Embracing Adulthood

A Healing Body

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Over the past 4 weeks we have taken time to consider what the Bible provides as answers for some of the most significant issues that we experience. I hope that these messages have provided help for you in the issues that you have been facing. We have discussed:

- Using Grace, Truth, and Time Wisely

- Receiving Life from Others

- Property Management 101

- Learning to navigate the good and evil of life.

And this morning we will talk about what it means to Live as a Healthy Adult with the emphasis on ‘adult’.

Many of you have asked for notes, references, and book references. That is awesome!

This sermon is the last in this series. It’s focus is on embracing the position that God has given you as an adult. This is a challenge to all of us in one way or another, but it is a reality that we cannot ignore.

1 Corinthians 13:11 NIV

11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.

Job 38:3 NIV

3 Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me.

The concept of being a complete adult underwrites the entire Bible. The Bible shows tremendous faith, courage, hope and love; and also admits to terrible tragedy and human failure. Entire books of the Bible are directed with adult themes – Proverbs, written from a father to a son about maturity; Ecclesiastes – exploring the great themes of human life; the Song of Solomon – sharing a picture of intimacy as couples and an analogy of God’s love for us. The Gospel introduces Christ by powerful action and demands a response of faith. And, finally, the entirety of the New Testament as it demonstrates the Gospel in a New Covenant.

(NIV) When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.

(NIV) Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me.

The concept of being a complete adult underwrites the entire Bible. The Bible shows tremendous faith, courage, hope and love; and also admits to terrible tragedy and human failure. Entire books of the Bible are directed with adult themes – Proverbs, written from a father to a son about maturity; Ecclesiastes – exploring the great themes of human life; the Song of Solomon – sharing a picture of intimacy as couples and an analogy of God’s love for us. The Gospel introduces Christ by powerful action and demands a response of faith. And, finally, the entirety of the New Testament as it demonstrates the Gospel in a New Covenant.

But, it is not at all easy…

Video: Dr. Henry Cloud; “Becoming an Adult”

Dr. Cloud referenced the following passage from Galatians:

Galatians 4:1–2 NIV

1 What I am saying is that as long as an heir is underage, he is no different from a slave, although he owns the whole estate. 2 The heir is subject to guardians and trustees until the time set by his father.

This passage tracks the natural progression of maturity for an individual. A child is completely dependent on the parents but with each year and each bit of gained knowledge and responsibility, the dependency of the child on the parent becomes less and less. What is happening is that the individual is coming into a place of authority, a God-given expectancy. Afterall, God placed Adam and Eve in a position of authority:

(NIV)What I am saying is that as long as an heir is underage, he is no different from a slave, although he owns the whole estate.

Genesis 1:26–28 NIV

26 Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.” 27 So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. 28 God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.”

2The heir is subject to guardians and trustees until the time set by his father.

So, let’s take a closer look at authority.

This passage tracks the natural progression of maturity for an individual. A child is completely dependent on the parents but with each year and each bit of gained knowledge and responsibility, the dependency of the child on the parent becomes less and less. What is happening is that the individual is coming into a place of authority, a God-given expectancy. Afterall, God placed Adam and Eve in a position of authority:

(NIV) Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.”

27So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.

28God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.”

So, let’s take a closer look at authority.

God gave them great authority with the exception that they were still to remain under His submission. They could not eat from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. So, the model for our God-given authority is “a lofty position of rulership and authority, or adulthood and responsibility, and of freedom to be in charge of our lives. Along with this comes the responsibility of submitting to God’s authority and the accountability if we fail.

3 aspects of being in charge: authority, responsibility, and accountability

Sadly, with the Fall, Adam and Eve and all of humanity felt the consequences of their actions. When we fail to act in authority, we also will feel the consequences of our actions:

- Maybe your finances, health, or marriage are a wreck

- Maybe you don’t know what you believe

- Maybe your kids are out of control

- Or, maybe you’re living far below your potential

When we begin to act responsibly as adults with authority we begin to heal (Cloud).

[The adolescence process interests me, begins on 270-274. Cloud parallels this with the spiritual development from Galatians and Colossians.]

