When Passion Is A Problem (Part 1)

As we get started this morning, I just want to remind parents that this message may not be the best one for little ears.

I would encourage you to switch over to our website and watch the family-friendly video that is posted on the resource page for Sunday, May 3. I would encourage you, though, to come back to this message later, because this is a vitally important message for us.

With that in mind, go ahead and open your Bibles to Matthew 5:27-30.

Our next two messages, this one and the one to come, deal with a similar root issue, although it is expressed in different ways.

Remember, we are in a section in the Sermon on the Mount where Jesus is showing us that those who live in his kingdom live by a different standard than those in the world.

In fact, as we have seen, Jesus is showing us that God’s real standard is higher than what the religious leaders held in Jesus’ day.

Although they were all about the external obedience to the Law, they didn’t allow God to transform their hearts.

As we will see again this morning, the key idea we keep coming back to is that sin starts in the heart.

Last week, we saw that the sin of murder starts with an angry heart that leaves us open to judgment.

Today, he is going to move to another issue that plagues many: the problem of lust, or as we will explain, misplaced passion.

Let’s establish this truth upfront: God designed both men and women with sexual desires. To desire and enjoy sex with your spouse within the covenant confines of marriage is not wrong; in fact, it is a beautiful gift of God to be celebrated.

It becomes a problem when we take those desires that God intended for a marriage between one woman and one man for one lifetime and turn them any other direction.

As we will see, Jesus makes it clear that the lustful look, that desire to know someone who isn’t your spouse in a physically intimate way, is adultery of the heart.

I know that this is an uncomfortable topic, but it is one that has been common to humanity from shortly after sin entered the world.

As we walk through this passage, I want to unpack one main idea:

When passion is a problem, run and replace.

Let’s unpack the first part of this sentence as we look at verses 27-28.

1) When passion is a problem...

Read Matthew 5:27-28 with me...

Right off the bat, we are confronted with another tough truth like we saw last week.

Jesus again quotes from the 10 Commandments, but just like he did with murder, he demonstrates that the issue isn’t simply with the act of adultery, but instead with the heart issue of lust.

Again, let’s be crystal clear: God is not against a healthy sexual relationship within marriage!

We see that multiple times throughout Scripture. There are great passages in the book of Proverbs and in the Song of Solomon that celebrate the gift of sex within a marriage.

However, God’s standard is that those desires be expressed only toward our spouse:

Hebrews 13:4 CSB

Marriage is to be honored by all and the marriage bed kept undefiled, because God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterers.

As Jesus highlights here in the Sermon on the Mount, defiling the marriage bed doesn’t start with the act of adultery; it starts when we desire that kind of relationship with someone else.

There are certainly a ton of ways that we allow our hearts to lust, but there is one that is becoming an even greater challenge right now than others.

Even before the isolation began, we knew that:

90% of teens and 96% of young adults are either encouraging, accepting, or neutral when they talk about porn with their friends.

57% of teens search out porn at least monthly.

Lest you think this problem only impacts teenagers, 28,258 users are watching pornography every second.

Maybe you think this is only an issue for those outside the church. However, 64% of Christian men and 15% of Christian women say they watch pornography at least once a month. [1]

However, the current crisis has put a strain on almost everyone at some level.

Unfortunately, statistics are showing that many have chosen to direct that frustration towards viewing online pornography.

Some of the largest pornography sites in the world are reporting significant increases in traffic as people are searching for and viewing more pornography than previously. [2]

Here’s the thing, though: those stats and figures are just talking about what the world defines as pornography.

Really, though, based off what Jesus says here, anything that creates in me a sexual desire that cannot be fulfilled in a righteous way is essentially pornographic.

That means movies, music, books, commercials, articles, and blogs that aren’t technically porn are still creating lust in us, which Jesus says is adultery of the heart!

Can I suggest that even Hallmark movies could become sinful if they are making you wish your husband was more like the flannel-clad handyman who fixed the hotel just in time for Christmas?

You see, many women are not as visually-driven as most men, so lustful thoughts may show in thoughts like, “He’s so much more sensitive than my husband. He pays more attention to me. I wish my husband was like him.” Be so very careful, because, as odd as it sounds, those thoughts are along the same lines as what we have already discussed—“I would rather be with someone else who is better than the person I have made a covenant with God to be married to.”

