Grace for the Sorrows of Motherhood

The Sorrows of Motherhood

I was fortunate to be able to watch my first child, Naomi, be born on January 31, 2004. I instantly gained a tremendous amount of respect for my wife after watching he give birth to our daughter. I thought to myself, “Good night, if you can survive that, you can survive anything.” That morning, I realized how tough my wife is and why God made me a man and not a woman. I could not do what she did in that hospital.

As difficult as I saw giving birth to a child to be little did I know that it was only the beginning. Motherhood is not just about giving birth to a child. It’s encompasses a God-giving longing to have children, and wrestling with whether God has planned to satisfy that longing with natural children, to birthing children and having to raise them in a Genesis three broken world. The process of trying to get pregnant, carrying the child to full term, and giving birth, indicates motherhood is going to be a good, but very tough road to walk. Eight pregnancies and five children later, my wife and I can verify the road a mother walks can have it sorrows.

I have walked with Stacy through miscarriages, a still born, and the daunting task of navigating the often windy waters of childrearing. There have been many days when we sat together and through tears she asked, “Why does it have to be so difficult? I get my hopes up only to have them dashed to pieces. Why do I feel like I failure most days? Why is being a mother, as good as it can be, be so hard on my heart?”

When I reflect on my wife’s sorrows in motherhood, I can’t but think she is in good company. Eve had love a son who murdered his brother. Sarah had to wait until she was ninety years old to have a child of her own. Rebekah had a son who was a deceiver and had to send him away because his brother wanted to kill him. Leah had to come along side her daughter Dinah after she was raped and watched her husband do nothing about it. John the Baptist’s mother spent most of her life barren. Mary, the mother of Jesus, had to watch her son die like a criminal for sins he did not commit. Motherhood, is not joke. Though it is good and has its moments of joy, a mothers heart is often filled with sorrow. Samuel's mother, Hannah understands a mother’s sorrow.

In 1 Samuel 1:1-18, we are introduced to Hannah (which means Grace in Hebrew) the wife of Elkanah. Right away the reader is clued that something is wrong in the cornfield. In the second verse, we are told Hannah is childless. This is a problem in the biblical world. A woman’s legacy is directly tied to having sons. In Hannah’s culture, to not have a child, especially a son, she was deemed worthless, even cursed by God. That is why Peninnah is taunting Hannah in verse seven. Peninnah looked down on Hannah and rubbed her barrenness in her face.

Hannah is so distraught over her inability to fulfill her God-given desire to have children that she cannot eat (v8). Verse ten, says she is “deeply hurt.” The word used here is mara, which is the same word Naomi used in Ruth 1:13 when she lost her husband and boys. It’s also used in Job to describe great personal suffering (Job 3:20). Literally it means “bitterness of soul.” The kind of hurt describe in Hannah’s heart is the kind of pain that no human being can soothe. It’s relief must come from God.

What does Hannah know about God that helps her navigate the sorrows of motherhood?

God’s sovereign goodness provides grace for the sorrows of motherhood.

Hannah reveals to mothers this morning that God is sovereign and he is good, and both of these attributes of God work to help mothers navigate the sorrows of motherhood with grace.

What is God’s sovereignty? Is God’s sovereignty working in Hannah’s circumstance? Does Hannah believe in God’s sovereign goodness?

What does it mean that God is sovereign?

Another word for sovereignty is omnipotent. Omnipotent means all powerful. Wayne Grudem defines God’s sovereignty or his omnipotence as

Systematic Theology: An Introduction to Bible Doctrine 16. Omnipotence (Power, Sovereignty)

God’s omnipotence means that God is able to do all his holy will.

Nothing is impossible for God and nothing can stop God from doing whatever he desires. For example, God promised Sarah that she would have child from her womb. Sarah was approximately seventy years old when God made that promise. he waited another twenty years or so before he delivered on it. a year before her child would be born, God came to Abraham and told him Sarah would have a child. Sarah laughed in disbelief. God responded

Genesis 18:14 HCSB

Is anything impossible for the Lord? At the appointed time I will come back to you, and in about a year she will have a son.”

Nothing is no hard for the Lord because his is sovereign, all powerful. Nothing can hinder his plans.

Is God’s sovereignty working in Hannah’s circumstance?

Yes, it is. Look carefully at

1 Samuel 1:5–6 HCSB

But he gave a double portion to Hannah, for he loved her even though the Lord had kept her from conceiving. Her rival would taunt her severely just to provoke her, because the Lord had kept Hannah from conceiving.

