846 1 Cor.7.8-16 Choosing Between Singleness & Marriage
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- In 2006, there was a large study conducted in the US of 12,000 people from the ages of 15-44 & it is said to be the government’s first comprehensive glimpse into the male psyche
It’s better to marry than to stay single, men said. That was the finding of a study done in 2006 by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. About 66 percent of men agreed with the statement, “It is better to get married than go through life single,” compared with only 51 percent of women.
—Sharon Jayson, “Marriage Means More to Men,” USA Today (June 1, 2006)
- Well, that might reflect a modern trend in men & women, but it goes nowhere close to what the Corinthian church thought about marriage & singleness
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- In fact, they thought it was better to be single – that the things in the material world were only secondary to spiritual things
- In the previous passage, we looked at last week, we noted that those who were married were abstaining from marital intimacy to spend their time in prayer
- Might sound like a pious thing to do, but such things, no doubt, led some of them to release their frustrations out down at the local shrine, come brothel (was that a consequence of their wives refusal?)
- We have witnessed also how forced celibacy, in the church, has led to sexual abuse
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- Paul deals with 3 groups of people in our short passage today
- In light of their belief that “it is good not to touch a woman” (that is, it is good not to have sexual relations even within marriage) & that singleness is the highest ideal, the apostle has to give some firm council
Q. What should they do with their marriages? Can they give them up?
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- The 3 groups of people the apostle covers will not cover every possible scenario you might find within the thorny lives of people on planet earth
- He is dealing with the Corinthian’s questions & general scenarios
- The 3 groups of people are as follows:
1. Widowers and Widows (v.8-9)
2. Married Couples (v.10-11)
3. Mixed Marriages (one converted after getting married) (v.12-16)
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- By & large, the Corinthians are advocating singleness as the more holy way – as a way to connect with God; as the only authentic connection
- The message of the Spirit through Paul , however, is that it is not the more holy way
- Being single may allow you to serve God with undivided attention, if & only if, you have that special gifting to not need marriage
- But if you have been given the special gifting for marriage, then you are to maintain that marriage
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- But can I warn you here about what you might expect to find or not find in this message
- You will need to keep in mind that the questions you may ask, may not be the questions the Corinthian church are asking – which means that the answers you get, may not be the answers you are expecting
The apostle likes to lay down the
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- Let’s begin then
1. Widowers and Widows To Remain Single if They Can
1. Widowers and Widows To Remain Single if They Can
—8 To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am.
8 But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I.
- The question we ask here is who are the unmarried? Widows is plain enough
- A widow is a woman whose husband has died
- The black widow spider is named that way because the female has a jet black body with a red stripe down the back – yes, she is called the Red Back spider here in Australia
- But she is called the black widow spider in the US because after mating, she kills & eats her mate, technically leaving her a widow
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Q. Who are the unmarried?
- This has been debated for years, but it seems right to say that this is referring to widowers – a man whose wife has died
- We can suggest at least 2 reasons for this
1. All throughout this section, the apostle has dealt with corresponding pairs – male & female
- wife, husband, husband wife; unbelieving wife, believing husband etc.
2. Since a widow is an unmarried person, why mention widows along with the unmarried?
- Actually, the word unmarried was used of widower because they rarely used that word for him & often just referred to him as an unmarried man
- wife, husband, husband wife; unbelieving wife, believing husband etc.
- It seems fairly settled then, that the unmarried here refers to a widower – so “to the widowers & widows, I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am”
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- You could understand that if one of the spouses died of old age, that there should be no problem for that person to remain single
Q. But what about a young widower or widow?
- Widows & widowers were often very young in the Greco Roman world
- They suffered from many troubles, notably disease, death in child birth & death from war
