The Husband's Duty Pt.1
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· 4 viewsThe husband is responsible for his wife, and is commanded to love her!
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The Difficulty of This Duty
The Difficulty of This Duty
Paul’s structure of the roles and responsibilities of the home are not complicated, but they are difficult.
Today our culture in various ways rejects God’s design. That makes this order and structure difficult. One major problem is the self-seeking attitude of both men and women. The popular notion of romance that is promoted on tv and in the general mindset is that a good marriage is where you find a spouse that will ultimately satisfy you, that will give you what you need. While not completely wrong, this common notion views marriage primarily from what it gives you, and not what you bring to it.
It’s Countercultural
It’s Countercultural
In our day, its necessary to assert the role of a wife to submit because of the cultural rejection of it, but by and large the greatest distortions of the roles between men and women has not come from the women, but from men.
Illustration: The Women’s Suffrage of the 1920’s
Ephesians: The MacArthur New Testament Commentary Chapter 23: The Role and Priorities of the Husband
In most cultures of the ancient world, women were treated as little more than servants, and the practice is reflected in many parts of the world today. Marcius Cato, the famous Roman statesman of the second century B.C., wrote, “If you catch your wife in an act of infidelity, you can kill her without a trial. But if she were to catch you, she would not venture to touch you with her finger. She has no rights.” That reflects the extreme of male chauvinism that comes out of the curse of the Fall and reflects the perversion of roles and responsibilities that God intends for husbands and wives.
In Paul’s day, this command was countercultural, much like wive’s submit to your husbands is countercultural today.
In looking at our text today, a major hindrance to this command in our is the influence of pornography. The permeation of pornography in the minds of the average male has taught men that women are objects to be consumed, not persons to be loved. It among other things has taught men to be selfish and self focused, instead of living with a goal of loving your spouse.
The solution to all of this is the Gospel! As men/women come to saving faith they are given new hearts that learn to treasure God’s ways. They begin (imperfectly) walking in obedience to his will and by the power of the Spirit are able to fulfill these commands. As a result their marriage becomes a place of great joy! Imperfect, incomplete joy, but still great joy.
4 The sorrows of those who run after another god shall multiply; their drink offerings of blood I will not pour out or take their names on my lips.
Those who reject God and his ways will often be unsatisfied and be filled with sorrow.
Today our culture in various ways rejects God’s design. That makes this order and structure difficult. One major problem is the self-seeking attitude of both men and women. The popular notion of romance that is promoted on tv and in the general mindset is that a good marriage is where you find a spouse that will ultimately satisfy you, that will give you what you need. While not completely wrong, this common notion views marriage primarily from what it gives you, and not what you bring to it.
Even still God designed marriage to be an avenue of blessing and delight. When a husband and wife obey God’s commands for them, and they enjoy their relationship fully, this shows how wise and good our creator is! It shows how attractive and good his ways are, and worthy he is to be trusted and followed. That’s the potential of marriage!
Paul focuses on what you bring to the marriage, and today he say’s the husband’s duty is to love his wife!
The Command to Love
The Command to Love
It’s a command! It is your duty to the Lord! “As to the Lord!”
-Not to just bear with your wife, or to endure her, but more than that! Some men bear with their wives, they do enough to quiet them or pacify them, Paul says we are to do more than that!
Husbands, Love your wives!b
What is Love?
What is Love?
Love: a strong, non-sexual affection for a person and their wellbeing. A desire for a person’s good as characterized by God’s moral standards. Especially a willingness to forfeit rights and privileges on another person’s behalf!
Paul told wive’s to submit to their husbands, i.e. give up and surrender their rights. He now tell’s husbands, love or seek to bless your wife even giving up your privileges or rights.
Love is a commitment, to seek the good of another, even at my expense.
Let’s make it easier, Husbands, “give up yourself for her!” Give yourself entirely to blessing and nurturing her! Give up your rights, your privileges, your wants, for her!
He doesn’t say give up yourself to her, as in make her your Lord and authority, but give yourself for her, use your authority your position for her benefit! Steward your resources your authority your position, for the benefit of your wife.
God designed marriage to be an avenue of blessing and delight. When a husband and wife obey God’s commands for them, and they enjoy their relationship fully, this shows how wise and good our creator is! It shows how attractive and good his ways are, and worthy he is to be trusted and followed. That’s the potential of marriage!
Pursuing Her Good (Spiritually)
Pursuing Her Good (Spiritually)
One primary way you do this is through pursuing her spiritual good.
Head: authority, chief, master, lord. So the husband is the Head, he is the one entrusted with authority in the home. Headship means he is to be the provider, protector, and leader of the home.
When a man marries, he voluntarily takes on himself this authority of her and also this responsibility.
The Significance of This Duty
The Significance of This Duty
Supports God’s Purpose of Authority
Supports God’s Purpose of Authority
Head: authority, chief, master, lord. So the husband is the Head, he is the one entrusted with authority in the home. Headship means he is to be the provider, protector, and leader of the home.
