845 1 Cor.7.1-7 Marriage and Singleness

A husband and wife went for counselling after 20 years of marriage. When asked, by the male counsellor, what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 20 years they had been married. She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage. Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the counsellor got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately as her husband watched with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze. The counsellor turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?" The husband thought for a moment and replied, "Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I play Golf."

Marriage and Singleness

Date: 10-11-19 845 Echuca

- There are a number of important questions that can be asked of this passage

Q. Does the apostle think singleness is better than being married?

Q. What led married couples to abstinence in favour of prayer?

Q. What does it mean that the man and woman have authority over each other’s body?

Q. What does it mean not to touch a woman – which many Bibles have?

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- This last question is answered by the ESV Bible where it says, “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman”

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- It’s a typical Jewish way of lessening the graphic nature of the statement – they call this figure of speech, a euphemism

- The “eu” on the front means “good” - indicating a good way of saying it

- A nicer, less graphic way of putting it

- He passed away is way softer than he’s dead

- Unfortunately, euphemisms can also take away the accuracy & the literal nature of what has happened

- He’s been laid off rather than fired!

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- But the ESV puts it right out there by saying what the Corinthians are literally meaning...

“It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.”

- This church has written to Paul asking him a number of questions & he is familiar with their situation

- As I have mentioned before, he quotes either words of the Corinthians or of the sayings of their town community

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- Last week, we noted two of their sayings

6:12 “All things are lawful for me”

6:13 “Food is for the stomach and the stomach is for food”

- If you weren’t here last week, then I encourage you to go to our website & listen to the message which will explain these sayings

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- Again, we confront another of their sayings…

7:1 —1 Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.”

- That is what they think

- But hang on – some of these men are going to the local shrines to be with prostitutes – that’s a bit of a strange contradiction isn’t it?

- On the one hand, off to prostitutes, on the other, “good not to have sexual relations with a woman” (like make up your mind)

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- To understand this, you best understand what “dualism” is

- I dealt with this last week, but again in this passage, we confront the impact dualism has on earthly behaviour

- Dualism is the philosophical teaching which radically splits the spiritual realm off from the physical or material realm

- Dualism teaches that the soul or spirit is superior to matter

- What you do with the body, then, is matter is of no consequence to your relationship or standing with God – only the spiritual counts

- As we go through this passage, we will see the affect this has on the Corinthian church in how they were living

- Let me list off some of the consequences that dualism has had on the progress of church traditions...

- Asceticism – you treat the body with disdain/hatred – you place a savage discipline on the body in order to bring about some spiritual good. You put the body down - punish it - to elevate the spiritual - Deny yourself the pleasures of the body

- It led to vows of chastity & poverty – deny yourself the pleasurable things like marriage & material things because these things are of a lower order - This led to the practise of celibacy by priests and nuns & caused the rise of monasteries where the higher calling was to be quite & live a life of prayer & contemplation - the upper or spiritual realm being of more value

- You’re familiar with the Monk who took a vow of silence aren’t you

- Well, if you’re not, let me tell you about him...

A monk joined a monastery and took a vow of silence. After the first 10 years his superior called him in and asked, “Do you have anything to say?” The monk replied, “Food bad.” After another 10 years the monk again had opportunity to voice his thoughts. He said, “Bed hard.” Another 10 years went by and again he was called in before his superior. When asked if he had anything to say, he responded, “I quit.” “It doesn’t surprise me a bit,” said the superior, “You’ve done nothing but complain ever since you got here.”

- With time, missionaries & ministers were considered to have higher value before God because they do “spiritual” or holy work - But if you set aside dualism, then the work of farmer or trade person or kitchen hand, by a Christian, is equally spiritual work

- Another impact from this philosophy of matter being considered bad or evil is that a new born child was considered foul or tainted before God & this was part of the thinking that led to the practice of Christening – they weren’t innocent because they were born with a body – they became matter

- By the time we come to Augustine in the 5th C., we find him applying Platonic ideas to the church & merging Plato with Christianity...

He [Augustine] made a great distinction between “contemplative life” and “active life”. Prayer, meditation, and the study of Scripture were “contemplative,” while cleaning the kitchen floor or engaging in trade was “active.” Contemplative life, to follow Augustinian thought, was more important. It was of a higher order, and certainly a higher calling. The eventual outcome of such thinking is that all of life becomes categorized into two distinct realms: the sacred and the secular. The sacred part of life comes to be equated with traditionally church-related concerns, such as prayer, Bible study, preaching, and evangelism.

