The Act of Marriage: Mutual Joy, Unity and Love

Lessons Concerning Biblical Sexuality in the Christian Marriage:

1. Paul was writing specifically to the Greeks where the marriage relationship was a mess.

a. Some practiced celibacy within the marriage

i. 7:5. Some in Corinth were trying to practice celibacy within marriage. Apparently this refraining from sex within marriage was a unilateral decision of one partner, not a mutually agreed-on decision (vv. 3–4). Such a practice sometimes led to immorality on the part of the other mate (v. 5b; cf. v. 2). Paul commanded that they stop this sort of thing unless three conditions were met: (a) The abstention from sexual intercourse was to be a matter of mutual consent on the part of both husband and wife. (b) They were to agree beforehand on a time period at the end of which normal intercourse would be resumed. (c) This refraining was to enable them to devote themselves to prayer in a concentrated way.[1]

b. The wife was only good for procreation a few times, not for relationship.

c. It was often said that a Greek husband had a wife for procreation; a girlfriend for relationship; and a prostitute for sex.

d. 7:3–4. Paul stressed the equality and reciprocity of the husband and wife’s sexual relationship by emphasizing the responsibilities of each to satisfy the other.[2]

2. Paul encouraged spouses to be free with each other physically in order to save each from looking elsewhere for love and gratification

a. 5 Not to engage in sexual intercourse in marriage is to deprive the other person. Paul forbids such abstinence except by mutual consent and then only for a season of prayer, perhaps connected with ‘the present crisis’. He warns that Satan is a voyeur who can sexually tempt a partner and for this reason they must come together (another verb for sexual intercourse) again because of the temptation to infidelity.[3]

3. The sexual union is a mutually supportive activity—it is for the other

a. Moreover, within a marriage, sexual relations should not be suppressed except (Paul is making a concession, not giving a command) by “mutual consent” (again the idea of mutuality is remarkable) “and for a time” (lest prolongation lead to temptation) “so that you may devote yourselves [together] to prayer” (v. 5). [4]

b. As in all things, the spiritual must govern the physical; for our bodies are God’s temples. The husband and wife may abstain in order to devote their full interest to prayer and fasting (); but they must not use this as an excuse for prolonged separation. Paul is encouraging Christian partners to be “in tune” with each other in matters both spiritual and physical.[5]

4. Paul’s encouragement towards marital sexual union is not to be abused and taken out of the context of a mutually supported marital relationship

a. Unfortunately, these words have been used to justify physical abuse by husbands against their wives. They have also been used to compel women to submit to their husbands’ sexual desires even when these women suffer from physical impairments and illnesses. We must recognize, however, that other teachings of Scripture, such as self-protection and the principle of love, inform us of limitations on Paul’s statement.

5. Paul’s said that sexual union was to be mutually agreeable

a. Paul emphasized complete parity and mutuality of authority by adding, The husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Wives have the same authority over their husbands’ bodies that husbands have over their wives’. Sexual relations must be mutually agreeable. Couples should strive toward the ideal of marriage as they evaluate their specific situations and responsibilities.[6]

6. Paul encourages spouses to give satisfaction, not demand it.

a. It is clear from the Bible that mutuality reigns in the bedroom. According to , a husband should provide sexual satisfaction to his wife, and a wife should provide sexual satisfaction to her husband. A wife does not have authority over her own body, and a husband does not have authority over his own body. They belong to each other. Does this mean that a husband can force himself on his wife anytime he so desires? Definitely not. What the passage teaches is that each spouse is to willingly, freely, lovingly submit to the other. The passage is about giving satisfaction, not demanding it. The focus is on pleasing one’s spouse. There is no selfishness involved. Forcibly taking what has not been offered is wrong and plainly against the Bible’s commands on love and marriage. (Got Questions.com)

b.

