called the goat's meat "my venison".

He even gave credit to the Lord for helping him find it so quickly that was another lie. He not only lied about himself, but he also lied about the Lord! To use the Lord to cover up sin is a step toward blasphemy.

· He lied again about his identity.

Unwilling to trust his ears, Isaac felt Jacob's hands and mistook goatskin for human hair, and Jacob assured him again that he indeed was Esau. How tragic it is to see a son so dishonor his father! Since the smell of the garments finally convinced Isaac, the stage was now set for the giving of the blessing.

Isaac blessed Jacob with unlimited prosperity and power, the fatness of the earth, sovereignty over the nations, lordship over his brethren, divine protection—it was the blessing of the Lord!

The deed was done. Isaac couldn't revoke the blessing, and nobody in the family could alter the consequences.

The fourth member of a dysfunctional family is:

4. A Son who Doesn’t take Responsibility for his own Actions; but Blames Others!

V:30-41.

Esau sold his birthright in , the Bible says he despised it, it meant nothing to him. Esau was indifferent to spiritual things, he didn’t care about God or about the spiritual work God had for his family. It was Esau’s decision to sell his birthright to Jacob for a bowl of stew. He doesn’t care about the God of Abraham and Isaac, all he cares about is the material aspect of the blessing.

V:30, tells us a few minutes after Jacob left Esau comes in from hunting with a venison stew for his dad. I can picture him as he burst through the tent flap, and says to his father,V:31-“Let my father arise and eat of his sons venison, that you soul may bless me”.

The camera swings around to Isaac,V:33-Isaac is trembling all over. He knows at that moment that Jacob has stolen Esau’s blessing. Isaac is shaken to the reality that God’s sovereign will has been done, despite his plan to give the blessing to his favorite son.

Esau, says, V:36-“Jacob has deceived me, tricked me these two times he took away my birthright, and now he has taken away my blessing”.

You want to ask Esau, who took away your birthright? Your brother didn’t take away your birthright, you sold your birthright for a bowl of beans. And the birthright, is what ensure the blessing; so when you sold your birthright, you lost a blessing. Don’t blame your brother for your actions, take responsibility for your own decisions!

Dysfunctional families are made up of children who don’t take responsibility for their own lives, for their decisions, actions and sins.

Esau you are in the shape you’re in because of your own choices.

It’s not your father, or your mother, it’s because you intentionally chose to do your own thing. And now you are suffering the consequences of your own sin. The best thing you can do for your children when their small is to let them feel the consequences of their own choices. The worst thing you can do when they make bad choices, is tell them it’s not their fault!

Esau was sorry, but he was not repentant! He substituted remorse for genuine repentance. Esau doesn’t get broken before God, he gets angry at his brother, blames his brother, and says when my dad dies I want to kill Jacob.

These are the members that make up this dysfunctional family.

Thank God; God can take they dysfunctional family, and make it a family of faith, hope and love! -“the blood of Jesus Christ God’s son cleanses us from all sin”.

Today right here in this place you can find new life, you can have a new direction, you can rebuild your life. God loves your family, he wants your family to function with unction; but for that to happen every member needs to be right with God, and functioning in the role that God has for you and your family.

· Dad start making your decision based on the word of God not your flesh.

· Mom ask God to help you respect your husband and support his leadership.

· Children, respect, obey and honor your parents. Don’t deceive your parents, sneak behind their back, or lie to them.

Your home life will be a lot more enjoyable if you take responsibility for your own actions and choices and quit blaming your parents and everybody else.

Come to Jesus today as a family!