A Confused Good Samaritan Parable

Some think they know the Bible, but in reality only know bits and pieces.  Here is one's explanation of the parable of the good Samaritan:

"There was a good Samaritan going down from Jerusalem to Jericho and fell among the thorns, and they sprang up and choked him and left him half-dead. But a man came by feeding his swine and he said to the man, 'I will arise and go to my father.'  So he took up his bed and walked. So he said, `I will arise!'  But while the soldiers were chasing him through the forest, he got the hair
of his head caught up in the trees and he hung there 40 days and 40 nights, and the ravens fed him.  
Just then Delilah came along with a pair of shears and cut off his hair, and he fell on stony ground. But the good master of the house resurrected the man and he journeyed on his way. Suddenly, he came to a wall, and Jezebel was sitting on that wall and she mocked him. So he cried out, `Chuck her down!' So they chucked her down. He said, `Chuck her down seventy times seven!' And great was the fall thereof and of the fragments that remained they picked up twelve baskets full, but whose wife will she be in the Resurrection?"