Godly Friendships Let You Be Real

What does a real friendship look like?

Just like in the show Jeopardy or other game shows, when people need help to get by, they rely on a lifeline. Today we’re going to talk about what it might look like to be “lifelines” to each other in our real-life friendships. My favorite friendships are those where it’s okay to be real - as in, real awkward. I mean, are you really friends if you haven’t been at your most awkward around one another?

So, it’s not a trick question, but what does a real friendship look like? Not just someone you know and are like “Oh I guess we’re friends” We’ve probably all seen some pretty bad examples of friendship before, and we’ve probably all been bad examples of friendships before. But the good news is that we do have a model that we can learn from as we try to figure our what a real friendship looks like.

Story Time

I for one, can definitely say that while I was growing up, all through Middle School, High School, and to be honest, even in College, I did not always make the best choices of friends. Honestly a lot of my friends were jerks and if you revealed too much or something they thought was funny, they’d never let you live it down. We were just brutal with one another. In our friendships, 99% of the time, I didn’t feel that I could be completely real with them. Hanging out with them was almost always a ton of fun but I knew it wasn’t necessarily the safest place for me to be me. And honestly that stunk.

Being real with someone can be a scary thing. It’s scary to be honest, vulnerable, and authentic with another person. It’s easy to question If you’re real about who you are, will anyone still love you? Is the real you really lovable? How can someone love you if you open up to them and show them all the things that you’ve done, that you’ve said, that you’ve thought?

No matter who you are, you have a past, and you have things that are personal, but we all have two things in common: 1) We are loved by God unconditionally. Even if you don’t feel you deserve it, He says otherwise. and 2) We all want to be loved. But despite those two things, we still are afraid that if people really knew us, they wouldn’t love us. They’d be disgusted with us. A real friendship should be a place where you know you can be real and that you’ll always be loved. But not every friendship turns out that way.

Throughout this series and the next 3 Landings, we are going to look at 4 times that Jesus was a friend to someone who needed Him. Then we’re going to talk about what we can learn from Jesus’ example.

Scripture -

Read verses together.

This moment in Jesus’ ministry begins with Jesus traveling through a town called Samaria, a place Jews (like Jesus) didn’t usually want to visit. Because of their cultural and religious differences, Jews and Samarians usually wouldn’t be caught dead talking to each other. I mean these two groups absolutely couldn’t stand one another.

But because Jesus is thirsty (and because He never upheld traditions that were rooted in hate or inequality), He stops at the well in Samaria to get a drink of water. There, he starts a conversation with someone - a Samaritan woman. There’s a reason the woman is drawing water alone, during the hottest hour of the day, when the rest of her community had probably already picked up their water in the morning when it was cool.

This woman has something to hide. And Jesus knows it. He tells her to go get her husband, and then things get real. She even tries to change the subject and avoid the question. We don’t know exactly what happened to the woman’s husband, but we know they are out of the picture. We also know that marriage in this time and culture was different from marriage today.

Today, marriage is a mutual decision between two people. But back then, women did not have the same power in a marriage relationship.

This woman wouldn’t have gotten married five times just for fun. This wasn’t a lifestyle she would have chosen. Without a husband, this woman wouldn’t have been able to support herself financially. A husband was a woman’s protection from poverty and homelessness.

Can you imagine opening up to a complete stranger about the biggest, scariest, most broken part of your entire life? Me neither. But this woman opened up to Jesus. Big time.

Jesus knew her secret, but He pursued a relationship with her anyway. He wasn’t scared of her messiness or brokenness. When things got real, Jesus didn’t shame her, reject her, or get angry with her. Instead, He had a conversation with her, and then He told her the best news she had ever heard - that He was her messiah (the promised Savior), there to make wrong things right. She was so changed by her encounter with Jesus that she told her entire town about it. Jesus gave her a place where she could be totally real and totally loved, and it changed her life forever.

Jesus Gives Us A Place To Be Real

While there are so many things that we can pull out of this passage, here’s just one that I want us to think about today: Jesus gave this woman the gift of real friendship, and He does the same for us. No, this isn’t about the kind of friendship that involves after-school hangouts or year-long Snapchat streaks. This is the kind of friendship that says, “You can be real with me, because I”m going to love you no matter what.” That’s the kind of friendship Jesus offered to this woman at the well, and it’s the same kind of friendship He offers to you and I.

The things about you that you worry aren’t lovable? The secrets that you hide because you’re afraid that no one would love you if they knew? Jesus sees the real you, and He loves you so much. Jesus has invited all of us into a friendship where you can be totally real and totally loved.

Scripture

Read together

We are called to be imitators of God. So does Jesus want us to befriend random strangers at drinking fountains and ask them awkward questions about their personal lives? Maybe not. But if we’re supposed to be imitators of God, then it’s important to look closely at the example of Jesus to see how we can be more like Him in every area of our lives - including our friendships. Just like Jesus invites us into a friendship that gives us a place to be real, friendships that imitate God are friendships that let us be real with each other.

Now What?

So now what? What does God want us to do about it? How can you have friendships that give you a place to be real, honest, and loved? And how can you be the kind of friend that gives others a place to be real, honest, and loved?

Quiet the judgement

Jesus didn’t go to Samaria by accident. He went to show His followers that their judgments of Samaritans were all wrong. They weren’t people to be hated, but people to be loved. If you want to be a great friend and have great friends, quiet your judgment and choose to listen to others’ stories, like Jesus did.

Know who you are

When Jesus approached the Samaritan woman, He knew exactly who He was. He didn’t change who He was to earn attention or approval. By confidently knowing exactly who He really was, Jesus showed her that she could discover who she really was too. If you want to be a great friend and have great friends, know who you are so that others can discover who they are.

Be real

If you want the kind of friendships where everyone can be real and still know they’re loved, someone has to go first. Maybe that’s you. What would it take for you to be more real in your friendships? How can you be more honest, authentic, and vulnerable so that others can feel safe enough to do the same?

Invite Real

When you think a friend might be struggling, don’t ignore it. Don’t let a tough topic keep you from talking about real things. Don’t let a friend stay in hiding. You can be the kind of friend who gently and compassionately invites others to come out of hiding - to be more real.

This is the kind of friendship Jesus offers us, and it’s the kind of friendship we can offer each other. Jesus was a lifeline of real love to the Samaritan woman at the well. When we imitate Jesus, like says, we can become lifelines of real love to each other. Wouldn’t it be incredible to know that your friendships are places where you can be totally real and totally loved? They can be.