Unity and Peace in the Home

The Goal of a Unified Home

The point Paul had in mind

Paul is after promoting unity and harmony in the home. When a home is unified and faithful, it testifies to God’s goodness and shows off his glory. Having a well ordered and unified home is an important part of the Christian life. It’s so important that if you don’t, you are not qualified for leadership in the Lord’s church. So Paul is after unity in the home, a unity brought about by obedience to Christ’s command and design.

It also undergirds the Church.

Where you have strong families you have strong Churches and strong cultures. Where men lead and protect and women submit and nurture, divine order is honored and upheld. Where women usurp and men are weak, families, churches and cultures become weak, vulnerable to confusion and assault. Gavin Peacock via Twitter

The home is designed to undergird the society and the Church. Our Church would be, will be nothing but a den of hyppocrites if our homes are out of order and places of strife.

The reason it’s difficult

Particular Roles Reviewed

Read vs. 33

The Husband’s Duty

To “love” his bride. This is by far the greater responsibility. Paul spent 3x more on this responsibility. You must love your bride.

love: give up rights or perrogatives to seek the good of your spouse. It’s a verb not a noun, something you do, not something you feel. Jesus is the Husbands model and motivation for this duty.

Not:

Feel love towards your spouse. You are not commanded to feel good about her, you are to love her, be devoted to her.

Use your headship as a means to domineer or be rough or cruel to your spouse. Instead you are to love her, treat her higher than any other person.

“As Himself”

He is addressing your attitude towards your bride. You are to view her rightly. It’s not just some bare provision you are commanded to give like saying “I put food on the table, that’s enough.” Rather your attitude towards her is to see her are close to you, a very part of your own body. You are to esteem her highly. (Do you think highly of your bride, do you value her as near to you, your prized possession, like your hand or arm?)

Not:

Hating your wife for any reason. Your wife may have blemishes and spots, but you are required to not let any of those detract you, you are to be devoted to your wife. You are not to allow yourself to despise or be bitter with her, this is sin and an error in thinking. She is a part of you, and you are to love and receive her as Christ has done you.

This does not mean that your wife is the end of your life. Some men worship their wives and make them the end of the living. “She’s my whole world.” That sounds good, but your world is to be bigger than your wife. However she is to be a priority, that’s the point. Love your wives. Think highly of them, don’t despise them. This is promoting unity in the home!

Practical Applications

Assume Leadership in the Home.

Loving your wife does not mean relinquish your authority or bowing down and submitting to her. You are called to be her head, to rule her, but to rule her in love, to season all your actions with love. Brother’s, it is not loving your wife to allow her to dominate you, to govern you or to take leadership in the home. It’s not loving your wife to be passive and force her to lead the home. She may enjoy it, she may applaud you, but it’s not biblical love. It’s not loving for you to be an affable, easy going, go with the flow, whatever my spouse thinks kind of man. Scripturally speaking that’s hating your spouse! you are not providing what scripture says she needs, “a strong man to lead her!” If you are going to love your wife, you must assert your authority, you must maintain it. You cannot love her and bless her and do the most good for her if you don’t.

The Christlike Husband Wisely Maintaining His Authority

If then a husband relinquishes his authority, he takes away his ability to do that good and show those fruits of love, which otherwise he might.

Set a Godly Example in the Home

1 Timothy 4:12 ESV

12 Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity.

Timothy was to assert his leadership by setting an example for his Church. Husbands, you assert your authority most clearly and most helpful when you walk in integrity and godliness. You encourage the obedience and submission of your wife and children, by your example and life. This is loving your spouse!

Set a Godly Example in the Home

Take ownership of your wife’s imperfections.

If she has something, does something that you find difficult, own it. Receive her. Take responsibility for her. Her issues may not be your fault, but they are your responsibility. If she sins, gently reprove her. Help her, take ownership of her. That’s loving her.

Provide for her needs, and seek to meet her desires.

How can we say we love our families, if we don’t provide for their needs look out for them. Beyond that if she has desires that aren’t sinful or won’t lead to sinning, or won’t be unwise, show your love to her and bless her.

Show her affection

Proverbs 5:19 ESV

19 a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love.

