Property Management 101

Hebrews 12:1–3 NIV

1 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, 2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3 Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Home Ownership

Property Management 101

A Healing Body

Focus:

Empower the people to take ownership of their lives so they can be healthy Christians.

Home Ownership

I hate to admit this, but home improvements and landscaping is my hobby. As much as I admire the avid hunters, fishermen, and sportsmen, I look out the window at something in the yard or in the house that could be improved and am drawn to it like a moth to the flame.

When I left active duty, I told my other friends in the unit that I wanted to be able to plant a tree and watch it grow. The active Army wouldn’t have allowed for that. The first property I owned was in Lake Windcrest. We bought it early and got 3 acres. Immediately we planted a couple trees and I would drive the old ’68 blue pickup truck over there and kept them watered. Now we live on 2 acres in Hufsmith.

I can tell you most of the plants on the property. American beautyberry, nandina, loropedalum, azaleas, Mexican petunias, live oaks, Texas ash, on and on. I can tell you where the water lines are buried and whether or not the telephone line in the ground is mine or from the past. I can explain how I built the deck, shop, sidewalks, and fencing (and tell you where the mistakes are). Many of you can do the same thing.

It seems natural for us to have great knowledge about the property we own, but we often have problems understanding what is inside the boundaries of our own lives. When we don’t know where the boundaries of our lives are, it creates lots of confusion. This would be a good place for Dr. Cloud to introduce the issue…

Dr. Henry Cloud on Boundaries

(10 minutes)

What are the Things Within Our Boundaries?

I can’t help thinking about the story Dr. Cloud tells about the father with the son skiing off in Vail. I would have loved to see his expression when Dr. Cloud told him that the man’s son didn’t have the problems, life was good for him. It was the successful businessman who was at the psychiatric hospital seeking help. I bet the man just about passed out as he realized it was true.

For some time now I have been really thinking and praying about how I could share True Life to our church in the area of our difficulties and hurts. I’ve been concerned with the growing numbers of Christian people who are struggling with all kinds of problems to include addictions (alcohol, prescription and illegal drugs, and pornography), anxiety, loneliness, grief, unforgiveness, insecurity, and stagnation. I firmly believe that healing is in Jesus Christ, but I think that we can have a misunderstanding about healing. This series is designed to show that when we apply the Word of God to our lives and live by Spirit and Truth, we can be healthy.

I think we have to admit that there have been times, and maybe right now, when you and I have felt like the father sitting in Dr. Cloud’s office.

We know that we are created in the image of God. God describes Himself as the “I Am”

- “I am your shield” ()

- “I am God Almighty” ()

- “I am the Lord” ()

- “I, the Lord your God, as a jealous God” ()

- “I am (fill in the blank)

Because we are created in His image, we can also say that we have a “state of being”. I am am not Cindy. I am not James Harden. I am not J. J. Watt. This is important to remember because owning the property of who I am establishes boundaries. Recently someone posted a picture of a tennis shoe on Facebook. For some the tennis shoe is grey/aqua and for others the tennis shoe is white/pink. I saw it as grey/aqua and Cindy saw it as white/pink. No amount of arguing will change either of our interpretations of the picture. “I am not you, and you are not me”.

Some other things that are within our boundaries are attributes, feelings, and thoughts. Just like the Lord has attributes, so do we:

(positive affirmations)

Psalm 103:6–8 NIV

6 The Lord works righteousness and justice for all the oppressed. 7 He made known his ways to Moses, his deeds to the people of Israel: 8 The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love.

(negative affirmations)

(NIV) The Lord works righteousness and justice for all the oppressed.

7He made known his ways to Moses, his deeds to the people of Israel:

Proverbs 6:16–19 NIV

16 There are six things the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to him: 17 haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, 18 a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, 19 a false witness who pours out lies and a person who stirs up conflict in the community.

8The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love.

(negative affirmations)

Just like I know what is within the boundaries of my property, we need to understand what is within the boundaries of our lives:

(NIV) There are six things the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to him: 17haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, 18a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, 19a false witness who pours out lies and a person who stirs up conflict in the community.

Just like I know what is within the boundaries of my property, we need to understand what is within the boundaries of our lives:

- Physical appearance

- An attitude

- Unique feelings

- Unique behaviors

- Unique thoughts

- Unique abilities

- Unique desires

- Unique choices

- Unique limits

- Unique “no’s”

I am not saying that everything on my property is good. Every so often I do a “poison ivy” hunt to try to kill it. There have been some close calls with copperheads. Those things need to be removed just like sinful thoughts, attitudes, behaviors and choices. But I don’t say all the property is bad because it has some poison ivy. I think many of us believe that the things found on our property are all of the flesh, making us bad. We need to redeem that thinking!

Developing Good Boundaries

Last week we talked about getting connected and now this week we are talking about defining boundaries. This may sound like the two are completely opposite things but actually they are connected and lead us into healthy lives. Think about the growth of a child. As an infant, connectedness looks like the baby in the arms of the mother. The baby is completed dependent on the mother for everything. We don’t expect it to stay that way. Life is a process of growing separateness. Growth takes place….

Mobility

Language development

Thought processes

Consequences

Cause and effect

The development of “the will”

These things all happen by the age of 2 (the terrible twos), but actually they are amazing developmental milestones. Parents find joy in the development of separateness that takes place. Sure, watching your child step onto the school bus for kindergarten is tough but it is necessary separateness. Getting their car license, their first boyfriend/girlfriend, graduation, college, marriage, on and on….these are all natural things that come with healthy adulthood. The connection is still there, but freedom to be who God intended for them to be is greater than ever. It is something to be celebrated.

