Proverbs: Train up a child [Proverbs 22:6]

Proverbs: Train up a child []

MI: Not letting your child always have his or her way is a form of evangelism.

We started last week looking at some Proverbs that may be difficult to understand, seeking to help unlock some misunderstanding or misinterpreting. The Proverb we’ll look at today has been one of those proverbs that is probably one of the most known, yet the most misunderstood of all the proverbs.

Stand for the reading of the word of God []

Many Christian parents feel the crushing guilt when their children do not “turn out right.” They ask questions like, “What did we do wrong?” or “What else could we have done?” And what is even more problematic is that the guilt so many Christian parents feel finds its roots in the Bible. After all, what did the text we just read say?

This verse has produced much shame and guilt in many Christian parents because it seems to promise that if parents will start their children out on the right way when they are young, when they are grown they will continue to live in the right way. On the other hand, if you don’t raise your children in the right way, they will live the wrong kind of life. How your children turn out reveals whether or not you started them out right.

Therefore, if you have grown children who are ungodly or did not turn out right, the obvious conclusion is that you did not raise them properly. So added to the heartache of a child not walking with the Lord is the biblical condemnation of your parenting. You blew it…you messed it up.

But is that really what teaches? Now some propose a solution to the dilemma to try to resolve the problem for Christian parents. They say the solution is that is not a promise but rather a general rule of thumb. The argument goes, all things being equal, the usual outcome of life will be that if you raise your children the right way, they will live the right kind of life, but that is not always the case. So we can fix this problem and ease our consciences by saying it is not a promise.

I find this approach to be problematic. After all we wouldn’t do this in other places in the bible. So why would we treat this in a unique way? For example we would never say that if you trust the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding, and in all your ways acknowledge him, he will usually direct your path. No there is a better way to understand the proverbs. The biblical proverbs are promises that are generally true now, but are always true ultimately in the end. You can count on them.

So then what of this particular proverb? Does it mean that if I do right by my children now by taking them to church, reading the bible to them, and leading them in prayer, I am guaranteed they will turn out right? Does it mean if my children do not turn out right as adults, somehow it is my fault because I did not train them right? What if it’s too late and they are already grown and adults and I didn’t start them out right?

The biblical proverbs are promises that are generally true now, but are always true ultimately in the end. You can count on them.

This verse is a promise, but I think most of us misunderstand what the promise is. What we need to see is the is the reverse side of a promise. Here’s what I mean.

This verse is a warning to correct your children. There’s a way to understand that is extremely helpful. Instead of being a promise that if you do right, your children will turn out right, it’s a reverse promise-or a warning-that if you do not correct your children when they are young, they will certainly run amok wanting their own way as an adult.

Almost every English translation of this verse adds a word to the text that is not in the Hebrew. The English says something on the lines of “train a child in the right way” or “way he should go”. the word “right” or “should” is not in the Hebrew. Literally the verse should be rendered “Train a child in his way, and when he is old he will not depart from it.”

In Hebrew there is no descriptor or qualifier on “way” so English translations add on descriptors like “right” or “should”. they do this to help aid in the interpretation of the verse, but it wasn’t intended to be used for blame on the parents. After all that doesn’t fit the rest of the Proverbs does it? where the son must make wise or foolish choices and be held accountable for them. The youth is responsible...

The question is, if we take the literal translation, what does it mean to “start a child on his way?” Two options...

One, train a child according to their nature. Each child is different, you you must become an expert in figuring out what works best for communicating with your child. We can see this and this is acceptable. But I’m not sure if it fits best because we also know that our nature is broken. Proverbs teaches 22:15, foolishness is bound up in our hearts and it needs to be corrected.

The bible clearly teaches and warns-despite what we hear from the world and from Disney movies-that is to follow your heart is the epitome of foolishness. Doing what is right in your own eyes leads to death. The bible teaches God gives young people to parents who are supposed to correct this condition. The best interpretation of is sort of sarcastic: Let a child have his own way when he’s young, and when he is old, he’ll continue to insist on having his own way. It’s the flip side of the promise, it’s a warning that parents must correct their children’s foolish characteristics. Children left to their own devices will destroy themselves.

Two other verses help us see this, , “foolishness is bound up in the heart of a youth; a rod of discipline will separate it from him.” and “a rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a youth left to himself will disgrace his parents.” Children do not have to be taught how to do wrong because it’s already in their hearts, but they do need to be corrected and shown what is right. All people need correction to do right, you harm your children when you do not correct them or laugh it off as cute.

The Proverbs imply two tactics for correcting the rod [spanking] and reproof [not leaving them to themselves]. Sometimes spanking can be the only way to get through to a young child because no reasoning in the world will help. There’s an ancient Egyptian proverb that says “Young boys have ears on their backsides.” Calvin college did a study that showed kids who had been spanked between the ages of two and six earned better grades in school and had a better outlook on life. While there is no room for physical abuse of children, the bible is clear there must be discipline in children. As children age verbal reprimands work better, because the child is growing and maturing able to understand and reason.

