Family Feud - 1

Family Feud - 1

Marriage Matters

Introduction

Young actor said to his father—“I’ve got a job at last, father. It’s a new play and I play a man who has been married for twenty years.” Father replies, “Splendid. That’s a start anyway, my boy. Maybe one of these days they’ll give you a speaking part.”

A boss was complaining in a staff meeting that he wasn’t getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local sign shop and bought a small sign that read, “I’m the Boss.” He then taped it to his office door. Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said, “Your wife called, she wants her sign back!”

A couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard full of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, “Relatives of yours?” “Yep,” the husband replied, “in-laws.”

It’s easy to poke fun at ourselves and our family dynamics because we can all relate in some way to a level of dysfunction. But on a much larger scale, things aren’t near as humorous. We live in a time when marriage and family dynamics seem to be under attack. People don’t know how to think about it, what to think about it, how to feel about it. Many are wondering if traditional practices like marriage have any significance in contemporary society.

-Debate About Marriage For the first time in history a majority of people are in favor of alternative marriage options. Homosexual marriage continues to be a hot-button issue of the day, supported by a majority. The Supreme Court decision to strike down The Defense of Marriage Act was a ground-breaking step toward a cultural redefinition of marriage. There is a growing societal embrace of alternative marriage options - one of the most popular shows on TV in recent years was of a polygamist and his ‘sister wives.’

-Cynicism About Marriage There is a growing discontentment and dissatisfaction with the institution of marriage. People are waiting longer to get married, so that they can “have a life” before marriage. Actress Cameron Diaz effectively sums up the view - “I don’t think we should live our lives in relationships based off old traditions that don’t suit our world any longer.”

-Abandonment of Marriage The divorce rates are higher than ever, topping out close to 60%. New marriage rates are down...more and more marriages are ending, with fewer and fewer new marriages occurring. There is a dramatic increase in cohabitation - living together before marriage - in a futile attempt to ensure the couple is compatible.

The cultural survey makes it very clear what they are saying...marriage doesn’t matter. It is not important. It is antiquated and outdated.

TS - But, what does God have to say about it. How does God view marriage? Even further, how does God view the family and issues of parenting? Over the next several weeks we are going to be looking at God’s plan for marriage and family in our new series called “Family Feud.” There is much feuding over the family...we are going to let God speak into the issue and settle the debate. Here is why this is important for us -

If you are not married, statistics say that most likely you will eventually get married, either for the first time or the next time. You will need to know now how to honor God in that relationship, well before it starts. There are also many around you who are dating, engaged, getting married, or are already married. You can come alongside them to help them in their marriage and family struggles.

If you are married, you obviously need to know what God has to say to ensure you are honoring him and following his design in your home. Plus, you can come alongside those around you to help.

TS - Thankfully, we don’t have to look far into the Bible to find what God’s plan is for the family. It is right in the beginning. tells us about the first marriage - one designed and presided over by God himself.

- 18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” 19 So the Lord God formed from the ground all the wild animals and all the birds of the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would call them, and the man chose a name for each one. 20 He gave names to all the livestock, all the birds of the sky, and all the wild animals. But still there was no helper just right for him.

21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the Lord God took out one of the man’s ribs and closed up the opening. 22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man.

23 “At last!” the man exclaimed.

“This one is bone from my bone,

    and flesh from my flesh!

She will be called ‘woman,’

    because she was taken from ‘man.’”

24 This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.

TS - If you’ve ever been to a Christian wedding, you have probably heard this text read. These words form the foundation of what marriage is and what it’s supposed to be about. Three truths about marriage:

1. GOD CREATES THE DESIGN FOR MARRIAGE

- 18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.”

There is this refrain throughout as God creates everything. “God said, and it was so, and God saw that it was good.” Now, for the first time, something is ‘not good.’ What does that mean?

Well, this ‘good’ is not a moral good. This is a functional good. It is doing what it is supposed to do. If you drive a Ford and say that it is a good car, you don’t mean that it’s good because your Ford isn’t having an affair with a Honda. It is good because it is functioning like a good Ford is supposed to function.

When God declared everything good in , he is saying that it is good because it is functioning according to its design. Adam, and the fact that he is alone, is not good because that is not according to his design. God has designed him for relationship.

So God declares he will make a ‘helper’ that is just right for him. Usually we think of ‘helper’ as an offensive statement. And sadly, that is how some would view this text…that it is declaring women to be subordinate to men because women are just our helpers. We tend to think that a helper is someone who is my assistant, but I really don’t need them. When I ask my kids to be my special helper on something, it isn’t because I need their help, it is for their benefit.

That is not at all what this idea means. God doesn’t give wives as helpers so they can be our assistants and do what we don’t want to do. But in reality we don’t need them. That just isn’t true. This word for ‘helper’ is almost exclusively used of God himself in the Bible. I am pretty sure God is not my assistant...and I desperately need him!

When God says Eve is Adam’s helper, who is ‘just right for him’ what that literally translates as is - ‘one who is like opposite him.’ She is like him in that they are both human, but opposite him in most ways. She is someone who sees/feels/does things differently than he does.

Tim Keller, The Meaning of Marriage - “The English word ‘helper’ is not the best translation for the Hebrew word ’ezer. ‘Helper’ connotes merely assisting someone who could do the task almost as well without help. But ’ezer is almost always used in the Bible to describe God himself. Other times it is used to describe military help, such as reinforcements, without which a battle would be lost. To ‘help’ someone, then, is to make up what is lacking in him with your strength. Woman was made to be a ‘strong helper.’ The word ‘suitable’ is just as unhelpful a translation. This translates a compound phrase that is literally ‘like opposite him.’ The entire narrative of , in which a piece of the man is removed to create the woman, strongly implies that each is incomplete without the other. Male and female are ‘like opposite’ to one another. They are like two pieces of a puzzle that fit together because they are not exactly alike nor randomly different, but they are differentiated such that together they can create a complete whole. Each sex is gifted for different steps in the same Great Dance.”

