Harmony in the Family III

I

3 kids and feel amazingly blessed.

Haven’t dealt with a lot of the things that other parents have had to deal with.

Jami and I—as early in our parenting as I can remember—tried to keep one principle central in our parenting: We wanted our kids to obey us (and believe us) out of love, not out of fear.

Logical way to help our kids make good decisions when we aren’t around.

We

Everything we do in parenting is geared towards getting our children to do the right things.

We want our kids to get good grades so they can get into college.

We want our kids to do chores so that they have practical life skills.

We want our kids to be careful in relationships so that they don’t get a disease or get pregnant.

We want our kids to go to church so that they obey God.

We want our kids to learn to drive so that they move out of our houses.

God

A look into obedience from the Apostle Paul

Ephesians 6:1–4 (CSB)

6 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, because this is right. 2 Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with a promise, 3 so that it may go well with you and that you may have a long life in the land.,, 4 Fathers, don’t stir up anger in your children, but bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

BIG IDEA: The heart of this passage is harmony between Father’s and children where children are called to be obedient to gentle fathers.

Children

Ephesians 6:1 (CSB)

6 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, because this is right.

Natural goodness that comes with obedience.

Training in righteousness

Practical skills for life

Productive part of the family (all contribute to the whole)

Ephesians 6:2–3 (CSB)

2 Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with a promise, 3 so that it may go well with you and that you may have a long life in the land.

To support his point, Paul quotes Moses in Exodus 20:12

It’s good to honor and obey your parents because it has a natural benefit (not an abstract spiritual promise/axiom).

Fathers—contrast

Ephesians 6:4 (CSB)

4 Fathers, don’t stir up anger in your children, but bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

Doesn’t say:

Never yell

When your kid is about to run in front of a car

Transition from obedience “because I said so” to “because you love me/believe me” that happens over time.

Don’t anger your children. What’s the difference?

Idea of ‘stirring up’ has to do with creating a root of anger — or better, bitterness — in your child.

Does say:

Bring them up in the training of the Lord

discipline, perseverance, work ethic, habits, patterns, procedures

How does God train us?

Bring them up in the instruction (admonition) of the Lord

warn, reprimand, advise, plead earnestly

How does God admonish us?

You

…to the parents…

Fathers (and mothers by extension—you’re not off the hook on this) need to:

Train your children to do practical things that they need to live their lives.— The schools aren’t going to do it for you and neither is anyone else.

Don’t let your kids just make their own mistakes and hope they learn from it. Warn them, advise them, plead with them if necesary to do what is good and right.

But, do all of this in the way that God does this—as a loving, caring, gentle father. (not with fear but love)

…to the kids...

Is disobedience ok if the Father is a harsh Father?

No, and disobedience is not the best thing for you.

The promise that it will go well for you does not require the father be a gentle father or a good man.

Disobedience to a harsh father will probably make your life much more difficult.

Is there a time when children should not obey their parents?

It’s dangerous, abusive, sinful, or prevents you from worshipping God.

What should you do if you think you have to disobey your parents?

Pastors, teachers, friend’s parents—not CPS or Police unless your life is being threatened or it is recommended by another adult (i.e. pastor, teacher, friend’s parent).

Us

Why should we parent this way? Why should we obey our parents this way? What does it really accomplish? — It accomplishes much on a greater scale than you realize.

We don’t obey God out of fear of condemnation (yelling at your kid when he does something wrong).

We obey God out of love for what Christ has done (when your kids love you they will naturally want to do what you think is best for them).