Part 3b Barriers to Gratitude
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· 46 viewsSeven reasons why we aren't thankful when we should be!
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Research: https://ministry127.com/christian-living/8-barriers-to-gratitude; https://www.njlifehacks.com/gratitude-obstacles/
http://oakridgechurch.com/riggs/bar-tha.htm
https://gratefulness.org/resource/obstacles-to-gratitude/
Introduction
Introduction
There are plenty of times when we don’t do the right thing. We know what is right but we don’t do it.
Why aren’t we thankful?
21 For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened.
There is nothing to be thankful about!
Doubt
1. Negativity bias
1. Negativity bias
Because of our sinful condition we naturally look at the bad side of things.
10 As it is written: “There is no one righteous, not even one; 11 there is no one who understands; there is no one who seeks God. 12 All have turned away, they have together become worthless; there is no one who does good, not even one.”
10 As it is written: “There is no one righteous, not even one;
10 As it is written: “There is no one righteous, not even one; 11 there is no one who understands; there is no one who seeks God. 12 All have turned away, they have together become worthless; there is no one who does good, not even one.”
Romans
Romans 3:10-12
We have a built in negativity bias, some more than others, but we all have it. This is helpful when we are on guard and looking for potential dangers to avoid. We aren’t usually on guard looking for good. We don’t have an inclination to look for the positive in life.
We have a built in negativity bias, some more than others, but we all have it. This is helpful when we are on guard and looking for potential dangers to avoid. We aren’t usually on guard looking for good. We don’t have an inclination to look for the positive in life.
We can live our lives filled with negativity. It’s called carnality, living according to the flesh. As a new creation in God’s eyes, since we have believed in Jesus as our Savior, we have the ability to live according to the Spirit and have a joyful, thankful attitude toward life.
2. Habituation
2. Habituation
Continued exposure to something leads to a decreased response. Drink a lot of caffeine and you get used to it. Take a lot of pain meds and your body gets used to it and you need stronger does.
We get used to things being good and lose the perspective that we should be thankful. Familiarity breeds contempt.
We get used to things being good and lose the perspective that we should be thankful.
Sometimes we don’t appreciate things or people until we lose them. That is what happened to the prodigal son. He was comfortable, living in the wealth of his father’s home and he was so used to it that he didn’t realize how good he had it. What happened when he lost it all and was feeding pigs and wanted to eat the pigs food?
17 “When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have food to spare, and here I am starving to death!
3. Envy
3. Envy
Luke 15:17
17 “When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have food to spare, and here I am starving to death!
The grass is greener on the other side. This is one of one of the desires of our sinful nature.
19 The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.
19 The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery;
21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.
This is the result of habituation.
The grass is greener on the other side - this is the result of habituation.
We aren’t thankful for what we have and want what others have.
Who would you rather be right now? You or (think of someone you admire in music, sports, business, movies, writing?)
We want something “new.” How long does the new car smell last?
We have a short-lived physical reaction to new things, dopamine, a chemical jolt of joy.
4. Pride
4. Pride
This is a lack of humility. Some people don’t like to say “thank you” because it acknowledges our inability or dependency upon another.
"If I have seen further than others, it is by standing upon the shoulders of giants," said Isaac Newton.
11 The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other people—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector.
11 The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other people—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector.
The truth is that on the inside the Pharisee was like those he spurned.
Have you ever stolen anything, even the smallest item, a grape at the grocery store? You’re a robber or a thief!
Have you ever sinned? You’re an evil doer?
Have you ever had an improper sexual desire? We all have. Jesus said that is as bad as adultery!
Pride prevents us from seeing ourselves as we really are and it prevents us from being grateful for even the small blessings of life.
Jesus showed us how to view our lives.
5 In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: 6 Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; 7 rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. 8 And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death— even death on a cross!
Philippians 2:5-
We are creatures. We need air, food, water and when we were born someone to give us these things. We need the sun and gravity, heat and yes, cold.
We have physical limitations. We can not succeed in anything in life without the assistance of other people, and God.
We are mortal. We are going to die. In fact, we are dying.
5. Comparing Ourselves to Others
5. Comparing Ourselves to Others
We think we are entitled to things and don’t need to say thanks. When good thing happens to us, it’s because it’s our right to receive it, not a blessing.
Oscar Wilde said it best: “Everyone is worthy of love, except him who thinks that he is. Love is a sacrament that should be taken kneeling.”
Entitlement leads to feelings of being wronged or cheated, which produces anger, frustration, resentment, and even more entitlement. It cuts the very roots of gratitude. If you feel you deserve everything, why should you be grateful for it? It’s rightfully yours, after all!
