Are we there yet? Part 4

Even so, I have noticed one thing, at least, that is good. It is good for people to eat, drink, and enjoy their work under the sun during the short life God has given them, and to accept their lot in life.

And it is a good thing to receive wealth from God and the good health to enjoy it. To enjoy your work and accept your lot in life—this is indeed a gift from God.

God keeps such people so busy enjoying life that they take no time to brood over the past.

INTRODUCTION

Good Morning Southpointe! We have been in this series: Are we there yet? And I believe that we have a good understanding that we are not there yet and we will continually be working on get there, when it comes to parenting.

I want to talk to you this morning about blended families and being a step-parent. But I would like to close this series on rules for being a good parent period, if that be biological parent, step parent, or grandparent, or a church parent.

Philip Yancey tells about an African safari he was on where he saw an old momma giraffe taking care of her offspring. Shortly after he was born, she went over and kicked her offspring, and it looked like she was really hurting her baby. Then she did it again.

Philip Yancey tells about an African safari he was on where he saw an old momma giraffe taking care of her offspring. Shortly after he was born, she went over & kicked her offspring, and it looked like she was really hurting her baby. Then she did it again.

Each time, the little giraffe would get up on his wobbly legs and try to walk. Still she continued kicking him. Finally, he got up pretty rapidly and ran away from her kicks.

Phil turned to his guide and asked, "Why does the mother giraffe do that?"

The guide answered, "The only defense the giraffe has is its ability to get up quickly and to out run its predator. If it can’t do that, it will soon die."

Yancey said that while it looked like it was a cruel thing, it was really the most loving thing the mother could do for her offspring.

Sometimes, discipline of our children is the same way.

It looks very cruel but it’s a thing we must do.

BILLY GRAHAM said: “Children will invariably talk, eat, walk, think, respond, and act like their parents. Give them a target to shoot at. Give them a goal to work toward. Give them a pattern that they can see clearly, and you give them something that gold and silver cannot buy.”

What children need from their parents: Relationship, Example and someone who will Share the Truth.

Today I believe we have a lot of “Desperate Parents” because we are all messed up.

One in six children in America today is living in a blended family. Another writer estimates that 1,300 new blended families are being formed each day in the United States.

Blended families is not a new thing. You want to study history and the Bible,this is a issue that been going on for years.

King David had eight wives and many concubines. There are nineteen sons and one daughter mentioned by name in the Bible and another two unnamed.

According to the biblical account, Solomon had 700 wives and 300 concubines. The wives were described as foreign princesses, including Pharaoh's daughter and women of Moab, Ammon, Edom, Sidon and of the Hittites.

King Solomon had only 4 children that we know of.

Rehoboam had 18 wives and 60 concubines. They bore him 28 sons and 60 daughters. A total of 88 children hold the record in the Bible for the most children.

listen to this: There is this man who name is Ziona, He is known for holding a world record as the head of the "world's largest existing family" with 39 wives, 94 children, 14 daughters-in-law and 33 grandchildren, 180 in total and counting.

The family is now living in India. Ziona was featured in Ripley's Believe It or Not!

We have blended families, literally millions of them which are a part of American society today.

Blended families face unique challenges.

Amnon and Tamar, both children of David but having separate mothers. Amnon, who had a passionate love for Tamar, raped her and then, his love transformed into hatred, he rejected her.

Tamar’s brother, Absalom, burned with a desire for revenge for two years until finally he killed Amnon for what he had done to Tamar.

Conflict and violence — a part of David’s blended family

Later, when David was in the sunset of his life, one of his wives, Haggith, put forth her son Adonijah as the heir apparent to David’s throne.

Bathsheba, another of David’s wives, found out about it and she went to David and said, “You promised that my son Solomon would be the new king, but your son Adonijah has already assumed the throne.”

David sided with Bathsheba and he started the procedure which would bring Solomon to the throne.

Competition and division was a part of David’s blended family.

What of the blended family today? Similar problems arise. One article offered the following list of unique problems in the blended family:

What of the blended family today? Similar problems arise. One article offered the following list of unique problems in the blended family:

– Divided loyalties between the families which are being blended together

– Differing parenting and discipline styles

– The financial demands of a larger family

– Competition between the members of the different families which are brought into the blend

– The difficulty of co-parenting with the ex-spouses

– Favoritism of the parent toward his/her biological child

And as a result of all these factors, extraordinary Stress is placed on the mother and father who are trying to make the blended family work.

You will hear remarks and maybe just thoughts in the spouses private thoughts like these:

“I want his children to love me and be with us all the time. I do not want them at all. I want my daughter all the time, instead of 50 percent of the time.

I do not want my ex-husband to father her; I want my husband to father her. I do not want my daughter at all. I don’t want another child., or I want our children. or those are your children not mine.

There’s complex emotional package of jealousy, anger, and fear. I am jealous of his ex-wife. I am jealous of his children. I feel inadequate; I do not bake like the ex.

It is so much more complicated when you add the points of view of the children and the spouse and the ex.

Are you getting the picture? Blended families start with B and that rhymes with T and that stands for TROUBLE!

Not that the trouble is insurmountable. Not that tradition families don’t have problems too.

But because of the complexities of the relationships and because of the emotional baggage that each person bring to the mix, blended families face unique challenges.

When children comes in play and that create a big word and a big issue.

