Relationships Matter, Part 2

Welcome

Good Morning! I’d like to welcome you all to the gathering of Ephesus Baptist Church!

Are you happy to be here this morning? Look at your neighbor and tell them you are happy to be hear and eager to worship the Lord!

Why have we gathered here this Sunday morning (Pause)....That’s right! The same reason we have gathered on Sunday’s since 1880!

We gather to worship and exalt the name of Jesus Christ, our risen King. Today, provides us another opportunity to fall more in love with Jesus Christ as we seek to follow Him as His disciples.

If you are visiting with us this morning, we want you to who we are here at Ephesus...

We are all one family of faith: “giving our all to love God, love people, proclaim Jesus, and make disciples in our generation.”

That is our mission, our purpose, why we exist as a church.

We have a connect card in the pew in front of you. I invite you to take one and fill it out! If you have prayer needs, you can let us know about those as well.

I promise, our prayer team will lift you up your request confidentially. You can place those cards in the offering plate when it comes around.

Scripture Memory

Colossians 1:17–18 ESV

17 And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together. 18 And he is the head of the body, the church. He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in everything he might be preeminent.

Opening Scripture Reading

Genesis 2:18–25 ESV

18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” 19 Now out of the ground the Lord God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. 20 The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. 21 So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. 22 And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. 23 Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” 24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. 25 And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

Ephesians 5:21–33 ESV

21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. 25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Prayer

Introduction

Gentlemen! Gentlemen!

Do you remember the special holiday we are about to celebrate this Friday? .......That’s right!....Valentine’s Day.

Valentine’s Day is labeled the most romantic day of the year. We will purchase candy, cards, flowers, jewelry, and nice meals at nice restaurants to the tune of over 20.7 billion dollars this year alone, that is how much we spent last year!

In fact, the retail sector is expecting a record year of 27.4 billion dollars this year, with over 6 billion going to nice meals alone.

Must be our booming economy we have thanks to our free market capitalism. Don’t you know those communist lawmakers, with their Marxist ideals of a socialist society can’t stand our economy right now! But I digress!

Men! What is the one thing your wife wants more than anything else this Valentine’s Day? I would argue that while they love all the stuff our money can buy them, the thing they really want the most, if they are being honest, is you!

They want to know that you are there, that you love them, that you will lead them sacrificially and lovingly like Christ loved His bride, the Church!

Now don’t you guys go home and say to your wife that you are saving money this year and skipping the stuff, because the preacher told you all they wanted was you.

They will kick you out of the house and they will stone me! Love them all year long, then go out of your way to make that lovely lady feel like the luckiest lady on earth!

Make your marriage the centerpiece of your family!

Last week, I warned you about three institutions that are under attack by our godless society today! Marriage was one of those.

Do you remember the other two?… That’s right.....The Family and The Church!

Today we are continuing our sermon series: Thrive 2020: We Were Created To Do More Than Survive!

We have been discussing how you can thrive in your house and in God’s house, using the acronym THRIVE.

“T” stands for “Trusting God in all things!”

“H” represents our need to “Heighten the Habits of Holiness in our lives!”

We are still stuck on “R” where we are discussing our need to understand that “Relationships Matter!”

Last Sunday, we began looking at five areas of life where we as the church must be leading and excelling in concerning our relationships because each of these relationships matter if we want to THRIVE as God’s people!

We saw last Sunday that the first area we must be leading and excelling in, is in “Our relationship with God!”

1. Our relationship with our God matters! (1 John 2:28-3:3; Col 3:1-4; Eph 2:19-20; and Eph 5:1-2, 30).

Today, we are looking at our second major area of relationships! Marriage! That’s right marriage, because.....

2. Our relationship with our Spouse matters! (Col 3:18-19; Eph 5:21-33).

We are going to be looking, primarily, at two passages from the New Testament that discuss the relationship of husbands and wives.

The longest passage in the NT that discusses this relationship is found in Ephesians 5:21-33. One of the shortest, which also happens to summarize Ephesians, is found in Colossians 3:18-19. Both are written by the Apostle Paul under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit.

Since we opened our service with Ephesians, we will bypass the re-reading of that passage for the sake of time, as we have a lot to talk about in a short window of time. So let’s dive right on in!

I have ___ biblical truths that we need to consider today.

A. In marriage, as in life, God has a definite and good order for His people on earth to follow!

Ephesians 1:10 NIV1984

10 to be put into effect when the times will have reached their fulfillment--to bring all things in heaven and on earth together under one head, even Christ.

As Christians, when God has ordained something, we have the responsibility to both accept it and obey it as we live our lives according to His divine order!

Why is this important to our discussion on the relationships of husbands and wives?

I am glad you asked! We live in a world where God’s ideal for marriage is under attack. There are some people out there who make the argument that the words of Scripture pertaining to gender roles only relate to the culture in which they were originally given.

Because of this, they argue that we must significantly alter those teachings to apply them to another generation like we have today. They argue that we have to be more open to the cultural norms of any given society.

So what they say today is.....You have to alter your teachings to accommodate other forms of marriage like homosexual marriage, transgender marriage, etc.

