Bear With One Another pt 1

Corrie ten Boom, who suffered incredible persecution in a Nazi concentration camp, is probably one of the most significant modern-day examples of being able to forgive. However, toward the end of her life, she shared that some of her most difficult challenges were to forgive Christian friends. Speaking to this issue she wrote:

I wish I could say after a long and fruitful life traveling the world, I had learned to forgive all my enemies. I wish I could say that merciful and charitable thoughts just naturally flowed from me and on to others. But they don’t. There is one thing I’ve learned since I’ve passed my eightieth birthday, it’s that I can’t store up good feelings and behavior—but only draw them fresh from God each day.

One thing that stood out to me was the people that really bugged me the most in my life, or the ones I struggled to get along with exhibited many of the same weaknesses or character traits that I myself possessed. When Aidan and Kellan first moved in there was a period of adjustment for all of us. yet Aidan and I probably took the longest to figure out how to live with one another. He would irritate me and I would irritate him. In talking with Sarah about this, she gently showed me that Aidan and I were very similar. We liked the dame shows and had the same interest and hobbies. Those things that bothered me in Aidan were the same things I did not like in myself.

Maybe I’m glad it’s that way, for every time I go to Him, He teaches me something else. I recall the time—and I was almost seventy—when some Christian friends whom I loved and trusted did something which hurt me. You would have thought that, having been able to forgive the guards in Ravensbruck, forgiving Christian friends would be child’s play. It wasn’t. For weeks I seethed inside. But at last I asked God again to work His miracle in me. And again it happened: first, the cold-blooded decision, then the flood of joy and peace. I had forgiven my friends; I was restored to my Father.

This week we are going to examine another way we build one another up by Bearing With One Another.

Then, why was I suddenly awake in the middle of the night, rehashing the whole affair again? My Friends! I thought. people I loved. If it had been strangers, I wouldn’t have minded so.

Read

Read Ephesians 4:1-5

When it comes to dealing with each other’s weaknesses, Paul made our responsibility to one another even clearer in his Letter to the Colossians:

Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other, as the Lord has forgiven you, so you must also forgive ().

Several key words precede Paul’s injunction to “bear with one another”—“compassion, kindness, gentleness and patience.” However, the key word is “patience.”

The King James Version uses the word “longsuffering,” one aspect of “walking in the Spirit” (). Patience is also the focus of Paul’s prayer for these New Testament Christians:

And so, from the day we heard, we have not ceased to pray for you, asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of his will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so as to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him: bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God; being strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy; giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light ().

The Holy Bible: English Standard Version. (2016). ().

To “bear with one another,” then means being patient with each other’s weaknesses. Not one of us is perfect. All of us fail, particularly in human relationships. How easy it is to expect more from other Christians than we expect from ourselves!

This is particularly true in our families. In this setting, we get to know one another as in no other social unit. We live together day after day, week after week, year after year. It’s a “wall-to-wall” experience. In this setting, we are seen at our best and at our worst—both as parents and as children. Parents often expect more from their children than they do from themselves. Children often expect more from their parents than from other adults in their lives. Together, this dynamic often erupts in anything but patience and forbearance with one another.

The same is true of our extended family. As we “live together” as brothers and sisters in Christ, we get to know each other’s idiosyncrasies. We are then faced with the challenge to “bear with one another in love.” When we are tempted to be impatient with one another, we need to think about Jesus Christ and His attitude toward us. This was Paul’s motivation. The Lord’s long-suffering and patience toward this man marked his life and gave him unusual tolerance toward others (). Seeing himself as the worst of sinners and experiencing God’s love and patience in saving him caused Paul to respond to others with the love and patience of Jesus Christ.

A FORGIVING SPIRIT

“Bearing with one another” and having a “forgiving spirit” are synonymous in God’s sight. Note again how Paul made this clear in his Letter to the Colossians. “bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive” ().

“Bearing with one another” and having a “forgiving spirit” are synonymous in God’s sight. Note again how Paul made this clear in his Letter to the Colossians. “Bear with each other,” he said, “and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you” ().

The Holy Bible: English Standard Version. (2016). (). Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles.” ().