How do you feel when you praise someone for doing a good job and instead of saying thank you they say, “I know I’m did good.”? We don’t want to praise them anymore
“Studies reveal that the unassuming virtue of humility, rather than representing weakness or inferiority, as is commonly assumed, is a strength of character that produces positive, beneficial results for self and society,” explains Emmons in Gratitude Works! before showcasing some of the latest research findings, including:
Feeling humble when receiving praise makes people want to treat others more nicely, increase their efforts, and challenge themselves.Humble people tend to be admired and humility is viewed positively by most people.Humble lawyers are rated as more likable by jurors and humble teachers as more effective. CEO's who possess a combination of humility and strong professional will act as catalysts from turning good companies into greater ones.Humility is positively associated with higher grades at school.
Comparison is probably part of human nature. As far as social comparison goes, modern psychology differs between two types. Upward comparison is when people compare themselves to people who are better than they are, while downward comparison is when people compare themselves to those who are worse than they are. https://www.njlifehacks.com/gratitude-obstacles/
The world rarely displays regular people who are wrinkled, overweight, and average. It highlights perfect bodies, perfect skin and hair and wildly successful people.
If you compare yourself with the images from the media, what’s to be grateful for? None us drive a Ferrari, own a private jet or have maids cooking and cleaning for us.
Desiderata
GO PLACIDLY amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
By Max Ehrmann © 1927 Original text
Fill in the blank: I wish I was __________. or I’m glad I’m _______________.
I wish I was __________.
or
I’m glad I’m _______________.
How do you go through life? The second perspective leaves you more thankful.
6. Harboring grudges
6. Harboring grudges
How do we handle grudges? We aren’t naturally thankful for them. Not we complain and tell everyone we can about how we’ve been wrong.
This is the opposite of gratitude. Here’s what the scripture tell us.
29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Learn to forgive.
Learn to forgive.
7. Misunderstanding adversity
7. Misunderstanding adversity
Perhaps you’re in the midst of some kind of trial and adversity and you think, “There is nothing in my life about which I am thankful.” You could be there. If you are, it’s because you misunderstand adversity. All adversity always has a good result.
28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
That is why we are told to rejoice in adversity.
2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds,
Do you want to be a strong Christian or a weak Christian? I know that seems like a silly question but I want you to think carefully. Do you want to be a strong Christian? If so, raise you hand. Look around at everyone who is raising their hand. This is important.
Let’s read the next couple of verses in .
3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.
3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
James 1:
It isn’t just trials, it’s also suffering that has a positive outcome in our lives!
3 Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope.
That is why we are told to glory in our suffering.
3 Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.
That is why we are told to glory in our suffering. You said you want to be a strong Christian. The path to strength is through trials and suffering.
That is why we are told to glory in our suffering.
3 Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance;
Romans 5:3
You say, “Okay, I’ve changed my mind.”
Here’s the deal. God is the one who either brings or allows adversity in our lives, isn’t He? So the question isn’t whether you’ll have them, it’s whether you’ll become a stronger Christian because of them.
Oscar Wilde said it best: “Everyone is worthy of love, except him who thinks that he is. Love is a sacrament that should be taken kneeling.”
There are some Christians who’ve gone through so much adversity that they should be giants in the faith now, but they’re not. They didn’t accept the trial, they fought it, complained about it, whined about it, blamed it on the devil or just wallowed through it. They gained nothing and are still babes in the faith.
Instead, be thankful. Don’t let any of these barrier keep you from saying, “Thank you, Father! You’re the best dad I could ever have and I’m glad you are. I will trust you to get me through this and grow in my faith!
Discussion Questions:
Discussion Questions:
Which barrier do you see most often in others that keep them from being thankful?
Which barrier is your biggest problem to being thankful?
Which barrier do you see most often in others?
Feeling humble when receiving praise makes people want to treat others more nicely, increase their efforts, and challenge themselves.Humble people tend to be admired and humility is viewed positively by most people.Humble lawyers are rated as more likeable by jurors and humble teachers as more effective.CEOs who possess a combination of humility and strong professional will act as catalysts from turning good companies into greater ones.Humility is positively associated with higher grades at school.
What is an adversity you’re facing now or recently faced for which you will now say thank you to God and choose to rejoice in experiencing?
“Studies reveal that the unassuming virtue of humility, rather than representing weakness or inferiority, as is commonly assumed, is a strength of character that produces positive, beneficial results for self and society,” explains Emmons in Gratitude Works! before showcasing some of the latest research findings, including:
Feeling humble when receiving praise makes people want to treat others more nicely, increase their efforts, and challenge themselves.Humble people tend to be admired and humility is viewed positively by most people.Humble lawyers are rated as more likeable by jurors and humble teachers as more effective.CEOs who possess a combination of humility and strong professional will act as catalysts from turning good companies into greater ones.Humility is positively associated with higher grades at school.