The reason why Hannah is not able to conceive a child is because the “Lord had kept her from conceiving.” The writer says this phrase twice to make it abundantly clear that God is the reason why she is not able to have children.

Does Hannah believe in the sovereign goodness of God?

There are two places I see Hannah believing in the sovereign goodness of God. First, she prays for God to give her a child.

1 Samuel 1:10–11 HCSB

Deeply hurt, Hannah prayed to the Lord and wept with many tears. Making a vow, she pleaded, “Lord of Hosts, if You will take notice of Your servant’s affliction, remember and not forget me, and give Your servant a son, I will give him to the Lord all the days of his life, and his hair will never be cut.”

Her prayer reveals she knows God is the one who is keeping her from having a child, and is the one who can make it happen. Second, look at her song of praise in 1 Samuel 2.

God grants her request and she praises him for hearing her prayer and answering her favorably. In her song, she reveals what she believes about God. She believes God is sovereign and that he is good.

God is sovereign over life and death.

1 Samuel 2:6 HCSB

The Lord brings death and gives life; He sends some to Sheol, and He raises others up.

God is sovereign over your wealth

1 Samuel 2:7 HCSB

The Lord brings poverty and gives wealth; He humbles and He exalts.

God is sovereign over creation and is good to those who walk in humility

1 Samuel 2:8 HCSB

He raises the poor from the dust and lifts the needy from the garbage pile. He seats them with noblemen and gives them a throne of honor. For the foundations of the earth are the Lord’s; He has set the world on them.

God is sovereign over justice

1 Samuel 2:9 HCSB

He guards the steps of His faithful ones, but the wicked perish in darkness, for a man does not prevail by his own strength.

Hannah’s faith in God’s sovereign goodness was rock solid. She embodied the truth of what the apostle Paul says in

Romans 8:28 HCSB

We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God: those who are called according to His purpose.

It was through the lens of God’s sovereign goodness that Hannah viewed her barrenness that brought her so much sorrow. Though her heart was deeply hurt by not having a child, it was not without hope. She knew God was sovereign, in complete control of her womb, and she knew he was good.

Mothers, God’s sovereign goodness is the bedrock of your faithful mothering as you navigate the sorrows that come with it.

What does God’s sovereign goodness do for you as you navigate the sorrows of motherhood?

God’s sovereign goodness empowers you to walk in humility through your sorrow.

When our hearts are overwhelmed with grief or frustration, we to try to alleviate our sorrow through fig leaf solutions. What do I mean by fig leaf solutions? When ADama dn Eve tried to cover their shame of nakedness, they did so with fig leaves. It was short sided and inadequate. It was their best effort to cover a massive problem. They depended on their own efforts and ideas, instead of humbling themsleves before God and seeking his solution.

When we are faced with with frustrations and sorrows, we will try to manipulate our circumstances to alleviate our pain. Sometimes we take our frustrations out on our spouses or children in the form of anger. Other times we try to devise schemes to make things go our way. Hannah knows that God exalts the humble and destroys the proud.

For example, consider Sarah, Abrams wife. She was barren just like Hannah. She suffered the same pressures from society and her own shame form not having a child. God had promised her a son, but his timing was not her timing, and she grew impatient. In her frustration and desperation, she bypassed God’s plan for a pl of her own, giving her husband her maid servant, Hagar. This decision caused a lot of grief in her marriage and in he family, not to mention for God’s people later on. In her pride, she thought she was more wise than God and could determine what was best.

Hannah does not respond with the same arrogance. She humbled herself before the Lord. She seeks him in prayer. She does not respond with evil toward Penninah when she is taunted. She receives her husbands tenderness when he tries to comfort her.

Hannah’s understanding of God’s sovereign goodness helped her heart remember:

1 Samuel 2:3 HCSB

Do not boast so proudly, or let arrogant words come out of your mouth, for the Lord is a God of knowledge, and actions are weighed by Him.

1 Samuel 2:7 HCSB

The Lord brings poverty and gives wealth; He humbles and He exalts.

God’s sovereign goodness compels you to plead with God over your sorrow.

1 Samuel 1:10 HCSB

Deeply hurt, Hannah prayed to the Lord and wept with many tears.

1 Samuel 1:15–16 HCSB

“No, my lord,” Hannah replied. “I am a woman with a broken heart. I haven’t had any wine or beer; I’ve been pouring out my heart before the Lord. Don’t think of me as a wicked woman; I’ve been praying from the depth of my anguish and resentment.”