Some Christians carry grudges for years. How miserable! How tragic! And how out of character for a follower of Jesus Christ. How ungrateful for a Christian to hold a grudge against a fellow believer when Christ has canceled our own debt of sin.

Recently I received a letter from a fellow pastor who admitted that he had been carrying feelings of bitterness toward me. He asked forgiveness—which I was quick to give. In actuality, I had forgiven him long before but it was a great blessing to see that God had convicted him for his attitude. To his credit, he was preparing a message from Scripture on the subject of forgiveness and responded to conviction from the Holy Spirit. What a relief to let him know I had already forgiven him and would continue to pray for his ministry.

There have been times in my life where I carried a grudge or allowed an interaction to embitter me. In fact two years ago God convicted me on this and I showed me I had to make things right. As I am sure you know I four years ago I applied to be the principal of McFarland Middle School. It ended up that I did not get the job, obviously, and the person that did get it was less qualified than I was, didn’t have the relationships with the staff that I had, and ultimately did not do a good job as the principal. This really bothered me and I took it as a personal insult. However, I let this perceived slight take root in my soul and embittered me toward my employer, specifically Dr. Hurst. This bitterness was effecting my job performance and was creeping out in various areas of my life. When the Holy Spirit prompted me on this and I knew I had to repent to my creator. Now Dr. Hurst is a Christian and as such a brother in Christ, so I also had to make things right with Dr. Hurst or I would not in good conscience be able to partake in the communion table. To that end I asked to meet with Dr. Hurst and told him I was talking to him as a man and fellow believer not an employee. I explained how I had let myself become bitter and asked him for his forgiveness. He quickly forgave me and thanked me for talking with him. In this short interaction Dr. Hurst showed me a forgiving spirit and drove home with me the need act the same way with others.

A POWERFUL STORY

One day Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?”

“Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times’” ().

Jesus then told a story to get his point across:

Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.

The servant fell on his knees before him. “Be patient with me,” he begged, “and I will pay back everything.” The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.

But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. He grabbed him and began to choke him. “Pay back what you owe me!” he demanded.

His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, “Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.”

But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master all that had happened.

Then the master called the servant in. “You wicked servant,” he said, “I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?” In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.

This is how My heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart ().

“MAKE EVERY EFFORT!”

Immediately following Paul’s exhortation to “be patient, bearing with one another in love,” he said, “Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace” ().

Patience, forbearance, and forgiveness are not automatic actions that follow conversion to Christ. They are deliberate acts of the will. Every person I know who has an unforgiving spirit chooses to do so. I know this is true in my own life. We often choose to let the other person know how we feel—by avoiding that person, by using cutting and sharp words, by talking behind a person’s back.

On the other hand, Christians who really care about each other, who are really concerned about doing the will of God at all times, will “make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” This is Christianity in action.

On one occasion, someone told me I deeply offended another brother in Christ. He believed I had purposely passed by him without “saying hello.” Frankly, I was not shocked. I know myself well enough to know that I didn’t do this on purpose, but I often walk around with headphones on and am oblivious to the people around me. In fact, in this town it is difficult to avoid people even if you want too, let alone someone I genuinely care about—which is how I felt about this brother.

On one occasion, someone told me I deeply offended another brother in Christ. He believed I had purposely passed by him without “saying hello.” Frankly, I was shocked. I know myself well enough to know that I didn’t do this on purpose. In fact, I have difficulty even avoiding people I know don’t like me, let alone someone I love and respect—which is how I felt about this brother.

However, even though this person had moved to another part of the country, I picked up the telephone, called him, and apologized. I told him I had heard via the grapevine that he felt that I had snubbed him. I apologized, stating that sometimes I get preoccupied—which is not an excuse—and inadvertently pass by people without speaking and with my headphones I often don’t hear people when they talk to me. I’m confident that’s what must have happened. He quickly forgave me and admitted his own supersensitivity. Thank God I was able to restore this relationship—even though I didn’t know it was broken. I’m thankful that someone cared enough to alert me to this problem.

However, even though this person had moved to another part of the country, I picked up the telephone, called him, and apologized. I told him I had heard via the grapevine that he felt that I had snubbed him. I apologized, stating that sometimes I get preoccupied—which is not an excuse—and inadvertently pass by people without speaking. I’m confident that’s what must have happened. He quickly forgave me and admitted his own supersensitivity. Thank God I was able to restore this relationship—even though I didn’t know it was broken. I’m thankful that someone cared enough to alert me to this problem.

