Miller's 40th Anniversary & Vow Renewal

Welcome

Good afternoon and welcome to the 40th anniversary and vow renewal of Jim and Gail Miller. If we haven’t met yet, my name is Dan Norman and as pastor here at Friendship Church it has been a great joy to get to know Jim and Gail over the past almost 4 years. Of the many things that I know about Jim and Gail, the three things that seem most clear is that they love each other, they love their family and they love their God. This celebration today is designed to a beautiful weaving together of these three things.

So to begin our time together, will you join us in singing the well known hymn, Amazing Grace.

So to begin we are going to sing the well known hymn, Amazing Grace. . one thing that is clear is that their faith and their marriage is very important to them. You can see it how Gail

Amazing Grace

Message

Well it is an honor to be with you today in celebration of 40 years of marriage between Jim and Gail Miller. I have done many weddings, but this is the first time I have had the honor of presiding over a vow renewal. I have to admit that when they first asked me, I figured it would be pretty easy to just tweak some of my wedding material to fit into an occasion like this…but that was not exactly the case.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that there is something profoundly different between sending someone off on the journey to what - will be - in a marriage and gathering together again to celebrate what has been. At the start of a marriage, you are speaking into an innocence and dare I say a level of ignorance, but today we are gathered here to honor a couple who know what marriage looks like because they have modeled and matured in their marriage for 40 years.

It reminds me of the difference between a fresh out of High School new employee who is in a company training sitting next to a long time veteran in the field. The new trainee is learning from a position of trying to download as much new information as they can understand, but the veteran is listening with a discerning ear, knowing what kinds of things actually work in real life and what things are better left to the inspirational posters on the break room wall.

The beauty and power of the Word of God is that it is alive and active and so it speaks to every season of life…and so every season of marriage. So while our text for this afternoon is a common text for wedding ceremonies, I expect it to lay a little differently on the ears and hearts of experience that we have here today. It is found in Ephesians chapter 5 and starting in verse 22 it says:

Ephesians 5:22–33 ESV

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. 25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Ephesians 5:2

Ephesians 5:33 ESV

33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Ephesians 5:22–31 ESV

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. 25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”

There is a lot of imagery presented here and some of it is a little difficult to follow, but I want to focus us in on the summary that we find in the last few verses. This summary focuses on the command to the husband to do something that does not come natural for men and to choose to love His wife even if He perceives that her actions toward him are not very lovely.

t is in this summary that we find individual commands that God gave to the husband and the wife. Some of us got hung up on the some of the words because they sound so barbaric and ou

And to the wife it focuses on the command to do something that does not come natural for women and that is to respond in respect even if her husbands actions are not perceived as being very respectable.

This flies in the face of what we would naturally think. It is only natural that we would respond lovingly to those things we perceive to be lovely. It is only natural that we respond in respect to those things that we have decided are respectable. But what God is telling us here is that when he designed marriage, he designed it work upside down from how we naturally respond to things. The two have become one flesh, so they are to respond in this relationships differently then any other relationship. So that...

s defines the role of husband and wife differently.

The default position of a husband is to be loving to his wife, regardless of his perceptions of her in the moment.

The default position of the wife is to be respectful of her husband, regardless of her perceptions of him in this moment.

It focuses on the command to the husband to do something that does not come natural for men and to choose to love His wife even if He perceives that her actions toward him are not very lovely and to the wife it focuses on the command to do something that does not come natural for women and that is to respond in respect even if His actions toward her are not perceived as being respectable. This flies in the face of what the world would say is the point of marriage, and having a correct understanding of God’s design for marriage is that foundation of every good marriage.

I know that this is not an easy sell. I mean why would God design marriage to operate in such an upside down way?

Because that’s what Jesus has done for us. The marriage relationship was designed to reflect the relationship between Jesus Christ and his bride, the Church, and if Jesus waited for us to show ourselves lovely and respectable before he responded in love toward us then we would have no hope. Not only would there be no hope in marriage, but there would be no hope for this life and no hope for the life to come. Instead, the Scriptures say:

Romans 5:8 ESV

8 but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

John 1:12 ESV

12 But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God,

world would say is the point of marriage, but since God designed this whole marriage thing He knows better than any of us how to make one flourish.

This is the example that Christian marriage is designed to follow after, a love relationship that is not dependent on the strength found in the behavior of the other person, but dependent on the strength found in the love you have for them.

