Getting a Handle on Relationships

Scripture

Open Bible to

Chris—Assistant Pastor—glad you’re here

At Cornerstone we value authentic and accountable relationships

So glad to be in this series love handles

Last week Kevin opened series by discussing getting a handle on love

Every relationship can grow but relationships have to be built on mutual submission and sacrifice

Available on website

We move our focus from love to relationships

I wanted to create a message about relationships that did not exclude those who were not married or dating

Biblical advice today can apply to friendships, dating, marriages

(ESV), “For each will have to bear [carry] his own load [picture of a cargo ship].”

Dear brothers and sisters, if another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself. 2 Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ. 3 If you think you are too important to help someone, you are only fooling yourself. You are not that important.

4 Pay careful attention to your own work, for then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done, and you won’t need to compare yourself to anyone else. 5 For we are each responsible for our own conduct.

New Living Translation Chapter 6

Dear brothers and sisters, if another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself. 2 Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ. 3 If you think you are too important to help someone, you are only fooling yourself. You are not that important.

4 Pay careful attention to your own work, for then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done, and you won’t need to compare yourself to anyone else. 5 For we are each responsible for our own conduct.

The Holy Bible: English Standard Version. (2016). (). Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles.

Tyndale House Publishers. (2015). Holy Bible: New Living Translation (). Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale House Publishers.

Pray

God, I ask that we will have less to carry down the road because of how we live today. Letting things in the past go, and letting people in can be difficult, give us strength. We are unable to do anything worthy on our own. Even as I preach, help me, strengthen me. Help me to get out of the way so that people can see you. In Jesus name, Amen.

Story

If you haven’t noticed the chest behind me on stage—I can’t help you

This is mine from college—kept food in it—lock it so roommates couldn’t get it

When it didn’t have food it—used it to pack stuff in for the dorm room

When it didn’t have food it—used it to pack stuff in for my dorm room

Chest laid at the end of my bed—friend saw it when I was moving in and she said she had a hope chest at home growing up

How many in had a hope chest? How many know what I’m talking about?

As I was preparing this message—revisited Swipe Right—Levi Lusko

In one of the chapters he mentions a hope chest and give some history

Hope chests date way back—ancient Egyptians used them to hold valuables

Used widely in Europe and in America up until the 1950’s

Hope chests held gifts parents and loved ones would give to help the bride start her new life with her husband

Registries have replaced hope chests

The hope chest was a reminder to young women of their future

You Lug What You Load

You may not have a hope chest sitting at the end of your bed but we all make decisions throughout our life we carry with us

We often times illustrate this as an invisible chest

An invisible chest of memories, regrets, moments we wish we could change

Spring break in ‘94—mar degrade—movie at friends house—images on laptop

Fist fight with a friend—arrested—student loans—debt

It all goes in the trunk we lug around

Since no one else sees us carry this around—we don’t know what kind of load people are carrying from relationship to relationship

Even on our wedding day—Magian come here—we stand at alter

People see us but they and we do not realize what we are carrying

The most important parts of a person are parts we cannot see

Andy Stanley says it this way, “The only thing that changes at a wedding is a last name. Everything else remains the same, including your bad relational habits and your lack of self-control.”

Bad relational practices are habits

We move from one relationship to another making similar mistakes

Levi Lusko puts it this way, “You lug what you load”

Part of this is because we enter into a relationship trying to carry someone else's load before dealing with our own

We have to live with the decisions we make

We want to change our lives but our decisions have gotten us where we are

(ESV), “Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap.”

English Standard Version Chapter 6

Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap.

We cannot sow sin and get blessings

We cannot sow sin and get blessingsThe devil wants to trick you into living a life that is all but impossible for God to bless If you follow Jesus, you will go to heaven. He may not be able to stop you from God’s grace but he can get you into heaven even though you’ve wasted your life here on earthHe’s trying to trick you to live for the trivial

You cannot put a seed for corn and expect wheat —basic gardening

Basic spiritual principle—you cannot sin and expect blessings

We cannot sin—disobey God and say, “Bless me!”

