Philippians 3:4-11 - Dying Motherhood

Introduction

Well—Happy Mother’s Day! This has to be one of the most memorable Mother’s Days that anyone has ever experienced! This time to pause and celebrate the gift of motherhood in our lives is set against a backdrop of the unprecedented stress and challenges of the COVID-19 pandemic. The widespread closures and cancellations of the shutdown have thrown families together (in close quarters) for weeks on end—and in many ways it has revealed a lot of the weaknesses and shortcomings of our culture’s attitude towards family, children and parenthood. As one wag put it, the reason that liquor stores in PA are considered “essential businesses” is because all the moms have to spend all day long in the house with their kids!

And though that’s the kind of thing that’s played for humor, the reality at the bottom of it is that this pandemic has revealed an attitude towards children that says being “stuck” with them all day is a net negative. That the stresses and difficulties of the stay-at-home order and the cancellation of school through the end of the year has brought to the surface a lot of the long-term frustration that a lot of parents feel about parenthood. That children are a source of difficulty and frustration, that having kids means giving up on your own plans and dreams. That one of the biggest stresses of the pandemic is not being able to load your kids onto the school bus every morning—the schools are shut down, so you have to take responsibility for teaching them!

And as I say that, all the Good Christian Moms in the room have two thoughts running through their heads. You hear people complaining about having their kids underfoot all the time and how they love them, but it’s just so exhausting to be dealing with kids all day and they can’t wait until they’re grown and out of the house—and if you’re a Good Christian Mom your first thought (and it’s a good one) is to say, “But children aren’t a drain—they’re a blessing from God!” And you wholeheartedly say along with the Psalmist in Psalm 127:

Psalm 127:3–5 ESV

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.

Children aren’t a drag, they aren’t a nuisance, they aren’t a hindrance to your happiness, right? When our kids were little and Jodee had them all out with her at the grocery store and they were all firing on all cylinders and someone would look at her and comment, “Wow! You have your hands full!” her favorite reply was, “Yes! Full of good things!” And it’s true isn’t it, moms? Your hands are full with good things, aren’t they?

That’s the first thought that’s running through your head right now—wholehearted and joyful thanksgiving to God for the blessing of children. But then there’s the other thought you have when you hear people complaining about their kids—that you know exactly what they’re saying because all too often you feel exactly the same way!

Because you know—you’ve been there—you can’t deny the truth that loving your children is very, very costly at times, isn’t it? It’s not just unbelievers who struggle with anger at their children. It’s not just unbelievers who are tempted to bitterness against their kids, it’s not just unbelieving moms who can suffer from depression and exhaustion and loneliness in the midst of caring for little ones or who are constantly beating their heads against the wall trying to parent their self-centered, snotty, lazy teenagers.

Moms, you may honestly and wholeheartedly affirm the fact that your children are a blessing from God and you are eternally thankful for them—but you also know that motherhood is the hardest, most exhausting, intimidating, thankless, heartbreaking, self-sacrificing job you will ever have.

So the question has to be asked—if Christian moms and non-Christian moms both suffer the same kind of frustration, bitterness, anger and loneliness—is the only difference between them that non-Christian moms are honest enough to admit it? Is the mark of a Christian mother simply a thin layer of hypocrisy? Surely there is more to it than that?

What I want to show you from God’s Word this morning, Christian mom, is that there is a lot more to Christian motherhood than just a thin layer of hypocrisy that doesn’t admit how difficult motherhood can be! What I aim for you to see and be transformed by here in Philippians 3 is that Christian motherhood is precious and beautiful and magnificent—not because Christianity makes motherhood easy or trouble-free or harmonious or peaceful, but because it is your invitation to participate in the dying and resurrection of Jesus Christ!

Christian motherhood is entering the dying and resurrection life of Jesus Christ.

It’s no secret that motherhood is not held in high esteem in the world around us these days. Women are routinely told that staying home and raising children is a waste of their life—it’s a shame for a woman to be “stuck at home” raising kids. The derogatory image of a woman being “barefoot and pregnant” is meant to shame women out of pursuing motherhood. That is why right now during this crisis there are so many women who are apt to complain about being home with their kids every day—because being a “stay-at-home-mom” is a stigma in their minds.

For decades, women in our culture have subscribed to the notion that being a stay-at-home mom isn’t “enough”—that they need to have “their own lives” outside the home and their own careers. That they have to rack up a list of achievements and accomplishments to justify themselves before the world. This is the way the world runs, isn’t it? That you escape stigma and shame by boasting in your accomplishments.