I use the “plead” because she describes the intensity of her prayers in verse 1:16. Hannah told Eli the priest that she literately “poured out her heart her anguish and resentment.” Hannah was not simply praying a list of things she would like to see done or requests filled, like a prescription of medicine or a Christmas list. Hannah was begging God to relieve her grief, to bring an answer for her sorrow.

Women who long to have children and those who have them have a similar cry to them when they grieve. In my ministry I have counseled both women who long to be a mother, and mothers who long for the warmth of their children, either because they have gone wayward or because death has come to soon for their child. Nothing in this world is able to tear the heart of a woman with such violence and furry than her children.

If you have been paying attention, then you realize there is a big white elephant in the room. Hannah believes God is sovereign and he is good, and yet Hannah is experiencing deep agony over not having a child. That means that God brought this sorrow upon Hannah, and she knows it.

Why would God bring such sorrow to Hannah? Why would he pave the road to motherhood with such sorrows as being barren or wayward children, or even the death of children?

I offer two considerations. First, before God does a great work of faith in someones life or something spectacular for His kingdom, hardship is usually a precursor. Remember, God promised Abraham that he would be the father of a great nation and that his wife would give him a son, and from his linage the Messiah of the world would come. Then, Sarah had to wait twenty five years or so and give birth to child at ninety years old. Isaac’s wife was also barren and had to suffer ridicule before giving birth to Jacob and Esau. Jacob’s wife was barren and suffered the same taunting before she gave birth. Her son Joseph, who would eventually save his people from famine by being the right hand man of Pharoah, suffered at the hands of his brothers being sold into slavery.

God uses hardship with motherhood to answer the deepest question of the human heart. Is God really able to do the impossible? Can God really give a ninety year old woman a child and have her deliver that child safely? Can God really take a Hebrew slave who was in prison and make him the second highest leader in the most powerful nation in the world in order to save his people? If God can do that, than anything is possible for God and you. You see, what is impossible for man is possible with God. He makes that clear through his people's sufferings and hardships. Yes, God says, I can deliver you, even when you appear to be undesirable and unable to be delivered. Nothing is impossible with God.

Second, God brings sorrow to your soul because God is especially close to the broken hearted. When mothers who long to be or who have children cry out to him because their heart is bitter of soul over their children, he is compelled to move on their behalf.

Psalm 34:18 HCSB

The Lord is near the brokenhearted; He saves those crushed in spirit.

The Psalmist says in

Psalm 118:5 HCSB

I called to the Lord in distress; the Lord answered me and put me in a spacious place.

God is moved by the broken hearted, those who are poor in Spirit, and moves on their behalf.

The last time Stacy and I were in Louisville, we were able o go to church in our seminary church. As we walked into the sanctuary, three little boys were sitting on the front pew. The oldest boy was named Benjamin. Benjamin is very special to our family. Benjamin was born in the room right next door to the room where Stacy was delivering Peter, our stillborn baby on the same day at about the same time. It was an interesting juxtaposition for my pastor. While he was excited to see his first grandchild come into the world healthy and alive, he had to step next door into our room and help us mourn the birth of our dead son.

When I saw Benjamin, my heart was overwhelmed with joy. He was a beautiful little boy full of life. My heart was full of remembering God’s grace in his provision for our suffering.

God’s sovereign goodness strengthens you to let go of the sorrow of letting go of your children.

Hannah makes a vow to the Lord. A vow that would let go of what she treasures the most, a son.

1 Samuel 1:11 HCSB

Making a vow, she pleaded, “Lord of Hosts, if You will take notice of Your servant’s affliction, remember and not forget me, and give Your servant a son, I will give him to the Lord all the days of his life, and his hair will never be cut.”

What does letting go of your children look?

Committing your children to the Lord.

Hannah vows to offer her son to the Lord. She invokes a nazirite vow. The Hebrew term for “Nazirite” comes from the Hebrew word meaning “to separate” (נזר, nzr). Numbers 6 presents the distinguishing features of the vow as: abstaining from anything related to grapes and/or alcohol, refraining from cutting one’s hair, and avoiding dead people (even family members). This could be a temporary vow, but Hannah indicates that this vow will be permanent for her son.

Hannah vowed for her son to be a living sacrifice to the Lord.

Romans 12:1 HCSB

Therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, I urge you to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God; this is your spiritual worship.

Parents are merely stewards of their children. Our children belong to the Lord, to do as he pleases. God has ordained mothers to teach and nurture their children in the instruction and grace of God, and then are to let them go to serve Him. Knowing God’s sovereign goodness helps you steward your children to the Lord.

Keeping your commitment of your children to the Lord.