HUSBANDS AND WIVES

Probably the greatest challenge we face as married people is to bear with one another’s weaknesses. It’s at this level that we get to know each other in ways that other people don’t.

Unfortunately, some couples don’t learn to communicate with each other regarding the things that irritate them. Sometimes these begin as little things that mushroom into gigantic irritants. Then comes the explosion—and it often comes as a surprise to the mate who has created the problem.

At times, these things happen simply because we bottle up our feelings and don’t share what’s bothering us. At other times, our communication is so minimal that the other person doesn’t hear us. For example, in my own marriage, I remember situations where my wife was trying to tell me something. However, by her own admission, her “transmission” was so weak that I missed the message completely. On my side, my “receiver” was turned down so low that I couldn’t have heard the “signal” even if it had been coming through. When we have this kind of problem—particularly on both sides of the relationship—it should not surprise us that there is going to be a breakdown in communication.

At times, these things happen simply because we bottle up our feelings and don’t share what’s bothering us. At other times,

Open and clear communication is absolutely essential to enable us to “bear with one another in love.” Furthermore, once we understand what irritates our mate, we need to set definite goals to change those things. For example, I discovered that it irritated my wife for me to leave the shower door covered with water. She finally told me she was tired of mopping down the door after it dried and left spots that took a lot of work to remove. Once I understood the problem, I solved it. True, it took me awhile to establish the habit—but now it’s automatic. In a matter of seconds, I can use the towel to do something that pleases my wife.

I also have a friend that admitted he had a very bad habit of leaving the dresser drawers half open. It irritated his wife that she had to come after him and close the drawers. Finally, after a period of time, he got the message—and realized how important it was to learn to be thoughtful in this area. Furthermore, it only took a second to close those drawers. Think of what this little act of kindness did to eliminate tension.

It’s true that some people are overly demanding. It seems we can never please them. When this happens in marriage, a couple is headed for serious trouble. However, it should not continue to happen among Christians. We of all people ought to be able to “carry our own load” in a relationship (). When each of us loves the other as Christ loved us, the problem will inevitably be resolved.

Parents face this same problem with children—only to a greater degree. Unfortunately, small children don’t understand reciprocal relationships. They’re naturally self-centered until they reach certain levels of maturation.

As parents, then, we must be very careful not to expect too much from small children. If we do, we’ll only frustrate them and create anger and resentment and greater problems. This is why Paul wrote, “Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged” ().

I’m often amazed at the way some parents expect their children to measure up to standards they do not practice themselves. Obviously, this will indeed lead to anger, bitterness, and discouragement. Children read hypocrisy very clearly

Children, of course, must learn to practice this principle. However, they learn best by seeing it practiced by their parents—in a relationship with one another—and with them. They then have a basis for understanding what it really means when we tell them to be patient and forgiving—in short, “to bear with one another in love.”

As I stated earlier, I love people and have little difficulty relating to them. But there is one area I become impatient and have to watch my attitude. For example, I try to model generosity. My wife and I tithe regularly to our church (give 10 percent of our gross income) and we always try to be first to support special projects and to give beyond our tithe. We’ve built this into our lifestyle over the years and don’t spend money on our “wants” unless we first set aside money for the Lord’s work.

However, it’s no secret we live in a materialistic culture—and it has infected Christians. Frankly, it bothers me when I see Christians being selfish with their money—and letting other Christians carry the financial burden for the church. Yet, these same people “selfishly” enjoy all the benefits of the church—the benefits that other people have provided.

Please don’t misunderstand. I’m not talking about people who can’t give because of financial difficulties. I’m talking about Christians who pay their television cable bills regularly, sport their mobile phones, go out to eat regularly, and take in movies once or twice a week—and yet don’t support the Lord’s work. I’m speaking of Christians who put away savings every month, drive two or three expensive cars, take expensive vacation trips and yet don’t share their excess with the Lord.