Q. Should they marry again?
Q. If you lost your spouse at 30 yrs of age, should you remain single for the rest of your life?
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- Well, here’s the thing – as a Christian, a disciple of Christ – we are slaves to Christ – owned by another
- We have been bought with the precious blood of Jesus
- We are no longer masters of our destiny
- We have, willingly, given our lives to Christ & we are now found in Him
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- So in one sense, it is better to be single & to be able to serve Jesus with undivided devotion, yet the Corinthians reason seems to be a bit different from this
- They have the problem of a dualistic worldview
- They have relegated the material world of matter to a lesser value than the spiritual world & see it as evil
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- Their reasons for singleness has more to do with their disdain of the body & of bodily pleasures, than it has to do with serving God in an unobstructed way
- They want an escape from the physical which they see as a hindrance to their relationship with God
- To an extent, we do the same
- We way the likes of prayer, Bible study, missionaries, Pastors as on a higher level than the normal Joe Blow
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- The thinking is that since I’m not a pastor nor missionary, then my contribution is only second rate
- The devil loves the church to think this way
- If he can get the church to think this way, then you have a whole host of people, who think what they do in life, is second rate & what they do in the church is of little value
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- In fact, the opposite is true – you are desperately needed to serve Christ in His church & out their in the community
- Pastors & missionaries do so little compared to what you can do & be in the church & in the community
- It is you who brings Christ into the world
- What I do is merely help equip you to be that person
- Pastors & missionaries are merely the cogs in the wheel
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- Of course, what we do is important, but if you see what we do as a more spiritual enterprise, then you have been taken in by dualism
- God created the world & we live in the physical realm & God created it good
- In fact, we do not exist outside the creation – we can’t because we are not God
- Just be careful that you are not trying to excuse yourself from who you are as a Christian on the basis that you are just a person in the pew
- That would be sad & that would be a lie
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- As we come to consider the position of widowers & widows, it comes down to whether they have the spiritual gifting of God to live as a single person
- If they don’t, then they posses the spiritual gifting from God for marriage & should pursue that
- The way you can tell if you have the spiritual gifting for marriage is whether you burn in passion for marital relationship
- If this is the case, he says, then let the widowers & widows remarry
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- This is not weakness, this is what God has bequeathed to them
- Let’s face it, if God only bequeathed the gift of singleness, then you & I would not be born – true!
- Let us not see that God’s gifting of singleness is better than His gifting for marriage – both are equally His gifts & both are good
2. Christians Must Not Divorce
2. Christians Must Not Divorce
Q. What about a married couple who are both Christian – should they divorce to pursue a spiritual relationship with the Lord?
- Absolutely not, he says & he bases this not on the message of the Spirit through him, but the message of Jesus Himself
- We have a direct word of Jesus on this situation to the Jewish men
- Jewish men who shared the same faith & values as the Jewish women
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18 “Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries one who is divorced from a husband commits adultery.
—18 “Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries one who is divorced from a husband commits adultery.
- Jesus adds to this that it was God who brought the couple together to be one flesh, therefore, what God joins together, let not man separate
- The disciples, who were Jewish men & who were use to their right to divorce a wife & remarry were quite disturbed by this
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10 The disciples said to Him, “If the relationship of the man with his wife is like this, it is better not to marry.”
-- 10 The disciples said to Him, "If the relationship of the man with his wife is like this, it is better not to marry."
- To be stuck with the one person for life was inconceivable
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- But this is God’s way & as far as Paul is concerned, if Jesus said it, it ends all debate
- He then says that if the Corinthians so want to divorce, then they can, but both husband & wife may never remarry
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- Years ago when I was a Deacon at the Southport Church of Christ I was spending time with a guy whose wife got caught up in a Charismatic church – they were both SCC attendees but she got caught up in this Charismatic church
- This church was more of a cult- they were saying to her that if her husband did not come over to their way of thinking & worship with them, that God says she is to take the children & separate from him
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- It was so devastating for this guy – I sat through many of his tears
- I haven’t spoken to him for years, but she did carry through with that threat & left him
- All I can say is that those church leaders may experience more than the mere “smell of smoke” on their clothes, from when the fires of judgement come
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- There are many situations in today’s world which Paul does not touch on
- He is talking here, however, about a Christian couple who jointly decide to leave the marriage in favour of pursing a “spiritual” life
3. Christians Should Maintain a Mixed Marriage, if Possible
3. Christians Should Maintain a Mixed Marriage, if Possible
- For those who had been converted to Christ after they were married, a question now arises as to the believers purity
- In other words, is being married to a wife or husband who refuses to believe in Christ causing me to become unclean
Q. How I can’t be clean before God while married to an unbeliever?
Q. Where did this come from? Perhaps, it was the misunderstanding from the apostle’s previous letter
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- In that letter, they thought the apostle was instructing them not to associate with anyone who isn’t a Christian, including their spouse
- No doubt, it would have been very quite around the dinner table let alone the bedroom
- But Paul clarifies what he meant in this letter
11 But actually, I wrote to you not to associate with any so-called brother if he is an immoral person, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or a swindler—not even to eat with such a one.