The question of what it means to be an adult is hotly debated. At 18 we can vote and serve to defend our country. At 21 it is legal to drink. Children can stay on their parents’ insurance until age 26. It gets pretty confusing. The Hispanic culture celebrates becoming a woman at 15 with a church service and party. The Hispanic male gets money for a car. The Jews have Bar (Bat) Mitzah’s for boys at 13. In the Brazilian Amazon, young boys belonging to the indigenous Sateré-Mawé tribe mark their coming of age when they turn 13 in a Bullet and Ant Initiation. The tradition goes as so: they search the jungle for bullet ants which are sedated by a leader who submerges them in an herbal solution. The ants are then weaved into gloves with the stingers pointed inwards. An hour or so later, the ants wake up angrier than ever, and the initiation begins. Each boy has to wear the gloves for ten minutes.

So, what is adulthood? Well, adults share these characteristics

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. Preamble to the Declaration of Independence

Whatever the age, adults are meant to be equal. Children grow up into adults who are responsible for themselves, leave home and establish a life of their own with their own talents, direction, purpose, power, office, influence, and expertise. Adults should be able to think for themselves, stand on their own two feet, disagree with authority figures and stand with their own opinions (273).

Henry Cloud refers to this equality as come out from the one-down position to looking at others around them eye-to-eye. This would include bosses and leaders. Other adults are looked to as experts to whom they can turn to get advice and input, but each person is responsible for his or her own life (274).

My first full-time job was building houses and I was hired by a contractor from our church. From time to time he was a Sunday school teacher, so I looked up to him – until I began to work for him. Shortly after getting the job I was disillusioned with his behavior. This was my earliest example of moving from “one-down” to “eye to eye”. I had to make my own choices. I had to stand up to him in disagreement. And, I had to decide whether to continue to work for him or find another job.

Equality is based on God’s design and when we don’t stand on our own 2 feet, we are living beneath God’s purpose and plan for your life.

Although it is true that God created us to be adults with authority and equality, we are still ultimately under God’s authority. Through submission to God’s authority we learn obedience. Even the areas in which we have authority should be giving back to God. Baby dedication, marriage, and even funerals are important opportunities for us to recognize this fact.

In addition to submission to God, we willingly submit to others:

Matthew 20:25–28 NIV

25 Jesus called them together and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. 26 Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, 27 and whoever wants to be first must be your slave—28 just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

Our relationships with others all throughout our lives are not one-down relationships (inferior to superior), but they are willing submissions to others out of love for God and love for others. In the family, the wife is to submit to her husband:

(NIV) Jesus called them together and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them.

26Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant,

Ephesians 5:22 NIV

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.

27and whoever wants to be first must be your slave—

28just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

Submit is not a bad word. Submission is not a reflection of inferiority or lesser worth. Christ constantly submitted Himself to the will of the Father, without giving up an iota of His worth.

Our relationships with others all throughout our lives are not one-down relationships (inferior to superior), but they are willing submissions to others out of love for God and love for others. In the family, the wife is to submit to her husband:

(NIV) Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.

Submit is not a bad word. Submission is not a reflection of inferiority or lesser worth. Christ constantly submitted Himself to the will of the Father, without giving up an iota of His worth.

A teenager who feels that they qualify as an adult but is not willing to submit to the head of the home is still immature in this area. Many of these immature adults will learn to understand Mark Twain’s statement, “When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years.”

Even in the workplace, as employees we willingly submit to those in authority. Because we are adults ourselves, we can have our own opinions, but we willingly follow those of the company or choose to leave.

In the Pharisees and some teachers of the law showed up where Jesus and His disciples were eating. The Pharisees were upset that the disciples were eating without washing their hands by using ceremonial washing rituals and other practices. Jesus responded to their criticism:

Mark 7:6–8 NIV

6 He replied, “Isaiah was right when he prophesied about you hypocrites; as it is written: “ ‘These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. 7 They worship me in vain; their teachings are merely human rules.’ 8 You have let go of the commands of God and are holding on to human traditions.”