Boundary Disputes

The earliest boundary dispute took place in the Garden of Eden. With the sin of Adam and Eve, our boundaries were destroyed. Since we no longer had grace, we could not tell the truth about who owned what. Adam said it was the woman’s fault, not his. She “caused” him to do it. Eve said it was the serpent’s fault, not hers, for he “made her do it”. They could not admit that their own desires, attitudes, and behaviors led to their choices. They could not take responsibility for themselves. They wanted to eat the fruit and to become godlike. They thought that they should have whatever they wanted, and that God really did not know what was good for them. They chose to reach past their allotted boundaries. And God held them responsible for all of those choices.

Since the fall, we have all had difficulty owning what is ours.

Frequently in marriages, when the couple is arguing it becomes very difficult to unscramble all the feelings of hurt and injuries that take place. Often the desire is to hurt the other person. The beginning of healing from the situation is to own what is ours. Celebrate Recovery calls it “cleaning your side of the street”. This includes your feelings, attitudes, thoughts, choices, and actions. They need to get past reaching beyond their own boundaries or they need to learn that the other person does not have the right to reach within your boundaries. makes this clear.

Matthew 18:15–17 NIV

15 “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. 16 But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ 17 If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

Dr. Cloud pointed these things out. If your boundaries are being violated, you have the right to express yourself…strong boundary, stronger boundary, and separation. Boundaries are about self-control.

(NIV) “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. 16But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ 17If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

Galatians 5:22–23 NIV

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

Dr. Cloud pointed these things out. If your boundaries are being violated, you have the right to express yourself…strong boundary, stronger boundary, and separation. Boundaries are about self-control.

Sometimes people just don’t take responsibility for their lives. This is true even in horrible situations like injury. It is not their fault, but they do ‘own’ the situation. It is their responsibility to learn to walk again. No one can do that for them, but they can be helped. Those who don’t take responsibility for their lives remain stuck because they want other people to change. They want others to make it better, and often those people will not. As a result, they are in bondage to others. Freedom comes from taking responsibility; bondage comes from giving it away. Many spouses of people in addiction will not take ownership but continue to blame someone else for their misery. This is the essence of powerlessness.

(NIV) But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

Sometimes people just don’t take responsibility for their lives. This is true even in horrible situations like injury. It is not their fault, but they do ‘own’ the situation. It is their responsibility to learn to walk again. No one can do that for them, but they can be helped. Those who don’t take responsibility for their lives remain stuck because they want other people to change. They want others to make it better, and often those people will not. As a result, they are in bondage to others. Freedom comes from taking responsibility; bondage comes from giving it away. Many spouses of people in addiction will not take ownership but continue to blame someone else for their misery. This is the essence of powerlessness.

Learn to Maintain Your Property

Be Aware that You Own Property

This is the main purpose of this message. You are created in the image of God and have a God given body, feelings, attitudes, behaviors, thoughts, abilities, choices, wants, and limits.

A famous philosopher, Popeye, once said, “I yam who I yam”. There are many personality tests and spiritual gifts tests out there to help you.

Define who you are and who you are not

Develop the “No” Muscle

Many of us have eliminated this word from our vocabulary, and we need to rediscover it. Saying a definite ‘yes’ can be a change for the better as well.

Stop Blaming Others

Take responsibility for your own pain and not blaming others is a major move out of bondage and into health. This does not mean that others did not cause it; it just means that you have to deal with it. Blaming others is a dead-end street.

Stop Playing the Victim!

Persevere

God commands us to persevere, or to continue on in spite of difficulty or opposition:

Hebrews 12:1–3 NIV

1 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, 2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3 Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Become Active, Not Reactive

(NIV) Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us,

2fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

3Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Become Active, Not Reactive

Choose to love and to give, don’t just love and give when it is required. Choose to work and accomplish, don’t just do it when it is required. The develops character. It develops a sense of “I will” (Cloud, 197).

I have met young people who are fresh in the ministry. They have been wounded by people they had developed relationships. As a result, their response was to avoid future relationships. My response has been to continue to love regardless. Don’t be afraid of the bite.

Set Limits

“One of the most important tasks is setting limits on others’ abusive behavior. Stop enabling others to be self-centered and irresponsible. Put limits on the ways that their substance abuse or physical abuse affects you. In addition, put limits on more subtle emotional abuse, such as criticism and blaming.”

[time when Mel lived with us it became clear that the issue was more difficult than we could provide help. We had to draw a limit. Caused problems but things eventually got better when Mark Goldman finally agreed].

Choose Values

“As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord”

Practice Self-Control

Self-control is about settings limits on yourself. You can’t have everything you want.

Accept Others

Accepting others is about giving people room to be different from you. Even in your marriage, realize that the two of you are unique (I don’t do that well). Time apart enhances the relationship by creating longing and can provide refreshing to your spouse.

Challenge Distorted Thinking and Be Honest

Truth sets us free. Identify your distortions and act in accordance with the truth; you will begin to develop the fruit that you were uniquely designed to develop.

Now, Get Out and Take on Your Ownership!

I would expect that many of us have seen where we have had our properties invaded by others and also how we may have invaded some one else’s property. It’s almost Spring…just right to get out and start managing your property!