But to an honest person coming to Scripture and examining things carefully, our cultures conclusion poses many difficulties.

Let me give you four real quick!

First,

Nothing in Scripture, including our passage this morning, even remotely suggests that this was a set temporary commands given for a specific situation within a certain cultural window.

Second,

The appeal to the culture of the day is filled with difficulties.

By what standard is the culture to be measured?

Is our modern cultural pattern the norm, or could it be that the Bible intends to correct the modern scene at this point, as it does at many others?

The argument most often used against the universal nature of these commands is that the culture accepted such an order for the family during that time, but when the position of women and slaves rights changed, the biblical mandates had little meaning and must be re-evaluated by culture.

If this is the case, the real meaning of the command is “to let the order of society be true in the church.” That principle, fundamentally, will not work!

The end result is an authority (the Bible) which is no authority at all, since at any place where our culture differs with express biblical commands the Bible will be perceived as secondary to our culture. That just will not work!

Third,

The Bible explains that the order for husband and wife are distinctly beyond cultural norms. The Apostle Paul, argued in 1 Cor. 11:2-3 that God has so ordered creation into a timeless pattern before the fall of humanity to sin. In other words, before creation and the fall there was a created order for our relationships. Not only that, but that created order is patterned after the nature of our Triune God Himself. God demonstrates to us a functional subordination within Himself!

1 Corinthians 11:2–3 ESV

2 Now I commend you because you remember me in everything and maintain the traditions even as I delivered them to you. 3 But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.

Jesus, though equal with the Father, submits to the will of the Father in all things.

The Holy Spirit, though equal with the Father and Christ in all things, submits to the will of the Father and the Son.

A functional order of leadership and subordination.

Fourth,

The idea of a culturally specific reapplication of Scripture does not work with any of the commands given in the teachings of Scripture.

Can you imagine someone taking the reapplication of Scripture as defined by our culture and applying to the relationship of Parents and Children?

No one is going to advocate a reversal of that pattern of divine order in our society. Children are always expected to obey their parents as a pattern of life!

It is not up to us to change it on the whims of cultural changes from one society to another. God expects marriage to be between one man and one woman as it was to be from before the foundation of the earth.

In marriage, as in life, God has a definite and good order for His people on earth to follow!

So what does that look like in marriage? Paul starts with the wife and moves to the man. Each have different but complimentary roles.

Paul begins by describing the roles of wives and husbands, then he discusses the attitude that each should have as they fulfill their role, and he relates the whole divine order to the relationship of Christ and His bride, the Church.

B. Different but Complimentary Roles!

Ladies first,

Ephesians 5:22–24 ESV

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Colossians 3:18 ESV

18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

Do you realize that ever since the fall of humanity, women have struggled with this teaching?

God warned us that it would be so!

Genesis 3:16 ESV

16 To the woman he said, “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he shall rule over you.”

Biblically speaking, a woman’s submission to her husband was accepted as an ordinance of creation that was corrupted by the fall and which can only be restored through the Christian gospel.

Now, because of corruption, the culturally influenced woman will desire to exert authority over her husband because according to the Bible, she is still living in her sinful desires.

But the role of women is much greater than this kind of thinking would allow!

There is a divine order at work in marriage. If that order is followed marriage is a thing of beauty and portrays a great apologetic to the power of the Gospel of Jesus Christ!

The universal teaching of Scripture is for the wife to “submit to her husband.” Ephesians 5, Colossians 3, 1 Peter 3, and Titus 2 all teach this truth universally. So we have to understand that this is not a demeaning thing it is a biblical thing.

The verb used here in the Greek is the word, hupotasso, and it describes a voluntary submission which resembles that of Christian humility.

Wives are to submit to husbands as to the Lord, as is fitting in the Lord!

It is not suggesting slavery to or servitude toward the husband, but rather a trusting of the husband to love and lead as Christ loved and led the Church!

It is an appeal to the wife, who is equal by creation and redemption to submit to the authority God has ordained from the beginning.

This teaching does not question the equality of the woman and man. They are equals! But to be obedient they have to follow God’s ordained order.

It is the same teaching as is found in other relationships in Scripture. There is always an order to be followed though we are all equals by creation and redemption.

Think about Peter’s instruction to young men

1 Peter 5:5 ESV

5 Likewise, you who are younger, be subject to the elders. Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”

What about Christians and Christian leaders?

Hebrews 13:17 ESV

17 Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they are keeping watch over your souls, as those who will have to give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with groaning, for that would be of no advantage to you.

Now think about the motivation for the wife to voluntarily submit to her husband.

Look at verses 23-24

Ephesians 5:23–24 ESV

23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

The husband should be worthy of the comparison here.

To be the head of the wife, he must understand what is meant by Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.

Being the head of the body, the church willingly submits to everything their Savior commands!

When a church refuses to submit to all the teaching and leading of the Savior who is their head, they are as effective as a human body with a severed head!

Likewise, in a marriage, that is not ordered by God’s order, with loving voluntary submission to a loving husband who puts the interests and well-being of his wife first, that marriage will be just as effective as the human body with a severed head.