Hannah follows through with her commitment. At three years old, she gives the boy over to Eli the priest. Hannah recognized that God compelled her to pray radically for a son. It was in God’s sovereign good plan to grant her a son. However, her son was to be set apart for God’s work. Knowing that God is sovereign and good, Hannah could pray such radical God-centered prayers and let go of her son, and ten give her the strength to follow through with it.

Jochebed was the mother of Moses. Because Pharoah was evil and paranoid, he ordered the slaughtering of all Hebrew baby boys. Jochebed hid Moses for three months before she had to let him go. Trusting in the sovereign goodness of God, she put her baby in a small floating trough in the Nile River. At that moment, she had no idea that Pharaoh's daughter would take him as her own son, and that God would later use him to deliver his people. She had to let him go trusting God’s sovereign goodness, and so you must do with your children.

God’s sovereign goodness strengthens you to let go of your children to the Lord and trust that he knows what’s best for them, knowing that He will work all things out for their good and His glory. This will help you navigate the sorrows of longing for a child and rearing that child with grace.

God’s sovereign goodness enables you to rest in His sovereign goodness.

Hannah has a weird encounter with Eli the priest. he thinks she is drunk because she is praying to herself. he rebukes her for it in 1:14. She explains that shes not drunk just pleading with God to give her a son. Eli takes back his rebuke and instead says

1 Samuel 1:17 HCSB

Eli responded, “Go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant the petition you’ve requested from Him.”

This is a pivotal moment for Hannah. Hearing the High Priest bless her gave her soul a boost of confidence, a hope of grace.

1 Samuel 1:18 HCSB

“May your servant find favor with you,” she replied. Then Hannah went on her way; she ate and no longer looked despondent.

The woman of grace (which is what Hannah means) finds grace from the High Priest,the mediator of God’s grace to his people. Hannah’s soul is transformed. No longer is she bitter or deeply hurt. She goes away no longer looking despondent. She now eats the festival meal.

I like way Robert Bergen sums Hannah’d transformation:

“Hannah’s departure from the sanctuary area was an example of faith triumphant. Though she had approached the Lord in the depths of despondency, she left the sanctuary elevated and transformed. Hannah’s spiritual victory, won through the labor of tearful prayers, enabled her to eat the festival meal in peace and hope.”

In short, Hannah’s soul was at rest with God’s will. She embraced His plans for her. There was no guarantee when she left the temple she would have a son, and yet she eats the meal, worships, and she goes home to her husband. She continues doing life and waits for the Lord. We are not privy to how long she waited. The text only says “After some time (1:20). Literally it says “in the turning of days.” As the days turned, Hannah rested in the sovereign goodness of God as she walked humbly in her sorrow, as she pleaded to God for her sorrow, as she let go of her son to the Lord’s will.

God’s sovereign goodness does not work in a void of his own experience. Keep in mind mothers, God has walked the road of sorrows in which you walk. God sent his one and only Son to die for the sins of you and your children. He watched His Son humble himself to the point of death, not reviling his persecutors, but instead praying for them to be forgiven. And in order or God o answer that prayer with an amen, he had to let his Son go to the grave to receive his wrath for the sins of you and I, and raising him from the dead. He offers us eternal rest from all our sorrows by faith in the resurrection of His Son. God knows the sorrows of motherhood first hand, and so does His Son. The beauty is God has done the impossible. He has provided grace for your sorrow, eternal sovereign grace through His Son, for everyone who repents and puts their trust in His life, death, and resurrection. God’s sovereign goodness only applies to those who accept it in Jesus Christ.

When I think of motherhood, I’m reminded of poem by William G. Coltman

Until I learned to trust;

I never learned to pray;

And I did not learn to fully trust

Till sorrows came my way.

Until I felt my weakness,

His strength I never knew

Nor dreamed ‘til I was stricken

That he could see me through.

Who deepest drinks of sorrow,

Drinks deepest, too, of grace;

He sends the storm so he himself

Can be our hiding place.

His heart, that seeks our highest—GOOD—

Knows well when things annoy;

We would not long for heaven

If earth held only joy.

Motherhood, is not joke. Though it is good and has its moments of joy, a mothers heart is often filled with sorrow.

God’s sovereign goodness provides grace for the sorrows of motherhood.

God’s sovereign goodness empowers you to walk humbly in your sorrow, compels you to plead with God over your sorrow, strengthen’s you to let go of your children of sorrow, and enables you to rest your sorrow in His sovereign goodness. He does all of this through His Son, Jesus Christ. Christ is grace for your sorrows that come with motherhood.