Healing Words
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Healing Words (rough draft)
Healing Words (rough draft)
21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue,
and those who love it will eat its fruits.
Proverbs 18:21
Last week we looked at encouraging someone spiritually by sharing what God is doing in your life. The words we express are an outward manifestation of what is happening in the heart.
This week we look at Words that Heal.
Helen Keller - The famous blind, deff and mute
Last week we looked at encouraging someone spiritually by sharing what God is doing in your life. The words we express are an outward manifestation of what is happening in the heart.
“So long as you can sweeten another's pain, life is not in vain.”
― Helen Keller
“There is no better way to thank God for your sight than by giving a helping hand to someone in the dark.”
― Helen Keller, Light in my Darkness
21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue,
and those who love it will eat its fruits.
There are words that heal. These words help bring healing to relationships and to our spiritual lives. The words you say can bring healing both to a broken relationship as well has help to a friends spiritual walk.
”Out of the heart the mouth speaks.
There are words that heal. These words help bring healing to relationships and to others spiritual lives. The words you say can bring healing both to relationships and to a friends spiritual walk.
Out of the heart the mouth speaks.
45 The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.
lk 6:45
There are people in this room today that have brokenness in your relationships.
Today, We are going to look at biblically specific steps to deal with hurting or broken relationships.
You may have someone in your family that you have had a falling out with.
That relationship needs healing.
Maybe there is a relationship
You may have someone in this church that you have had a falling out with.
You may have a long time friendship that is need of repair.
Your marriage may be hobbling along because of a wound that has been ignored.
If you are willing to pray hard, trust the Lord, and to take action it is possible for that relationship to be renewed.
Cultural Context - If you live in a large city area, over time, people move in and out. Relationships come and go.
The blessing in this is that there are a few relationships that need to go. They are difficult relationships. Sometimes those difficult people get replaced by kind people.
When you live in a rural area - many of the relationships you have will be with you for a long time. If someone is hurt and it is not dealt with the effects linger.
Question - How do I deal with a relationship that is broken?
Today, We are going to look at biblically specific steps to deal with hurting or broken relationships.
You may have someone in your family that you have had a falling out with.
You may have someone in this church that you have had a falling out with.
You may have a long time friendship that is need of repair.
Your marriage may be hobbling along because of a wound that has been ignored.
If there is brokenness in a relationship (most of the time, not all the time) both people had something to do with it. The blame may be 50/50 or 99%/1%.
Even if the other person is mostly wrong. You are responsible for your part.
When Susan and I have a conflict that ends in hurt. Even if I think that I am to blame for only 5% of the mess, I am held responsible by God to take care of my part.
I am held responsible by God not to wait on the 95% guilty to initiate the conversation, but to initiate the conversation and deal with my part of the wrong.
Transition - How do I begin the healing process with the person who there is hurt?
1. Understand that God cares deeply about our relationships.
23 So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.
Reconciliation is a more beautiful offering to God than what you place in the offering plate or the song you sing to Him.
-In the Gospel, God has moved his people from being his enemies in sin to being his children in forgiveness.
-When you go attend to a broken relationship you are mirroring the Gospel with another human. You are moving from being in conflict to being at peace.
-You are living out the Gospel in everyday life.
-You are allowing the Gospel to sink deep into your heart and your relationships.
-This is one of the greatest forms of worship you can engage in.
-In , you are not leaving worship to go handle a relationship.
(Slow) You are leaving one form of worship to go and enter into a greater form of worship ...
Transition - Practically how does this play out?
2. Take responsibility
If there is brokenness in a relationship (most of the time, not all the time) both people had something to do with it. The blame may be 50/50 or 99%/1%.
2. Give a full Apology
Apology
If there is brokenness in a relationship (most of the time, not all the time) both people had something to do with it. The blame may be 50/50 or 99%/1%.
Even if the other person is mostly wrong. You are responsible for your 1% part.
Boldy take responsibility for your 1%
Illustration - Sometimes Susan and I have a strong disagreement. I’m thankful it doesn’t happen often.
When Susan and I have a conflict that ends in hurt. Even if I think that I am to blame for only 5% of the mess, I am held responsible by God to take care of my part.
I am held responsible by God not to wait on the 95% guilty to initiate a conversation of restoration, but I am to initiate the conversation and deal with my part of the wrong.
Transition - How do I begin the healing process with the person who there is hurt?
3. Give a full apology
A. Confession - Admitting sin/wrong.
This takes a step of humility.
Begin the conversation with, “I need to apologize to you.”
