Biblical Foundation for Relationship (L2)

A desire for relationship is good. This entire discussion revolves around the relationships we each possess in our lives. The emphasis, however, lies on those relationships we possess within our local church and how those may progress towards unity.

A desire for relationship is good. This entire discussion revolves around the relationships we each possess in our lives. The emphasis, however, lies on those relationships we possess within our local church and how those may progress towards unity.

A desire for relationship is good. This entire discussion revolves around the relationships we each possess in our lives. The emphasis, however, lies on those relationships we possess within our local church and how those may progress towards unity.

Relationships and our inherent desire for relationships is a good thing, ordained by God, and purposefully placed within our hearts as beings created in God’s image. Our desire for relationship finds its origin in God.

God is a relational God. His being consists of three persons who relate to one another and this relationship is eternal. (1) In his gospel, the Apostle John shares Jesus’ prayer concerning unity. Jesus desires that all believers will be united in the same way that He and His Father have always been united. “Holy Father, keep them in your name, which you have given me, that they may be one, even as we are one” (). This eternal union implies eternal relationship. (2) Additionally, God is love, and love can only be experienced in relationship to another. “God is love” has no real meaning “unless God contains at least two Persons. Love is something that one person has for another person. If God was a single person, then before the world was made, He was not love.”[1]

Richard of St. Victor, 12th century Scottish Theologian. One never says that someone properly possesses love if he only loves himself; for it to be true love, it must go out towards another. Consequently, where a plurality of persons is lacking, it is impossible for there to be love. (De Trinitate, III.2)

Adam, alone, was bad. God deemed Adam, alone, as a bad thing that needed to be remedied. Why? In similar fashion to God relating to the other persons of the Trinity, Adam had no one to relate to that was similar to him. Therefore, God made Eve, and then considered Adam and Eve, in a relationship together, as good.[2]

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” (). So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. ().

God is a relational God. He created us as relational beings. He desires that we have relationships. We naturally crave relationships. This is good. Being alone is not God’s will for anyone, in their ordinary lives or in their Christian relationships. John Stott, in quoting M.E. Macdonald, writes, “The real menace to life in the world today is not the hydrogen bomb . . . but the fact of proximity without community.”[3]

Hunter. We long for friendship because we’re made like God. “The less you want friends,” Tim Keller has observed, “the less like God you are.”. . . You are made in the image of the God of exuberant love. You are most like God, and you are most truly human when you want friendship.[4]

Our reality. We tend to do relationships poorly. We spend a lot of time with others but never really develop depth or commitment. We are afraid of being hurt and we avoid that potential hurt by avoiding people, or at least any serious depth with most people.

This hurts the church. We possess a lot of shallow relationships. How can we further develop deep and meaningful relationships within the church? What would those relationships look like? On what are they to be based?

Brief clarification of terms and connection with one another. This material emphasizes our commitment to one another not necessarily our level of affection for one another.

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The “Affection Chart” summarily outlines the different relationships and levels of affection each of us have in our lives. (1) The middle and smallest circle represents those relationships that are most intimate (“I”) to us. These relationships are rare. (2) The second level of relationships as well represents friendship but views these relationships through Aristotle’s first two levels of friendship: friendships of utility and friendships of pleasure. Each of us possess friendships that are primarily founded on commonly enjoyed pleasures. As well we have friendships in which we each gain something from the other. Both friendships are fine but shallow and not generally lasting. (3) The third level consists of acquaintances. Acquaintances are those people we know slightly but wouldn’t consider friends. There may be a surface level of affection due to commonalities such as living in the same neighborhood or sharing the same political views, etc. But, there is no meaningful relationship and little affection. (4) The final level of relationships are those who are strangers. Simply, there is no relationship or affection for them.

The “Commitment Chart” outlines what we will be working through in the following discussion. (1) Koinonia lies at the heart of our relationships. Koinonia consists of both a shared spiritual position in Christ, but as well includes physical and practical outworking’s within the local Church assembly. (2) The successful presence of koinonia within a church will produce practical unity within a church. Unity, as well, consists both of a reality of position and the practical pursuit of unity. Believers are already united in Christ, whether they feel like it or act like it. But, believers should as well pursue visible and tangible unity within the local body of believers. (3) Friendship connects to unity and koinonia but in many senses is an outlier. In the chart, “P” stands for “Perfect Friendships.” Aelred of Rievaulx argued that true friendship was only possible for those in Christ, hence the “P” remaining in the koinonia box. Our remaining friendships consists of relationships in which we share common pleasure and shared utility. While these friendships can be acceptable and enjoyable, they tend to be shallow and fleeting.

[1] C. S Lewis, Mere Christianity, The Christian Library (Westwood, N.J: Barbour and Company, Inc., 1952), 149.

[2] In One People, John Stott acknowledges, in regards to it not being good for man to be alone, that John Calvin “saw a wider reference than to marriage.” (pg. 80)

[2] In One People, John Stott acknowledges, in regards to it not being good for man to be alone, that John Calvin “saw a wider reference than to marriage.” (pg. 80)

[3] John R. W. Stott, One People: Helping Your Church Become a Caring Community, Expanded and Updated Edition (Old Tappan, N.J: Power Books, 1982), 80.

[3] John R. W. Stott, One People: Helping Your Church Become a Caring Community, Expanded and Updated Edition (Old Tappan, N.J: Power Books, 1982), 80.

[4] Drew Hunter and Ray Ortlund, Made for Friendship: The Relationship That Halves Our Sorrows and Doubles Our Joys (Wheaton: Crossway, 2018), Location 579, 606.

[4] Drew Hunter and Ray Ortlund, Made for Friendship: The Relationship That Halves Our Sorrows and Doubles Our Joys (Wheaton: Crossway, 2018), Location 579, 606.