An Apologetic For Biblical Marriage (1)
Notes
Transcript
Readings
Readings
Now when Jesus had finished these sayings, he went away from Galilee and entered the region of Judea beyond the Jordan. And large crowds followed him, and he healed them there.
And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?” He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?” He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”
The disciples said to him, “If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry.” But he said to them, “Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given. For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it.”
Then children were brought to him that he might lay his hands on them and pray. The disciples rebuked the people, but Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.” And he laid his hands on them and went away.
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
Intro
Intro
Why speak of marriage? Tiring for many (church’s focus), maybe painful (relationships)
Valentine’s Day, opportunity to look at God’s pattern for male-female relationships, look at the Biblical models and madates
But also culture has turned against marriage in general, if not in absolute denials, but in delayed marriage, multiple marriages, living together, redefining the marriage relationship, (no children) dink
An apologetic - appeal and a defense for
Secular concept of marriage - already well defended statistically, happiness, life satisfactions levels, higher success indicators, higher movement from poverty, stability for children’s later success in life (children being foundational to the further-ment of society
These stats are publically available
Govts may not publicly endorse marriage (for obvious reasons going against cultural impulses), so they do it through tax policy and incentives. they do it through immigration policies
But culturally and especially among younger people, the future of society, tide is turning against marriage
VIVARIUM
Jesse Eisenberg and Imogen Poots are a regular young couple looking to buy their first starter home together. After touring a seemingly sleepy neighborhood, wherein the realtor promises them that this home is “forever,” they aren’t feeling it, so they decide to leave — only they can’t. They’re trapped in suburban hell, forced to stay together in an endless sea of cul-de-sacs and cookie-cutter houses. Eventually, a child is dropped on their doorstep, and they must raise it. It’s the nightmare of any young adult on the brink of True Adulthood.
Culturally,
Marriage is a trap that delays or denies your potential
Sex is utilitarian and primarily for pleasure and not to be used exclusively in marriage between man and a woman
Children are a hindrance to our flourishing even for couples
An apologetic for biblical marriage
Marriage is a God ordained means of human flourishing
Sex is a gift from God given in marriage for pleasure and for the purpose of procreation, (having kids)
Children are a means of God’s continuing gospel promise that he did not abandon the world but rather will redeem it and has redeemed us through His Son, Jesus Christ
AS New Testament believers, further encouragement
Marriage is a modelled on Christ’s love for his bride, the church, which is the mystery Paul talks about
Marriage as an institution both furthers and strengthens the mission of the church
The gospel redeems and elevates singleness and childlessness by placing our highest allegiance, intimacy and purpose with Jesus Christ
Due to the time we have,
I will not focus on all of these things but on the appeal for Biblical marriage
Christian apologetics and ethics deal with the way things should be for most people (normative) even if people are called to other things. It does not start from exceptions and justifying those centrally but makes room for other scenarios, but all under the purpose of living faithful Christian lives
So my focus on the issues spoken today is not to deny the validity of singleness or the pain of childlessness . these are things GW we can look at more another time or privately
Marriage As Human Flourishing
Marriage As Human Flourishing
Jesus’ words to the Pharisees invokes God’s institution of marriage at creation. God created humans as male and female and gave them to each other. The two shall become one flesh. And then Jesus invokes the covenant of marriage which is that if God has joined two together, let man not separate
Gen 2:18-25
Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” Now out of the ground the Lord God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said,
“This at last is bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called Woman,
because she was taken out of Man.”
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.
Quickly reviewing this passage
It is not good (the first ‘not good’ statement in God’s creation)
for man to be alone (man is built for relationship, and not just a relationship to creatures subordinate to him (animals) but to a peer who is fit, appropriate for him
Man created in the image of God, unlike animals, does not merely have the desire to procreate but to be intimate.