The point is clear from the proverb, a child left to his own devices will choose the wrong and destructive path. Human beings are not basically good or people are not innocent. The parents task is to intervene before folly sets in. Leaving a young child to make their own decisions without correcting them is foolish, leaving teens of the opposite sex alone together is foolish, letting your four-year-old have his way all the time is foolish.

Proverbs is opposed to the buddy-parent philosophy. If you allow your child to be self-centered now, they will be later as well. Sometimes, many times you have to say NO! Or you child will turn out to be a Veruca Salt from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, who always got her way but was a miserable person. You have to hold your children accountable. The parents task is to intervene in your child’s life to keep them from the path of foolishness, which they are certain to walk down without intervention.

So how do we do this? I found some very useful tips from J.C. Ryle, who gave 17 tips on how to train up your child. Now if you don’t have children at home anymore, this doesn’t mean you check out now…this is a text for all of us it affects us not only as parents but as grandparents, uncles, aunts, sons, daughters…everyone is affected by this and we all can be involved in a child’s life or someone who has children. These are great tips. They’re not given in any order of importance…just good stuff.

1. Train up a child in the way they should go, not the way they would go. We’ve touched on this already but we are sinful creatures by nature so there is a way we would go that is natural to man…that is the way of foolishness and sin. Our job as parents is to train a child in the way they should go…the right way…the Lord’s way. That is not natural to man. Paul tells us in Romans that we are enemies of God by nature and we need someone to intervene. Now it’s Jesus who ultimately rescues us from sin…but as parents we are tasked with the job of pointing our children to Jesus.

2. Train up a child with patience and love. , that great love chapter, starts out describing love as..patient and kind. To raise children you need patience and love otherwise you’ll be miserable. We are not to spoil our children but love them…children didn’t come with instructions but they should have at least come with the warning of “handle with care.” after all we are on a rescue mission for our children.

3. Train up a child while persistently depending upon grace. news flash, your going to mess up from time to time as a parent. you’re not always going to do things right. Sometimes you’ll lose your temper when you shouldn’t have, sometimes you’ll ignore your children when you should have listened, sometimes your kids are going to pick up on your bad habits…and often the thing that drives you crazy most is the something they picked up from you…but thank God for grace. We’re going to need God’s grace to raise kids. Persistently depend upon it.

4. Train up a child with first consideration given to the soul. Remember, we are on a rescue mission for our children, eternity is at stake, point your children to Jesus the author and finisher of our faith. Many things are very important for our children, their education, their health, etc. but the most important is their eternal souls.

5. Train up a child with the knowledge of the bible. You can’t make your child love the bible, but you can get them acquainted with the bible. Getting your children familiar with the bible is vital. Get into God’s word with your kids. And it’s never to late to make reading God’s word with your kids a habit.

6. Train up a child with a habit of prayer. Make prayer a habit, get them use to praying out load. I often call on my kids to pray over our meals and in front of groups of people…prayer takes practice…the more you pray the better you get. Prayer is evidence one is born again. Tell God what’s on your mind…don’t just get in the habit of repeating prayers…talk to God like your talking to a friend. J.C. Ryle said, “When there is much private prayer in the Christians life…that Christian is growing. Show me a growing Christian and he’ll be a praying Christian.”

7. Train up a child with a habit of regular corporate worship. Recent Studies show that the church is losing a large number of teens and twenty somethings. There are a number of reasons for this but I do believe one is the lack of consistent attendance at church. It’s as simple as, if you don’t make regular attendance to church a habit…your children will not either. The body of Christ is urged in the scripture to meet regularly together for worship, to edify one another, to pray for and with each other, and to hear the word of God preached.

8. Train up a child with a habit of faith. Now don’t misunderstand me, you can’t produce faith in your children, only the Holy Spirit can do that. But you can model faith for them. Trust God, depend on God, believe the promises of God. The problem with man is unbelief, no faith in God. But when we, as parents, model trusting God and believing God in our lives your teaching your children what faith looks like.

9. Train up a child with a habit of obedience. Now this is important, all parents want our children to be obedient to us, right? But remember this, this area is one of those more is caught than taught areas. If you’re not obeying God’s word in your own life as a parent…your children are going to pick up on that demonstration of rebellion. Kids are going to rebel without any help from us, but when we say one thing and do another…kids aren’t stupid, they pick up on that. We must be obedient to God as parents in order to model obedience to our children.

10. Train up a child with the habit of always speaking the truth. We’ve already seen several times the proverbs stressing the importance of our words. We need, as parents, to be in the habit of speaking the truth. Yes, the truth of God’s word, but also just the truth in general. Little white lies we tell as adults are picked up by our children and they model the same behavior. I’m a fisherman, I know what fabricating a story looks like…we need to make it a habit to always speak the truth for our kids.