—11 But actually, I wrote to you not to associate with any so-called brother if he is an immoral person, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or a swindler—not even to eat with such a one.
- What a terrible misunderstanding
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- There was great difficulty in mixed marriages – that is, where one person was of a different religion to the other
- When only one person becomes a Christian, what should the Christian do in such circumstances?
Q. How can the Christian be “spiritual” with a partner who is not on the same page?
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- It was also of great concern to a woman who becomes a Christian, whilst married to an unbeliever
- No doubt, you recall that I have mentioned the Roman edict of Patria Potestas which means “all powerful father”
- This gave him great rights over his family even to ordering infanticide (to children he didn’t want)
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- If her husband was an unbeliever, he could make life really difficult for his wife
- Especially, when it comes to the children
- He could forbid that they go to church with her; he may even forbid her going to meet with the church
- The woman, however, in the Roman world, unlike the Jewish world, did have the right to divorce her husband, but he could still hang on to the children
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- In AD 100 the Roman philosopher Plutarch wrote his book, called “Moralia” and in this book, he writes a section called “Advice to Bride and Groom
A wife ought not to make friends of her own, but to enjoy her husband’s friends in common with him. The gods are the first and most important friends. Wherefore it is becoming for a wife to worship and to know only the gods that her husband believes in, and to shut the front door tight upon all queer rituals and outlandish superstitions. For with no god do stealthy and secret rites performed by a woman find any favor.
-- Plutarch, Advice to Bride and Groom (Moralia)
- The question, then, is what to do when married to an unbeliever?
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- The apostle here clarifies, that it is he giving this instruction, not Jesus
- He is not saying this is less authoritative than what Jesus said, but he is merely saying that what Jesus said applies to the situation of a Christian couple, but Jesus never said anything about the situation of a mixed marriage where the unbeliever may want a divorce & walk away
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- Through the Spirit of God, Paul is giving them the word of the Lord on this situation
- We have this reinforced at the end of the chapter
40 Yet in my judgment she is happier if she remains as she is. And I think that I too have the Spirit of God.
—40 Yet in my judgment she (widow) is happier if she remains as she is. And I think that I too have the Spirit of God. (ESV)
- For some within the Corinthian church who think they have the Spirit & can ignore what their apostle says, he says, “I too have the Spirit of God”
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- His counsel is the same as Jesus that the believer is to maintain the marriage if the unbeliever wishes to stay in the marriage
Q. But what if the unbeliever whats to leave?
Q. Should you as a believing husband with the power granted by the Roman government insist/demand that she stay?
Q. Should you manipulate her by holding her to ransom, by saying that if she leaves, she goes out, without ever seeing her children again?
a) Divorce is Permitted Only if the Unbeliever Insists
a) Divorce is Permitted Only if the Unbeliever Insists
- Paul’s instruction, then, is that if the unbeliever wants out, then you should grant them a divorce, but don’t force them to leave
- The Spirit of God is instructing believers to maintain the marriage
- Singleness is good only if you have the gifting for it – but to not use marriage to an unbeliever, as an excuse to get rid of your spouse
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- This instruction is in sharp distinction from the OC where Jews were commanded not to have mixed marriages
- In the book of Ezra, God has granted the Jews favour with the Persian king who allows them to go home to Jerusalem
- But when the Jews gather, it is discovered that a great many of them & their leaders had married Babylonian women & had children with them
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- Honestly, this is a very sad story – you should read it in
- Those who wanted to journey home to Jerusalem had a choice to make
- Go home to the land of the Covenant, leaving your wife & children behind, or stay behind & be barred from the people of Israel & the Covenant with God
- Perhaps, they should of thought of that before they got married, but what would have happened is that the people of Israel would lose their identity
- This was right only because it was under the inferior Covenant we know as the Old Covenant
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- Under the NC, this is now different
- You can continue to live with an unbelieving spouse
- Remembering, of course, that you don’t intentionally marry an unbeliever
- This is for those spouses who have come to know Christ since they had married
- It would not be God’s will for Christians to marry anyone who is not a believer
b) The Believer Sanctifies Both Spouse and Children
b) The Believer Sanctifies Both Spouse and Children
- There are two reasons why the believer should maintain the marriage with an unbeliever
- The first is that the believer sanctifies the unbeliever
- The concern is that before God, the unbeliever is polluting not only the Christian, but his or her children
13 Then Haggai said, “If one who is unclean from a corpse touches any of these, will the latter become unclean?” And the priests answered, “It will become unclean.”
