The Good, the Bad, and the Problem

A Healing Body

If we do not have the ability to tolerate and deal with the simultaneous existence of good and bad, we cannot successfully deal with and live in this world, for the world and we are precisely that: good and bad.

Consider this quote from Dr. Henry Cloud:

“If we do not have the ability to tolerate and deal with the simultaneous existence of good and bad, we cannot successfully deal with and live in this world, for the world and we are precisely that: good and bad.”

Have you ever been aware of a family going through some hard times relationally? You know all of the family members and love each one of them but see that there is struggle going on. In your own life you have had similar problems but have been able to work through them and realize that your own family is not perfect but have both bad and good things going on. Maturity led you to that realization, but you have also learned to sort out the good and bad.

Have you ever read Paul’s confusing statement?

Romans 7:15–25 NIV

15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16 And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17 As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18 For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. 21 So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22 For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; 23 but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. 24 What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? 25 Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in my sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.

The bigger point that Paul is making in this chapter is that the Law is helpful for moral guidance, but don’t look to it for salvation (PLUG Community Groups). For our specific understanding today is this struggle with good and evil. Paul was dealing with it also and acknowledges that there is a struggle.

(NIV) I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

21So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; 23but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. 24What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death?

25Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in my sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.

The bigger point that Paul is making in this chapter is that the Law is helpful for moral guidance, but don’t look to it for salvation (PLUG Community Groups). For our specific understanding today is this struggle with good and evil. Paul was dealing with it also and acknowledges that there is a struggle.

When Isaiah saw the struggle he said,

Isaiah 6:5 NIV

5 “Woe to me!” I cried. “I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the Lord Almighty.”

Isaiah 6:5

King David expressed it this way,

(NIV) “Woe to me!” I cried. “I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the Lord Almighty.”

Psalm 40:17 The Message

17 And me? I’m a mess. I’m nothing and have nothing: make something of me. You can do it; you’ve got what it takes— but God, don’t put it off.

King David expressed it this way,

As long as believers live in this world as men and women of flesh and blood, they will face a constant tension—the conflict between their sinful nature and their new spiritual life.[1]

In our lives we struggle with this issue of ‘good’ and ‘bad’ and it can really shake our faith. It is ironic that just this past week our community group dealt with these questions. I believe we can all identify with this statement by Dr. Cloud in his book:

We were not prepared to live in an imperfect world. We were not made to deal with the effects of the fall. There were to be no cavities in our teeth, no thorns and thistles puncturing our soft feet. We were not made to have to defend ourselves against each other; our spirits are much too tender to live in a world of hurtful people. We were made for perfect relationship with perfect people; instead, the people with whom we find ourselves invariably hurt us. They lie or are unfaithful; sometimes they are just mean (Cloud 205).

The temptation that we are faced with is to try to live in a world where everything is either all good or all bad. You’ve seen it before. People can’t have a consistent relationship with anyone, and they go from friend to friend, spouse to spouse, church to church, or job to job. For awhile everything seems okay but as soon as an imperfection shows up, they move on. They can’t deal with imperfection, except their own.

Let’s listen to Dr. Cloud’s short 10-minute explanation of this concept:

Video: Dr. Cloud, “Sorting out Good and Bad”

Paul was completely transparent when he says,

Romans 7:15 NIV

15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.

He sorts out good and bad and later provides an answer for believers,

(NIV) I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.

Romans 7:25 NIV

25 Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in my sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.

He sorts out good and bad and later provides an answer for believers,

An idealist has problems sorting good and bad out. They don’t accept the bad with the good. For example:

(NIV) Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in my sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.

An idealist has problems sorting good and bad out. They don’t accept the bad with the good. For example:

- You are leaving work late but forgot to call your spouse; as a result, they treat you like you have leprosy.

- Your golf year has been pretty good, but you play a rotten game. Suddenly you feel enormous hatred for yourself.

- Maybe you buy a new car and are excited, but when you put a dent in it the car is suddenly ALL bad.

- The meatloaf didn’t turn out perfectly so now the night is ruined.

