Type 5 -- Enneagram
A Word on Love...
We begin our consideration of the nine types of the Enneagram with Type 5 — “THE INVESTIGATOR”
When Healthy:
Healthy Fives have a long view of things. They manage an appropriate balance between participation and observation, engaging with others comfortably and demonstrating true neutrality. These Fives are likely to have depth in knowledge in several areas of their lives, and they willingly share their findings with others. They live in a world of abundance, seeing themselves as part of the whole environment instead of separate from everyone and everything.
When Average:
Average Fives hold to a scarcity mentality, which leads to hoarding time, space and affection. They feel more at home observing rather than participating in the external world, and thinking substitutes for feeling. Fives in this space tend to rely on themselves rather than faith, and they carefully measure how much time they spend with others. They struggle with anything that makes them feel incompetent or incapable.
Unhealthy Fives don’t want to depend on anyone for anything. They have a defensive personality that is preoccupied with security, independence and privacy. These Fives are trapped in believing there is not enough and often express that way of thinking with judgment, cynicism and sarcasm. When they do participate in family or social gatherings, they stay separate from others.
Typically we think of it as a greedy craving for money or material gain, but in Enneagram-speak it refers more to the Five’s need to retain, a desire to clench and protect what little they already have rather than a desire to acquire more. Afraid there won’t be enough, Fives pare down their needs and hoard the barest essentials to ensure they can maintain a self-sufficient existence now and in the future. For Fives this not only includes withholding their many resources but their time, energy, physical space, personal information, solitude and privacy as well. Fives value autonomy and self-containment, so they stockpile these things because they never want to be put in a position where they have to depend on others to take care of them. The idea of losing their independence and self-reliance terrifies them. Needless to say, Fives are reluctant to share their prized necessities with others.
Five’s excessive desire for acquiring knowledge, information, ideas, conceptual models, expertise, interesting facts and understanding for how things work. Fives look to knowledge to provide them with what most people find through relationships, such as love, comfort and support.
what Fives need most at work is predictability. If Fives know what demands will be placed on them every day, they’ll know how to wisely apportion their inner resources so they’ll make it home without running out of gas.
Fives don’t like meetings. If they have no choice but to attend one, they will want to know precisely when it begins and ends, who else will be there, and what the agenda is going to be. When a meeting is finished Fives are eager to go,
Fives would rather you give them a project, tell them when it’s due, and allow them to accomplish it however and wherever they choose. Many of the traditional rewards for excellence at work aren’t primary motivators for Fives, who aren’t typically materialistic and aren’t always angling, like Threes can be, for a promotion or a raise. If you want to recognize and reward Fives for a job well done, give them more autonomy. Independence is what they crave, even when they’re working on a team. They are generally impatient with group decisions because they don’t like long discussions or having to listen to people free-associate ideas.
When it comes to spiritual work, Fives have an advantage over the rest of us. They don’t cling to their ego with as tight a grip. Their love for solitude makes them natural contemplatives. They are attracted to simplicity, forming fewer attachments to worldly things and letting go more readily when they do. People of other numbers who are on the road to spiritual transformation might envy the Five’s inner calm and detachment.
When they exaggerate it, however,
It makes them cold, aloof and relationally unavailable—observers rather than participants in life.
To mature spiritually, Fives will need to learn this pattern of detaching in order to engage.
Fives who seek to be free of their default patterns should recognize how often their actions are driven by fear. Like Sixes and Sevens, Fives’ deadly sin is fear, and they’re motivated by a desire for security. Aware that they have limited resources, they wonder how much information, how much affection, how much energy, how much privacy, how much money, how much anything they can afford to give away and how much they should conserve for themselves.
How different would Fives’ lives be if they embraced a mindset of abundance? This mentality says that when we give, we receive. This is the algebra of the gospel. What if Fives trusted that there was more than enough to go around in life, so they could give more away?
• Be clear with Fives about what you need and want, but don’t be demanding.
• Be aware that Fives don’t always pick up on innuendo and indirect suggestion in conversation.
• Be forthright and direct with Fives, but don’t use too many words.
• If you have a problem with a Five, agree on a time to discuss it. Give the Five time to think about your concern and then limit the length of the conversation. Good language would be, “I want to tell you what I want and then you can tell me whether you can give it to me.”
• If you’re in a relationship with a Five, don’t push them to socialize with other people. That has to come naturally for them; they don’t do well when pushed.
• Fives have trouble finding their place in what is already happening. You can help by saying, for example, “Would you like to sit with us? We have an extra chair.” Follow that with an introduction like, “Hey, everyone, this is Tom. We work together.”
• If you ask a Five what they feel, they will tell you what they think. You will have to be persistent to move a conversation to the feeling level.
• Incompetence and inadequacy are central to the Five’s fear. There is probably never an appropriate time to discuss either one lightly.
• It is very important for Fives to know what is expected of them. They like details.
• Fives have a strong desire to live life so that they never have to depend on someone else to take care of them. If they are in a position where they need your care, offer it with as few words and as little fanfare as possible.