Why is it so hard? It begins with humility. It is one thing to know that you are wrong, it is another thing to say that you are wrong. It just hurts and humbles us a little more.
3 Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.
10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you.
Be specific about your wrong and hit it head on.
Be specific
“I need to apologize to you, yesterday when I yelled at you I was wrong by treating you harshly and with disrespect.”
“I need to apologize to you, I used the credit card when we agreed that was only for emergencies.”
“Mom I need to apologize to you. I was throwing the tennis ball in the house and I broke a light.”
Sometimes what we do is say something that is truthful, but in an unloving way.
Honey, I need to apologize to you. Last night when we were discussing your family I was overly intense and rough in the way I spoke about your mom. I shouldn’t have spoken so roughly. I know it hurt your feelings.
Honey, I need to apologize to you. Last night when we were discussing your family I was overly intense and rough in the way I spoke about your mom. I shouldn’t have spoken so roughly. I know it hurt your feelings.
16 Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.
B. Confess your part in the disagreement.
B. Confess your part in the disagreement.
You are responsible to God for your part in the failed relationship, not the other persons part. Don’t worry about the other persons part of being wrong.
-Your part of being wrong is between you and God.
-Their part of being wrong is between them and God.
-They may never say they were wrong or apologize.
-It’s not your job to control that.
If they are a believer, they will be convicted and follow God or they will not follow God and be disciplined.
-You worry about your part.
-Confess your part of the disagreement.
Gospel - Christ follower, if you are daily confessing your sins to God. Daily keeping your relationship with God in a position of growth, then confessing your sin to someone else, while it is never easy, should be more natural.
5 I acknowledged my sin to you,
and I did not cover my iniquity;
I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,”
and you forgave the iniquity of my sin. Selah
Transition - We are not only to confess our sin, but to confess it quickly.
C. Confess quickly
Don’t wait for things to get better on their own. It’s usually better to confess to someone sooner rather than later.
The sooner you humble yourself, the less time your give for bitterness to find root in your heart and the other’s heart.
13 Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper,
but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy.
Prov
-Go to that person as soon as you have prayed and emotions have calmed and say, “I made a mistake. I know you are hurt by it. I should not have not skipped your brothers birthday party to go hunting.” “I should have brought him.”
Confess quickly
D. Ask for forgiveness.
Asking for forgiveness is different than confessing wrong.
Asking forgiveness admits that you have sinned and done something that has blocked your relationship from going forward.
Confession states that you have sinned.
Asking forgiveness admits that your actions have hurt the other person.
-In many cases we apologize for
The question, “Will you forgive me?” Asks the other person to let go of the hurt.
-Let be very realistic. When that person says I forgive you, they may not have yet forgiven you. It may take that person time to process the forgiveness. Give them time to process that. Be patient - you caused a wound. It will take time to heal.
Remorse and Regret - For your confession to be
Illustration - Ladies when your friend broke up with her boyfriend and then you started dating him 2 days later - it ticked her off. Once you talk it over it’s going to take some time for you to trust again.
-Even if you think you are just 5% wrong, you must still ask forgiveness.
Remorse and Regret
Remorse and Regret
Illustration
Responsibility (Confession)
We see that the the focus of the Gospel is God’s great forgiveness.
9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
Transition - Many may think, Ok, we’ve covered what a good apology is:
Confession, humility, asking forgiveness … we’ve got it covered right?
Not even close. The next step is ...
E. Reconciliation - What can I do to make it up to you?
When I was very young, maybe 4 years old, I was at a church event and an older girl let me hold this very large peppermint stick. About a foot long and 4 inches around. I dropped it and broke it. My dad told me we had to replace it. I was very embarrassed and cried and got way too upset over the whole ordeal. We went to the drug store and bought her another one.
Why? Sometimes saying sorry isn’t good enough.
There is a responsibility to make good on our hurt.
Zacheus wasn’t satisfied to confess his sin of stealing too many taxes. He reconciled and paid back 4 fold.
Gospel - If you have placed your faith in Christ, you have been reconciled to God.
10 For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life.
When Jesus paid the price on the Cross for your sin. He made the payment for your reconciliation. God was unwilling to just accept an apology, a simple “I’m sorry.” Because God is a just God there had to be a payment for sin. Jesus made the payment of reconciliation for us by shedding His blood on the Cross.
Transition - The final piece of this great apology is ...
F. Repentance - Cease to continue the hurtful behavior and do the opposite.
This is where we get hung up in our families.
