Bear With One Another pt 2

Have you ever met someone that really just rubs you the wrong way? It doesn’t matter what they do, the are just difficult for you to get along with. As I was reflecting and preparing for this weeks talk I had a few names that came to mind. Some of these names were from places I have worked, and others were people I went to church with. I am sure that if you were to talk with the people I have known in my life I am sure that I am the name and face that comes to their mind when you talk about difficult people.

Have you ever met someone that really just rubs you the wrong way? It doesn’t matter what they do, the are just difficult for you to get along with. As I was reflecting and preparing for this weeks talk I had a few names that came to mind. Some of these names were from places I have worked, and others were people I went to church with. I am sure that if you were to talk with the people I have known in my life I am sure that I am the name and face that comes to their mind when you talk about difficult people.

One thing that stood out to me was the people that really bugged me the most in my life, or the ones I struggled to get along with exhibited many of the same weaknesses or character traits that I myself possessed. When Aidan and Kellan first moved in there was a period of adjustment for all of us. yet Aidan and I probably took the longest to figure out how to live with one another. He would irritate me and I would irritate him. In talking with Sarah about this, she gently showed me that Aidan and I were very similar. We liked the dame shows and had the same interest and hobbies. Those things that bothered me in Aidan were the same things I did not like in myself.

This week we are going to examine another way we build one another up by Bearing With One Another.

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HUSBANDS AND WIVES

Probably the greatest challenge we face as married people is to bear with one another’s weaknesses. It’s at this level that we get to know each other in ways that other people don’t.Unfortunately, some couples don’t learn to communicate with each other regarding the things that irritate them. Sometimes these begin as little things that mushroom into gigantic irritants. Then comes the explosion—and it often comes as a surprise to the mate who has created the problem.At times, these things happen simply because we bottle up our feelings and don’t share what’s bothering us. At other times, our communication is so minimal that the other person doesn’t hear us. For example, in my own marriage, I remember situations where my wife was trying to tell me something. However, by her own admission, her “transmission” was so weak that I missed the message completely. On my side, my “receiver” was turned down so low that I couldn’t have heard the “signal” even if it had been coming through. When we have this kind of problem—particularly on both sides of the relationship—it should not surprise us that there is going to be a breakdown in communication.Open and clear communication is absolutely essential to enable us to “bear with one another in love.” Furthermore, once we understand what irritates our mate, we need to set definite goals to change those things. For example, I discovered that it irritated my wife for me to leave the shower door covered with water. She finally told me she was tired of mopping down the door after it dried and left spots that took a lot of work to remove. Once I understood the problem, I solved it. True, it took me awhile to establish the habit—but now it’s automatic. In a matter of seconds, I can use the towel to do something that pleases my wife.I also have a friend that admitted he had a very bad habit of leaving the dresser drawers half open. It irritated his wife that she had to come after him and close the drawers. Finally, after a period of time, he got the message—and realized how important it was to learn to be thoughtful in this area. Furthermore, it only took a second to close those drawers. Think of what this little act of kindness did to eliminate tension.It’s true that some people are overly demanding. It seems we can never please them. When this happens in marriage, a couple is headed for serious trouble. However, it should not continue to happen among Christians. We of all people ought to be able to “carry our own load” in a relationship (). When each of us loves the other as Christ loved us, the problem will inevitably be resolved.

PARENTS AND CHILDREN

Parents face this same problem with children—only to a greater degree. Unfortunately, small children don’t understand reciprocal relationships. They’re naturally self-centered until they reach certain levels of maturation.As parents, then, we must be very careful not to expect too much from small children. If we do, we’ll only frustrate them and create anger and resentment and greater problems. This is why Paul wrote, “Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged” ().I’m often amazed at the way some parents expect their children to measure up to standards they do not practice themselves. Obviously, this will indeed lead to anger, bitterness, and discouragement. Children read hypocrisy very clearlyChildren, of course, must learn to practice this principle. However, they learn best by seeing it practiced by their parents—in a relationship with one another—and with them. They then have a basis for understanding what it really means when we tell them to be patient and forgiving—in short, “to bear with one another in love.”

