The Foundation and Model for Marriage

Genesis 2:5-25 The Foundation and Model for Marriage Introduction: As I said when we began our studies in Genesis, this book is foundational for the biblical worldview. Genesis covers so many topics and issues that are relevant for today. Think of the subjects that Genesis has already addressed in these two chapters: God,(His existence, nature, revelation and power) Origins, (Creation/evolution question), Man (His person and purpose), and now we come to the subject of marriage and the beginning of human society. Marriage is a hotly debated issue in our day. We often talk about the attack on marriage today from the forces of secular humanism, which is true in regard to marriage as an institution, but the more immediate problems in marriage have little or nothing to do with secular humanism, but much more to do with the indifference, neglect, un-forgiveness, abuse and infidelity going on right in the hearts and homes of Christian couples, many of whom go to church regularly, but beyond that refuse to apply God’s word to themselves practically. Genesis chapter 2 supplies for us not only the foundation for marriage but the model of what marriage is intended to look like. If we desire marriage or desire a good marriage it needs to be patterned after the original marriage. 1. The role of the sexes. a. This issue of one that is so controversial at the moment. b. In our society any idea of roles or submission or self sacrifice seem to imply inequality or inferiority. c. The biblical teaching on roles in the marriage relationship has suffered much through the rise of feminism. Not only that but because women have risen up, men have neglected and forfeited their god-given mandate to lead. i. A recent article from CNN reads, “Now, society has rightly celebrated the ascension of one sex. We said, "You go girl," and they went. We celebrate the ascension of women but what will we do about what appears to be the very real decline of the other sex? ii. The data does not bode well for men. In 1970, men earned 60% of all college degrees. In 1980, the figure fell to 50%, by 2006 it was 43%. Women now surpass men in college degrees by almost three to two. Women's earnings grew 44% in real dollars from 1970 to 2007, compared with 6% growth for men. iii. “The warning signs for men stretch far beyond their wallets. Men are more distant from a family or their children then they have ever been. The out-of-wedlock birthrate is more than 40% in America. In 1960, only 11% of children in the U.S. lived apart from their fathers. In 2010, that share had risen to 27%. Men are also less religious than ever before. According to Gallup polling, 39% of men reported attending church regularly in 2010, compared to 47% of women. iv. If you don't believe the numbers, just ask young women about men today. You will find them talking about prolonged adolescence and men who refuse to grow up. I've heard too many young women asking, "Where are the decent single men?" There is a maturity deficit among men out there, and men are falling behind.” d. Why is this happening in our society and churches? It is because we have departed and cast off the teaching and principles of God’s word. e. The Bible teaches that the man is to lead the marriage relationship as the head. i. Why? 1. The Bible clearly teaches that the man was made first. The creation order is important to our understanding of marriage. 2. “But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.” “For man was not made from woman, but woman from man. Neither was man created for woman, but woman for man.” - 1 Corinthians 11:3,8-9 3. Again Paul in his instructions to Timothy on church order writes, “I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet. For Adam was formed first, then Eve” - 1 Timothy 2:12-13 4. Not only is the man (Adam)created first but he is also given his job/commission from God, apart from the woman. a. The woman is later created to help the man as they rule over God’s creation together. 2. The sexes are complimentary, not in competition. a. not chauvinism, not feminism. b. We the church should recognize that both chauvinism and feminism are extremes that ought to be avoided in the church and society for. Chauvinism has done great evil and so has feminism. i. The Bible does not teach chauvinism, nor does it teach feminism. The Biblical teaching is that men and women are equal, yet with distinct callings and functions that compliment each other within the marriage relationship. ii. Equal - made of the same stuff. 1. Taken from his side, same flesh, same bone, but different sex. iii. She is a helper fit for him in contrast to the animals just named by the man. iv. A helper is one who supplies strength in the area that is lacking in “the helped.” The term does not imply that the helper is either stronger or weaker than the one helped. 1. “Fit for him” or “matching him” is not the same as “like him”: a wife is not her husband's clone but complements him. 2. The Biblical model for marriage is that of loving complementarity, where the husband and the wife are partners who value and respect each other and where the husband’s loving leadership is met with the wife’s willing submissive intelligent response. 