True Friendship

True Friendship 1 Sam. 18: 1-4, 1 Sam. 20: 1-42 Friendship, true friendship, is something that we rightly value very highly. The poet, Samuel Taylor Coleridge, probably most famous for his poem, “The Ancient Mariner”, described friendship in another poem, “Youth and Age”, as “a sheltering tree”. Giving us a picture of friends as being those whose lives are like branches; so that they provide shade, refuge from the demanding, irritating rays of the hot sun, as well as from the cold dampening rain that falls upon us. You can find strength nearby them. And friends are also tree-like because they bear fruit that provides nourishment and encouragement. Good friends are those people with whom we can share when we’re going through both times of testing and times of joy, who we think of when we need, as the television programme says, to phone a friend. Well, such a person was Jonathan, the son of King Saul, to the young David. We saw last week that David suddenly was thrust into the limelight when he defeated the Philistine Giant Goliath so vindicating God and saving the blushes of the Israelite Army, including those of Saul himself. And then after the battle we’re told that David was taken to Saul who appears to have spoken with him at length. And probably David would have told him about his motivation for fighting Goliath, of his faith in God the one who’d blessed him richly in the past, and upon whom he’d come to depend. Jonathan would probably have been listening as his father spoke with David and it seems that, as a result, he was drawn to David; verse 1 of chapter 18 telling us that: “Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself.” This was a very special friendship then that they formed. A deep spiritual bond immediately existed between these two men, based upon their mutual respect. Based especially upon their shared faith in the living God. They became, as it were, very much soul mates. This was true comradeship, the sort of friendship in fact that’s told about two friends who took part in the First World War. These two were inseparable, they’d enlisted together, trained together, and been shipped over to France together. However early on in the battle one of them was mortally wounded and lay in no-man’s land surrounded by barbed wire and crossfire so that it would have been suicide to even try and reach him. His friend however set off to do just that but was pulled back by his Sergeant who told him “It’s too late; you can’t do him any good now and you’d only get yourself killed.” But then a few minutes later the officer turned his back and the man was gone to get his friend. Shortly he returned with his dead friend, he himself being on the point of death. And as his Sergeant stood next to him he groaned “what a waste, he’s dead, your dying; it wasn’t worth it.” But then the soldier replied as he died, “Oh yes it was. When I got to him the only thing he said was, ‘I knew you’d come, Jim!’” His true friend hadn’t let him down... Such was the kind of friendship that arose between David and Jonathan, the sort of friendship that perhaps we don’t find that often these days, when it’s the strong lone figure who’s often the one we admire, or when people of the same sex tend to choose to mix in groups rather than in pairs. I suspect that a relationship such as that of David and Jonathan in our society today would likely as not be immediately thought of in sexual terms – surely a sad reflection on the state of things. And yet how valuable to an individual is a friendship like this. For David it was extremely valuable as, prevented now by Saul from going home, the King’s attitude to him rapidly began to deteriorate. David, you see, prospered after he came to live with Saul. Whatever he was given to do he did well and the King could see that God was with him, so that soon he began to realise that here was the successor that the Lord had lined up to replace him. We’re told in chapter 19 that he even instructed Jonathan to kill David; but he refused, for a while convincing his father of the error of his ways. However Saul’s feelings of hatred for David soon retuned so that in chapter 20, verse 1, we read that David came to Jonathan asking for his help. Saying to him: “What have I done? What is my crime? How have I wronged your father, that he is trying to take my life?” And, although at first Jonathan was loath to accept that Saul was still trying to kill David, he agreed that if it was the case then he’d take steps to protect him. And so they devised a plan which would enable Jonathan to sound out his Father regarding his attitude to David, and then let David know the outcome. In the event Saul made it clear that he was still intending to kill him and so Jonathan enabled David to escape and they parted, both bitterly upset. Indeed this was one of the last times that they’d meet before Jonathan’s death in battle. Such a close and special friendship which, firstly, was a very surprising friendship, one that you would hardly have expected given their apparent difference in rank. Because Jonathan, as far as the people were concerned, was heir to the throne of Israel whilst David, albeit the slayer of Goliath, was but a shepherd boy. And then there was that other reason for their close friendship to be surprising which we’ve already mentioned ... King Saul’s growing hatred of David and the fact that, as Saul well knew, Jonathan was unlikely to be his successor. What’s more, as we see in chapter 20 verse 13 of 1 Samuel, Jonathan himself had also apparently come to this realisation, saying to David: “may the Lord be with you as he was with my Father.” David and Jonathan, in other words, to all intents and purposes were enemies. They were rivals for the throne so that if Jonathan had killed David, according to his father’s instructions, then he’d have been the future King. And also, as far as David was concerned, Jonathan was the son of the man who wished him dead. So that he was someone who was potentially very dangerous indeed, someone who could have betrayed him at any time. And yet their friendship took no account of all this. So that when they had to part there were those tears of two broken hearts. And surely they’re an example to us all of that state of friendship that Jesus was pointing to in his ‘Sermon on the Mount’ when he said, starting from Matthew chapter 5 verse 43: “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbour and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven.” Going on to say, “Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.” Now perhaps when we read these words we tend