Type 6 -- Enneagram
A Word on Love...
We begin our consideration of the nine types of the Enneagram with Type 6 — “THE LOYALIST”
When Healthy:
Healthy Sixes have learned to trust their own experiences of life. They are aware that certainty and accurate predictability are not likely in most situations. They are productive, logical thinkers who almost always organize their thoughts and actions around what would be most advantageous for the common good. Loyal, honest and reliable, healthy Sixes are clear-eyed judges of character. These Sixes have come to believe that in the end everything will be all right.
When Average:
Average Sixes question almost everything. They struggle to get out of their heads and the pattern of worst-case-scenario planning. They are overly focused on authority and can be either subservient on the one hand or rebellious on the other. They find the world to be an unsafe place, and they respond with fight or flight. These Sixes, while managing all of their anxiety, are committed to education, church, government, family and social service organizations.
Unhealthy Sixes find danger around every corner. Their anxiety borders on paranoia, as they fear that the world is unfair and that most people are not who they say they are and cannot be trusted. Unable to trust themselves either, they look to authority figures and experts to make decisions on their behalf. These Sixes find fault in others and tend to fall into patterns associated with the mental mechanism of projection.
Unhealthy Sixes find danger around every corner. Their anxiety borders on paranoia, as they fear that the world is unfair and that most people are not who they say they are and cannot be trusted. Unable to trust themselves either, they look to authority figures and experts to make decisions on their behalf.
Fear says, “Something wrong is actually happening!” while anxiety is more anticipatory: “What if this happened or that happened? What if . . . What if . . . What if . . . ?” That’s the campaign slogan.
Sixes even experience elevated anxiety when life is going smoothly because they wonder what might come along and ruin it. The relationships or jobs that seem stable today might evaporate or be taken away tomorrow.
Sixes are sharp, analytically minded troubleshooters. They love being on the underdog team trying to resurrect a company or failing program, particularly when others say it can’t be done.
Six employees will ask you a lot of questions, not because they’re opposing you necessarily but because they’re trying to figure out what they’re supposed to do and to make sure someone has looked at the big picture, should something go wrong. When you’re trying to launch a new initiative and you need a Six’s support, listen to all their doubts or anxieties. It takes time for Sixes to think through issues and formulate questions, so publish meeting agendas in advance.
Sixes have mixed feelings about success as well. On the eve of victory they might procrastinate because they know success will only attract attention. Sixes don’t like the exposure that comes when they’re in a spotlight because it leaves them vulnerable to attack. Also, Sixes don’t thrive in highly competitive environments where they’re pitted against their colleagues.
Because Sixes are conscientious, they tend to take on too much work, which leaves them feeling stressed out, resentful and pessimistic. When it all becomes too overwhelming they can overreact, which can ripple out and freak out other people. When this happens, get them to break tasks down into manageable steps, and encourage them to delegate more.
On the path toward spiritual growth, Sixes need to hold two conflicting things in tension: that they live in a culture that’s never going to let them feel safe, and that they are safe.
Sixes need to remember the spiritual truth that they are ultimately safe. This doesn’t mean they’re magically protected from disaster or calamity, just that from an eternal perspective this Story ends well. For this message to sink deep down into their bones, they will have to decide that God is either in control or he isn’t, that even if everything doesn’t work out as planned things will be all right.
• Sixes have a deep appreciation for people who are both genuine and authentic, but they don’t trust appearances. They watch to make sure you are who you say you are.
• Worst-case scenario planning is comforting to Sixes, so take them seriously when they talk to you about what could go wrong. Telling them that they don’t need to worry and that everything is going to be fine will feel patronizing, disrespectful, and dismissive. But do focus on the best possible outcome instead of the worst.
• Encourage Sixes to trust themselves more and to take more (measured) risks.
• It doesn’t help to just say things like, “You should trust yourself more.” It does help if you take the time to point out to a Six some previous times when they did trust their own ideas and their own ability to carry them through without checking with anyone else.
• At home Sixes need emotional attentiveness and conversation. They need someone who is a partner in the everyday details of life.
• Sixes like friends who are emotionally mature, honest, and not too needy.
• Sixes often keep their anxiety to themselves. They usually try to manage it alone so they aren’t making it a big deal for anyone else.
• Sixes require a lot of reassurance—observable and verbal—about your commitment to them.
• Encourage Sixes to act when they are overthinking. They tend to confuse thinking about something with doing something about it.
• Point out all the good things they bring to a relationship.
• Be kind and thoughtful when answering all of their questions.