That’s exactly what we see here at the beginning of our passage in Philippians 3. Look at verses 4-6:

Philippians 3:4–6 ESV

though I myself have reason for confidence in the flesh also. If anyone else thinks he has reason for confidence in the flesh, I have more: circumcised on the eighth day, of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; as to the law, a Pharisee; as to zeal, a persecutor of the church; as to righteousness under the law, blameless.

Paul points to the time in his past when he would find his justification in life—when he would pin all of his self-esteem and self-image—on his accomplishments: His pure Hebrew genealogy, his theological acumen, his spotless record of keeping the Mosaic Law. And you’ve seen the same dynamic at play in your world too, haven’t you? The word runs on escaping shame by boasting in your accomplishments. But Paul is showing us here in these verses that we must

I. Reject all confidence in yourself (vv. 4-6)

The world runs on this shame/boasting dynamic. Now, guys are competitive by nature—we will compete with each other over jobs, promotions, salaries, (and sports, video games, and so forth), but we tend to do it for bragging rights. But women compare themselves with each other on a far deeper level than guys do, don’t they? Moms, for you this shame/boasting dynamic causes you to pin your entire self-image on comparing your life to other women.

This is why social media can be (not always, but can be) so toxic for so many women, particularly—a half-hour of scrolling through your feed leaves you feeling like a total failure as a woman because you see all the posts about all the wonderful and exciting and important things all your career-driven friends are doing, and you still have Tuesday’s laundry sitting in the dryer!

Paul teaches here in this passage that rejecting all confidence in yourself means that you

Do not boast in your flesh

Moms, do not pin your self-worth on the works of your flesh—whether it’s work outside the home (your career accomplishments, your salary, your title) inside your home (your perfectly-kept house, your mad homeschooling skills) or inside your heart (your Bible study habits, your prayer life) —none of those things are worth trusting in for your self-worth. Paul says that nothing you do in your own flesh will give you the satisfaction and self-esteem you are looking for. Do not boast in your own achievements.

But there is another side to this as well. For the most part, you may be pretty well-attuned to the temptation to boast in your flesh in an outright way, and if someone else does it, you pretty much can see it coming. The “humblebragging” girlfriend or sister-in-law who says, “Oh, I just got offered that regional manager position with Frito-Lay, and I’ll have to be flying to L.A. every other month now—you’re so lucky that you get to stay home with the kids and don’t have to travel all the time!”

Now, one response that I’ve heard from moms is to say something along the lines of “Yes, you’re the regional manager for Frito Lay, and I’m “just” a stay-at-home mom. I’m raising the next generation of leaders, you’re just selling potato chips!”

But as emotionally satisfying as a response like that may feel, think carefully for a moment what you’re doing—you’re still boasting in your work, aren’t you? Not only that, but you’re boasting in how you think your kids will turn out! Rejecting all confidence in the flesh means not only that you do not boast in your flesh, but it also means that you

Do not boast in your flesh and blood

either!

Don’t avoid the trap of finding your justification in your accomplishments only to fall into the trap of finding your justification in your children’s accomplishments! Look around and you will see a lot of moms (a lot of Christian moms!) who are just as desperate to escape the stigma of being a stay-at-home mom by pointing to how well your kids turned out: “Well, I gave up my own career and wiped noses and bottoms and cleaned up puke and endured the teenage years and took on college debt and gave up everything for twenty years—but it was worth it because Johnny made it into med school!”

Not only does an attitude like that make Johnny miserable (because you’ve likely pushed and prodded and been so hard on him his whole life because your self-justification was riding on his success), but what do you do if Johnny winds up being a 35-year-old living in your basement playing League of Legends nine hours a day?? Where do you get your self-justification from then?

Christian motherhood rejects all confidence in the flesh—you don’t justify yourself by boasting in your flesh, and you don’t justify yourself by boasting in your flesh and blood. There is only one place to find your justification, mom--

II. Rest in your justification in Christ (vv. 7-9)

Look at verses 7-9 with me:

Philippians 3:7–9 ESV

But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith—

Christian mom, if you hear nothing else from this sermon today, be encouraged and convicted by this: All the justification you ever need in your life rests in what Jesus Christ did for you, not in what you do! You have a righteousness that comes through faith in Christ—and not in what you do in your own flesh, and not in what your flesh-and-blood does (or doesn’t do!)

Sister, if you belong to Jesus Christ by faith—if you have repented of your sins and called on Him for salvation, you have all the justification you need in this world! Whether you have a fancy job outside the home or not, whether you have a clean and pristine house, whether you homeschool or not, whether you use cloth diapers or not, whether you grow your own food or not, whether you’re the proud parent of an honor roll student or not—even, in fact, whether you are a mom or not—the only thing you need for a healthy self-image, the only justification you need as a woman, a wife, a mother, is that you belong to Jesus Christ by faith!

