6 Keys to Getting Along with Others
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We want to talk about relationship health… especially as we go into the holidays. We want to be wise in our relationships.
During the holidays we will either be visiting people or have people visiting us and sometimes, it can make us crazy.
We have all done crazy stuff … most of the time unintentionally.
Guy eating the peanuts … woman said that’s ok because she can’t chew them after she sucked the chocolate off of them...
Being wise won’t get rid of your problems, but we if can be wise in how we treat people, it will minimize our problems.
13 If you are wise and understand God’s ways, prove it by living an honorable life, doing good works with the humility that comes from wisdom. 14 But if you are bitterly jealous and there is selfish ambition in your heart, don’t cover up the truth with boasting and lying. 15 For jealousy and selfishness are not God’s kind of wisdom. Such things are earthly, unspiritual, and demonic. 16 For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and evil of every kind. 17 But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and the fruit of good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere. 18 And those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of righteousness.
Being wise is a way of relating to others. (13)… it’s something you do.
Whether or not you are wise or not can be seen in your relationships… actions, not words.
Typical ways we relate to others in foolish ways (14-16)
Bitterness
Jealousy
Selfish ambition
Everyday in every relationship you are planting seeds… either seeds that build others up or tear them down.
6 Things You Should Never Do
6 Things You Should Never Do
James 3:17 gives us a check list.
1. Don’t Compromise Your Integrity
1. Don’t Compromise Your Integrity
17 But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and the fruit of good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere.
Pure = uncorrupted, clean, unpolluted...
Being wise begins in the heart with integrity.
Why is integrity first? Because all relationships are built on it… on trust. There is no trust without truth. Honesty is the foundation of relationships.
You have to be honest with people.
ILL - Dr Leonard Keeler invented the Lie Detector. He tested over 25000 people and determined that people are dishonest by nature. We lie to ourselves more than anyone else.
25 So stop telling lies. Let us tell our neighbors the truth, for we are all parts of the same body.
Be honest… don’t violate your conscience or compromise your convictions.
7 He grants a treasure of common sense to the honest. He is a shield to those who walk with integrity.
2. Don’t antagonize people.
2. Don’t antagonize people.
17 But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and the fruit of good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere.
Wise people are peace loving. We need to be peacemakers, not trouble makers. Work at maintaining harmony… pray about it.
Don’t look for disagreements.
Dont walk around defensive
Don’t push peoples buttons… or egg them on… If you know them, you know what sets them off, stay away from it… it’s not worth it.
3 Any fool can start arguments; the honourable thing is to stay out of them.
Don’t let yourself get baited by some internet troll either.
3 Foolish responses that provoke anger
3 Foolish responses that provoke anger
Comparing
Comparing
Why can’t you be like… You’re just like…
12 Oh, don’t worry; we wouldn’t dare say that we are as wonderful as these other men who tell you how important they are! But they are only comparing themselves with each other, using themselves as the standard of measurement. How ignorant!
Condemning
Condemning
don’t lay on the guilt… You should be ashamed of yourself…
Contradicting
Contradicting
How many of you like for someone to contradict everything you say? Me either!
Being wise in relationships means not sweating the small things…
Ever done or said something stupid when you were angry? when you get angry, your intelligence goes out the window.
29 A wise man controls his temper. He knows that anger causes mistakes.
So to be wise in relationships.... don’t antagonize people.
3. Don’t minimize other’s feelings
3. Don’t minimize other’s feelings
17 But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and the fruit of good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere.
wise people are gentle … courteous and considerate.
5 Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon.
We are to be mindful of others feelings.
Being Considerate is the antidote to 2 foolish mistakes we make in relationships.
Being Considerate is the antidote to 2 foolish mistakes we make in relationships.
1. We react to what people SAY and ignore what they’re Feeling
1. We react to what people SAY and ignore what they’re Feeling
1 Even if we believe that it makes no difference to the Lord whether we do these things, still we cannot just go ahead and do them to please ourselves; for we must bear the “burden” of being considerate of the doubts and fears of others—of those who feel these things are wrong. Let’s please the other fellow, not ourselves, and do what is for his good and thus build him up in the Lord.
2. We invalidate the feelings of other when we don’t feel the same.
2. We invalidate the feelings of other when we don’t feel the same.
People act like if they don’t feel what you feel, then your feelings are illogical and wrong…
It’s cold ion here… no it’s not
I fell ugly … that’s stupid
I’m afraid… you shouldn’t be...
Feelings are not right or wrong, they are feelings.
Acknowledge other people’s feelings.
Never Belittle other’s feelings.
If you only had a brain...
Don’t play Psy… The reason you feel… that’s condescending.
4 Kind words bring life, but cruel words crush your spirit.
Don’t play, my day is worse than your day game… Both of you had a bad day… now make it better.
Allow your spouse to wake up grumpy… don’t minimize it.
4. Don’t criticize their suggestions
4. Don’t criticize their suggestions
17 But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and the fruit of good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere.
willing to yield to others… Open to reason… allows discussion.
GK - eupeithes - Not Stubborn or defensive.
Practice being a good listener. Don’t cut people off… let them have their say… don’t jump to conclusions.
Don’t be the person that says, don’t confuse me with the facts… My mind is made up. or When I want your opinion, I’ll give it to you.
15 Intelligent people are always ready to learn. Their ears are open for knowledge.
You can even learn something when people have stupid ideas… Just smile and don’t interrupt.
Most of us are over-sensitive to other people’s suggestions. Learn from criticism.
Don’t criticize others… even a broken clock is right 2 times per day.
5. Don’t emphasize others’ mistakes
5. Don’t emphasize others’ mistakes
Instead show some Grace to people when they blow it.
Who is the wisest person in all of creation? God… Who is the most merciful? God
17 But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and the fruit of good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere.
Be full of mercy and good deeds toward other people.
Mercy gives people what they need, not what they deserve.
How do you rate on showing mercy?
Do you point out every fault… go historical every time you get into an argument.
9 Love forgets mistakes; nagging about them parts the best of friends.
That thing that really bugs you… LET IT GO.
6. Don’t have disguised intentions.
6. Don’t have disguised intentions.
17 But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and the fruit of good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere.
doesn’t show favoritism and is always sincere…
GK - Adia kritos & Anypo kritos - without hypocrisy…
Always be sincere and don’t show favoritism. This means we don’t lie to them, cheat them, or try to trick them.
Be sincere… don’t fake it. Two places we often fake it… Online & dating...
2 Neighbors lie to each other, speaking with flattering lips and deceitful hearts.
Be real in your relationships… without hypocrisy…
Conclusion
How wise are you in your relationships?
Do you compromise your integrity?… antagonize people… minimize feelings… criticize suggestions… point out mistakes… disguise your intentions...
If you don’t wise up, you will keep making the same mistakes and remain in a lot of conflict.
How do you become wise in your relationships? Wisdom comes from know God and doing God’s word.
You won’t know the word until you know the Lord
You won’t know the word until you know the Lord
10 The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom; all who follow his precepts have good understanding. To him belongs eternal praise.
3 He is the key that opens all the hidden treasures of God’s wisdom and knowledge.
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