Sermon Tone Analysis

INTRODUCTION

In it says:

As we spoke last week about in Part 1 of “THE BOUNDARIES OF A HEALTHY ENVIRONMENT” I referenced this verse because it talks about abiding or remaining in Christ.

Boundaries in our lives helps us to remain and abide in Christ because if we have healthy boundaries set up and we are keeping those boundaries we will not be pushed outside of them . . .

we will be steadfast in respecting ourselves and others . . .

and loving ourselves and others as well.

This week I want to continue in our series with Part 2 and give you a few more boundaries for our lives.

MESSAGE

1. BOUNDARY #6: THE LAW OF EVALUATION

IN SHORT: In the Law of Evaluation “you need to evaluate the effects of setting boundaries and be responsible to the other person”.

But, that does not mean you should avoid setting boundaries because someone responds with hurt or anger.

In Jesus says . . .

From this verse we learn that there is a narrow gate and a wide gate.

We learn that the narrow gate and the narrow road leads to life.

We also learn that the wide gate and the wide road lead to destruction.

We also learn that few find the narrow gate but many enter through the wide gate.

Notice the difference between the description of the two.

One is found and the other is entered.

There are those that are very purposeful about finding that narrow gate and when they find it, it leads to a life of good fruit.

But, there are those that are just going blindly through life not searching to find but just wandering.

When we wander, the wide gate and wide road is followed and it always leads to the same thing . . .

DESTRUCTION!

We need to evaluate the pain caused by our making choices and empathize with it.

Example: CRASH

Let’s use an example from childhood that we will all be able to relate to.

I want to use the example of a child crossing the street properly and not just running (or even walking) across wherever and whenever he/she wants to.

We all know that a child wants to do what a child wants to do.

They aren’t always (if ever) thinking about any/all of the consequences.

So, we are going to call the child’s name CRASH!

So, I notice as approaching an intersection that my son CRASH wants to run ahead of me into an intersection and I tell him NO, you need to stay with me.

I don’t need to give him a reason at this point in his young life because he’s not able to reason my explanation any way.

When I tell CRASH NO!

He immediately throws a fit because I’m not letting him do what he wants to do.

CRASH is angry!

It’s no real surprise to me that he is hurt and angry because I’m laying a boundary . . .

even though it’s for CRASH’s safety so that he is not harmed . . . he is still hurt and angry.

Now, in this situation I have considered CRASH’s feelings (so I’m not be insensitive to him) knowing that I might hurt CRASH by telling him NO, but he will not be harmed by my hurting him.

This is the difference!

We need to consider people and their feelings, but that doesn’t mean that we still don’t set boundaries so that they are not harmed.

Another Example: THE FAMILY!

One of the things that we as a growing and expanding family have become very familiar with is that we will not always be together every holiday.

It’s not like we were before all of our children grew up.

Now, they are growing up and moving away, going to college and making new friends, getting married, and so on.

Our big family has grown bigger!

And, as it has grown bigger we have learned the lesson that we taught our children over and over about sharing.

Now, the lesson!

Say, one of our children, and I will pick on Rebekah today since she is here . . .

decides that this Christmas she wants to go on a ski trip with a bunch of her newly made college friends instead of coming home to be with the family.

Now, a little perspective behind what is coming!

As you know, we have six children, of which five are now married to wonderful spouses, and some have children.

We don’t always get to see them on holidays like we used to . . .

and Rebekah is the only left that we might (oh, not might, but definitely count on to be home for Christmas).

So, when she tells Kaylene and I that she has decided not to be home with us, and whomever we might get to be with, for Christmas because of ski trip . . .

we might be a little disappointed and hurt!

It would probably be a decision that we wouldn’t like!

But, does that mean she shouldn’t do it — NO!

She has grown into a young lady that is making decisions and setting boundaries for her own life and if she decides to do that, then she should.

You see, in this . . .

we may be sad, hurt and disappointed but we were not harmed.

And, being that we were not harmed, Rebekah should go on with her plans.

Rebekah has considered that this might happen, but her response goes something like this . . .

“Mom & Dad, I’m sad that we won’t be together for Christmas too!

But, I’m looking forward to the rest of my Christmas break with you because I don’t have to be back to school until the beginning of January sometime.”

And, if we respect Rebekah and her freedom to make her choices we might answer something like this . . .

“Rebekah, we are disappointed, and yes even a little hurt that you are not going to be here for Christmas, but we will hope and pray that you have a great time with your friends.

We look forward to the time we get to have with you afterwards.”

You see, in this we are honest and own our disappointment and even our hurt but we are respecting Rebekah’s decisions on how she is spending her time.

We cause pain by making choices that others do not like, but we also cause pain by confronting people when they are wrong.

But if we do not share our anger with another, bitterness and hatred can set in.

In it says . . .

We need to speak to each other with honesty about how we are hurt.

As iron sharpens iron, we need confrontation and truth from others to grow . . .

because Admonition from a friend/loved on, while it can hurt, it can also help!

2. BOUNDARY #7: THE LAW OF PROACTIVITY

IN SHORT: For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Wrath and sinful passions are a direct reaction to the severity of the law . .

.Paul says in . . .

Eph

Many of us have known people who, after years of being passive and compliant, suddenly go ballistic, and we wonder what happened.

WE BLAME . . .

But, in reality their pent up stuff explodes!

Now, reaction is helpful and necessary for those who have been victims, and in many situations we would rejoice because they have freed themselves from their captivity (from forced physical & sexual abuse, emotional blackmail and manipulation).

But, when is enough enough?

We can all remember the phases, no matter how short lived, of our infant children throwing food at us as they are learning to eat without being fed by us.

But, it would be a little much if they were still doing that in there 40’s & 50’s!

We as growing and maturing people must learn to react to things so that we find our own boundaries, but Paul reminds us in not to use them to satisfy our flesh.

Reacting to certain things is a natural process that must come to a growing, maturing, and reconnecting with those around us.

This in itself is the beginning of the Law of Proactivity.

Being proactive instead of being reactive in our boundary setting.

1) Proactive people show you what they love, want, purpose, and what they stand for.

This is much different from the opposite when people show what they hate, don’t want/like, stand against, and what they will not do.

2) Proactive people live their rights.

Reactive people are known by their “against” stances and they demand rights!

“Power is not something you demand or deserve; it is something you express. the ultimate expression of power is love; it is the ability not to express power, but to restrain it.

Proactive people are able to “love others as themselves.”

They have mutual respect.

They are able to “die to self” and not “return evil for evil.”

They have gotten past the reactive stance of the law and are able to love and not react.”

Jesus describes the difference between a reactive person and a person who is free from the law.

“Do not try to get to freedom without owning your reactive period and feelings.