PASTOR AND PEOPLE

As I stated earlier, I love people and have little difficulty relating to them. But there is one area I become impatient and have to watch my attitude. For example, I try to model generosity. My wife and I tithe regularly to our church (give 10 percent of our gross income) and we always try to be first to support special projects and to give beyond our tithe. We’ve built this into our lifestyle over the years and don’t spend money on our “wants” unless we first set aside money for the Lord’s work.However, it’s no secret we live in a materialistic culture—and it has infected Christians. Frankly, it bothers me when I see Christians being selfish with their money—and letting other Christians carry the financial burden for the church. Yet, these same people “selfishly” enjoy all the benefits of the church—the benefits that other people have provided.Please don’t misunderstand. I’m not talking about people who can’t give because of financial difficulties. I’m talking about Christians who pay their television cable bills regularly, sport their mobile phones, go out to eat regularly, and take in movies once or twice a week—and yet don’t support the Lord’s work. I’m speaking of Christians who put away savings every month, drive two or three expensive cars, take expensive vacation trips and yet don’t share their excess with the Lord.Yes, these people bother me—especially when they know what the Bible teaches about being generous. However, my Bible teaches me that I must “bear with these people in love.” I must continue to model and teach them, realizing that only the Holy Spirit can ultimately change their lives. It’s at this point I must learn to be patient and forgiving—not allowing their weaknesses to keep me from being a loving Christian.

PRACTICAL STEPS FOR BEARING WITH ONE ANOTHER IN LOVE

Step 1

Take a good look at yourself.In all honesty, make a list of your weaknesses and idiosyncrasies. These questions will help you.1. What do I do (or not do) at home that irritates my wife and children (or my parents, my brothers, and my sisters, or apartment-mate)?2. What do I do (or not do) at church that irritates my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ?3. What do I do (or not do) at work and/or school that irritates fellow employees and/or teachers and fellow students?4. What do I do (or not do) that irritates my friends?

Step 2

Evaluate your weaknesses in the light of your attitudes and actions toward other Christians.The following questions will help you:Do you expect more from others than you do from yourself?Do you criticize others in the area of your own weaknesses?

Step 3

Make a list of all Christians you have difficulty relating to.If you can’t think of anyone, praise the Lord! Don’t drudge up names just to have something to write about. But make sure you’re being honest.Once you have made a list, ask yourself why you can’t relate to these Christians. Why are you angry at them? Is it because of something they have done to hurt you? Are they aware of how you feel? Are your feelings justified? Or, are you feeling the way you do simply because of your own vain imagination and an oversensitive response on your part? Or, are you upset with them because they remind you so much of yourself?

Step 4

Consciously and deliberately forgive every person who has ever done anything to hurt you.This step is the most difficult to take. But you must do it. Then, one by one, talk to these Christians. Tell them why you feel as you do. Ask them to forgive you for your attitude—even though they may be primarily at fault.Remember this word of warning! Don’t base your “forgiveness” on the condition that they offer an apology. Take care of your own attitudes and eventually God will take care of theirs.If a Christian has sinned against you (and others) in such a way that it demands a repentant response, and if you have approached that person in love without receiving a response, then you will need to follow the procedure Jesus outlined in . Make sure, however, that your approach is characterized by compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience (). If it is, chances are you will get a positive response.Remember too, that we are never justified to take the law into our own hands. Listen to Paul:Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good ().As a pastor, I had to come to grips with this kind of forgiveness when an arsonist deliberately set fire to our church offices. Over fifty employees were affected. Fifteen of our full-time pastors lost their complete libraries—including yours truly. We were totally wiped out.This was not just an attack on our church, but an attack on the Gospel and Jesus Christ Himself. As the senior leader in this church, I had to face the issue of forgiveness immediately—and then to lead the whole congregation to forgive the person who had done this terrible thing.Even today, this arsonist is still at large. Have I forgiven him? Yes! Do I still want justice? Yes! But it’s not my responsibility to take the law into my own hands. I’m still praying that he will confess his sin, experience forgiveness, and then turn himself in and pay the penalty for this injustice. In the meantime, I want to “do what is right in the eyes of everybody” ().