These become the truly spiritual matters of life. The secular part of life has to do with other things. Augustine so exalted the spiritual life and minimized the material world that poverty became a virtue. Being temporal, material goods were of no ultimate value or worth anyway. Augustine’s Platonic ideas further led him to a very negative view of sexuality, which he saw as shameful, even within marriage. Such thinking no doubt contributed to the notion that a vow of celibacy was a noble choice and the mark of a truly spiritual man.. -- Christian Overman “Different Windows”, 111.

1. Marriage Is Good & Ordained by God

- By minimising the value of the body, the Corinthians were claiming that the better way was to deny bodily pleasures & give yourself to the spiritual side of life

- This was even happening in their marriages – they were abstaining from sexual relations in marriage because disciplining the body by denial led to the elevation of the spiritual & that is the only true worth according to this view

- So it’s great that husband & wife want to commit to prayer, but not great that they abstain from marital relations that God created, within the confines of marriage, to be good

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- This isn’t the only place that Paul has to address the error of dualistic thought

—1 But the Spirit explicitly says that in later times some will fall away from the faith, paying attention to deceitful spirits and doctrines of demons, 2 by means of the hypocrisy of liars seared in their own conscience as with a branding iron, 3 men who forbid marriage and advocate abstaining from foods which God has created to be gratefully shared in by those who believe and know the truth. 4 For everything created by God is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with gratitude; 5 for it is sanctified by means of the word of God and prayer.

1 Timothy 4:1–5 NASB95

1 But the Spirit explicitly says that in later times some will fall away from the faith, paying attention to deceitful spirits and doctrines of demons, 2 by means of the hypocrisy of liars seared in their own conscience as with a branding iron, 3 men who forbid marriage and advocate abstaining from foods which God has created to be gratefully shared in by those who believe and know the truth. 4 For everything created by God is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with gratitude; 5 for it is sanctified by means of the word of God and prayer.

- Far from being a means of achieving a truly spiritual life, abstinence in marriage would have led them to a far worse state - & it did

- As Paul says, as there is so much immorality in the world, you should stick to your wife or husband

- Proof certain that immorality was in the world was that some of the Corinthian men themselves were going off to prostitutes

- Likewise, they were proud about the guy who was in a relationship with his step mother

- Proud over the freedom they thought was afforded them as Christians

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- Marriage is God-ordained & is a holy & virtuous relationship

- Marriage protects against immoralities

- Immoralities has the general meaning here of all types of sexual sins

- Marriage is ordained by God & is good – not something shameful as Augustine thought

- Dualism caused the church to see that what God had created – the material universe – was of a lesser order, even a bad or evil thing, in contrast to the spiritual side of life

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- It has contributed to Christians keeping their Christianity as a private matter & out of public life

- Christians, by & large, now concede ground to the strictly secular perspective

- But we need more Christians in politics

- Remember what the Christian politician William Wilberforce achieved in Britain – the end of slavery

- But Wilberforce struggled to enter politics because it didn’t seem to be the thing a Christian should do

2. The Marriage Act Is as Important as Prayer

- Paul demolishes this divide between the sacred & the secular

- That is between prayer & sexual intercourse within marriage

- He forbids abstinence within marriage even if such abstinence is for spiritual purposes like prayer

- What he teaches here is that the marriage act – which is a thing that happens in the material world – is as important as prayer

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- If you learn anything from today’s message, learn that the foundational stuff of the apostle’s thinking comes from Genesis & is based on Genesis

- God brought the woman to the man

—23 The man said, “This is now bone of my bones, And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.” 24 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.

Genesis 2:23–24 NASB95

23 The man said, “This is now bone of my bones, And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.” 24 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.

- It is the one flesh principle which is the foundation for every marriage

- This one flesh principle governs the entire relational aspect of the marriage & extends itself to the children, grandchildren, great grandchildren & beyond if you are so blessed to be able to see that

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- Paul shows how the one flesh principle governs marital intercourse

- Here, the New American Standard Bible uses the word “duty” whereas the ESV, our pulpit Bible, uses the word “give”

—3 The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband.