Yes, these people bother me—especially when they know what the Bible teaches about being generous. However, my Bible teaches me that I must “bear with these people in love.” I must continue to model and teach them, realizing that only the Holy Spirit can ultimately change their lives. It’s at this point I must learn to be patient and forgiving—not allowing their weaknesses to keep me from being a loving Christian.

Take a good look at yourself.

In all honesty, make a list of your weaknesses and idiosyncrasies. These questions will help you.

1. What do I do (or not do) at home that irritates my wife and children (or my parents, my brothers, and my sisters, or apartment-mate)?

2. What do I do (or not do) at church that irritates my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ?

3. What do I do (or not do) at work and/or school that irritates fellow employees and/or teachers and fellow students?

4. What do I do (or not do) that irritates my friends?

Evaluate your weaknesses in the light of your attitudes and actions toward other Christians.

The following questions will help you:

Do you expect more from others than you do from yourself?

Do you criticize others in the area of your own weaknesses?

Make a list of all Christians you have difficulty relating to.

If you can’t think of anyone, praise the Lord! Don’t drudge up names just to have something to write about. But make sure you’re being honest.

Once you have made a list, ask yourself why you can’t relate to these Christians. Why are you angry at them? Is it because of something they have done to hurt you? Are they aware of how you feel? Are your feelings justified? Or, are you feeling the way you do simply because of your own vain imagination and an oversensitive response on your part? Or, are you upset with them because they remind you so much of yourself?

Consciously and deliberately forgive every person who has ever done anything to hurt you.

This step is the most difficult to take. But you must do it. Then, one by one, talk to these Christians. Tell them why you feel as you do. Ask them to forgive you for your attitude—even though they may be primarily at fault.

Remember this word of warning! Don’t base your “forgiveness” on the condition that they offer an apology. Take care of your own attitudes and eventually God will take care of theirs.

If a Christian has sinned against you (and others) in such a way that it demands a repentant response, and if you have approached that person in love without receiving a response, then you will need to follow the procedure Jesus outlined in . Make sure, however, that your approach is characterized by compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience (). If it is, chances are you will get a positive response.

Remember too, that we are never justified to take the law into our own hands. Listen to Paul:

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good ().

As a pastor, I had to come to grips with this kind of forgiveness when an arsonist deliberately set fire to our church offices. Over fifty employees were affected. Fifteen of our full-time pastors lost their complete libraries—including yours truly. We were totally wiped out.

This was not just an attack on our church, but an attack on the Gospel and Jesus Christ Himself. As the senior leader in this church, I had to face the issue of forgiveness immediately—and then to lead the whole congregation to forgive the person who had done this terrible thing.

Even today, this arsonist is still at large. Have I forgiven him? Yes! Do I still want justice? Yes! But it’s not my responsibility to take the law into my own hands. I’m still praying that he will confess his sin, experience forgiveness, and then turn himself in and pay the penalty for this injustice. In the meantime, I want to “do what is right in the eyes of everybody” ().

Then, why was I suddenly awake in the middle of the night, rehashing the whole affair again? My Friends! I thought. people I loved. If it had been strangers, I wouldn’t have minded so.

Building Up One Another 10. Bear with One Another

Corrie ten Boom, who suffered incredible persecution in a Nazi concentration camp, is probably one of the most significant modern-day examples of being able to forgive. However, toward the end of her life, she shared that some of her most difficult challenges were to forgive Christian friends. Speaking to this issue she wrote:

I wish I could say after a long and fruitful life traveling the world, I had learned to forgive all my enemies. I wish I could say that merciful and charitable thoughts just naturally flowed from me and on to others. But they don’t. There is one thing I’ve learned since I’ve passed my eightieth birthday, it’s that I can’t store up good feelings and behavior—but only draw them fresh from God each day.

Maybe I’m glad it’s that way, for every time I go to Him, He teaches me something else. I recall the time—and I was almost seventy—when some Christian friends whom I loved and trusted did something which hurt me. You would have thought that, having been able to forgive the guards in Ravensbruck, forgiving Christian friends would be child’s play. It wasn’t. For weeks I seethed inside. But at last I asked God again to work His miracle in me. And again it happened: first, the cold-blooded decision, then the flood of joy and peace. I had forgiven my friends; I was restored to my Father.

