Receiving Life from Others

I like to try to make my wife think that I am all-knowing and all-powerful but she quickly lets me know that I am not at all like God in those ways. Neither am I infinite, immutable, or omnipresent. So, how are we like God – being made in His image?

(NIV) So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.

One of the ways is that we are relational. Think about the relationship of the Godhead – the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. And it was God’s desire to create man and have relationship with him. It was God’s plan to send His Son to restore our relationship with Him.

Dr. Henry Cloud suggests that because we are created in the image of God, there are

Four aspects of God that are important in living healthy lives:

1. Bonding with others

2. Separating from others

3. Sorting out issues of good and bad

4. Taking charge as an adult

All of these aspects deal with relationships, and if we want to be healthy, we would do well in learn to manage these areas.

Relationship is natural

Loving One Another

As Jesus was approaching His final days with the disciples, he challenged them to love one another.

John 13:34–35 NIV

34 “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. 35 By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

Our English language is very limited in describing the idea of love. We can love chocolate and love our spouses. We can look at a color swatch and fall in love with that specific shade and love our country enough to die in battle for it.

(NIV) “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. 35By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

In the Greek the idea of love can be expressed in 4 different words and 4 different meanings:

- Phileo – general attraction towards a person or thing

- Stergo – to love, feel affection, especially of the mutual love of parents and children, love of people for their ruler, even of dogs for their master

- Eros – love which desires to take possession, denotes the love between man and woman which embraces longing, craving, and desire.

- Agape – the love of God or the way of life based on it, it implies a generous move by one for the sake of the other

When Jesus told the disciples to love one another, he meant to agape one another. To love others as God has loved you. To love others intentionally for the sake of the other.

Relationship is intentional

It is this intentionality that brings healing into our lives and brings health to the body of Christ. Consider this verse in the letter to the Ephesians:

Ephesians 4:16 NIV

16 From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.

Ephesians 4:16

Notice that the body “grows and builds itself up in love”. Imagine that your house functioned out of the agape love principle. Each member of the house takes on responsibility for the benefit of the entire home. Dad, mom, and kids all pitch in together with intentional diligence to keep the home repaired, cleaned, and pleasant. They demonstrate love through kindness, patience, humility, and all the other characteristics we find in . Mom and dad speak to one another kindly and demonstrate their love to one another through words and actions. Wouldn’t that be a wonderful home?

(NIV) From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.

Life Grows from Connectedness

Last Sunday our office router finally died. I spent the next 2 days reestablishing the network. Connections with the internet, printers, TV’s, were all messed up because of the breakdown in connections. I think Windows updated something or stopped supporting the older version of 7 or 8 because my email won’t connect either. FRUSTRATING!

This was God’s intent for each of us. Listen to this same idea expressed by Jesus as He prayed for the disciples:

John 17:20–23 NIV

20 “My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, 21 that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. 22 I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one—23 I in them and you in me—so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.

Dr. Henry Cloud provides an illustration that I believe is very powerful. He points out that a newborn infant experiences extreme stress at birth. Medical professionals have learned that the sooner a baby is placed to the skin of the mother, the sooner the child will recover from the stress. This is the process of bonding. The future memories of the child will develop from the bonding that takes place in the days, months, and years to come.

(NIV) “My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message,

21that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me.

22I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one—

23I in them and you in me—so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.

Spiritually, this is what Jesus was praying for when he prayed for the Father to be in us, and for his love to abide in us. When we are born again, spiritually speaking, we begin internalizing memories of God. This grows and is reinforced as we join the Family of God.

Relationship is Crucial

Because we were created to thrive in relationship and establish connections with one another, when connections are broken, it causes huge problems in our lives.

The Island of Isolation

We’ve been talking about the value of relationship, connectedness, and bonding. The reason that these things are so important is the fact that unless we are intentional about staying in relationship, the results of isolation are devastating –

Feelings of depression marked by sadness, inactivity, and difficulty with thinking and concentration.

Feelings of meaninglessness. Meaninglessness often comes on people who have lost a relationship and they have failed to replace it.

Feelings of badness and guilt. Isolation will sometimes distort reality. A person may begin to think, “I feel lonely; therefore, I am not loved. If I am not loved, it must be because I am unlovable. I am bad, or someone would love me.”

Isolation can lead to addiction. Addiction results from the belief that a person needs something to survive. Usually it is a specific substance – alcohol, drugs, or food. But people can also feel addicted to activities such as sex, gambling, work, destructive relationships, religiosity, achievement, or materialism.

The list can go on to include distorted thinking, sadness, fears of intimacy, feelings of unreality, panic, rage, excessive caretaking, and fantasy.

Let’s simply agree that this is not healthy. Again, remember,

1. Relationship is natural – God designed

2. Relationship is intentional – agape love

3. Relationship is crucial – like a baby, we are wired to connect

Dr. Henry Cloud

(10 minutes of video)

Begin Bonding Now!

Realize the need

Paul uses the image of the body to show the value of relationships:

1 Corinthians 12:27 NIV

27 Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it.

(NIV) Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it.

You are a part of a body, and you cannot be emotionally amputated from the blood flow and expect to thrive (think ).

Move Toward Others

It is wonderful when others move toward you and seek you out; afterall, that is what God does:

Romans 5:8 NIV

8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Others don’t always know that you are feeling isolated. To the best of your ability, actively reach out for help and support. Take risks!

(NIV) But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Others don’t always know that you are feeling isolated. To the best of your ability, actively reach out for help and support. Take risks!

Be Vulnerable

Take down the mask! None of our families are perfect. There is dust in all of our homes. Start small with a support group or counselor, but don’t be afraid to open up and be real.

Challenge Distorted Thinking

History is not always the best teacher. We bring hurts and bad experiences into our NOW but it causes us to have distorted thinking. Not all marriages are hurtful. Not all men are cruel. Not all girlfriends will break your heart. Ask the Lord to reveal the truth into your life.

Allow Dependent Feelings

On Valentines Day we watched the movie Hitch starring Will Smith and Kevin James. Will Smith plays Hitch who is an expert at helping men in relationships with women. Kevin James plays Albert Brennaman, a goofy and bumbling accountant in love with a star. Hitch may have the right moves, but he has mastered the mechanics but avoided exposing his heart. When everything falls apart the awkward Brennaman calls Hitch out and tells him that Hitch is the coward because he is unwilling to admit to the feelings that he has for the woman he loves.

To be in relationship means that you will be exposed to feelings, and it is okay. You must say Yes to life.

Finally, rely on the Holy Spirit, pray and meditate.

One of the most wonderful passages of Scripture in the NT falls in the 2nd chapter of Acts. It is the result of being in the right place with relationships with one another and with God.

Acts 2:42–47 NIV

42 They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. 43 Everyone was filled with awe at the many wonders and signs performed by the apostles. 44 All the believers were together and had everything in common. 45 They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. 46 Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, 47 praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if that could be our community’s description of Grace Chapel?

(NIV) They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. 43Everyone was filled with awe at the many wonders and signs performed by the apostles. 44All the believers were together and had everything in common. 45They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. 46Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, 47praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if that could be our community’s description of Grace Chapel?

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