3. The union is exclusive. a. Leave, and cleave - permanent i. The union between husband and wife creates obligations that override even the duty to one's parents (therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, 2:24). ii. In ancient Israel, sons did not move away when they married, but lived near their parents and inherited their father's land. They “left” their parents in the sense of putting their wife's welfare before that of their parents. The term “hold fast” is used elsewhere for practicing covenant faithfulness iii. It is also important to observe that God creates only one Eve for Adam, not several Eves or another Adam. This points to heterosexual monogamy as the divine pattern for marriage that God established at creation. iv. The text highlights the sense of oneness that exists between the man and the woman. Adam joyfully proclaims, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh.” This sentence and the story of Eve's creation both make the point that marriage creates the closest of all human relationships. b. God sealed bond i. We see in this story that it is God who sees Adam’s need for a companion ii. I think that our flippant attitude towards marriage comes from our not recognizing that marriage is from God. When we enter into the marriage union we are not only entering a covenant with our spouse but also a covenant with God. iii. Therefore we have no right to alter (re-define) or disgrace it (through abandonment or divorce) in the way that we have. c. The two are now one flesh (a union of man and woman, consummated in sexual intercourse) 4. The Ease and Blessedness of the First Marriage. a. So we see that God arranged the first marriage. He set up the structure for marriage, making man the head or leader and creating the wife as a helper to her husband as the two of them exclusively rule over God’s good creation. And notice the ease and blessedness that they enjoy. b. Naked and unashamed i. Their nakedness is a picture of vulnerability, they are not guarded but fully exposed to one another. ii. Not only is their vulnerability and transparency but there is no shame, there is no place for distrust or dishonor. c. No greed, distrust, or dishonor/disgrace. i. The picture we have is a picture of total innocence where the man and his wife are seen to be loving/caring for one another without selfish motives, complimenting one another and not competing for dominance (no distrust). Therefore their’s is an environment of trust and safety. 5. Our need for the Gospel a. We are greedy (selfish). b. We break our promises (untrustworthy). c. And this leads to the opposite of vulnerability and shamelessness, it leads to alienation from one another, hardness of heart, distrust, and shame. d. This happens in every marriage whether it takes an hour, a week, or a lifetime we will fail one another, we will sin against one another, through our selfishness. Whether this is in small ways or major ways. i. Many people think that the answer is to find a new marriage or they begin a romantic relationship with another person. Others simply internalize these things and it is a slow death of the marriage, others take it out on their spouse slowly repaying them for the shame and hurt that’s been brought. e. How can our marriages be redeemed? Or how can we be naked and unashamed ? i. We can kill ourselves by taking the shame upon ourselves and letting it slowly destroy us. ii. We can destroy the other person by putting the shame on them. f. The Bible offers a third option and a far better one than the first two. i. The Bible says, that Jesus came to take away our sin, our sickness and our shame. On the cross he paid for the sin and shame that others have brought upon us, and that he also paid for the sin and shame that we have brought upon others. Christ has freely forgiven us the sin that we have done against him and against others. Now he commands us to forgive others their sins against us. ii. Jesus gave an illustration of this in a parable in Luke 7:39-47. iii. “One of the Pharisees asked him to eat with him, and he went into the Pharisee’s house and reclined at the table. 37 And behold, a woman of the city, who was a sinner, when she learned that he was reclining at table in the Pharisee’s house, brought an alabaster flask of ointment, 38 and standing behind him at his feet, weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears and wiped them with the hair of her head and kissed his feet and anointed them with the ointment. 39 Now when the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, “If this man were a prophet, he would have known who and what sort of woman this is who is touching him, for she is a sinner.” 40 And Jesus answering said to him, “Simon, I have something to say to you.” And he answered, “Say it, Teacher.” 41 “A certain moneylender had two debtors. One owed five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. 42 When they could not pay, he cancelled the debt of both. Now which of them will love him more?” 43 Simon answered, “The one, I suppose, for whom he cancelled the larger debt.” And he said to him, “You have judged rightly.” 44 Then turning toward the woman he said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I entered your house; you gave me no water for my feet, but she has wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. 45 You gave me no kiss, but from the time I came in she has not ceased to kiss my feet. 46 You did not anoint my head with oil, but she has anointed my feet with ointment. 47 Therefore I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven—for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little.” iv. It’s not that this Pharisee was not a great sinner, but he didn’t look at his own sin before God, he only compared himself to others and their sin. Conclusion: As I said earlier the problem with marriage today is not necessarily coming from the attack of secular humanism, but comes from the fact that we are not applying the gospel to our marriages or to ourselves as individuals. Sure we believe that the death of Christ covers our sin, but do we remember that it frees us from ever holding onto the wrong that others have done to us? If we are going to experience marriage the way that God intended it to be, where a man and his wife are naked and unashamed, experiencing an exclusive union of love, trust and faithfulness, the gospel must be at the center of our marriage.