Lonely...I'm so Lonely

Feelings…whoa whoa whoa feelings!

Feelings are dangerous things. Popular Culture has always been full of characters who are ruled by their feelings (Hamlet, Captain Ahab, Harry Potter) and those that attempt to purge all feelings from their lives (Sherlock Holmes, Spock, Sheldon Cooper.) Some people would argue for a completely non-emotional response to decision making, others would say that you should “follow your heart.” The truth of the matter is that no one is truly able to make decisions completely one way or the other. Even when we think we are being completely objective in our decision making our feelings show up, and when we really think we are trusting our heart practicality always sits there. It’s the way we we’re wired, and it is also one of the problems with this thing called faith in God.

Which is what makes today’s question all the more important, and probably should be added too.

If God is Omnipresent, and if God really looks out for me, why do I feel so alone and abandoned?

We don’t want to be found

Psalm 139:7–13 HCSB

Where can I go to escape Your Spirit? Where can I flee from Your presence? If I go up to heaven, You are there; if I make my bed in Sheol, You are there. If I live at the eastern horizon or settle at the western limits, even there Your hand will lead me; Your right hand will hold on to me. If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me, and the light around me will be night” — even the darkness is not dark to You. The night shines like the day; darkness and light are alike to You. For it was You who created my inward parts; You knit me together in my mother’s womb.

. All the way back to the beginning humanity has tried to hide out from God…We find the same thing happening in our lives…and it starts when we are young…here are some things that kids think they are hiding from their parents…

i. He dances nonstop. If there is a mirror present even better. I waited 15 minutes outside a public restroom while this child entertained himself in front of a mirror. I know because he was out of breath and sweaty when he came out. He was alone and he’s 6. I catch him dancing ALL the time but he plays it off like he was just about to leave the room. If he’s naked and there’s a mirror… Forget about it.

ii. My 5 year old daughter has a secret love towards my three foot batman doll, caught her slow dancing with Bruce Wayne for a good three minutes.

iii. When my daughter was between the ages of 3 and 7, we’d regularly find fingerprints dug out of the butter, where she’d just grabbed a big handful of it and shoved it in her mouth.

At 3, not so weird. At 7, you start to question their sanity.

I asked her one morning when I noticed the fingermarks dragged through the butter, ‘So, how was the butter?’ and she stared at me like I was psycho, rolled her eyes, and said, ‘Come on, Mom, I don’t do that anymore, it’s not like I’m 6.’ And the whole time, she has this gigantic blob of butter in her hair right above her ear.

Humanity is built for relationship, we are built to want connection to God and people, we are built with feelings and needs and desires and wants, and in all of that we are also built knowing and understanding that there are things that can and do separate us from the type of relationships we want to have. Sometimes it’s easier to hide than it is to face things. We find Adam and Eve doing it after their fall, we see David doing it when he tries to get Uriah to quit the war, and ultimately as him Killed, we see Ananias and Sapphire trying to hide their behavior when they sell some land, We’re great at it,we don’t want to be found, we don’t want to be known, we get comfortable behind the masks we have made, we gain our sense of security, and connectedness from what we let people see, and know, and we hide out from God or try and keep the masks up and think we are successfully hiding from him as well. This is one of the reasons that passages like the one we read from Psalm 139 can be so terrifying.

He’s in the house

Even more unnerving are Paul's words.

1 Corinthians 13:12 HCSB

For now we see indistinctly, as in a mirror, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I will know fully, as I am fully known.

We were built for face to face, unhindered totally transparent relationship with God and each other. That fact alone and the somewhat unnerving consequences of that type of relationship can drive us to hide. So answer number one to our question if God is everywhere why do I feel alone.

I feel alone because I choose to hide from God and others.

Mark 14:32–36 HCSB

Then they came to a place named Gethsemane, and He told His disciples, “Sit here while I pray.” He took Peter, James, and John with Him, and He began to be deeply distressed and horrified. Then He said to them, “My soul is swallowed up in sorrow —to the point of death. Remain here and stay awake.” Then He went a little farther, fell to the ground, and began to pray that if it were possible, the hour might pass from Him. And He said, “Abba, Father! All things are possible for You. Take this cup away from Me. Nevertheless, not what I will, but what You will.”

We don’t want to follow

This is a big issue, we see the places where God is, where he is looking to take us, and while many times we can admit that things will be better when we get to the place where we are in the middle of his will, and plan, we don’t necessarily like the path that it’s going to take to get there, we don’t like the idea of what we not just may lose, but what we will lose. We don’t like the thought of the pain or discomfort or loss that we know will come from actively trying to build a relationship with God. What makes it even harder is the realization that Jesus himself struggled with this very issue. Pain and discomfort are never enjoyable. There is a fight or flight response in all of us. Following God when it’s hard means that we at times will have to disergard both of those responses in service to him.

We don’t see the whole picture

It’s easy to feel abandoned when we have tunnel vision. We find people across scripture who have lost sight of the big picture. Elijah on the side of a mountain decided he was the only one that really cared about God, take a trip through the Psalms and you find David full of distress at times about being abandoned or alone, Solomon in writing Ecclesiastes talks about how meaningless life is, having lost sight of who God is and what he has done for and through Solomon. Perhaps the most disconcerting though is what we read in Matthew 27 and later in Luke 23

Matthew 27:45–50 HCSB

From noon until three in the afternoon darkness came over the whole land. About three in the afternoon Jesus cried out with a loud voice, “Elí, Elí, lemá sabachtháni?” that is, “My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?” When some of those standing there heard this, they said, “He’s calling for Elijah!” Immediately one of them ran and got a sponge, filled it with sour wine, fixed it on a reed, and offered Him a drink. But the rest said, “Let’s see if Elijah comes to save Him!” Jesus shouted again with a loud voice and gave up His spirit.

Jesus himself feeling abandoned is a big deal. If the creator of the world and all that is in it felt abandoned and alone, detached from the father he had such a bond with, what hope do we have.

We can have the same hope he did. Jesus knew something that we all know but more importantly Jesus understood it, leaned into it, trusted in it.

Waiting in the wings

Luke 23:46 HCSB

And Jesus called out with a loud voice, “Father, into Your hands I entrust My spirit.” Saying this, He breathed His last.

This Week’s Challenge

Find someone that is alone, that is hurting, that is vulnerable and reach out to them.