-Your spouse will not quit the sarcasm, rolling the eyes, outbursts of anger, spending habits, trying to control you, laziness.
Repentance is quitting the sarcasm and in turn being respectful.
Quitting the angry outbursts and start being patient and kind.
Stopping the
Repentance builds the trust back.
Repentance is a sign that the heart is truly changing.
Gospel - This is what we see with the Gospel.
Repentance is a sign that our hearts are being transformed by the Lord.
Repentance rejects the sins of our past and runs to Christ.
-In our relationships with each other. If there is no repentance, if we keep doing the hurtful things that we have always done - we might as well not confess and apologize.
(Pause)
-If there is no repentance in the life of a believer, then salvation has never taken place.
36 Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life; whoever does not obey the Son shall not see life, but the wrath of God remains on him.
(Repeat the verse)
We believe in “Progressive Sanctification” which is a fancy word that means we grow more obedient over time in our walk with Christ. Old habits die hard.
Illustration - This past year I have seen growth in my children’s lives. I have seen growth in my wife’s life. I hope they have seen growth in my life. Some of that is due to embracing repentance in our walk with Jesus.
-I worry less than I did last year. I am not controlled by what others think of me as much as I was last year.
Why? Because repenting - running from our sin toward Christ is a daily part of the believer’s life.
To gain trust with those we hurt, we must be growing and repenting.
Review - When we have hurt someone there are healing words that God calls us to. In our apology we must Confess, Ask for forgiveness, offer reconciliation and we must repent.
Transition - These are things that we do if we have been hurtful to someone else, even just 1% of the disagreement.
Question, What if someone out of the blue hurts us and isn’t even aware of it?
Council - Offering a different perspective.
Transition - There is a very necessary kind of word in a relationship that brings healing, but first brings conflict.
3. Confrontation -
Telling someone one on one - There is something that you did or said that was wrong or has hurt me.
Going to the other person privately and say,
Going to the other person privately and say,
Because I value our relationship so much there is something that I need to tell you. This is difficult to say and I hope it doesn’t hurt your feelings. You may not be aware of this, but the other day when you were joking and made fun of me it really embarrassed me and hurt my feelings.
15 “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.
Matthew 18
You may ask the question, How is confrontation healing?
You may ask the question, How is confrontation healing?
The beauty of confrontation is that it keeps hurt and bitterness from wrecking you. It forces you to deal with the hurt.
-It also helps the other person to deal with a sin in their life and to stop repeating it.
-Several years ago there was a young married man who’s wife came to me speaking about his problem with pornography. Long story short.
Through much confrontation, much prayer and much intervention that marriage was saved.
-If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault.
Confrontation gets sideways in 2 ways.
Confrontation gets sideways in 2 ways.
15 “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.
Matt 28
15 So they took the money and did as they were directed. And this story has been spread among the Jews to this day.
Gospel
a. The aggressive person confronts too quickly and with too much passion. They won’t wait for the right time.
We see this healthy beautiful confrontation from God in our lives. In His great love for us God has confronted us about our sin.
b. The timid person doesn’t confront until they are so hurt they just explode.
There is someone in this room who is harboring a hurt from a spouse, family member or a parent who needs to go to them and talk to them about it.
In fact those in this case, if you were honest, you would admit that there has begun to develop a root of bitterness in your relationship.
We see this healthy beautiful confrontation from God in our lives. In His great love for us God has confronted us about our sin.
Why? Because He desires to save us from hell and have a beautiful reconciled relationship with His children.
God tells us our sin has hurt Him and offended His holiness.
He tells us how to make it right by trusting Him and making Him our King.
Closing
I have this question for you.
Have you responded to the loving confrontation from God?
More importantly, How have you responded to the confrontation from God?
Have you said “Yes” to Him in Faith and made Him your King?
4. Prayer -
-If you have not, would you say “yes” to Jesus. Do not wait another second. (Pause)
Some in this room right now have been challenged with beginning the steps to making a relationship right. You need to ask God for help. Some need to come down front this morning to these steps and pray.
What does healing words tell us about the character of God?
Pray for strength, prayer for words to say, pray for a heart to forgive another, pray for a willingness to confront another in love.
-There is right and wrong. Wrong must be confessed.
I’ll be down front to pray with you about the broken relationship.
-Asking forgiveness. God highly values humility.
21 “You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to judgment.’ 22 But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire. 23 So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.
I’d also be happy to pray with you about saying “Yes” to Jesus.
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or receive you for Church membership
Gospel - The healing words of Christ.