This issue is discipline, it is not easy, nor is it fun. It’s hard work. Blended family or tradition family.

Dorothy Law Nolte once wrote down these thoughts:

• If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn.

• If a child lives with hostility, she learns to fight.

• If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy.

• If a child lives with shame, she learns to feel guilty.

• If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient.

• If a child lives with encouragement, she learns confidence.

• If a child lives with praise, he learns to appreciate.

• If a child lives with fairness, she learns justice.

• If a child lives with security, He learns to have faith.

• If a child lives with approval, she learns to like himself.

• If a child lives with acceptance and friendship, He learns to find love in the world.

And may I add my own to her writing

• If a child lives without discipline, foolishness will be his way.

• If a child is disciplined, they will know love.

What’s the goal of discipline?

Is it my goal to raise the most . . .

• Intelligent child?

• Athletic child?

• Beautiful child?

• Well liked child?

No, The goal of discipline is simply this: to mold and to shape our children with their unique talents and abilities to reflect the nature of God.

The goal of discipline to have children who mature and reflect the character of Jesus.

As parents we are to reflect the nature and character of God to our children.

• We’re to discipline because God disciplines us. We’re to reflect His love.

• We’re to reflect His love.

• In other words, every time I discipline my children, I’m mimicking my maker.

• God is not shy to discipline me; we should not be shy to discipline our children.

Do not despise the Lord’s discipline, and do not resent His rebuke, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as the father the son he delights in. (NIV)

I want you to notice something. God does not punish us. Our punishment was taken on the cross by Jesus 2,000 years ago.

God does discipline us. Discipline is not something we do to our children; it’s something we do for our children.

One of the most loving things we can do is to discipline our children.

Yet you’ll hear a lot of post-modern mumbo-jumbo these days imply that love is positive and discipline is negative. That’s ludicrous.

• There’s no way we can love our children compellingly unless we are the source of discipline.

• There’s no way we can discipline them effectively unless we’re the source of love.

How do we apply and live out discipline?

I. Clarity

None of us would think about involving ourselves in an athletic contest without boundaries and lines. It’s not going to work.

We should not even enter the disciplinary concept and the disciplinary game unless we have clearly drawn the lines. We have to understand the concept of clarity.

When it comes to discipline, we’ve got to outline the playing field. Once again, when we outline the playing field, we’re simply doing what our God has done for us.

The Bible is a book that outlines the playing field. It shows us how to run, where to run, what’s going to happen to us when we step out of bounds. We’ve got to do the same thing for our children.

Children want lines. They’re begging for boundaries. We need to set lines. We need to be clear with the lines. And children will test them to see what we’re going to do.

Children want lines. They’re begging for boundaries. We need to set lines. We need to be clear with the lines. And children will test them to see what we’re going to do.

And the LORD answered me, and said, Write the vision, and make it plain upon tables, that he may run that readeth it.

2. Consistency

Talk about danger of being inconsistent. Football is a great game, but if the referees don’t call the same for both side not good.

One child you are counting to three and the other child you are beating when they just look that way.

Consistency leads to reliability.

• Our kids go, “Whoa, I can count on Mom and Dad. When I mess up, there’s a consequence.

• From infraction to infraction, from parent to parent, they’re consistent.

• Reliability gives our children confidence, a strong self-esteem.

If we’re inconsistent,

• Children see their parents as unreliable.

Children see their parents as unreliable.

• Then they’re insecure.

• They misbehave.

• They misbehave.

• They try to control their own world, and everything suddenly becomes up for grabs.

When you are clear about expectations and then consistently enforce what you expect your children will learn to obey and follow your direction.

But, more importantly, your children will learn to trust in a loving God who is clear and consistent.

Parents, you must understand that you a Jesus with skin on for your children.

If you are . . .

• Loving, they will understand a loving God

• Clear, they will understand God’s word is clear

• Consistent, they will understand our God is consistent.

III. Unity

We must present a unified front. Mom and Dad must be together on the same team.

Mother and Father, together on the same team.

How wonderful it is, how pleasant, for God’s people to live together in unity! (TEV)

Here’s how a lot of discipline plays out.

The mom is often on the front lines of discipline, and she is sort of seen as “the heavy.” Then sometimes the father is seen as Mr. Cruise Director. “Well, let’s just have a great time on the cruise ship of non-discipline.” ( you know how children run from mom and dad, to get what they want)

Now, if you disagree with the way your spouse is handling discipline, don’t disagree in front of the kids. Wait until you’re alone and then go, “What were you thinking?”

Why is it so important to present a unified front? Because it shows your children that you are partners.

It shows your children that the marriage relationship is the most important aspect of the home.

The Bible unashamedly says that marriage is the most important relationship in the home.

The Significant Seven.

1. Start Soon

2. Discipline For Motivation, Not Humiliation

3. When You Give In, No One Will Win

4. Give Proper Pay When They Disobey - The punishment must match the crime.

5. Call It Tight, And You’ll Do Them Right

6. Be Specific

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Desperate Parents Series

Contributed by Brian Bolton on May 11, 2006

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Denomination: Christian/Church Of Christ

Summary: This is message 5 in a series of 5 on the family. This message focuses on the parents role in raising children in the Lord.

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6. Be Specific -- think of your role as a referee in a sporting match. Every player knows the rules and guidelines. Make sure your children understand the guidelines and penalties.

7. Don’t Bribe