—13 Then Haggai said, “If one who is unclean from a corpse touches any of these, will the latter become unclean?” And the priests answered, “It will become unclean.”
- There is the sense that the unbeliever is not holy, but unclean & that uncleanness will rub off onto God’s people just like it did in the OT
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- However, we are talking about the NC; the Covenant Jesus brought in through His blood
- This is a superior Covenant that leaves the old one in its wake
- Moses, at one time, wore a veil because the people would stare at him
- His meeting on Mt. Sinai with God caused his face to glow with the glory of God & he had to cover it until it had faded (they kept staring)
- Paul called the OC a ministry of death because the law which was central to the OC could only condemn, it could not save
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- He later writes to the Corinthians about the differences between the ministries of the OC & NC
7 But if the ministry of death, in letters engraved on stones, came with glory, so that the sons of Israel could not look intently at the face of Moses because of the glory of his face, fading as it was, 8 how will the ministry of the Spirit fail to be even more with glory? 9 For if the ministry of condemnation has glory, much more does the ministry of righteousness abound in glory. 10 For indeed what had glory, in this case has no glory because of the glory that surpasses it. 11 For if that which fades away was with glory, much more that which remains is in glory. 12 Therefore having such a hope, we use great boldness in our speech,
—7 But if the ministry of death, in letters engraved on stones, came with glory, so that the sons of Israel could not look intently at the face of Moses because of the glory of his face, fading as it was, 8 how will the ministry of the Spirit fail to be even more with glory? 9 For if the ministry of condemnation has glory, much more does the ministry of righteousness abound in glory. 10 For indeed what had glory, in this case has no glory because of the glory that surpasses it. 11 For if that which fades away was with glory, much more that which remains is in glory. 12 Therefore having such a hope, we use great boldness in our speech,
- The power of Christ & His Spirit radiates permanently out of the Christian so that a sort of cleanliness effect has its mark on both the unbelieving spouse & your children
14 For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.
—14 For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. ESV
Q. What does it mean that they are holy?
Q. Are we to assume that being holy = salvation?
- Of course, not. The apostle knows of no person who is saved who does not know a life of faith in Christ
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- The point here is that the sphere of God’s providential care & nurture will come upon the unbeliever & the children because of the believing spouse
- The Christian’s identity in Christ is so powerful that their pervasive influence radiates out & impacts all those around them
- This is even more pronounced in marriage since the unbeliever is in covenant with the believer
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- The children of this union are regarded has holy – they are not unclean but brought into the inner circle of God’s covenantal care, protection & influence
- On that basis, the believer is not to depart the marriage if the unbeliever wants to remain – don’t send them away
- This is a positive statement here about the future of the unbeliever and the children
- With God’s covering over them for blessings, they have the greatest opportunity to come to know Christ & His salvation
c) God Has Called Us to Peace
c) God Has Called Us to Peace
- The second reason Paul gives for staying in the marriage with an unbeliever is this: God has called us to peace
- A believing spouse cannot save their unbelieving spouse, anymore than a believing parent can save an unbelieving child
- In other words, Paul is optimistic about their conversion if the believer stays in the marriage with the unbeliever
- I like how the NRSV puts it…
- Stay in the marriage because...
16 Wife, for all you know, you might save your husband. Husband, for all you know, you might save your wife.
—16 Wife, for all you know, you might save your husband. Husband, for all you know, you might save your wife.
- So don’t depart – you don’t become unholy, you holyfy or sanctify all those around you
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- God has called us to peace – He has made us well/whole & in this case, we can be well/whole whether we are a slave, a trade person, a kitchen hand, someone who works on Wall Street or someone in a marriage with an unbeliever
- The wholeness of God comes to us because of faith
- By faith, through your baptism, Paul says that you have been translated, with Jesus, into the age to come
4 Therefore we have been buried with Him through baptism into death, so that as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, so we too might walk in newness of life.
—4 Therefore we have been buried with Him through baptism into death, so that as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, so we too might walk in newness of life.
- This is true no matter what circumstance you find yourself in
- You walk in newness of life & that power permeates out from you
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- The newness of life; that walk with the resurrected Christ!
- God works in the Christian in all spheres of life, not just the times of Bible study & prayer – the spiritual things
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- Next week, we look further into the powerful impact that Christ has on the believer
- He or she can stand on two feet with whatever life throws their way
- Such is the power of the death, burial & resurrection of Christ & the coming of His Holy Spirit