The Life of David: 2 Samuel 14

Collins English Dictionary defines Conflict as “a serious disagreement and argument about something important. If two people or groups are in conflict, they have had a serious disagreement or argument and have not yet reached agreement.”

What do you think when you hear the word conflict?

Is conflict healthy?

How should we handle conflict?

When two people have two opinions that do not align, conflict can soon follow. More often than not, if both parties will listen to each others perspective they can find middle ground.

Conflict becomes unhealthy when it is ignored. In today’s lesson we will see the negative results of unresolved conflict.

Background

Everything thing in David’s life was smooth until he stayed home when all the kings went to battle. In his isolation he succumbed to temptation, willingly sleeping with Bathsheba.

From there he manipulated, lied, and had his friend Uriah, Bathsheba’s husband, murdered. After living with the secret of his sin for over a year, the prophet Nathan spoke to him.

David repented and as an act of grace, God spared his life. The law required adulterers and murderers to die. Instead, Nathan prophesied that the sword would never leave David’s house.

David’s son Amnon raped his half-sister Tamar. Instead of addressing it with Amnon, David was angry. Therefore, Absalom decided to take matters into his own hands.

He waited for two years and invited Amnon over to his house. While they ate, Absalom got him drunk and had him murdered.

What should David have done in this situation?

How did David’s inactivity create further conflict?

After hearing Absalom killed Amnon, David was disappointed, yet still did not get involved. Absalom’s conflict with his brother shifted to conflict with his father.

Story

Joab, the commander of Israel’s army, can tell David missed Absalom. Instead of going to the king, he sought a woman from the city of Tekoa to go to the king.

What do we know about Joab?

How should Joab handled the unresolved conflict between David and Absalom?

Instead of going to the source, Joab manipulated a woman, giving her the words to say to the king. Joab devised an intricate story for the lady to tell the king.

She pretended to have two sons. Because their dad died, the two sons fought and one killed the other. Her family wanted to execute the murderous son, but she wanted to let him live.

David, who was responsible to care for the widows, had compassion on this mother. He decided to let her son live. If anyone did not agree with his decision, she was to send them to the king.

She questioned David and begged him to stick with his plan. He promised her not one hair on her son’s head would get harmed. After hearing David’s willingness to protect her son, she asked David one more question.

Why would he show such kindness to her son when his son was banished from the nation of Israel. David realized his hypocrisy. He wanted to help her family with the unresolved conflict, while he still refused to see Absalom.

2 Samuel 14:18–21 NKJV

18 Then the king answered and said to the woman, “Please do not hide from me anything that I ask you.” And the woman said, “Please, let my lord the king speak.” 19 So the king said, “Is the hand of Joab with you in all this?” And the woman answered and said, “As you live, my lord the king, no one can turn to the right hand or to the left from anything that my lord the king has spoken. For your servant Joab commanded me, and he put all these words in the mouth of your maidservant. 20 To bring about this change of affairs your servant Joab has done this thing; but my lord is wise, according to the wisdom of the angel of God, to know everything that is in the earth.” 21 And the king said to Joab, “All right, I have granted this thing. Go therefore, bring back the young man Absalom.”

David knew something was up with the story. He could see Joab’s hand all over this lady’s peculiar story. She confirmed Joab’s involvement in this situation.

Was Joab right in desiring reconciliation for David and Absalom?

Even though Joab wanted the right outcome, he manipulated both David and the woman from Tekoa in the process. Joab, true to his nature, took advantage of David.

Did David need to speak to Joab?

How should David handled their conversation?

Instead of putting Joab in his place, David relented and told Joab to get Absalom. David should have been the one to issue the invitation. Instead, he left the work to Joab, which would create further conflict.

Do you think David willingly welcomed Absalom home?

2 Samuel 14:24 NKJV

24 And the king said, “Let him return to his own house, but do not let him see my face.” So Absalom returned to his own house, but did not see the king’s face.

2 Samuel 14:22–24 NKJV

22 Then Joab fell to the ground on his face and bowed himself, and thanked the king. And Joab said, “Today your servant knows that I have found favor in your sight, my lord, O king, in that the king has fulfilled the request of his servant.” 23 So Joab arose and went to Geshur, and brought Absalom to Jerusalem. 24 And the king said, “Let him return to his own house, but do not let him see my face.” So Absalom returned to his own house, but did not see the king’s face.