1 Corinthians 7:3 NASB95

3 The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband.

- This word actually means “debt” & I think it is better communicated through the NASB as “duty”

- It is proper to understand it this way

- If husband & wife went by how they felt, at any given moment, then marital intimacy might never happen

Ros told me a story about two women having a chat at Big-W. One woman said that she was not feeling well that day. The other suggested that she might be pregnant, to which the woman replied in a scoffing tone, “I would have to have sex with my husband for that to happen” - meaning that it doesn’t happen

- It’s not about how you feel 100% of the time

- There is an obligation, a debt, to be realised on the part of both husband & wife

- It’s not about demanding; its not about insistence – it’s about consideration

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- A good marriage starts when the husband & wife are considerate of each other & recognise that, although, they are individuals, they are one flesh

- When Paul says in that it is evident that a man loves himself by the way he feeds & cares for his own body – it should follow that he should love his wife

- His point, is that in a one flesh marriage relationship, as he loves himself he loves his wife because his wife is now his own flesh, because they are one

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- To reinforce this, the apostle goes so far to say this...

—4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.

1 Corinthians 7:4 NASB95

4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.

- The one flesh obligation is equally shared by both the husband & the wife

1 Corinthians 7:5 NASB95

5 Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

—5 Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

- Prayer is good & something husband & wife ought to do together, but not at the expense of intimacy in a marriage in the material world

- The material world has been made by God & He declared it to be good

3. Marriage Is as Important as Singleness

- So the Corinthians have bought into the idea that abstaining from sexual intercourse in marriage is a good thing

- Discipline & punish the flesh – give yourself entirely to the spiritual side, to prayer

- But flesh is weak & will lead them to immorality

- A considerate, one flesh marriage will help protect them from this

- The Marriage act is as holy as prayer

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- Singleness is better, they think, because they can focus on the spiritual aspect of life unhindered by the obligations of marriage – marriage that exists &, is apart of, the evil world of matter

- This is especially true when the wife didn’t have an income & the husband had to provide for her

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Q. Is singleness more holy than marriage?

- No says Paul

v. 7 .”..each man has his own gift from God, one in this manner, and another in that”.

- In other words, he is saying that marriage & singleness are two sides of the one coin & both sides are of equal value

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- Both sides of the coin represents the equal giftings of God

- God gives spiritual gifts, but God also gives personality, character traits, character types & temperament

- He has made you unique – a one of kind person

- God made you unique, your personality – who you are – that is God’s gift to you

- Some people, God gifts to be single – they do not burn with passion

- They have no interest in marriage & are quite happy to serve God as a single person – nothing wrong with that

- In fact, Paul says that this is his gifting

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- But each person is given his or her lot from God

- Marriage is a unique gifting from God

- So what he is saying here is that singleness is not more holy than marriage, nor marriage more holy than singleness

- They are both gifted by God & those who desire marriage are right to desire marriage & those who desire singleness are right to desire singleness – neither have sinned

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- Sin comes when singleness is imposed when actually marriage is desired

- I dare say that sexual abuse in the church would have been greatly minimised if people who want to serve God in a particular way are free to marry as they desire

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- I want to deal with the way this verse is put in the NASB Bible

—6 But this I say by way of concession, not of command.

1 Corinthians 7:6 NASB95

6 But this I say by way of concession, not of command.

- This suggests that what he has just said is not a command - that husband & wife should not abstain from sexual relations

- That husband & wife should not abstain from sexual relations

- It could be taken that way, but he could also be introducing what he is about to say

- Here is the way our ESV pulpit Bible puts it

—6 Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. 7 I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.

1 Corinthians 7:6–7 ESV

6 Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. 7 I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.

- In other words, what he has just said about the duties of husband & wife are not concessions, but commands

- The concession is that if you don’t burn with passion & are happy to remain single, as he is, then it is your gift from God

- He has that gift & he is happy to be single

- It’s like he’s saying, “look, what I’m saying is that singleness is my preference, but I can’t impose this on everyone else

- I think it’s preferable, if & only if, you have that gift but if you don’t, then get married & live as a married person

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- It’s time we recognised the forces of the secular world that have shaped the church from its infancy & got back to the truth of what God has said in His word

- Some things, I can’t see changing for some time, but we should all strive to have the Scriptures, not tradition, as our truth

- That will be a hard ask for the church, because traditions run deep & there is a lot of uncertainty around changing the status quo

- As we conclude, let us be encouraged by Jesus who said...

—31 So Jesus was saying to those Jews who had believed Him, “If you continue in My word, then you are truly disciples of Mine; 32 and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.”

John 8:31–32 NASB95

31 So Jesus was saying to those Jews who had believed Him, “If you continue in My word, then you are truly disciples of Mine; 32 and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.”