What I didn't want to Know

In the last number of weeks a lot of us have felt done with the snow. I know I get it I have had a hard time with that too.

But I could not imagine not having a Fall/Winter at all. I love this time of year. Some hate the cold but I enjoy being able to have four seasons and each season has something special to enjoy.

This time of year the crisp air, beautiful colors and foliage. This time of year you can enjoy decorating for the seasons, enjoy warm drinks with friends. Sit by the fire and snuggle with a blanket and watch a movie (maybe a cheesy hallmark movie or love story) or read a good book.

Does everything about your faith make sense to you?

Or do you ever have questions about God and His ways?

For instance:

If God is good, why do we suffer?

Why doesn’t God heal when He is capable?

When you see injustice in the world, innocent children suffering… God is this fair?

When tragedy strikes and nothing in your life seems to make sense … God do you err?

When you ask God year after year to help you with things in your life, loose weight, be more patient, overcome your temper… God did you hear my prayer?

When a spouse leaves… God do you care?

When you get a pink slip instead of a paycheck… God are you aware?

When you wonder if you will ever stop feeling lonely because you long for a baby, a spouse, a good friend… God are you there?

When rough things happen to us, it’s as if they rip holes in the fabric of our faith or what we can call the fabric of our faith.

The Blanket of faith

We all have one. It is woven together from strands of what we believe about God and what we have experienced in our relationship with Him. We wrap ourselves in this blanket and it helps us feel protected and comforted.

Some of us have a well work blankets of faith because we have walked with God for years and years.

What is faith?

Hebrews 11:1 NKJV

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

Others have a brand new one we are still learning how to wrap ourselves in it.

No matter how long we have had our blanket of faith, we all feel more secure when we are wrapped in it.

But then life happens...

And it tears a big hold in our blanket of faith.

We feel exposed and inseure.

We wonder if our faith will really be enough to protect and comfort us or even get us through.

Every heartache we endure and it raises difficult questions, and each question has the potential to tear a new hold in our blanket of faith.

The very faith we had hoped would shelter and comfort us suddenly feels inadequate and leaves us feeling even more vulnerable to the harsh winds of sorrow and fear.

Can you relate?

Most of us can admit we have experienced confusing circumstances, asked tough questions and wondered: Is God fair?

We all have some holes in our faith blankets. I guess you may even been dealing with one now.

It is terrifying because the one thing we always have to depend on is our faith and then having it reduced to rags makes us needy and vulnerable and afraid without it.

Turn up

Ever deal with a time of great despair even depression where you seem like you have more questions than answers.

Where you feel like you do not know how to pray?

Or having what we may call a crisis of faith?

Our faith blankets deteriorate and even things you assumed about God get shaken and shattered.

I have had times like this and I have kept a journal and it is one I would certainly not want anyone else to read. These times in our lives are painful and private.

The end result is that I had to admit that I did not have the answers, I did not know the answers and none of us really do. In times like this we feel that we cannot see God unless He opens our eyes and allows us to see Him.

I have seen many images of God I thought I knew through Bible Study, Christian Platitudes, and Sunday School lessons. But the God I am learning about now is beyond my comprehension.

I pray God please give me the peace I once had. I don’t want peace that comes from intentional ignorance. I want peace that comes from Him. Peace that is unexplainable. Peace that can afford to question but exist without answers.

John 14:27 NKJV

Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.

My blanket was full of tatters. It is hard to even revisit those feelings and thoughts now because they were so painful.

I was deeply afraid of how insecure those questions made me feel. I felt removed from what I felt that I knew about God and I was afraid to say it out loud to anyone because then it would feel even more real.

But it was real, raw, and the honest truth about what I was going through.

Have you ever had times where it was hard to make sense of your faith only to come to have more questions?

Have you tried to wrap yourself in the blanket of faith and realize you had so many holes in it that it no longer protected or comforted you?

Please know you are not alone.

People of faith have been asking tough questions for years and years. This is a mix of God and justice. Theodicy explains how and why there can be evil and suffering in the world if God is powerful and good.

Theodicy defined - the vindication of divine goodness and providence in view of the existence of evil.

This is a term of head knowledge but it is implicated in the heart.

The head needs answers but the heart needs more than answes it needs comfort.

This morning know that God cares and He is aware of suffering.

Feel His empathy when we are in pain due to mystery of faith.

We need to feel our blanket of faith comforting us, protecting us and the holes can be filled with answers. Answers with depth not Christian platitudes.

Answers don’t mend holes in our blankets of faith, answers are not what will get you through the tough times either. But know you should still ask the questions.

Mending the blanket of faith

Remember Job, he went through a lot. My dad always brough him up when I was going through rough patches and boy did I hate that. I knew Job always went through more than I was and he remained faithful.

He asked the questions though:

Why did I not perish at birth, and die as I came from the womb? (Job 3:11)

• Why is light given to those in misery, and life to the bit- ter of soul? (Job 3:20)

• Why do you hide your face and consider me your enemy? (Job 13:24)

• Why do the wicked live on, growing old and increasing in power? (Job 21:7)

And these are only a few of the more than sixty questions recorded in the book of Job! Interestingly, Job also wrote,

Job 13:15 NKJV

Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him. Even so, I will defend my own ways before Him.

Job 19:25 NKJV

For I know that my Redeemer lives, And He shall stand at last on the earth;

Standing in the rubble of his life, wrapped in a tattered blanket of faith, with far more questions than answers, Job said he knew that God lived?

He said that no matter what God did, he would still hope in him?

How could Job have that kind of peace?

How could he hold on to that conviction in the face of so much unfairness and loss in his life?

How could he feel secure in his relationship with God when God hadn’t fixed his situation or provided answers to fill in the missing pieces in his blanket of faith?

The answer to all those questions is, simply, God.

It was not what God did, what God didn’t do, what God said, or how God answered that gave Job such peace and contentment. It was because he encountered God in the ashes of his life.

Job continued to wrap himself in his blanket of faith, no matter how torn and tattered it was. And Job was able to experience the comfort and strength he needed because God did fill in all the broken places; he filled in each and every hole with himself.

God doesn’t just fill the holes in our blankets with answers or solutions.

He fills the holes in our blanket of faith with himself.

Philosophy, intellectual answers, or religion alone will never be enough to repair the holes in your faith. Only God can fill the missing pieces. And he fills them with himself.

Do you want that? I sure do.

So wrap yourself in your blanket of faith — no matter how new or old it is, no matter how torn or strong it is. Feel it surround you and comfort you as you examine the holes that may be in it. Give yourself permission to ask questions to God. He will often reveal the answer. But far more importantly, invite him to reveal himself to you in the midst of your questions. He will come to you. He will fill all the holes in your blanket of faith with peace, love, grace, and strength. For he is Peace, Love, Grace, and Strength.