These are all examples of people who have a problem with reality. They live in ideal worlds. The idealist believes that dating is always a Christmas Hallmark movie, marriage is a life-long honeymoon with no “for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health”, and the weather should always be 72 degrees and sunny. We are not there yet!

The Bible points out the conflict between the good and bad…

Romans 8:22–25 NIV

22 We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. 23 Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies. 24 For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? 25 But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

Dr. Cloud points out something that churches ought to know,

(NIV) We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. 23Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies. 24For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? 25But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

Dr. Cloud points out something that churches ought to know,

This split between the ideal and the real is one of the major reasons Christians struggle. The church often stresses such high ideals that many people feel they can’t be human and still be Christians – an incredible belief when one thinks of why they came to Christ in the first place. They came because they were sinners in need of forgiveness and acceptance.

That is a pretty good point and also a pretty good lesson for those of us who are idealists in our relationships with others. Understanding that we are good and bad and in need of forgiveness and acceptance goes a long way!

Acceptance and forgiveness is Grace

Ephesians 4:32 NIV

32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Ephessians 4:32

Demanding Perfection will Ruin Your Life

(NIV) Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Demanding Perfection will Ruin Your Life

“Acceptance of good and bad is the biblical alternative. It is called grace and truth. In this alternative, we deny neither the ideal nor the bad. We accept and forgive the bad, while clinging to the ideal as an unrealized goal that we strive for in an atmosphere of full acceptance.”

The God-fearing person avoids both legalism and license and leads a balanced life.

The Bible teaches two themes throughout: the first is that we are created in the image of God and that we have incredible value. The second is that we are sinful and broken. There is the ideal, and there is the real. Both are true, and both need to be reconciled into a grace-giving relationship with God and others.

Psalm 8:4–6 NIV

4 what is mankind that you are mindful of them, human beings that you care for them? 5 You have made them a little lower than the angels and crowned them with glory and honor. 6 You made them rulers over the works of your hands; you put everything under their feet:

Romans 3:10 NIV

10 As it is written: “There is no one righteous, not even one;

(NIV) what is mankind that you are mindful of them, human beings that you care for them? 5You have made them a little lower than the angels and crowned them with glory and honor. 6You made them rulers over the works of your hands; you put everything under their feet:

Psalm 103:14 NIV

14 for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust.

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This idea of sorting out good and bad was new to me. It makes sense on a lot of levels, but I wanted another opinion. I was reading about the new president of Elim Bible Institute and learned it was Dr. Fred Antoneli. Many years ago, Fred attending church with my family. Since then he earned a Doctorate in Christian counseling and opened a counseling service. In his book, “Struggling Well: Balancing the Love and Grace of God with the Pain and Questions of Life” he writes this:

(NIV) As it is written: “There is no one righteous, not even one;

(NIV) for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust.

This idea of sorting out good and bad was new to me. It makes sense on a lot of levels, but I wanted another opinion. I was reading about the new president of Elim Bible Institute and learned it was Dr. Fred Antoneli. Many years ago, Fred attending church with my family. Since then he earned a Doctorate in Christian counseling and opened a counseling service. In his book, “Struggling Well: Balancing the Love and Grace of God with the Pain and Questions of Life” he writes this:

Embracing the gray is not having a lack of faith or even giving into the enemy. It’s acknowledging the reality of what occurs in the life of every human being. Stuff happens, and if we walk throughout life thinking that somehow as Christians we’re immune from the effects of the gray, then not only are we in denial, we’re also a candidate for spiritual apathy.

When I say ‘acceptance’ I do not mean giving an active or passive permission of the bad things of this world into our lives. I am just saying that bad and good exist. Dr. Cloud mentioned a cycle of Christians who live as idealists thinking that bad cannot happen. Listen to this from Dr. Antonneli,

But within our evangelical Christian community, I’ve found that a number of believers just find it difficult to wrap their minds around an honest look at our human fallen limitations. Many feel that to look at their limitations (sin struggles) is then to agree with Satan that we really have them. NEWS FLASH: we do! A lot of people in the church believe that they have to constantly live up to a “yardstick of rules” in order to please God, consequently voiding out the reality of our struggling fallen state. It’s this Pharisaic prevailing attitude within the church that says we can’t really serve Jesus nor can we stack up to a Holy God in these corrupted spacesuits. That somehow, we can’t struggle and be used of God at the same time.