Now I can tell that to a bright eyed young couple on their wedding day and they would politely nod their heads and thank me for my kind words, because they have little understanding of what loving someone like this looks like in real life. But that is not you guys. You understand that a commitment to make your marriage something that accurately reflects the love of Jesus is so much harder than it sounds when the Pastor says it on your wedding day...but it is worth it.

Now I can tell that to a bright eyed young couple on the day of their marriage and they would just nod their head like sure, ok, with little understanding of what that looks like in real life. But that is not you guys. You understand that making the choice to live your marriage in the way Jesus taught us is much easier said than done.

Now I didn’t know you two back then, but if your wedding day was like most, then 40 years ago Jim - in his own way - came in and swept Gail off her feet. You wanted to be her knight in shining armor who will always come for her. And I am sure that Gail could tell us stories of times when she saw you as that knight that would fight for her with everything you have.

WBecause when two broken people come together in a relationship that is not a recipe for everything going smoothly. Take a moment and that sometimes it is very hard to follow in the way of Christ like this.

as marriages mature we start to realize that the other person is just as broken as we are, and we are both broken in ways that we cannot even begin to fix for one another.

But time together has a way of showing us things about ourselves and about our spouses that we never saw in our dating years.

We start to see that our mighty prince or our beautiful princess is just as broken as we are. And for some marriages, this is a devastating realization, because they hoped that getting married would fix the brokenness that they felt and make life whole and complete. But marriage was never designed to do this, and placing that kind of responsibility on your spouse is a burden too great for them to bear. Marriage, as wonderful as it can be, does not have the power to fix our brokenness. It is just the union of the lives of two broken people, and when a couple finally realizes this, it will either break them even further or it will or it will draw them into the one relationship where that healing can be found.

and if we look for that other person to be the fix for our brokennes then we will both be terribly dissapointed because we are all broken in our own ways and marriage, as wonderful as it is, doesn’t have the power to fix our brokenness. It is just the union of the lives of two broken people, but when a couple finally realizes this, that is the day when true healing can be found.

I would like to now show you a video that illustrates this truth in a profound way:

“BROKEN TOGETHER” - CASTING CROWNS

The fairy tale ending of “Living Happily Ever After” can be achieved, but not if we are trying to fix ourselves, or if we are looking to our marriages to fix us. God designed this whole marriage thing. He thought it all up. All of the joys, the excitement and romance that marriage brings into our lives was all His idea. But as great as those things are, they are not the point of marriage, they are just fringe benefits.

What we can learn from this Ephesians passage is that God designed marriage not simply to make us happy, but to make us holy? The primary role of our marriages is to teach us about our own brokenness in such a way that we would TOGETHER seek the one who can truly bring us the healing we both need.

You see it was God who designed this whole marriage thing. He thought it all up. All of the joys, excitement and romance that marriage brings into our lives was all His idea. But as great as those things are, they are not the point of marriage, they are just fringe benefits. Ephesians tells us that God designed marriage not simply to make us happy, but as a training ground to make us holy? The primary role of our marriages is to teach us about our own brokenness in order that we would seek the one who who can truly bring us the healing we need. I love being married to my wife, but expecting her to be able to fix the brokenness in my life is a recepe for failure.

There is only person who has the ability to do anything about our brokenness, and that person is Jesus Christ. Each one of us come into this world broken, the Bible calls this brokenness our sinful nature. We all have it and it keeps us from being the glorious creatures that God made us to be. We were designed to flourish in the loving presence of our creator God, but our sin nature keeps us from being with Him.

Romans 3:23 ESV

23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,

That is why Jesus came. He was born here on earth and lived a perfect life, unbroken by the stain of sin and selfishness of his own, but then he suffered the punishment for our sin and our selfishness. And it broke him body and soul on the Cross. He did this so that he could give full an complete healing to every person, every relationship, every marriage. To return all that God has made back to the unbroken state that he created it to be. So that those of us who have put our faith and trust in what Jesus did for us will be healed. The Prophet Isaiah said this of Jesus’ sacrifice for you and me.

Isaiah 53:4–6 NLT

4 Yet it was our weaknesses he carried; it was our sorrows that weighed him down. And we thought his troubles were a punishment from God, a punishment for his own sins! 5 But he was pierced for our rebellion, crushed for our sins. He was beaten so we could be whole. He was whipped so we could be healed. 6 All of us, like sheep, have strayed away. We have left God’s paths to follow our own. Yet the Lord laid on him the sins of us all.