The devil wants to trick you into living a life that is all but impossible for God to bless

If you follow Jesus, you will go to heaven

The devil may not be able to stop you from God’s grace but he can get you to waste your life here

He’s trying to trick you to live for the trivial

Stuff that does not matter—stuff others forget about but you never do

“What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas” is far from the truth

We carry all the decisions and mistakes we make

Levi Lusko puts it this way, “You lug what you load”

Then we meet people—enter into relationships with them

Friendship, dating, marriage

And they too are lugging their own load

And we wonder, “Why didn’t that work?”

But we hear preachers recite:

(ESV), “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”

2 Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ

The Holy Bible: English Standard Version. (2016). (). Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles.

New Living Translation Chapter 6

Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ.

Paul is telling Christians to help each other anyway we can

But then we read 2 verses down and Paul says:

(ESV), “For each will have to bear his own load.”

Which one is it Paul? Help others or concentrate on the load I’m lugging?

Teaching and Application

We need to understand—there will be times in your life when you can only carry what we’re carrying and we need other people to help us

There will be other times where help you can help carry because you have learned to let go

I don’t think Paul is contradicting himself—we have a responsibility to help others but we also need help from those we are in relationship with

Letting Go

We get a handle on relationships by letting go

We all lug a load—eventually this load needs to be dropped

We have to decide, “I am going to forgive myself”

Harder than forgiving others

We tell ourselves, “I’ve already messed up, there’s no hope for me”

This is a lie

The Bible is filled with people who others would count as beyond hope

Paul who wrote what we’ve read today being one of them

He killed Christians left and right

If there is hope for Paul—there is hope for you and me

You cannot change your past, but it does not mean you cannot give God your present

Do not sow the same old mistakes, sow something new and you will reap new life and new relationships

(NIV), “So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.”

So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.

Tyndale House Publishers. (2015). Holy Bible: New Living Translation (). Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale House Publishers.

Levi Lusko takes and says, “You

His mercies are new every day—he is filled with grace and power

He can remove our sins from us—he has that power

Let go of the past—give God present

Get a handle on your relationships by letting go

Letting In

We get a handle on relationships by letting in

For any kind of relationship—secrecy is the enemy of intimacy

Friendships/marriages

You decide who you allow to know your secrets

If you have someone you want to be close to—you have to let them in

In marriage—no such thing as secrecy—tried it—does not worked

God tells us when a man and woman join together—they become one

Happens on a spiritual level—why not do the same on the physical level?

The happiest and most intimate of relationships are with those you let in

Be honest—be open—sharing secrets can hurt but it brings so much freedom and healing

(ESV), “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed.”

Healing is the result—not shame

The reason we have secrets is b/c we are ashamed of what we’ve done

First 2 humans to ever live felt this shame

After disobeying God—they hid—they tried to keep a secret

(ESV), “Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths. And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden.”

Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths.

8 And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden.

The Holy Bible: English Standard Version. (2016). (). Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles.

You have felt shame of your secrets for too long

You have wasted too much energy making sure no one finds out

All the energy and effort is worthless—someone knows or will know

I find it funny Adam/Eve tried to hid—God already knew what they did

For us—God already knows—he knows our thoughts and actions

(ESV), “You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar.”

God may be the only person to know but more than likely someone else will figure out

Jesus himself tells us this

(NLT)

New Living Translation Chapter 8

For all that is secret will eventually be brought into the open, and everything that is concealed will be brought to light and made known to all.

Secrets create paranoia—confession brings liberty

You want to get a handle on your relationships? Let people in

If not—the relationship you have—or lack of—will remain the same

Letting people in—heals us

Let God in—forgive us

God will forgive us and hopefully so will other people (in time)

There is a difference between forgiveness and consequences

We will have to own up to what we’ve done

Imagine yourself 5 years from now

Maybe 35-40 years old

Imagine today is the day you let someone in

It takes 6 months for forgiveness and situations to be fixed

That means you walk in freedom and healing for 4 1/2 years

How would your life look different if you held on—didn’t let go or didn’t let in

5 more years of carrying around this weight

5 more years of paranoia—addiction

5 more years of living—getting by but that’s it—no improvements

This is not the kind of life Jesus came for you to have

New favorite verse:

(NIV), “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”

Your life can be better than it is right now

It cost but the return is far better than the exchange

Your relationships can be better—more intimate,

You can look at yourself differently in the mirror—you can forgive yourself

Jesus has forgiven you

To have life to the full—it takes letting go and letting in

Difficult, yes, worth it, heck yeah

STAND

Closing