And when you rest in your justification in Christ, there are two miraculous works that you have the power from God to do—two things that you can do as a Christian mother that no one can do outside of Christ. When you rest in your justification in Christ, it empowers you to

Reject the “victim narrative” of motherhood

One of the greatest and most constant temptations moms face is to fall into the status of the victim in motherhood. That nobody appreciates all the work you do—from the comments from women who tell you they envy how “easy” you must have it being home all day, to your own kids who respond to the meal you’ve just spent four hours preparing by turning up their noses and asking if they can have a Hot Pocket. The victim status of staying up all night alternating between a colicky baby and a teething toddler while Dad sleeps the whole night through. (To be clear, you have the right to expect, and ask for, his committed help through the night with you—but you do not have the right to lord your “victim status” over him!)

Playing the victim narrative through your head will cause you to withdraw (“Well, if everybody is going to complain about supper, I’m done cooking for them!”), it can cause you to become bitter (“I’m sick of nobody in this house ever saying a simple ‘Thank you!’), it can drive you to create an echo-chamber for your frustrations by indulging in gossip and betrayal outside the home—telling all your friends about how ignored and unappreciated you are so that they can reinforce your victimhood for you, which only reinforces your withdrawal and anger and bitterness and frustration.

But if resting in your justification in Christ means that your self-esteem and self-image is not dependent on the work of any flesh—your flesh or your flesh-and-blood—then that means that nothing they do or don’t do can ever cause you to be a victim! Because your life is hid in the Ultimate Victim of all—Jesus Christ, who never deserved any of the things that were done to Him!

This is crucial—and this is where I say that Christian motherhood is entering the dying and resurrection life of Christ. Because when you are resting in Jesus Christ—the Ultimate Victim—as your sole source of justification and self-esteem in this world, apart from the work of any flesh, then you can

Receive suffering as fellowship with Christ (v. 10; cp. Philippians 3:10)

Look there at the end of verse 10: “that I may… share in His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death”.

Christian motherhood means entering into the life of the Ultimate Victim, Jesus Christ, it means joining Him in His dying as you “die” in the losses, sufferings, hardships, slights and humiliations that come as part of the act of loving others. Have you spent hours pouring yourself into a lavish and delicious meal, only to have your kids loudly complain and refuse to eat it? Instead of the victim narrative that says, “Fine—cook your own supper tomorrow night!”, take this as an opportunity to enter into the fellowship of Christ’s sufferings!

Did not your Savior pour Himself into lavish and extravagant acts of love for His people, only to have them turn their noses up at Him and complain? So when you suffer the “death” of whiny, unappreciative kids, it is your opportunity to become like Jesus in His death! Do you have to deal with the left-handed compliments of other women who want to boast about their high-powered jobs and exciting child-free existence, making you feel like a failure? How many times did people scoff and scorn Jesus, ridiculing Him, spreading rumors that He was a demon-possessed Samaritan bastard (John 8:48)? When you are scorned for pouring your love and your life into your family, take that scorn as your invitation to enter into the suffering of Christ, suffering scorn for the sake of love!

Instead of pushing back against the “stigma” of being “just a stay-at-home mom”, instead of trying to find ways of boasting in your flesh (or in your flesh-and-blood), receive the suffering that comes your way as a mom, rejoice in it as God’s invitation to you to “share His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death, that by any means possible you may attain the resurrection from the dead”.

Because when you reject all confidence in yourself, when you rest in your justification in Christ, you can

III. Know the power of Christ’s resurrection (vv. 10-11)

What is the absolute bedrock foundation of all of the Christian life? How does the Apostle Paul put it in 1 Corinthians 15:3-4?

1 Corinthians 15:3–4 ESV

For I delivered to you as of first importance what I also received: that Christ died for our sins in accordance with the Scriptures, that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day in accordance with the Scriptures,

Jesus Christ died, was buried and rose again. And if you are in Christ through faith, that means that all of your life follows that same pattern! When you came to faith in Christ for salvation, you died with Him to sin, were buried with Him through baptism, and were raised again to walk in newness of life (Romans 6:4-8). And you have the promise that someday when your body breathes its last, it will die and go into the ground, and be resurrected again at the Last Day (1 Thessalonians 4:13-17). And what Paul says here in this passage (and in so many other places in the New Testament) is that your whole life follows this pattern of death and resurrection!

Christian motherhood is a participation in the dying and resurrection life of Christ—when you embrace the shame and scorn and heartbreaks and exhaustion and loneliness and inadequacies and depression and emptying of yourself as a mom, you are in that way participating in the dying of Jesus Christ—not because you are a Stoic, not because you’re tough enough, not because the suffering doesn’t really affect you—but because the absolute core of the Christian life promises you that if you die with Him, you will certainly be raised with Him!