In that longing for intimacy, we image the eternal love and peer relationships in the Trinity, as we aas Christians know
And so woman, Eve, is create for man
God presents her to the man (the first bride, the first father giving away the bride)
Adam’s first poem (art) and then the commentary of Moses that therefore man shall leave father and mother and cleave to his wife, becoming one flesh
This scene portrays something fundamental about human beings
The naming of the animals, a scene which portrays man as monarch of all he surveys, poignantly reveals him as a social being, made for fellowship, not power: he will not live until he loves, giving himself away (24) to another on his own level. So the woman is presented wholly as his partner and counterpart; nothing is yet said of her as childbearer. She is valued for herself alone. - kidner
The most fundamental relationship in human society (and it will be a society because the blessing was given to be fruitful and multiply prior) is not parent and child, brother sister, friendships, romantic relationships but the relationship between husband and wife and everything that arises out of that relationship will define human society, whether it be the creation of new families as the building blocks of society or the creation of children as the future of society
Our longing for social relationship, for fellowship is most expressly fulfilled within the boundaries of marriage this side of heaven. And certainly it is possible for some who are called to singleness to find their fulfillment in God and Jesus Christ, and in the fellowship of others, but that is often for a season or if it permanent, as Jesus says in Mt 19, it is gift given to some only
This is why in marriage passages like Proverbs and Malachi, the wife and husband are called each other’s companions of your youth - personal friend, confidante, bosom companion, comrade, partner in arms
No one can possibly know you at the level of intimacy that your husband or wife will know you. The Gen passages saying they were both naked and they were not ashamed. Who is able to see you at your most vulnerable, your most starkly bare form other than the companion of your youth
Pre fall
This was not an issue, it was natural but post fall, all human relationships were scrambled, specially the relationship between husband and wife. were there was true complementarity and support, there arose friction and competition, where there was mutual edification and upliftment of the other person, there came the opportunity to put down and debase, and where there was no shame, shame arose
Post fall
It is important to note that God did not abandon the marriage institution but reinforced it both with his post fall promises to Adam and Eve and others in the human line, but explicitly by framing the marriage relationship as a covenant.
The Moses note is post fall which Jesus references
The “hold fast” is a sign of entering into a covenant (Is 56:4 )
For thus says the Lord:
“To the eunuchs who keep my Sabbaths,
who choose the things that please me
and hold fast my covenant,
A covenant is not a contract. But it is a commitment to be faithful, regardless of circumstance.
This is why the church’s historic marriage vow is not based on love as its foundation but rather on I,N, take you, N, to be my wife (or husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God's holy law, in the presence of God I make this vow.
The foundation of marriage is the vow, the covenant. The marriage covenant is an emblematic covenant in the Bible because it portrays the concept of lifelong commitment and faithfulness in the most adverse of circumstances. It is a promise for the future, to have and to hold from this day forward, it is not a declaration of your present love but a commitment of your future promise to love and to cherish till death do part.
The marriage covenant is used for God entering into his covenant with ISrael (Eze 16:8 ) and Jer 31:32
“When I passed by you again and saw you, behold, you were at the age for love, and I spread the corner of my garment over you and covered your nakedness; I made my vow to you and entered into a covenant with you, declares the Lord God, and you became mine.
not like the covenant that I made with their fathers on the day when I took them by the hand to bring them out of the land of Egypt, my covenant that they broke, though I was their husband, declares the Lord.
“When I passed by you again and saw you, behold, you were at the age for love, and I spread the corner of my garment over you and covered your nakedness; I made my vow to you and entered into a covenant with you, declares the Lord God, and you became mine.
Marriage post fall is difficult, because the intimacy that is inherent in it leads to friction and competition and perhaps you lose your “first love”. But we need the reminder that it is still necessary for human flourishing and it is a means by which we partake of the human experience, of the process of maturing, and learning what it means to live and die for another, especially when it seems like it is not possible or not deserving
Destructive to marriage is the self-fulfillment ethic that assumes marriage and the family are primarily institutions of personal fulfillment, necessary for us to become “whole” and happy. The assumption is that there is someone just right for us to marry and that if we look closely enough we will find the right person. This moral assumption overlooks a crucial aspect to marriage. It fails to appreciate the fact that we always marry the wrong person.
We never know whom we marry; we just think we do. Or even if we first marry the right person, just give it a while and he or she will change. For marriage, being [the enormous thing it is] means we are not the same person after we have entered it. The primary challenge of marriage is learning how to love and care for the stranger to whom you find yourself married.
Being a covenant of faithfulness, there are specific reasons why the covenant can be broken. And Jesus gives one here: adultery (sexual relationships outside the marriage vow), Paul adds desertion (abandonment) and most churches today (and we agree) will also say a pattern of unrepentant abuse by either party is also desertion and grounds
But nothing else because to break a covenant of the institution God established, to which he is party to, is a serious breach of God’s design and to do it willingly is to invite God’s judgement on us as covenant breakers.
Because it is serious, marriage is necessary for human flourishing and God’s design for it is in the pattern of covenant between husband and wife