God declares who is ‘just right’ for marriage. Someone who is like opposite. Someone like you, meaning another human, but opposite you in gender, feelings, perspective, etc. So here is the statement that we would use to sum up God’s design for marriage: -1 man, plus 1 woman, in 1 marriage, for 1 lifetime.

2. GOD CREATES THE DESIRE FOR MARRIAGE

- 19 So the Lord God formed from the ground all the wild animals and all the birds of the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would call them, and the man chose a name for each one. 20 He gave names to all the livestock, all the birds of the sky, and all the wild animals. But still there was no helper just right for him.

This whole account seems out of place, doesn’t it? Why would God do this now? Didn’t he just say he was going to create someone just for Adam? So why have him name the created animals?

Does God need to go through a trial and error process to figure out who is ‘just right’ for Adam? Of course not! This process is for Adam’s benefit. Adam has no concept of a woman. They don’t exist yet. He doesn’t know what he is missing yet, but God knows what he is missing. So that is what this process does. He is helping Adam discover what is doesn’t even know is missing.

We don’t know how many animals Adam saw and named. We don’t know how long this took. But we know what effect this would have had.

Boy gorilla, girl gorilla Boy giraffe, girl giraffe Boy lion, girl lion

“Oh wait! There isn’t a ‘girl’ version of me.” Adam sees all the animals and is forced to acknowledge that he has no one like him, he is utterly alone. He has no helper or companion. Can you imagine the longing this created in Adam? Can you imagine how much he would now want that? We know it created an intense longing in him because of how he reacted to Eve when he first saw her. Watch what happens in Adam when God fulfills his new desire for a wife. [PLAY SONG ‘AT LAST’ DURING READING OF TEXT]

- 21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the Lord God took out one of the man’s ribs and closed up the opening. 22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man.

23 “At last!” the man exclaimed.

“This one is bone from my bone,

    and flesh from my flesh!

She will be called ‘woman,’

    because she was taken from ‘man.’”

Adam’s deep desire is shown in his delight in Eve. This is Hebrew poetry...he breaks into song when he sees her!

Nothing has changed. I’ve done a lot of weddings. The best part of the ceremony for me is watching the groom watch the bride enter the room. [PICS OF GROOMS]

So if you are not married and you have a desire to get married, don’t apologize for that. God designed that. I’ve known people over the years who have spiritualized this issue and said things like, “You shouldn’t desire marriage that much because you should be content with your relationship with Jesus.” That is a false argument. Adam had God all to himself, but God declared him “alone.” Marriage is to be desired and pursued…God designed us to desire it.

3. GOD CREATES THE DEFINITION FOR MARRIAGE

- 24 This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.

‘This explains’...the design of marriage that God created, and the desire in us for it that God created...this explains why people grow up, leave home and get married. It is the God-ordained order for the family.

There is a field of study that specializes in the interpretation of ancient documents. It’s called Hermeneutics. Those of us who work in fields like pastoral ministry and theology have to take courses in this field because the skills and principles of this field apply to the Bible as well. This is critical for us as we ensure proper and correct biblical interpretation…we don’t want to misinterpret, and therefore misapply, what the bible is saying to us.

One of the principles in Hermeneutics is the Law of the First Mention. Basically it says this…when looking at ancient documents or philosophical documents, the first time a topic is mentioned is to become the lens through which we view that topic every time it is mentioned after that.

For example, this is why when we talk about God’s design for the church and how the church is supposed to function, we always go to first. When we talk about becoming a Christian, we always go to first, because that is the first time people become NT Christians. And no matter what else the NT may say about the topic, it is to be viewed in light of .

The Law of the First Mention applies to regarding marriage. It is the foundation of the entire topic. No matter what else the Bible may say about it, it is always interpreted through the lens of . No matter what anyone may say regarding marriage, we go to as the foundation. Therefore, is the bedrock statement of the design and definition of marriage. Let’s read it again:

- 24 This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.

Notice the pattern: -man leaves his father and mother - separate from the closest, most important relationship he has ever known; grows up, be at a place of maturity. To be a mature adult is a prerequisite for getting married.

-joined with wife - get married, see that deep desire and need fulfilled in someone like opposite him.

-two united into one - they now (and only at this point) are to experience that unmatched relationship, companionship, and intimacy that exists only between husbands and wives.

That is God’s definition of marriage. Notice there is no wiggle room in that definition. So no matter what our culture says, the media says, the government says, this is God’s one and only definition of marriage for all time, for all people.

God designed it, he created it, therefore he owns it and holds patent rights over it. And his design, his will, is always the best. And we can build our lives, our homes, our families on that rock solid foundation.

Conclusion

The last weekend of October, we are putting on our very first Marriage Conference called LoveSong. Friday night, October 27, we will eat a catered meal together, have some fun, laugh a lot, and hear what God has to say more deeply regarding marriage. Saturday morning, October 28, we will have a couple more sessions focused on different aspects of marriage. It is a couple hours on Friday night, and we will be out by noon on Saturday. A great friend of mine, one of the best bible teachers I know of, is coming in that weekend to teach at our conference. It will be worth your time. Mark you calendars now for 10/27-28.

STARTING POINT ROOM

BELIEVE/REPENT/CONFESS/BAPTIZE

COMMUNION