The wife is to voluntarily submit to her husband in everything! There are no areas where she can exert authority over her man!

Since by God’s decree, marriage partners are “one flesh,” the Scriptures are clear that God wants them to function together under one head, not as two autonomous individuals living together. Since Paul is concerned about that unity, we should be concerned about it too.

This goes without saying, but Paul does not mean by this to stifle the wife’s thinking and acting. Rather, he wants that thinking and acting to be shared with her husband (as his is to be shared with her) and for her to be willing to submit to his leadership “in everything.”

The wife should never act unilaterally. Just as the church should willingly submit to Christ in all things and, if it does so, will not find that stifling and demeaning, or limiting its growth and freedom, so also wives should willingly submit to their husbands in all things and, if they do so, will not find that submission to be stifling, demeaning, or limiting, if their husband holds up his end.

Okay Men, its your turn!

Let’s walk through this passage quickly!

The key word for men to remember is LOVE! It is mentioned 4 times directly in this passage and alluded to 2 other times.

Paul makes the comparison of husbands and their love for their wives to the love Christ has demonstrated toward His bride, the Church.

His love is self-giving and sacrificial. His concern is the welfare of His bride and how He can benefit her so that there life together will be wonderful.

Colossians 3:19 ESV

19 Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.

Ephesians 5:25 ESV

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,

First, the loving husband should give of himself.

In our leadership role as head, we should seek to lead by giving of ourselves to our wives in ways similar to how Christ gave Himself to His bride.

Christ’s giving of Himself was personal and sacrificial. This great principle of self-giving sets the tone and points toward the many ways in which this love can be manifested and realized in our own marriages.

Second, Christ’s giving of Himself was for the benefit of His bride

He gave Himself up “for her.” We as, the husbands self-giving should be self-giving for the benefit of our wives. In short, we may speak of this love as a giving of oneself for the benefit of the other.

What does this look like? Well we have to see what Christ love for His bride looked like!

Ephesians 5:26–27 ESV

26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.

Marriage wasn’t about making us happy! Marriage is a sanctification process that God instituted prior to creation and the fall for our own good.

Husbands are to lead our wives in such a way that we help them grow in holiness and sanctification. Likewise, as our help mates, wives when in proper submission help their husbands to learn to lead well and therefore grow in Christ likeness.

Jesus wanted His bride to be presented in splendor, radiant and beautiful, without any spot or blemish remaining from sin, but holy and radiant!

Ephesians 5:28–30 ESV

28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body.

Colossians 3:19 ESV

19 Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.

By referring to the love we have for our own flesh, Paul is reminding us of one of the great commands of Scripture.

Leviticus 19:18 ESV

18 You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against the sons of your own people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the Lord.

This is what our goal in marriage should be as we seek to nourish and cherish our own body, we should do likewise in regard to our spouse.

Our relationship with our spouse matters because we are one flesh and our relationship should remind us of the relationship between Christ and the church.

That is the mystery of the centuries after all! Here is God’s eternal purpose for marriage.

Moses did not know the purpose of marriage, people for many generations did not know God’s purpose for marriage for generations. But now in the NT age, Paul reveals this mystery, and it is incredibly amazing.

Paul refers to

Genesis 2:24 ESV

24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

in verses 31.

Ephesians 5:31–32 ESV

31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.

When God ordained marriage before the beginning of time, He already had His Son’s wedding to the church in mind.

Paul says that marriage was designed to eternally picture the relationship between Christ and His Bride, the redeemed from every nation.

If this is true, then God’s order in marriage is not accidental, it is not temporary, and it is not culturally determined.

Submission, headship, love, sacrifice, are all rooted in God’s eternal purposes in creation and they are never to be viewed as just a passing trend in culture.

Ephesians 3:14–15 ESV

14 For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, 15 from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named,

God ordained your marriage! God has named your family! God’s order is good and it matters that we value our relationship with our spouse along the lines of biblical marriage.

One final word!

Ephesians 5:33 ESV

33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

In short, as those who represent Christ and His church, the husband is asked to exercise, with love, a headship over his wife and the wife is asked to submit, with respect, to her husband.

This kind of marriage is the best of partnerships in which the husband genuinely values his wife’s contribution to his life and the wife sincerely experiences love and value in and through her husband’s leadership.

Conclusion:

It is unfortunate that in our day of cultural and sexual revolution, that many radical feminist have tried to frame biblical marriage as antiquated and the roles of the relationship between husband and wife in adversarial terms.

But for us! We should seek to make the heart of Valentine’s Day be true of our lives everyday.

If we are going to truly THRIVE in your house and God’s house, then we must understand that Relationships Matter, especially our relationship to our Spouse!

For those that are here and despise valentine’s day because you either don’t have a special someone or you have lost your loving spouse to death, please know that as part of the redeemed, you have a spouse that loves you more than you can imagine. I hope you will celebrate this Valentine’s day with Him!

If you are here today and don’t know Christ! That is your next step!

Ways you can respond to today’s message are on the back of today’s bulletin. Respond appropriately during our Song of Response:

I Surrender All: Hymn no. 275