Romans but Jesus came done something Our spouses are great, but when we look to them as a source of healing for our brokenness that will only bring us both

: But then he chose to be brokenHe alone was not broken by. He live the perfect life that we could not live, and then he suffered and died in our place so that those who put their faith and trust in Him would be healed. That is the only hope any of us for healing. It is the only hope any of our marriages have. I believe we will here this ring out in the testimonies of Jim and Gail as we continue in the service.

If you have never put your faith and trust in Jesus Christ then you are missing one of the most important elements of a successful marriage and a successful life. God created you and designed you so He knows exactly what you need, and I know that we will hear testimony from Jim and Gail today to how their relationship with Jesus has sustained them for the past 40 years.

Personal Vows

So at this time I would like to invite Jim and Gail up front, which I know is not their favorite thing to do, because they would like to share with you and with each other what God has done in their lives over the past 40 years.

We were designed to flourish in the loving presence of our creator God, but our sin nature keeps us from being with Him. That is why Jesus came. He was born here on earth. He live the perfect life that we could not live, and then he suffered and died in our place so that those who put their faith and trust in Him would be healed. That is the only hope any of us for healing. It is the only hope any of our marriages have. I believe we will here this ring out in the testimonies of Jim and Gail as we continue in the service.

Will you pray with me But then he chose to be brokenHe alone was not broken by. He live the perfect life that we could not live, and then he suffered and died in our place so that those who put their faith and trust in Him would be healed. That is the only hope any of us for healing. It is the only hope any of our marriages have. I believe we will here this ring out in the testimonies of Jim and Gail as we continue in the service.

. The punishment that we deserved was placed on him, and he gave us but Jesus came done something Our spouses are great, but when we look to them as a source of healing for our brokenness that will only bring us both

and continue in the marriage in pursuit of something much higher than any “fairytale” they once believed marriage to be.

having a correct understanding of God’s design for marriage is that foundation of every good marriage.

To illustrate my point I want to tell a quick story. Jesus was a story teller so I figure I am good company when I follow suit. There were two men on the same passenger jet liner. The first man was handed a parachute pack and told to put it on as it would greatly enhance his flying experience. This man reluctantly took the pack…

To illustrate my point I want to tell a quick story.

Wedding Vows.

Thank you Jim and Gail. At this time, Jim and Gail will vow together to continue to honor the LORD Jesus Christ in their marriage. If you would join hands together.

There were two men on the same passenger jet liner...

A stewardess came up the to the first man, handed him a parachute pack and told to put it on as it would greatly enhance his flying experience. This man reluctantly took the pack and put it on and immediately he found that it was not comfortable. It pushed him forward in his seat so he couldn’t relax and the straps were heavy and the weight of the pack began to dig into his shoulders. Before long this passenger decided that the stewardess was wrong. This parachute pack did not enhance his flight at all, all it did was restrict his movements and make him completely uncomfortable.

Jim, do you vow in the presence of God and this gathering of family and friends to seek to be all Christ calls you to be, to submit to the Lord Jesus Christ, to continue to love and respect Gail as your wife, and to commit to making every part of your life together to be pleasing and honoring to the Lord? If you so promise, answer I Do.

Now the second man was also handed a parachute pack and told to put it on as it would greatly enhance his flying experience, but this time the flight attendant continued. She said, “please put this on as it will greatly enhance your flying experience, because three of our four engines have died and fourth one is on fire. Talk about a very different response, right. This man quickly grabbed the parachute and cinched it up tight against his chest. The pressure of the pack against his back and weight of straps that pushed heavy on his shoulders brought him much comfort because he knew that any moment he was going to have to jump out of that plane.

Now the second man was also handed a parachute pack and told to put it on as it would greatly enhance his flying experience, but the flight attendant continued by saying, because three of our four engines have died and fourth one is on fire.

Jim, do you promise in the presence of God and this gathering of family and friends to seek to be all Christ calls you to be, to submit to the Lord Jesus Christ, to continue to love and respect Gail as your wife, and to commit to making every part of your life together to be pleasing and honoring to the Lord? If you so promise, answer I Do.