When Absalom came home, David refused to see him. He told Joab you can let him back into Jerusalem, but I will not see his face.

How will David’s decision create further conflict?

Why didn’t David want to see Absalom?

When Absalom returned home, everyone noticed his handsome appearance. In A Tale of Three Kings, author Gene Edwards dramatizes people’s reactions to Absalom’s return home from Geshur:

In A Tale of Three Kings, author Gene Edwards dramatizes people’s reactions to Absalom’s return home from Geshur:

“Look! Here comes David!” Bright smiles, a few giggles, some light laughter. “See! It’s David, no less.” Again, wide grins, a wave, and quiet amusement.. “That isn’t King David,” exclaimed a youth to his guardian as the two walked along the side of the street. “Why do they speak that way? That man is not David!”

“True child, it is not David. It’s only Absalom coming from the gate.” Why do they call him David?” the boy asked, looking over his shoulder at the handsome man in the chariot with the fifty men running before him.

“Because he reminds us all of David when he was young. And because we are all so glad that such a fine young man will take David’s place someday. And perhaps, too, because Absalom is even better looking that David. He may be the most handsome man alive.”

“Will Absalom be king soon? How old is King David, anyway? Is he about to die?” “Of course not my boy. Let’s see… how old is Davids? Probably about the same age as King Saul when his reign came to an end.”

“How old is Absalom?” “About the same age as David when Saul was trying so hard to kill him.” “David is Saul’s age. Absalom is the age of David when he first became king,” mused the boy.

They walked on silently for a while. The boy, obviously deep in thought, spoke again. “ Saul was very hard on David, was he not?” “Yes, very.” “Is King David going to treat Absalom the same way Saul treated David? Will David be hard on Absalom?”

The guardian paused to consider the question, but the child wen on: “If David treats Absalom badly, will Absalom behave with as much grace as David did?”

“Child, the future will surely tell us. My, you ask such questions! If, when you are grown, you can give answers as well as you now ask questions, you will surely be known as the wisest man on earth.” the two turned in at the palace gate. (Chapter nineteen)

David refused to see Absalom, but everyone in Jerusalem remarked on Absalom’s appearance. He was handsome, strong, and had a family.

Notice in verse twenty-seven, he named his daughter Tamar. Absalom never dealt with the conflict he had between his brother Amnon and his father David. Compounding the problem is David refused to see Absalom for two years after he returned home.

How is the stage set for more conflict?

Eventually David does see Absalom, who do you think was involved in getting them back together?

2 Samuel 14:29–30 NKJV

29 Therefore Absalom sent for Joab, to send him to the king, but he would not come to him. And when he sent again the second time, he would not come. 30 So he said to his servants, “See, Joab’s field is near mine, and he has barley there; go and set it on fire.” And Absalom’s servants set the field on fire.

Absalom wanted Joab’s help. By this point, for some reason, Joab refused to see Absalom. To get his attention, Absalom had his servants set Joab’s field on fire.

Now, Joab and Absalom have a conflict. Joab gets David to see Absalom. After two years of refusing to see Absalom, the saw each other and Absalom fell before David’s feet and David kissed his son.

Application

Conflict began in David’s house when Amnon raped Tamar and David refused to discipline his son. Absalom systematically plotted to take down his father David, and it all started with unresolved conflict.

We will experience conflict in life. Conflicts arise in marriages, friendships, and relationships. Conflicts are not always the problem. Leaving them unresolved is what creates problems.

Matthew 18:15–20 NKJV

15 “Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. 16 But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’ 17 And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector. 18 “Assuredly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. 19 “Again I say to you that if two of you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by My Father in heaven. 20 For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them.”

How should we handle conflict?

When we have conflict with someone, who should we talk to first?

How should we handle conflict?

When do we bring other people into the conflict?

What is God’s desired outcome for conflict?

What spiritual benefits follow resolving conflict?

Resolving conflict requires honest and a willingness to hear the other person’s side. God wants us to remain in unity. Therefore, when conflict arises, He can use it to help us learn and become more like Him.

Challenge

Ask the Lord to show us if there is any unresolved conflict

Be willing to be wrong and meet in the middle to avoid unresolved conflict

Depend on the Holy Spirit to be sensitive in dealing with conflict

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