Let me clarify this: You cannot always help what you see or your initial thought. When you are in public, you are vulnerable to seeing something you would rather not see.

Where lust comes in is not in what you see or first think; lust enters into the picture in what you look at, what you dwell on, and what you begin to desire.

Several years ago, the Christian recording artist Casting Crowns recorded a song called “Slow Fade”. It talked about this very issue with this line: Be careful little eyes what you see//It's the second glance that ties your hands as darkness pulls the strings”

You may not be able to help what you see, but you can help what you choose to look at, what you choose to dwell on.

Along the same line, realize that temptation is not sin. When the thoughts pop into your head, when the idea comes into your mind, it is not sin—that is part of living in a body that still wants things God didn’t design us for, living in a world that is filled with sin.

It becomes sin on the second glance, the lingering thought that begins to express desire. When you choose not to run from the temptation but rather to process it a little longer, it is beginning to take root as sin.

James 1:14–15 CSB

But each person is tempted when he is drawn away and enticed by his own evil desire. Then after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin, and when sin is fully grown, it gives birth to death.

So Jesus tells us that the problem is that we take the second look, we think the second thought, we sin against God and against the one person he created us to be with for the rest of our lives.

That may leave you with another question: why it is wrong to lust after someone who isn’t your spouse? How could Jesus make this as bad as actually having an affair?

Because remember what our marriages are supposed to symbolize.

Looking biblically, you see that marriage is the best human picture of the relationship that God has with us.

If you are a part of the kingdom, then you are in a covenant relationship with God where he has committed himself to you forever, and you have done the same.

He doesn’t cheat on us, he doesn’t walk out on us, and he doesn’t start looking elsewhere because his needs aren’t being met.

He is perfectly faithful to us, even though we turn so many different ways.

That is why lust and adultery are such big issues: When we turn our back on our spouse, we are turning to selfishness and refusing to demonstrate the same love to them that God has shown to us.

When I lust after someone who isn’t my wife, I am rejecting her and no longer loving her like Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, as Paul described in Ephesians 5!

Let’s do a quick heart check for symptoms here: What have you seen this week? What have you read? Where has your mind gone?

Is there lust in your heart? Then Jesus’ diagnosis is that you have an adulterous heart.

What’s the prescription, then?

We find that in verses 29-30.

2) ...Run and replace.

Read those verses with me...

Woah, that sounds extreme, doesn’t it?

Our culture today would gladly tell you just to get over your prudish ways and stop being so uptight! They might say that these things are only normal and natural, but as we saw last week, our kingdom citizenship calls us to live above the norm.

Jesus gives us a very severe prescription in these verses. He makes it very clear that God expects us to leave no room for lust.

Before you start the amputations he mentions in the verse, remember what Jesus is getting at here.

A blind person or a person missing a hand can still lust after someone who isn’t their spouse, so Jesus isn’t prescribing physical mutilation.

Instead, he is showing for us that we need to take radical steps to rid our hearts of our lust.

Paul expresses this in a different way, but states it clearly when he says:

1 Thessalonians 4:3–4 CSB

For this is God’s will, your sanctification: that you keep away from sexual immorality, that each of you knows how to control his own body in holiness and honor,

There is a crucial point in that passage. Paul says, “each of you…” – You must allow the Spirit of God to help you see what triggers lust in your life. What makes you fall?

Once you figure that out, you need to be willing to cut that out completely. If the internet is your problem, get rid of it! If you can’t handle the commercials on TV, get rid of it! If there is a part of a store that causes you to stumble, a book you can’t read, whatever it is, take drastic measures to get away.

I want you to think of this in two words: Run & Replace

A) Run.

First, let’s talk about RUN. We see that when God instructs us:

1 Corinthians 6:18–20 CSB

Flee sexual immorality! Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the person who is sexually immoral sins against his own body. Don’t you know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought at a price. So glorify God with your body.

Flee it! Run from it! Avoid it more than you would a person coughing in Kroger!