The first man expected his parachute to be a source of immediate and constant happiness and when it came with some draw backs that caused him to be unhappy and uncomfortable he was quick to give up on it.

The first man expected his parachute to be a source of immediate and constant happiness and he was greatly disappointed when it didn’t work out that way.

Gail, do you promise in the presence of God and this gathering of family and friends to seek to be all Christ calls you to be, to submit to the Lord Jesus Christ, to continue to respect and love Jim as your husband, and commit to making every part of your life together to be pleasing and honoring to the Lord? If you so promise, answer “I Do”.

The second man understood his parachute to be an instrument that preserve his life and he was greatly satisfied with his decision to hold tight to his pack.

But the second man understood that his parachute was an instrument designed to preserve his life and he was greatly satisfied with his decision to hold tight to his pack.

I share this story on this great day for two reasons. One is that I think it illustrates well the power that expectations can have in any of our decisions. What is it that we think marriage is designed to bring us? Is it designed to bring us immediate and constant happiness? Or is it designed to bring us into wholeness.

I share this story on this great day for two reasons. One is that I think it illustrates well the power that our expectations can have in any of our decisions. What is it that we think marriage is designed to bring us? Jim and Gail, what were your expectations of marriage 40 years ago? Have they changed any over the years? It sure has for me, and Rachel and I don’t have half the time invested as you do.

What if God designed marriage not simply to make us happy, but as a training ground to make us holy? What if the joy, happiness and romance of marriage, as great as it is, isn’t really the point of marriage. Just a great side benefit. What if the primary role of our marriages is to teach us about ourselves and to show us how far away we actually are from what God designed us to be. To give us ample opportunities to choose to be “self-less” instead of “selfish”.

There are several new marriage books on the market today that point to an old perspective on marriage. What if marriage was not designed simply to make us happy, but designed to make us holy? What would happen to our society if we returned to the perspective that marriage wasn’t just designed to bring us happiness or romance as it does and should bring, but it’s primary role is to teach us about ourselves and to show us how far away we actually are from what God desires for us to be – which is holy.

an opportunity to be selfless in ways tha

This is exactly what is telling us. As husbands, we are to operate contrary to our natural selfish leanings and choose to love our wives even if in that moment we perceive that their actions are not lovely. And wives, you are commanded by God to be self-less as you choose to respect your husbands even when you perceive his actions to be less than respectable.

Marriage Declaration

In the passage God commands us as husbands to operate contrary to our natural leanings and choose to love our wives even if their actions are perceived to be unlovely and so too are wives commanded by God to choose to respect their husbands even when their actions are perceived to be less than respectable. These choices are contrary to our natural leanings and as such are not comfortable, they are not easy they do not seem at first to enhance our experience, but God sees a bigger picture. His desire is ultimately for our happiness, he just knows, because He made us this way that we will not be happy apart from living closely with Him. So His greatest desire for us is our holiness because he knows that is the only thing that will bring us happiness.

In the Ephesians 5 passage God commands us as husbands to operate contrary to our natural leanings and choose to love our wives even if their actions are perceived to be unlovely and so too are wives commanded by God to choose to respect their husbands even when their actions are perceived to be less than respectable. These choices are contrary to our natural leanings and as such are not comfortable, they are not easy they do not seem at first to enhance our experience, but God sees a bigger picture. His desire is ultimately for our happiness, he just knows, because He made us this way that we will not be happy apart from living closely with Him. So His greatest desire for us is our holiness because he knows that is the only thing that will bring us happiness.

Forasmuch as Jim and Gail have promised God and each other that they have committed themselves to be a Christian marriage, the noblest and best relationship between a man and a woman, the most cherished and personal of all human relationship, it is my privilege and honor as a minister of the Gospel of Christ, the gospel of Grace, and in the authority vested in me by the laws of this state, I pronounce you husband and wife.

And wives, you are commanded by God to choose to respect your husbands even when you perceive their actions in a particular moment to be less than respectable.

Forasmuch as Jim and Gail have promised God and each other that they have committed themselves to a Christ honoring marriage, the noblest relationship between a man and a woman, the most cherished and personal of all human relationship, it is my privilege and honor as a minister of the Gospel of Jesus Christ to pronounce that you are …all set for another 40 years of marriage.