11. Train up a child with a habit of making the most of their time. Idleness is the devil’s playground. We can see this worked out in our own lives. The body idle falls apart, but a body in motion stays in motion. The same with our time, stop wasting so much time. We might not even give this much consideration, but just think, I touched on this Wednesday night with the kids, how much time is wasted by looking at our phones. I’m just as guilty of it as the next person, put the thing down and do something, some sort of activity or something.

12. Train up a child with a constant fear of over indulgence. This is probably something none of us give much consideration to because we have so much. But because we do have so much it’s so easy to over indulge in just about anything. Food, money, hobbies, etc. it’s OK to enjoy good things, not to over indulge in them. Sometimes simply saying no is the best option…even if it’s not a bad thing, just limit what we indulge in. David’s children are a prime example of over indulgence in the scripture. They always got what they wanted and they were a mess for it. You can study that for yourself in the books of the kings/chronicles. That can be an encouragement, a man after God’s own heart had kids that were a mess.

13. Train up a child to remember how God trains His people. You can really see this in the way God dealt with Israel. He lead them and gave them instruction, he also punished them when they were disobedient. Just as God trains and disciplines His children we are to train and disciple our own.

14. Train up a child by influencing them with your own good example. We’ve hit on this already. Your actions can’t contradict your counsel. What you say and what you do must line up otherwise you’re chasing your tail. It’s simple, if we say we love God, and tell our children they should love God, but our actions at home speak contrary, your kids will pick that up. Much of our training is caught rather than taught with our children.

15. Train up a child to remember the power of sin. Remember your children inherit the same sinful nature as you do so it’s important they know the power of sin. This sinful behavior can be seen very early on in a child’s life, it’s our jobs as parents to hold our children accountable for their bad actions. Correcting a child points out that sinful behavior to the child, punishing them teaches there is real accountability to our wrong actions. Discipline is teaching your children about the gospel. We’ve all fallen short of God’s standard and we need correcting and a savior. Correcting a child is one of the best things you can do for them because it’s teaching them the premise of the gospel.

16. Train up a child to remember the promises of God. The scriptures are full of God’s promises. God promises to never leave us or forsake us, God promises to complete the good work he begins in us…what is impossible with man is possible with God. This can’t be over stated. One of my favorite promises of God comes from the gospel of where Jesus is telling his listeners that He is the good shepherd. Listen to what Jesus says in , “My sheep hear my voice, I know them, and they follow me. 28 I give them eternal life, and they will never perish. No one will snatch them out of my hand. 29 My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all. No one is able to snatch them out of the Father’s hand. 30 I and the Father are one.” [CSB] That’s a wonderful promise my friends…teach your children truths such as these…lay hold of God’s promises and pass them on!

17. Train up a child to continually pray for the blessing of the Lord. Friends it’s OK to pray for God’s blessing…in fact we should be praying continually for God’s blessing. If God doesn’t bless it what’s the point? Now don’t misunderstand this, we don’t just want the Lord to give us this or that, we want the Lord to bless all that we do and have, and if we’re continually seeking the Lord’s blessing we’re continually seeking the Lord’s will. As parents, we want our children to be blessed by the Lord, but to be blessed by the Lord one must first be changed by the Lord, and that’s what we want for our children.

Christian Standard Bible. (2017). (). Nashville, TN: Holman Bible Publishers.

This verse in Proverbs communicates to us that our children’s greatest need is the gospel of Jesus Christ. The good news that God changes the hearts of rebellious sinners, by His Holy Spirit, through faith in Jesus, for the glory of God the Father. This passage is clear, our goal for our children is life transformation through the power of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Disciple is evangelism. Disciple is a rescue mission.

Lovingly disciplining our children and holding them accountable for their wrong actions, demonstrates for them the gospel of Jesus, and the fact that we all fall short and need the savior.

should cause guilt in parents as much as it should encourage vigilance! We are on rescue mission where we must lovingly correct our children because there is foolishness in their hearts. So let us heed the warning and instruction from the Proverbs to train up a child in the way they should go.

Maybe you don’t have children at home anymore, maybe you don’t have children at all, let me give this challenge to you. We have anywhere from 20-30 children here on Wednesday nights every week, who desperately need someone to train them in the way they should go. Get involved in our children’s ministry if you are not. You will be blessed by it and return be a blessing to a young person.

If you have grandchildren, that are not in church, encourage your children to get them to church, offer to take them to church yourself…reach them with the gospel.

If you have children that are not in church or are living foolishly. Talk to them, confess your own sin and failure to them. You’d be surprised how far that will go with them.

Friends many say your family is the hardest to witness to, but it shouldn’t be because your family are the ones you love most, and if you love them most you’ll do whatever you can to reach them with the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Pray for your children! Pray for their salvation! Pray! Pray! Pray! Perhaps this morning you need to confess of your own shortcoming with your children, perhaps you need direction on how to lead you children…let us come to the thrown of Grace and fall at the feet of the king who cares for us.