When a man marries, he voluntarily takes on himself this authority of her and also this responsibility. You are responsible for your wife!
1. God’s purpose of authority was for the blessing and benefit of those under authority!
Example: Pastor’s and congregation
28 Pay careful attention to yourselves and to all the flock, in which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers, to care for the church of God, which he obtained with his own blood.
Government
Acts 20:28
1 Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God. 2 Therefore whoever resists the authorities resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment. 3 For rulers are not a terror to good conduct, but to bad. Would you have no fear of the one who is in authority? Then do what is good, and you will receive his approval, 4 for he is God’s servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword in vain. For he is the servant of God, an avenger who carries out God’s wrath on the wrongdoer.
Romans
Authority denotes power, but it also denotes responsibility. Men you will give an account for the state of your wives!
2. Paul’s focus is not, “Men protect your postition, guard your authority, but use your authority for the benefit of your bride.”
Application
Don’t focus on your authority. There might be a time for you to assert your role to your wife, but by a large your focus is not whether your wife submits to you, but do you use your authority to her benefit!
The term “Husband” means steward! You are her steward!
Men God is inviting, no commanding you not to lay down your authority in the home or to submit to your wife, but to use your authority ultimately for her benefit. You may have the position, but her good is why you have the position!
The Appropriate Response to the Gospel
The Appropriate Response to the Gospel
Supports God’s Purpose of Authority
Supports God’s Purpose of Authority
10 In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.
20 If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen.
How can someone say, God knew how sinful I was how wicked I was, yet he loved me anyways, he chose to love me in spite of me. But I can’t love this woman? She doesn’t deserve my love.
How can someone say they have experienced the blessings of the Gospel, and not love others! It’s the only proper response to the gospel!
This is basic Christianity! Any other service you render to Christ is null and void if you don’t do this!
Ephesians: The MacArthur New Testament Commentary Sacrificial Love
The true spirituality of a church leader is not measured best by how well he leads a deacons’ or elders’ meeting, by the way he participates in Sunday school, or by the way he speaks from the pulpit—but by the way he treats his wife and children at home when no one else is around. Nowhere is our relationship to God better tested than in our relationship to our family. The man who plays the part of a spiritual shepherd in church but who lacks love and care in his home is guilty of spiritual fraud.
It Will Draw Out Her Submission
It Will Draw Out Her Submission
Do you wish your wife to obey you, as the Church is to obey Christ? Then have a solicitude for her as Christ had for the Church (, “Himself the Saviour of the body”); and “if it be necessary to give thy life for her, or to be cut in ten thousand pieces, or to endure any other suffering whatever, do not refuse it; and if you suffer thus, not even so do you do what Christ has done; for you indeed do so being already united to her, but He did so for one that treated Him with aversion and hatred.
Jamieson, R., Fausset, A. R., & Brown, D. (1997). Commentary Critical and Explanatory on the Whole Bible (Vol. 2, p. 355). Oak Harbor, WA: Logos Research Systems, Inc.
Jamieson, R., Fausset, A. R., & Brown, D. (1997). Commentary Critical and Explanatory on the Whole Bible (Vol. 2, p. 355). Oak Harbor, WA: Logos Research Systems, Inc.
Jamieson, R., Fausset, A. R., & Brown, D. (1997). Commentary Critical and Explanatory on the Whole Bible (Vol. 2, p. 355). Oak Harbor, WA: Logos Research Systems, Inc.
The Command to Love
The Command to Love
It’s a command! It is your duty to the Lord! “As to the Lord!”
-Not to just bear with your wife, or to endure her, but more than that! Some men bear with their wives, they do enough to quiet them or pacify them, Paul says we are to do more than that!
Husbands, Love your wives!
19 Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.
7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
3 But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.
What is Love?
What is Love?
Love: a strong, non-sexual affection for a person and their wellbeing. A desire for a person’s good as characterized by God’s moral standards. Especially a willingness to forfeit rights and privileges on another person’s behalf!
Paul told wive’s to submit to their husbands, i.e. give up and surrender their rights. He now tell’s husbands, love or seek to bless your wife even giving up your privileges or rights.
Love is a commitment, to seek the good of another, even at my expense. Without any thought for return!
Let’s make it easier, Husbands, “give up yourself for her!” Give yourself entirely to blessing and nurturing her! Give up your rights, your privileges, your wants, for her!
Pursuing Her Good (Spiritually)
Pursuing Her Good (Spiritually)
One primary way you do this is through pursuing her spiritual good.
This is the example of Christ, he desired to make his bride holy, pure, and honorable. He sought to make her pure, and he will!
Application
When a man marries, he voluntarily takes on himself this authority of her and also this responsibility.
How is your wife doing spiritually?
What is she currently struggling with in her sanctification?
What is she studying in the scriptures?
How is her prayer life?
How have you seen her grow in the Lord?
Husbands you are Responsible for her!