In the passage God commands us as husbands to operate contrary to our natural leanings and choose to love our wives even if their actions are perceived to be unlovely and so too are wives commanded by God to choose to respect their husbands even when their actions are perceived to be less than respectable. These choices are contrary to our natural leanings and as such are not comfortable, they are not easy they do not seem at first to enhance our experience, but God sees a bigger picture. His desire is ultimately for our happiness, he just knows, because He made us this way that we will not be happy apart from living closely with Him. So His greatest desire for us is our holiness because he knows that is the only thing that will bring us happiness.

Choice like this run contrary to our natural leanings and as such are not comfortable, they are not easy they do not seem at first to enhance our experience, but God sees a bigger picture.

Check this video out

, the gospel of Grace, and in the authority vested in me by the laws of this state, I pronounce you husband and wife.

I told you that there are two reasons that I share this story. The first reason was to help us re-evaluate our expectations of marriage and the second is to help us to re-evaluate our expectations of Christianity. Often this parable of the two men in a plane is used to clarify what becoming a Christian is, and what it is not. Some people have described the choice to become a Christian similar to the first flight attendant. Just put on this Christianity thing and it will enhance your life. It will fix all your problems and make everything better, Jesus never promised this. He said in...

John 16:33 ESV

33 I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

I told you that there are two reasons that I share this story and the second reason is that Jesse and Alyssa have made it very clear to me that they want the presentation of the Gospel to be a focus in this ceremony. Often this parable of the two men in a plane is used to declare the Gospel. You see it is able to help clarify what the Gospel message is and what it is not. Sometimes the Gospel message is declared like this: Come to Jesus because being a Christian will enhance your life experience, much like what the first man heard on the plane. And maybe the people’s lives are filled with difficulty and pain and they respond excitedly because they hear in this “Gospel” message that if you come to Jesus all your troubles will go away. But that is not the message of Jesus. That is not the message of the Gospel. And so when they commit their lives to Jesus and life still has hardships it leaves them wondering what did they do wrong or who lied to me.

Marriage was designed to be this beautiful display of a love relationship between two people. A symbol of what God wants to have with each of his children.....??????

in Jesus says 33 I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

times the Gospel message is declared like this: Come to Jesus because being a Christian will enhance your life experience, much like what the first man heard on the plane. And maybe the people’s lives are filled with difficulty and pain and they respond excitedly because they hear in this “Gospel” message that if you come to Jesus all your troubles will go away. But that is not the message of Jesus. That is not the message of the Gospel. And so when they commit their lives to Jesus and life still has hardships it leaves them wondering what did they do wrong or who lied to me.

As the words of that song display so vividly, the Good News of Jesus is not that following Him makes life easy. The good news of Jesus is that even in our shared brokenness we can rest together in a peace over what Jesus has purchased for us

You don’t need my permission Jim, but I think you should go ahead and kiss your bride.

The Gospel or the Good news is not that being a Christian makes life easy, like the first man who was handed the parachute pack. The Gospel message is best understood with the example of the second man, that without something to save us we are doomed to crash and burn. And God, in His love for us, was not ok with that. So God reached down into our mess and gives us a way to be right with Him again through the death, burial and resurrection of His perfect Son Jesus Christ. And God has given us the demonstration of what living in a right relationship with Him looks like in the life and work of Jesus Christ as recorded in His Word the Bible.

best understood in the example of the second man. That we will experience brokenness life here on earth is often hard to handle, but when your heart is at peace with Jesus Christ then the burdens of following Jesus are not just things that make you uncomfortable or , that without something to save us we are doomed to crash and burn. And God, in His love for us, was not ok with that. So God reached down into our mess and gives us a way to be right with Him again through the death, burial and resurrection of His perfect Son Jesus Christ. And God has given us the demonstration of what living in a right relationship with Him looks like in the life and work of Jesus Christ as recorded in His Word the Bible.

Jesus never promised a care free life in fact in John 16:33 Jesus says 33 I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

Jesus never promised a care free life in fact

I know that both Jesse and Alyssa resonate with these truths and as we continue to celebrate the great thing that God has given us in marriage, I just felt like God wanted me to say, “Yes, marriage is great, Yes marriage is fun, Yes Marriage is important, but it is important not just because it is great and fun, but because of the power that it has to make us aware of our need for a savior, and our need to be made more like His Son Jesus Christ, especially in the areas of sacrificial love and un-earned respect.

Please pray with me