Notes on requiring sex, verses, welcoming a covenantal relationship

1. The marriage act is a covanental relationship

a. Marriage was designed by God as a picture of the covenant relationship He wants with us (). God places great importance on human sexuality because marital sex is the most intimate relationship two human beings can have. It is also a picture of the intimacy God created us to enjoy with Him. In marital sex, there is a giving over of the body, and in our spiritual relationship with God, we are to present our bodies as a living sacrifice (). The sexual act is a consummation of the covenant made between and man and a woman. Covenants were always consummated with the shedding of blood (), and, usually, blood is shed when virginity is lost. When God made His covenant with us, the blood of Christ was shed (). Marital sex is more than a means of procreation and a safe outlet for our sexual drives. It is holy to God because it symbolizes the pure soul intimacy He wants to share with us. To engage in sex as a casual activity is to strip it of its true meaning.

2. We are to treat our wives as Christ treats the church

a. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church—30 for we are members of his body[7] ()

i. Lessons from this passage:

1. Husbands should love their wives like Christ loves the church

2. He have himself up for his church

3. He did this to make her holy

4. He cleansed her by washing the church with His Word

5. He presented his bride (the church) as holy: radiant, without stain or wrinkle or with blemish or blame

6. He loves his bride the church as he loves himself

7. He cares and feeds his bride the church because they are one

b. Questions:

i. How would Christ treat His bride, the Church?

ii. What would He demand of her?

iii. What would a covanental relationship look like between husband and wife if it looked the same as Christ’s covanent with the Church?

iv. Would Christ demand something of the Church even if she did not want to give it?

3. Marital union should be one of joy, unity, and mutual satisfaction

a. 18May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. 19A loving doe, a graceful deer— may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love ()

4. What of spousal/marital rape?

a. Some people believe that a wife must be agreeable to sexual relations with her husband at any time and that she has no say in the matter. They often misuse to support the erroneous view that a wife can never tell her husband that she would like to defer having sex for a time. Some men believe that the husband has a God-given right to just “take it,” in spite of his wife’s objections. Of course, “taking it” without her consent is spousal rape, and God never condones rape. The truth is that sexual expression was designed by God to be an act of love within a marriage, and violence or coercion should never be a part of it. Forced sex is not love; it is the opposite. The Bible is clear: “Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them” (). Unfortunately, marital rape victims are sometimes advised to “put up with it.” Too often, these women hear that they should be grateful that the rapist is a good father or a good provider or the like, and that it is their duty to “submit” in the bedroom. However, such thinking can inadvertently promote rape and an unbiblical concept of sex. Sex should be more than a “duty,” and “submission” in the bedroom cannot be seen as the complement of compulsion. (Got Questions.com)

[1] Lowery, David K. “1 Corinthians.” The Bible Knowledge Commentary: An Exposition of the Scriptures. Ed. J. F. Walvoord and R. B. Zuck. Vol. 2. Wheaton, IL: Victor Books, 1985. 517. Print.

[2] Lowery, David K. “1 Corinthians.” The Bible Knowledge Commentary: An Exposition of the Scriptures. Ed. J. F. Walvoord and R. B. Zuck. Vol. 2. Wheaton, IL: Victor Books, 1985. 517. Print.

[3] Winter, Bruce. “1 Corinthians.” New Bible Commentary: 21st Century Edition. Ed. D. A. Carson et al. 4th ed. Leicester, England; Downers Grove, IL: Inter-Varsity Press, 1994. 1171. Print.

[4] Davis, James A. “1-2 Corinthians.” Evangelical Commentary on the Bible. Vol. 3. Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Book House, 1995. 970. Print. Baker Reference Library.

[5] Wiersbe, Warren W. The Bible Exposition Commentary. Vol. 1. Wheaton, IL: Victor Books, 1996. Print.

[6] Pratt, Richard L., & II Corinthians. Vol. 7. Nashville, TN: Broadman & Holman Publishers, 2000. Print. Holman New Testament Commentary.

[7] The New International Version. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2011. Print.