Knowing the resurrection power of Christ means that

Your spirit is resurrected

Instead of facing yet another sink full of dirty dishes that no one else seems to see) and feeling that temptation toward frustration and bitterness in your heart, you can be free to say, “Jesus, you came to earth to pour Yourself out in thankless work for the people You love, even when they completely ignored you—and now I get to join you in the suffering work of sacrificial love!”

Knowing the resurrection power of Christ means that

Your seeing is resurrected

Instead of running everything through the “victim” lens, where every sleepless night with a sick child is more proof of how miserable your life is, where every mouthy, arrogant teenager is a demonstration of how disrespected you are, where every humblebragging cousin just confirms how big a failure you are, now you can see in each of those hardships exactly where you are—you are on the downward slope of death with Christ, dying to yourself and to the world, dying to your pride and self-will, down into a “death” out of which you know you will be resurrected by His Spirit working a new and glorious kind of Christlikeness in you! You can see the “stigma” of being “just a stay-at-home mom” as your glory!

Knowing the resurrection power of Christ means that

Your obedience is resurrected

Paul tells his readers in Philippians 2:14-15 to

Philippians 2:14–15 ESV

Do all things without grumbling or disputing, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world,

When you understand that Christian motherhood is your opportunity to participate in the dying and resurrection life of Christ, you are free to do just that! Instead of grumbling or complaining about the unfairness, the unappreciated work, the disrespect, the loneliness and insecurities of motherhood, you can rejoice in how they invite you to play out the Gospel in your every day life! You can freely receive the suffering that comes with loving your family, and shine as a light of joyful peace and contentment in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation that hates the stigma of motherhood (and hates you as well!)

When you die with Christ in the costly love of motherhood, you know that you will be raised with Him in the power of His resurrection—even to the place where

Your situation is resurrected

When you enter into the fellowship of Christ’s sufferings in Christian motherhood, that does not mean that all of your hardships and difficulties magically disappear. We must always remember that resurrection in the Christian life is never under our own control, is it? It is always the Holy Spirit who controls how and when we experience His resurrection power.

It may very well be that you will experience that resurrection power in the improvement of your outward circumstances—the peace and contentment of a spirit resurrected from bitterness can flow outward to everyone else around you, and change the whole atmosphere of your home.

Or it may not—your selfish teenagers may continue to take advantage of your love and continue to scorn you to your face. You may still face those bouts of exhaustion and insecurity and depression that just take the wind out of your sails. You may still be disregarded and mocked (no matter how gently) from your career-oriented peers.

But either way, you are still on the path to resurrection, because you belong to Jesus Christ! Christian motherhood is precious because it is your invitation to enter the dying and resurrection life of Jesus Christ! Your story becomes Jesus’ story, transforming your shame into glory! That is what the Apostle Peter had in mind when he wrote in 1 Peter 4:13

1 Peter 4:13 ESV

But rejoice insofar as you share Christ’s sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed.

Christian mom, you are caught up in something far bigger than yourself as you re-enact the most magnificent Story ever told—the story at the heart of the universe! To endure with joy, to not give in to bitterness, but to cheerfully serve and love even when you are dying on the inside—this is your glory! (Miller, P. E. (2019). J-Curve. Wheaton, IL: Crossway.)

So turn away from confidence in the works of your flesh (and the works of your flesh-and-blood) for your self-worth, and rest in Jesus Christ’s work that justifies you! Reject the victim narrative that produces anger, frustration, bitterness, helplessness and self-pity. In the midst of the dying of motherhood, turn your eyes to the Ultimate Victim, who suffered to the fullest in order to love you to the fullest, giving His own life so that you would live forever with Him! Christian mom, in the everyday hardships of sacrificial love that you face, recognize your invitation to participate in the dying and resurrection life of your Savior, Jesus Christ!

BENEDICTION

Hebrews 13:20–21 ESV

Now may the God of peace who brought again from the dead our Lord Jesus, the great shepherd of the sheep, by the blood of the eternal covenant, equip you with everything good that you may do his will, working in us that which is pleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory forever and ever. Amen.

QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION:

How do the women that you know determine their self-worth? What are some healthy ways that women seek to feel good about themselves? What are some unhealthy things that women do to justify themselves?

Where are you most likely to try to feel good about your life by comparing yourself to what you see and hear other women say about themselves? What does this passage say is the only sure way to be justified? (Read Philippians 3:9 again).

Think about the week ahead in your home. Where are you most likely to “share in Christ’s sufferings, becoming like Him in His death” in your life as a mom?

What does it mean that the Christian life is a continual demonstration of the “dying and resurrection” of Christ? How does knowing that truth help you understand the “dying” that comes with loving your family?