Pre-Marital Counseling Session 1

Instructions

Be sure to finish the Scripture study and readings before Session 1. Also, be sure to turn in the premarital inventory to the pastor at least a day or two before your first session.

Key Ideas

1. As image-bearers, men and women have equal dignity and value in God’s eyes.

2. Men and women were created with different roles.

3. A husband and wife are called to leave their family of origin and to cleave to their new spouse. The two become “one flesh.”

4. The relationship between Christ and the church models for husbands and wives how they are to relate to one another.

Scripture Study Guide for a Biblical Theology of Marriage

Instructions: Read Gen 1:26-28; 2: 15-25; 3:1-24; Eph 5:21-33. Below you will find a list of verses and questions that help you think about the text. For each verse, explain briefly what the verse means and how it applies to marriage. (Note that I’ve only included a few lines to write on because I want you to be brief!)

Genesis 1:26–28 ESV

26 Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.” 27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. 28 And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”

Questions: What is an image-bearer? Why is it important that man and woman are made in the image of God? What role did God assign man and woman in creation (hint: v. 26 “dominion” or “rule over”)? What’s the relationship between “being fruitful in number” and “ruling over”?

Explanation:

Application to marriage:

Genesis 2:15 ESV

15 The Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it.

Questions: Before woman is on the scene, what role did God give to man?

Explanation:

Application to marriage:

Genesis 2:18 ESV

18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”

Questions: Why does God say it is not good for man to be alone? What does it mean to be a “suitable helper”?

Explanation:

Application to marriage:

Genesis 2:24 ESV

24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

Questions: Why does God command man to leave his family of origin and be united to his wife? What does “one flesh” mean?

Explanation:

Application to marriage:

Genesis 3:16 ESV

16 To the woman he said, “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he shall rule over you.”

Questions: How did the curse change the way the woman relates to her husband and the way the husband relates to his wife?

Explanation:

Application to marriage:

Ephesians 5:21–33 ESV

21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. 25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Questions: What is Paul trying to teach us through v. 21? Why should wives submit to their husbands (vs. 22-24)? How does Paul describe the wife’s relationship to her husband (vs. 22-24, 33)? What can a wife learn from the church’s submission to Christ? How does Paul describe a husband’s relationship to his wife (vs. 25-32)? What can husbands learn from Christ’s love and life-giving sacrifice for the church (vs. 25-27)?

Explanation:

Application to marriage:

Exercises for a Biblical Theology of Marriage (Session 1)

Part 1. Questions about Leaving our Family of Origin

In what ways do you still “cleave” to your parents (Gen 2:24)? How do these things need to change before you get married? (For example, are their ways that you still relying on your parents for financial provision? How should that change? Or do you still rely on them primarily for advice? How would that change in marriage?)

Who in your extended family is going to struggle with your transition into marriage? What issues might arise as you get married? Will one of your parents, siblings, grandparents, etc. have a hard time adjusting? What adjustments need to be made? (For example, is their a strong-willed father or mother or sibling who will cling to you? Demand your time? Tell you what to do in marriage? Try to turn to you for help? Expect you to be heavily involved in their life?)

After you get married, what are your expectations for your relationship with your in-laws? What are your fiancé’s expectations?

After you get married, what are your expectations for your relationship with your parents? What are your fiancé’s expectations?

What rules, traditions, events, or other things are important to your family? How do you and your fiancé plan to be (or not to be) involved in these things?

Part 2. Meditating on Your Vows

Here is your chance to consider your wedding vows. Write a sentence or two explaining what each statement means. Then talk it over with your fiancé.

Exchange of Vows

I, ______, take you, _______, to be my wedded husband/wife,

to have and to hold from this day forward,

for better for worse,

for richer for poorer,

in sickness and in health,

(the man’s vow) to lead, love, and to cherish,

(the woman’s vow) to love, cherish, and to obey,

till death us do part,

according to God’s holy ordinance;

and thereto I pledge you myself.

Exchange of Rings

With this ring I thee wed,

and with all my worldly goods I thee endow,

in the name of the Father, and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

Part. 3 Your Strengths & Sins and Your Future Marriage

Pursue the list of people below and ask them four questions.

(1) What do strengths do I bring into the marriage?

(2) What do you think will be some good things about being married to me?

(3) What are my primary sins or weaknesses that my spouse needs to be aware of?

(4) What do you think will be the hardest part about being married to me?

(5) What advice would you give my fiancé based on your answers to the first four questions?