Some husbands have a type of stoic impression of marriage where it is Godly and holy to show no affection at all to their spouse. The imagery here is of the image of a doe during the mating season, the buck chases her and pursues her intensly. It’s not loving for a husband to ever leave his wife wondering if he cares for her. Oh I hear you, “I provide for her, I don’t mistreat her, therefore she knows I love her.” True, those are good things, but what do you think be intoxicated always means then? I remind you that Isaac sported with his wife, “played with her.” He showed affection to her. Making her to see that she is the apple of your eye is loving. Christ does this for you!

Give yourself up for her

The Wife’s Duty

“respect”

respect: to regard with feelings of respect and reverence, consider hallowed or exalted or be in awe of.

A wife is to acknowledge that her husband is of a higher rank than her and she is to fall under his lead. This means you are to honor and obey him.

He is your superior, not in value but in rank and position. This is regardless of if he walks worthy of it or not. This is his status and position before God.

-You are to respect your husband above other men, you are to esteem him higher than others to revere him most because this is his position.

-From the heart. This is not mere outward tokenism but reverence from the heart “as to the Lord.”

This is how you promote unity and peace in your home!

Practical Applications

Obey your husband.

If your husband asks/expects something that is reasonable and not extreme or sinful of you, then you are to do it.

Illustration: Boss/ Sarah Abraham-Lord

Submit to his decision making.

In times of disagreement, if not sinful, defer to your husbands decision.

Genesis 35:18 ESV

18 And as her soul was departing (for she was dying), she called his name Ben-oni; but his father called him Benjamin.

Revere him in your attitude and speech.

Show reverence to your husband in your attitude and speech to him and about him. Don ’t bemoan or nag, or sinfully argue. Even when you disagree, disagree with him as someone who is your superior your authority. Note: Especially in front of your Children and others.

Consult him and get his blessing on decision making.

Seek to get his blessing on decision making. This will be different in every home and not every single detail, but seek to be under his direction and leadership by asking his opinion and blessing. (. Husband trusts her)

1 Samuel 1:23 ESV

23 Elkanah her husband said to her, “Do what seems best to you; wait until you have weaned him; only, may the Lord establish his word.” So the woman remained and nursed her son until she weaned him.

2 Kings 4:22–24 ESV

22 Then she called to her husband and said, “Send me one of the servants and one of the donkeys, that I may quickly go to the man of God and come back again.” 23 And he said, “Why will you go to him today? It is neither new moon nor Sabbath.” She said, “All is well.” 24 Then she saddled the donkey, and she said to her servant, “Urge the animal on; do not slacken the pace for me unless I tell you.”

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Concluding Points

This is Walking in the Spirit

I want you to imprint in your mind this image. When you think of a man/woman walking in the Spirit, erase those vain lies our Christian culture has promoted of an ecstatic worshiper lost in an euphoric atmosphere of worship and I want you to turn your attention to the man who is loving is wife as Christ and for Christ and to the wive who joyfully submits to her husband as worship to her Lord. Paul says this is what it means to be Spirit filled!

Learning to Be a Grace-Filled Home

You can’t do this well enough to bullet proof your marriage. Some of you might have in mind that doing these things as hard and as best as you possibly can will make your marriage perfect. If I do this, then my spouse will do that. (Really what we are saying is I will try to manipulate my marriage so that I can get what I want from them) It’s easy to think so, I do my part, then she/he will do his and all is well, but that’s not the case. There are going to be times that you are being faithful, and your spouse won’t do everything you like, you will be disappointed. What do you do? Try harder? Get mad? Take it out on him/her? You are going to have to first, apply grace. Many of your expectations for this marriage are likely not going to be met, many of your desires unfulfilled. Don’t fall into trying to respond by working hard, or alienating your spouse. Acknowledge now, I am a sinner, and my spouse is a sinner. I forgive them for their sins, and I choose to not let their sins affect how I view them and whether or not I’m going to be obedient and fulfill my role in the marriage. Grace-Filled Home! There’s no magic formula for marriage, but by walking in humble obedience we can see God make it better!

Don’t expect perfection from your spouse in these areas. Apply grace, don’t over focus on their faults, seek to be obedient.

God’s Design Works!

This is God’s normal mean’s of blessing. Usually when a husband a wife walk in this way, they will both find fulfillment. A wife finds rest in a husband who rules his home like Christ