You're Dead To Me

You Are Dead To Me

There is a phrase used by many people in younger generations, and that phrase is “You’re Dead To Me”. Typically a person has been hurt, betrayed, or neglected to a place in which they want to live their life in a manner that acts as if the person is no longer on earth. They typically do not speak to this person in public or in private. They typically sever mutual ties as well. Often times the person does not have any future aspiration to forgive or even settle the issue. It’s a matter of what is done is done.

The interesting thing that happens in these situations is when life takes a crooked turn and the person you shut out of your life is now needed. The story of the prodigal son expounds on both, the son who left essentially told his father, “you’re dead to me”. Now the father has an option he can move forward in life and not worry about his son, and even when his son returns he could’ve said you made this bed now you have to lie in it. Nonetheless a wise man once said, “be careful that you do not burn bridges that you have to walk over again”.

The son in this parable sees immature independence as a means of success but the independence he craves is motivated by flesh therefore when resources run out, and people do not want to struggle with you, you find yourself alone in places of turmoil that you never thought you would be in.

Do not make the assumption that the person or people that are dead to you will not play a vital role in your life down the road. The main people we think we do not need are the main people that God will position in our lives to create a sense of humility.

So when you say someone is dead to you, be careful because you might need them. Also, when someone says you’re dead to me, be ready because they might return and need the same person they wrote off.

Fairness and Equality are not the Same Thing.

The father in this story has two sons, servants and based on the narrative it seems as if he is prepared to make sure his sons are taken care of after his departure from this earth. As fathers and parents we have to mindful that we must be fair. Nonetheless equality and fairness are not the same.

What is equal is I spend 2 hours each with both sons on their homework. What is fair is based on need. For instance, Vinnie is in kindergarten so I read a lot more with him than I do Raynell.

Raynell is a very advanced independent reader and I am there to help, I am there to process what he has read but I typically have to read page by page with Vinnie because reading is very new to him.

As parents we must explain the difference to our children that equality and fairness are not necessarily the same thing.

One may read this story and say, wait a second the father is not being fair. He gave one son inheritance and did not give the other son anything. Nonetheless many of you with multiple kids you know you have a child that all you have to do is tell them or even look at them and they hop in line. Then you have that child that pushes the boundaries of the household law and sometimes you have to let them hit their head and be an example to themselves and teach the ones around them.

Death and Inheritance

Typically in death is when you receive inheritance. For instance when someone dies and prayerfully they have a will and testament that dignifies who gets what after the person dies.

The prodigal son wanted his inheritance now. Basically what he was saying what that his father was dead to him. The life and relationship of his father did not mean as much as living for the flesh.

One of the most troublesome things to get over is when people value material things over you as a person.

He wants everything his father prepared for a life after his departure to blow on partying and strippers.

Instead of making it right, he wanted to make it rain. We have to be careful on our friends as well. Spoiler Alert, when young brother Prodigal runs out of bread, his friends are no where to be found. So, the dead treatment he gave to his father, his friends gave to him.

To understand the type of young man we are dealing with we must understand what prodigal in this context means. It means incurable, or to be hopelessly sick, essentially one who by the manner of his life self destructs, often times when someone is this far gone you have to let them learn on their own.

One might suggest, why didn’t the dad just say no. Sometimes, like my mother would say “you just have to let folks bump their head”.

Famine, Defeat, and Regret

The New King James Version Chapter 15

14 But when he had spent all, there arose a severe famine in that land, and he began to be in want. 15 Then he went and joined himself to a citizen of that country, and he sent him into his fields to feed swine. 16 And he would gladly have filled his stomach with the pods that the swine ate, and no one gave him anything.

When we step out there and squander things like friendship, love and companionship for temporary support. When all is lost famine ensues. The famine might not be the same as the what this young man is experiencing but due to prodigal living you might be absent of joy, support, peace or friends.

It’s interesting what we attempt to attach ourselves to when we have isolated ourselves on our own behalf.

“Joined himself” or to stick or cling to something.

What you connect to during times of trial will make you or break you.

Pigs were happy to eat pods, just because the people around you are content with pods do not forget the blessings you have at home. I’d rather ask for forgiveness than to allow my pride to force me to dine with swine.

The text says they would not give him anything, the world does not owe us a thing!

That grace and mercy that you get at home does not exist in the pig pen of the world.

Think about how low life had taken him, culturally his people did not eat swine, feeding them was actually the lowest job in the community.

We have to be careful, attempting to please the flesh will have us in places we never wanted to be, and longer than we wanted to be in them.

A wise man once said “when a son in need in a strange land goes barefoot then he remembers the comfort of his father’s home”.

The son treated his father like he was dead, but the father also considered his son to be dead. “for this my son was dead is alive again; he was lost and is found”.

The son returns home, it’s time to celebrate.

18 “Do not remember the former things, Nor consider the things of old.

Nor consider the things of old.

What we have to be mindful of is the unwillingness to forgive is like decay setting in and leads to complete decomposition.

The other son was upset that his brother who left was being celebrated. But understand that anytime someone returns to the fold we have to be mindful that they could have lost their life in the foreign land.

Do not rejoice when your enemy falls, and do not let your heart be glad when he stumbles.

When we can comprehend death or even the thought of death we will appreciate life that much more. Death is stagnant, there is no movement in death, no blood flow. Death has a stench of decay, scavengers love and look for death. Understand everybody is not going to be happy about your reconciliation but if forgiveness means life it’s time to make things right, it’s time to come back home.

We have to stop treating people like they’re dead, we have to stop lighting the match to burn the bridges of fellowship and love.

Right now Jesus is waiting with open arms for you to leave the pig pen and come back home. You do not have to eat pods any more, you do not have to dine with swine, it’s time to fellowship with Jesus.

The New King James Version. (1982). (). Nashville: Thomas Nelson.