to think that Jesus is calling us to put up with our enemies, to be polite to them, to not seek ways of harming them, and surely that in itself would be a tall order. Whereas the truth is that our Lord have us love our enemies with this same deep soul sharing love that Jonathan and David had for each other. What a thought when, actually, such a love would be difficult for us to have even for our best friends! And then, secondly, this friendship that Jonathan and David had for each other was a sacrificial friendship particularly, you could argue, from Jonathan’s point of view. Because it was Jonathan, we’re told, who “made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself” who “took off the robe he was wearing and gave it to David, along with his tunic, and even his sword, his bow, and his belt”. It was Jonathan too who was prepared to accept second place to David even though he himself was the automatic heir to Saul’s throne, even though he himself had in the past proved himself a great leader and brave soldier. And it was Jonathan who sacrificed his standing in the eyes of his own father because of his allegiance to David. Reminding us of Jesus’ challenging words in Matthew chapter 10 verse 34: “Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to turn ‘a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law – a man’s enemies will be the members of his own household.’” However before we think that for David this friendship was cheap, we should realise that perhaps he showed his self-sacrifice in others ways. Such as by his willingness to live away from his family and all that he knew, or in the way that he was prepared to be mistreated and then to run from Saul rather than the alternative, which would have been, there and then, to have claimed his God given right to be king. Thirdly, their friendship was protective ... they were determined to defend each other’s interests. So that Jonathan stood by David when his father Saul was looking to kill him, even though in the process he put his own life at risk. And similarly David was quick to promise that he’d never harm Jonathan or his family. A promise that he was later to make good when he brought Jonathan’s crippled son Mephibosheth into his household in spite of the potential threat to his authority as king that might well have come from doing that. Fourthly David and Jonathan’s friendship was characterised by trust. When David was being pursued by Saul, so that he might kill him, it was Jonathan to whom he went for help, never thinking that he might be in on the plot. It would have been so easy for Jonathan to betray him but David trusted him. Jonathan also trusted David’s words that he’d remain faithful to him whatever happened in the future. And of course both proved themselves worthy of that trust. Next, and following on from this trust, their friendship was marked by their vulnerability shown towards each other. They each were able to express to the other their weaknesses, their fears for the future, for their lives, their feelings for each other, without being inhibited by pride or awkwardness, by the feeling that this was somehow being unmanly. And lastly the friendship of David and Jonathan was enduring. It remained strong and indeed it developed, from the moment they first met, throughout all that happened to them whilst David was with Saul. And even when they parted so emotionally in chapter 20 verse 42 of 1 Samuel, it continued to be strong. So that, if we read on in 1 Samuel, we find that later Jonathan went to David when he was hiding in the desert to encourage him, helping him to find his strength in the Lord. And that, when in 2 Sam. Ch. 1 David heard of Jonathan’s death, his heart was broken as he grieved over his passing. Let’s then ask ourselves: how do our friendships measure up to that between David and Jonathan? Are our friends for example those who people would expect us to have, respectable friends, friends who tend to let us be seen in a better light by others, friends who we can boast about? Or are we friends too with the unfashionable, with those who others might naturally shy away from, who on seeing our friendship might say, as was said of our Lord, that he or she “is a friend of tax collectors and sinners”. Then again how sacrificial are we in our friendships? When things get tough do we drop our friends, letting our relationships cool off when things get too costly in terms of our time or our resources? Do we tend at times to be fair weather friends only? Are we protective of our friends, quick to spring to their aid when they are in trouble, to defend them when we hear of others attacking them, verbally if not physically. Or do we tend to distance ourselves from them at such times, not wanting to make these people think badly of us too? Do we put our trust in our friends, bringing them into our confidences, naturally turning to them in times of difficulty? Are we prepared to show ourselves to be vulnerable in their presence? Or do we, even with our best friends, remain independent, keep our problems to ourselves, pretending that things are going well with us when we know that this isn’t the case at all, for fear of what they might say, how they might react to the true us? But then should we even try to emulate this friendship of David and Jonathan’s? After all we’ve said that theirs was a special friendship. Surely the answer must be yes if by God’s grace we have received the gift of new birth in Christ Jesus because, finally, what a consideration of their special friendship, and the difficulties that we ourselves have in emulating that friendship should give us is a clearer appreciation of our Lord’s friendship for us. For he gave up his glory to live amongst us, we who he knew would reject him and put him to death, and yet he was prepared to sacrifice everything for us. He promises to be with us at all times to protect and to save us. He has trusted us with his thoughts, revealing himself through his word, giving to us his Holy Spirit who continues to lead us into an understanding of ever greater truths. And how vulnerable did our Lord make himself as he hung for us on the cross? ... So let us, as we see the friendship of Jonathan and David and as we understand the immensity of our privilege to be those whom Christ himself calls friends, let us first and foremost appreciate and continually give thanks to God for His immense love and friendship but also let us try to value each of our friends more, to appreciate and give thanks for their love and faithfulness and too, always seek, with God’s help, to be a better friend ourselves. Amen