We need to give ourselves a break and realize that we aren’t perfect, and God knows that and still loves us!

I had an opportunity to spend time with Matt Roever this past week. He started a church and had just preached his 2nd sermon. During the sermon he had the men in the church turn to their spouses and say that they were sorry. One woman of a prominent leader told Matt later, “That was the 1st time he has ever said that he was sorry.” His simple act made a tremendous difference to her.

Psalm 32:3–4 NASB95

3 When I kept silent about my sin, my body wasted away Through my groaning all day long. 4 For day and night Your hand was heavy upon me; My vitality was drained away as with the fever heat of summer. Selah.

It is the nature of our flesh to resist confession. We try to hide aspects of ourselves from God, ourselves, and others, and they just get worse. By doing this, we are separating ourselves from grace, truth, and time. That will result in lack of growth or change.

(NASB95) When I kept silent about my sin, my body wasted away Through my groaning all day long.

4For day and night Your hand was heavy upon me; My vitality was drained away as with the fever heat of summer. Selah.

It is the nature of our flesh to resist confession. We try to hide aspects of ourselves from God, ourselves, and others, and they just get worse. By doing this, we are separating ourselves from grace, truth, and time. That will result in lack of growth or change.

I think some people make the mistake of believing that if you confess a shortcoming or negative thought, that you are accepting it as an outcome. “When we confess to others, they can begin to accept us and heal our isolation. We move into a loved position.” The belief that we should not confess something until “it is a victory” contradicts the Word. The Bible commands us to confess to one another, anything short of that is pride.

This doesn’t mean that we are to foolish tell anybody the good, the bad, and the problems of our lives. Confession should be to those who love us and can offer the grace of God.

A second prescription for healing is forgiveness. Forgiveness is demanded by the Gospel.

Matthew 6:15 NIV

15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

If your marriage is like mine, the two of you have problems from time to time. Recently Cindy and I disagreed about something. As it continued, I was stewing about it – thinking that I was right and she was wrong. I heard the Holy Spirit speak to me and He said, “Forgive her”. Now He didn’t say, “Yep, Mark you are right! What awesome understanding you have. You’ve won that one!” No, He simply said, “Forgive her”.

(NIV) But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

If your marriage is like mine, the two of you have problems from time to time. Recently Cindy and I disagreed about something. As it continued, I was stewing about it – thinking that I was right and she was wrong. I heard the Holy Spirit speak to me and He said, “Forgive her”. Now He didn’t say, “Yep, Mark you are right! What awesome understanding you have. You’ve won that one!” No, He simply said, “Forgive her”.

We started out with this quote,

“If we do not have the ability to tolerate and deal with the simultaneous existence of good and bad, we cannot successfully deal with and live in this world, for the world and we are precisely that: good and bad.”

Understanding that this world has both good and bad is a big step toward being healthy. “The best way to avoid getting bit by a dog is to stay in one place and NOT run from it. A dog’s natural instinct is to chase you, so staying still is the best way to avoid being bitten. The same thing can be said regarding depression, anxiety, or any other mental health disorder. If you accept it for what it is, don’t run from it and learn how to circumvent its bite; you can actually then get better at navigating through it rather than running and getting bit by it… As we stand in knowing God’s love for us, running from the gray becomes something we do less of and the accepting and navigating through it becomes something we do more of. It really does work if you work it (Antonneli, 140).

[1] Barton, B. B., Veerman, D., & Wilson, N. S. (1992). Romans (p. 141). Wheaton, IL: Tyndale House Publishers.

The Good, the Bad, and the Problem

The Good, the Bad, and the Problem

Focus:

The Good, the Bad, and the Problem

Failure to Sort Out Good and Bad Leads to Trouble

Don’t be an Idealist

A RX for Healing

Acceptance

Confession

Forgiveness