Then, why was I suddenly awake in the middle of the night, rehashing the whole affair again? My friends! I thought. People I loved. If it had been strangers, I wouldn’t have minded so.

I sat up and switched on the light. “Father, I thought it was all forgiven. Please help me do it.”

But the next night I woke up again. They’d talked so sweetly too! Never a hint of what they were planning. “Father!” I cried in alarm. “Help me!”

Then it was that another secret of forgiveness became evident. It is not enough to simply say, “I forgive you.” I must also begin to live it out. And in my case, that meant acting as though their sins, like mine, were buried in the depths of the deepest sea. If God could remember them no more—and He had said, “[Your] sins and iniquities will I remember no more” (Heb. 10:17)—then neither should I. And the reason the thoughts kept coming back to me was that I kept turning their sin over in my mind.

And so I discovered another of God’s principles: We can trust God not only for emotions but also for our thoughts. As I asked Him to renew my mind He also took away my thoughts.

He still had more to teach me, however, even from this single episode. Many years later, after I had passed my eightieth birthday, an American friend came to visit me in Holland. As we sat in my little apartment in Baarn he asked me about those people from long ago who had taken advantage of me.

“It is nothing,” I said a little smugly. “It is all forgiven.” “By you, yes,” he said. “But what about them? Have they accepted your forgiveness?”

“They say there is nothing to forgive! They deny it ever happened. No matter what they say, though, I can prove they were wrong.” I went eagerly to my desk. “See, I have it in black and white! I saved all their letters and I can show you where. . . .”

“Corrie!” My friend slipped his arm through mine and gently closed the drawer. “Aren’t you the one whose sins are at the bottom of the sea? Yet are the sins of your friends etched in black and white?”

For an astonishing moment I could not find my voice. “Lord Jesus,” I whispered at last, “who takes all my sins away, forgive me for preserving all these years the evidence against others! Give me grace to burn all the blacks and whites as a sweet-smelling sacrifice to Your glory.”

I did not go to sleep that night until I had gone through my desk and pulled out those letters—curling now with age—and fed them all into my little coal-burning grate. As the flames leaped and glowed, so did my heart. “Forgive us our trespasses,” Jesus taught us to pray, “as we forgive those who trespass against us.” In the ashes of those letters I was seeing yet another facet of His mercy. What more He would teach me about forgiveness in the days ahead I didn’t know, but tonight’s was good news enough.

Forgiveness is the key which unlocks the door of resentment and the handcuffs of hatred. It breaks the chains of bitterness and the shackles of selfishness. The forgiveness of Jesus not only takes away our sins, it makes them as if they had never been.

Building Up One Another 10. Bear with One Another

CORRIE’S STORY

I wish I could say after a long and fruitful life traveling the world, I had learned to forgive all my enemies. I wish I could say that merciful and charitable thoughts just naturally flowed from me and on to others. But they don’t. There is one thing I’ve learned since I’ve passed my eightieth birthday, it’s that I can’t store up good feelings and behavior—but only draw them fresh from God each day.

Maybe I’m glad it’s that way, for every time I go to Him, He teaches me something else. I recall the time—and I was almost seventy—when some Christian friends whom I loved and trusted did something which hurt me. You would have thought that, having been able to forgive the guards in Ravensbruck, forgiving Christian friends would be child’s play. It wasn’t. For weeks I seethed inside. But at last I asked God again to work His miracle in me. And again it happened: first, the cold-blooded decision, then the flood of joy and peace. I had forgiven my friends; I was restored to my Father.

Then, why was I suddenly awake in the middle of the night, rehashing the whole affair again? My Friends! I thought. people I loved. If it had been strangers, I wouldn’t have minded so.

I sat up and switched on the light. “Father, I thought it was all forgiven. Please help me do it.

But the next night I woke up again. They’d talked so sweetly too! Never a hint of what they were planning. “Father!” I cried in alarm. “Help me!”

Then it was that another secret of forgiveness became evident. It is not enough to simply say, “I forgive you.” I must also begin to live it out. And in my case, that meant acting as though their sins, like mine, were buried in the depths of the deepest sea. If God could remember them no more—and He had said, “[Your] sins and iniquities will I remember no more” ()—then neither should I. And the reason the thoughts kept coming back to me was that I kept turning their sin over in my mind.