Corrie’s Story

Then, why was I suddenly awake in the middle of the night, rehashing the whole affair again? My Friends! I thought. people I loved. If it had been strangers, I wouldn’t have minded so. I sat up and switched on the light. “Father, I thought it was all forgiven. Please help me do it.But the next night I woke up again. They’d talked so sweetly too! Never a hint of what they were planning. “Father!” I cried in alarm. “Help me!” Then it was that another secret of forgiveness became evident. It is not enough to simply say, “I forgive you.” I must also begin to live it out. And in my case, that meant acting as though their sins, like mine, were buried in the depths of the deepest sea. If God could remember them no more—and He had said, “[Your] sins and iniquities will I remember no more” ()—then neither should I. And the reason the thoughts kept coming back to me was that I kept turning their sin over in my mind. And so I discovered another of God’s principles: We can trust God not only for emotions but also for our thoughts. As I asked Him to renew my mind He also took away my thoughts.He still had more to teach me, however, even from this single episode. Many years later, after I had passed my eightieth birthday, an American friend came to visit me in Holland. As we sat in my little apartment in Baarn he asked me about those people from long ago who had taken advantage of me. “It is nothing,” I said a little smugly. “It is all forgiven.” “By you, yes,” he said. “But what about them? Have they accepted your forgiveness?” “They say there is nothing to forgive! They deny it ever happened. No matter what they say, though, I can prove they were wrong.” I went eagerly to my desk. “See, I have it in black and white! I saved all their letters and I can show you where. . . .” “Corrie!” My friend slipped his arm through mine and gently closed the drawer. “Aren’t you the one whose sins are at the bottom of the sea? Yet are the sins of your friends etched in black and white?”For an astonishing moment I could not find my voice. “Lord Jesus,” I whispered at last, “who takes all my sins away, forgive me for preserving all these years the evidence against others! Give me grace to burn all the blacks and whites as a sweet-smelling sacrifice to Your glory.” I did not go to sleep that night until I had gone through my desk and pulled out those letters—curling now with age—and fed them all into my little coal-burning grate. As the flames leaped and glowed, so did my heart. “Forgive us our trespasses,” Jesus taught us to pray, “as we forgive those who trespass against us.” In the ashes of those letters I was seeing yet another facet of His mercy. What more He would teach me about forgiveness in the days ahead I didn’t know, but tonight’s was good news enough.Forgiveness is the key which unlocks the door of resentment and the handcuffs of hatred. It breaks the chains of bitterness and the shackles of selfishness. The forgiveness of Jesus not only takes away our sins, it makes them as if they had never been.

Then, why was I suddenly awake in the middle of the night, rehashing the whole affair again? My Friends! I thought. people I loved. If it had been strangers, I wouldn’t have minded so.

I sat up and switched on the light. “Father, I thought it was all forgiven. Please help me do it.

But the next night I woke up again. They’d talked so sweetly too! Never a hint of what they were planning. “Father!” I cried in alarm. “Help me!”

Then it was that another secret of forgiveness became evident. It is not enough to simply say, “I forgive you.” I must also begin to live it out. And in my case, that meant acting as though their sins, like mine, were buried in the depths of the deepest sea. If God could remember them no more—and He had said, “[Your] sins and iniquities will I remember no more” ()—then neither should I. And the reason the thoughts kept coming back to me was that I kept turning their sin over in my mind.

And so I discovered another of God’s principles: We can trust God not only for emotions but also for our thoughts. As I asked Him to renew my mind He also took away my thoughts.

He still had more to teach me, however, even from this single episode. Many years later, after I had passed my eightieth birthday, an American friend came to visit me in Holland. As we sat in my little apartment in Baarn he asked me about those people from long ago who had taken advantage of me.

“It is nothing,” I said a little smugly. “It is all forgiven.” “By you, yes,” he said. “But what about them? Have they accepted your forgiveness?”

“They say there is nothing to forgive! They deny it ever happened. No matter what they say, though, I can prove they were wrong.” I went eagerly to my desk. “See, I have it in black and white! I saved all their letters and I can show you where. . . .”

“Corrie!” My friend slipped his arm through mine and gently closed the drawer. “Aren’t you the one whose sins are at the bottom of the sea? Yet are the sins of your friends etched in black and white?”

For an astonishing moment I could not find my voice. “Lord Jesus,” I whispered at last, “who takes all my sins away, forgive me for preserving all these years the evidence against others! Give me grace to burn all the blacks and whites as a sweet-smelling sacrifice to Your glory.”

I did not go to sleep that night until I had gone through my desk and pulled out those letters—curling now with age—and fed them all into my little coal-burning grate. As the flames leaped and glowed, so did my heart. “Forgive us our trespasses,” Jesus taught us to pray, “as we forgive those who trespass against us.” In the ashes of those letters I was seeing yet another facet of His mercy. What more He would teach me about forgiveness in the days ahead I didn’t know, but tonight’s was good news enough.

Forgiveness is the key which unlocks the door of resentment and the handcuffs of hatred. It breaks the chains of bitterness and the shackles of selfishness. The forgiveness of Jesus not only takes away our sins, it makes them as if they had never been.