Couple's Refresher 2020

Introduction

What a great night. Thank you all for coming out.

Round of applause for those who volunteered their time to put this together.

Big thank you to Mr. Boznyiak for his insight.

I only want to take a few moments and share with you something that’s on my heart for you that Sarah and I have had to work through in our marriage.

Busyness.

How many of you would say your busy? What about your spouse?

Seems as though no matter the stage of life, no matter the circumstances, we’re all busy.

For us that was never truer than these last 8 months for us.

Sometimes we get so busy with life that we forget to live it…we especially forget that we actually have someone we are supposed to be living it with.

Sure you see each other for dinner or maybe you come to church together but do actually make time for one another?

Tonight I hope to let you know some warning signs of being too busy and then give you some practical tips to take home and hopefully be a blessing to you.

PRAY

I once read about a young pastor who had replanted a church in Southern California. He took no salary at first and he and his wife spent their savings on buying a sign for the church. Two weeks later that sign was grafittied.

At 18 months in there was a newly saved member who was so grateful for the pastor and his wife that she bought them tickets to a 3 day cruise.

Now, the pastor tried to decline the cruise but the lady said “You can’t do this to me. I’ve already bought the tickets.”

Their plane left for Miami on a Sunday night. So he preached two services, taught classes, counseled some, and then got their kids situated with the baby sitter.

Then off to the airport they went. Somewhere over the midwest the wife looks at the husband and says “Where did you put the cruise tickets?”

At that moment his heart sank. He knew where he put them. He put them on the kitchen counter....

Long story short they were able to get on their cruise with their id’s.

But think about that. They could have lost the opportunity to go on this amazing cruise all because they got in such a hurry they forgot to grab the key to opening the door it it.

In our marriages, we would all acknowledge that they are important. None of us would say that we don’t like our spouse or want our marriage to be mediocre. But the question is, are we really living that, or are we leaving the tickets on the counter?

The tickets in marriage to the awesome journey you could have, is connection.

How connected are you to your spouse? Not just knowing some of the fun facts we did in the games but when is the last time you just heard how their week is going? When is the last time you asked, “how can I help you”? When is the last time bared their burden for them or with them? What about spending some time alone without the kids and just talking about what’s going on in life?

When we don’t make time for connection points between us, we are leaving the tickets on the counter and forfeiting an amazing cruise. Sure a vacation in Miami could have been fun…but it would have been settling.

The consequences of getting too busy can manifest themselves in Emotion drift.

1. Emotional Drift

Think about when you were dating and first together. You probably wanted to spend every moment with one another. But when we are soo busy we don’t spend the time together and we also don’t think about the other person. We focus in on what we are doing and begin to think less about them and more about us. This leads to a lack of concern and emotional attachment.

Paul wrote

Philippians 4:8 KJV 1900

8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

Because what we think on affects our hearts, minds, and actions.

Next you can see a build up of stress

2. Build up of Stress

Life brings enough stress to us that we shouldn’t try to add onto it by creating space between our spouse and us. Because then comes division.

3. Neglect and Resentment

When one spouse is is busy doing other things without them and spending their time with other people, our minds can begin to go to places it shouldn’t.

This can also lead to a cycle of neglect. The husband fills his time with one thing so the wife fills her time with another and both are upset at the other because they feel the other one is neglecting them.

Which leads to resentment.

So don’t be so busy you forget what makes the journey of marriage enjoyable. Continually connect with one another.

How do you accomplish this?

First, clarify your priorities.

I. Clarify your priorities

Sit down together at the table tomorrow after church and write down your priorities.

For instance mine are these:

Child of God, Husband, Father, Pastor, Preacher, Friend, Mentor

Be as specific or vague as you’d like but clarify your priorities with one another. Ask for the input of your spouse on this.

II. Purposefully make time for one another

This is best accomplished through scheduling it. Some could get upset and say “it should just happen. He shouldn’t have to schedule time for me...”

That’s the wrong perspective to take. Be thankful to the Lord you have a spouse that will purposefully make time for you rather than neglect you.

What’s important gets scheduled, what’s scheduled gets done.

We should make time for one another daily

- Daily

This could be during or right after meals when the gets go away from the table and you have mommy and daddy time. I heard of one couple that have the first 30 minutes when Dad gets home from work that he set aside as debrief time. Kids are not allowed to get invovled or be around the conversation.

-Weekly

A weekly date night is ideal. It doesn’t have to be out on the town it could be popcorn and a movie at home. Or somtheing that doesn’t require much money or a babysitter. Just spend some purposeful time together enjoying one anothers company.

-Seasonally

Plan your vacations. Plan periodic times away during the year for you and your spouse to go and enjoy a day or two without the kids.

Marriage is a journey, not a destination. If you don’t continue to enjoy the journey, you’ll reach your destination realizing that you forfeited great for good and wish you’d done it different.

Don’t be so busy that you forget the tickets, which is making continual connection with one another, and miss your cruise and have to settle.

Pray