Jesus then goes on to point out rules that the Pharisees follow but they miss the point of the rules. When I go home from the church, I have to take a left turn onto Hufsmith. I think they’ve fixed it now, but for a long time the light wouldn’t see that I was there, so I’d sit at the light until I realized that it wasn’t seeing me. Now, I could follow the rule and wait and wait and wait. Or, I could recognize that the light represents the principle that our community is better and safer when our intersections are organized for safe and steady flow of traffic. As long as I comply with the principle by being safe and accommodating to the other traffic, it is not a problem for me to make a left turn even if the light is red. The principle is more important than dead rules.

(NIV) He replied, “Isaiah was right when he prophesied about you hypocrites; as it is written: “‘These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me.

7They worship me in vain; their teachings are merely human rules.’

8You have let go of the commands of God and are holding on to human traditions.”

Jesus then goes on to point out rules that the Pharisees follow but they miss the point of the rules. When I go home from the church, I have to take a left turn onto Hufsmith. I think they’ve fixed it now, but for a long time the light wouldn’t see that I was there, so I’d sit at the light until I realized that it wasn’t seeing me. Now, I could follow the rule and wait and wait and wait. Or, I could recognize that the light represents the principle that our community is better and safer when our intersections are organized for safe and steady flow of traffic. As long as I comply with the principle by being safe and accommodating to the other traffic, it is not a problem for me to make a left turn even if the light is red. The principle is more important than dead rules.

This is why (to use my ‘Happy Home Rules’ again) I used principles instead of rules to communicate the expectations of the home – submission to God, harmony, productivity, love, respect, and appreciation (value).

Wouldn’t it be amazing if we saw ourselves the way God sees us? Imagine if we took the authority and power God intended us to have, viewed one another as equals, were willing to submit to God and one another in love, and were principle driven instead of rule driven. I think we agree it would be close to paradise.

Dr. Cloud mentions areas where we probably need to work out our immaturity:

- Reevaluate beliefs

- Free to Disagree with Authority Figures

- See Patents and Authority Figures Realistically

- Make Your Own Decisions

- Deal with Your Sexuality

- Give Yourself Permission to Be Equal with Your Parents

- Recognize and Pursue Talents

- Practice (Self-confidence = competence)

- Recognize the Privileges of Adulthood

- Disciple Yourself

- Gain Authority Over Evil

- Submit to Others Out of Freedom

- Do Good Works

- Become a “Pharisee Buster”

- Appreciate Mystery and the Unknown

- Love and Appreciate People Who are Different

It’s entertaining to go to Disney and visit Neverland. Neverland is the home of an eternally young boy named Peter Pan. The author describes Peter Pan as dressed in leaves and cobwebs and still had his first set of teeth. It is also the home of the lost boys – little children who have fallen out of their perambulators (baby carriages). Wendy is the only voice of reason in his world. Although Peter Pan is great for entertainment it is not a good suggestion for how we should live our lives.

Henry Cloud makes this statement, “Everyone who has ever lived (except Adam and Eve) has encountered the problem of being born a little person in a big person’s world and being given the task of becoming a big person over time. We are all born children under adult authority, and over time we are expected to become adults ourselves and to take charge of our lives. This task…is not easy.” Sometimes we have to overcome maturity issues:

1. Inordinate need for approval

2. Fear of disapproval

3. Guilt

4. Sexual struggles

5. Fear of failure

6. Need for permission

7. “You Can’t Do That” Syndrome

8. Feelings of inferiority

9. AND THE LIST GOES ON

Fortunately, there can be healing for these issues, the best place for this healing is in your prayer closet with God. Secondly, it is through understanding God’s design for your life and His love for you that we begin to walk in the freedom that was designed for each of us.

Embracing Adulthood

A Healing Body

1 Focus:

2 A Healing Body

We ALL Have Difficulty Embracing Adulthood

We ALL Have Difficulty Embracing Adulthood

Authority

What is Adulthood?

What is Adulthood?

Adults are Created to be Equal

Adults are Willing to Submit

Adults are Able to See Principles Instead of Rules

Living Free as an Adult

5 Living Free as an Adult

“Adulting” Well

6 “Adulting” Well