There is a great example of this in Genesis 39. There was a handsome young man named Joseph who was a servant in the house of an Egyptian official named Potiphar. When Potiphar’s wife tried to get Joseph to sleep with her, she grabbed his coat. He took off his coat and ran out of there.

That’s exactly what Jesus is talking about—Run from this sin! Don’t toy around with it! Take drastic measures to keep this from destroying your relationship with God, with your wife (even if you are single!), with your family.

We seem to understand this better when we think of other addictions. Think about an alcoholic—A recovering alcoholic can’t go back to a bar because he’ll be tempted to fall.

In the same way, you cannot continue to surround yourself with the same things and expect to get over the problem of lust.

Take drastic measures to cut those things out of your life.

By the way, running isn’t enough by its own. It’s not enough to simply try to avoid those places and try not to think about those things. In fact, the harder you try not to think lustful thoughts, the worse it will get.

Instead, you have to REPLACE those activities.

B) Replace.

Start serving your neighbors around you or your co-workers or friends. Replace the time spent reading cheap romance novels or surfing the internet with time in God’s Word or time in books that draw you closer to Christ.

If you are in patterns of lustful thinking, especially with pornography or something similar, you need God to transform the very way you think.

You see, you have developed a coping method: when things get boring, or when you get stressed, or when you get tired, you turn to your escape and begin to wander.

As you seek to replace that, you need to ask God to transform the very way you think:

Romans 12:2 CSB

Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God.

Pray fervently for God to transform that way of thinking so you can learn to stop those kinds of thoughts in their tracks.

When you start to feel that pull back toward lust, stop and ask God to show you what it is in your heart that is making you turn that way. Write it down, find a friend of the same gender as you that you can talk to about these triggers, and ask them to pray for you and hold you accountable for it.

Transforming those thoughts means you have to replace them with something different, though, so replace the lustful thoughts with thoughts of God’s Word.

Psalm 119:11 CSB

I have treasured your word in my heart so that I may not sin against you.

Memorize passages such a Philippians 4:8, Psalm 101:3. When those temptations arise, spend time praying for others and crying out to God for help.

Desperate times call for drastic measures; are you willing to take Christ seriously?

When passion is a problem, run and replace.

I know some of you are sitting there, listening to this, and you have heard all this before.

You have sworn that you are going to change, you have tried every trick you can think of, and you still keep struggling with this habit of lusting after someone who isn’t your spouse.

Odds are, you have been trying to fight this on your own.

You need to remember that living the kingdom life that Jesus calls us to in this passage is impossible for us.

We are all bent towards sins, whether it is anger, lust, or anything else we see here.

We have all fallen short of God’s glory, yet because he loves us, God extends grace to us.

If you were trying to clean up your act before you surrendered to Jesus, then let me encourage you to stop trying to fix yourself and instead surrender to the God who loved you so much that he died in your place and is inviting you into a love relationship with him that nothing else can ever match.

That is the good news, the gospel: that God loved you so much that he sent Jesus to die in your place, and he was raised from the dead to show that he has the power to overcome death.

He is the king we now serve, and if he can overcome death, then he can destroy this sinful pattern in your life through his grace.

In a book on overcoming the struggle with pornography, author Heath Lambert says this about God’s grace:

“The Bible teaches that in addition to confessing sin and seeking God’s forgiveness, you need to pursue God’s powerful transforming grace by believing the good news and walking in faith and obedience to the gospel.

God’s grace pardons you and forgives your sin, and God’s grace empowers you to live differently and be obedient to him.” [3]

He gave you the grace to be right with himself through his death, burial, and resurrection.

Not only that, but that grace also empowers and transforms you to live like a citizen of his kingdom.

So, let me ask you: how are you doing in the area of desire?

If you are married, pray for God to give you a heart for your spouse alone.

If you are single, pray for God to give you a heart that is purely devoted to him and not lusting after anyone else.

Endnotes:

[1] All statistics taken from covenanteyes.com. Accessed 30 April 2020.

[2] https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-myths-sex/202003/how-the-pandemic-is-changing-pornography. Accessed 2 May 2020.

[2] Lambert, Heath. Finally Free: Fighting for Purity with the Power of Grace (p. 22). Zondervan. Kindle Edition.