Expanding Beyond Your Worst Experiences

Expanding Beyond Your Worst Experiences

Our lesson challenges us to overcome the limitations presented by hurtful and traumatic experiences.

“Pain will subside only when we acknowledge it and care for it...” ~ Brené Brown

Prayer: Dear Lord, Today we thank you for encouraging us to hold on. Help us to continue to seek You and allow You to uphold us. No matter what comes, We won’t let go. We will hold on to Your promises. We will hold on to what You say about us. Give us strength. We believe we will see Your goodness in our life. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Focal Text: 2 Samuel 13:15-19 NIV

15 Then Amnon hated her with intense hatred. In fact, he hated her more than he had loved her. Amnon said to her, “Get up and get out!”16“No!” she said to him. “Sending me away would be a greater wrong than what you have already done to me.”

But he refused to listen to her. 17 He called his personal servant and said, “Get this woman out of my sight and bolt the door after her.”

18 So his servant put her out and bolted the door after her. She was wearing an ornate[a] robe, for this was the kind of garment the virgin daughters of the king wore. 19 Tamar put ashes on her head and tore the ornate robe she was wearing. She put her hands on her head and went away, weeping aloud as she went.

Introduction

How do you live beyond life’s most devastating experiences?

To overcome mental trauma, we must acknowledge that we are broken, address our pain, and develop strategies to cope with and conquer it.

By channeling our negative emotions into positive achievements and activities, we defeat Satan and create paths to wholeness.

Physical trauma can be overcome with therapy, healthy living, and in extreme cases, surgery is appropriate.

God has the power to heal our mental and physical trauma.

God has the power to make us whole.

Tamar experiences Rejection, Separation, and Depression, but she never fully recovers. Tamar’s story does not have to be our story. God has the power to heal us beyond mental and physical trauma and abuse.

I. Tamar experience Rejection 2 Samuel 13:15 15 Then Amnon hated her with intense hatred. In fact, he hated her more than he had loved her. Amnon said to her, “Get up and get out!”

Feelings of guilt and shame heightened Amnon’s emotions, so that he now “hated her more than he had loved her” (v. 15).

The Torah dictated that a man who had sexual intercourse with a virgin not pledged to be married to another was obligated to marry her and pay a financial penalty (cf. Exod 22:16–17; Deut 22:28–29). However, when Amnon ordered Tamar to “get up and get out” of his house, his actions following the rape indicated he did not intend to follow the Torah in this matter.

Love and lust are very different. After Amnon raped his half sister, his “love” turned to hate. Although he had claimed to be in love, he was actually overcome by lust. Love is patient; lust requires immediate satisfaction. Love is kind; lust is harsh. Love does not demand its own way; lust does. Lust may feel like love at first, but when physically expressed, it results in self-disgust and hatred of the other person. If you just can’t wait, what you feel is not true love.

A. God is with us.

B. God protects us.

C. God calms our anxieties.

I. Tamar experience Rejection

II. Tamar experience Separation 2 Samuel 13:16-17 16 “No!” she said to him. “Sending me away would be a greater wrong than what you have already done to me.”

But he refused to listen to her. 17 He called his personal servant and said, “Get this woman out of my sight and bolt the door after her.”

Tamar, knowing that this kind of disregard for the Law only made the situation worse, pointed out that “sending” her “away would be a greater wrong than what you have already done to me” (v. 16). However, the morally reckless Amnon once again “refused to listen to her.”

To hasten Tamar’s eviction, Amnon “called his personal servant” (v. 17) and ordered him to “expel this one [NIV, “woman”], then bolt the door after her.”

In keeping with the Torah’s implicit expectation that fathers assume some responsibility in preserving their daughters’ virginity until marriage (cf. Deut 22:13–21), David encouraged and rewarded his virgin daughters’ sexual purity by providing each of them with a status-laden “richly ornamented robe” (Hb. kĕtonet pāssîm; cf. Gen 37:3). By maintaining their virginal status till marriage, the daughters preserved their chances of achieving the most favorable marital circumstances. Depending on the circumstances leading to their deflowering, daughters who prematurely lost their virginity might even lose their lives

Rape was strictly forbidden by God. Why was sending Tamar away an even greater crime? By throwing her out, Amnon made it looks as if Tamar had made a shameful proposition to him, and there were no witnesses on her behalf because he had gotten rid of the servants. His crime destroyed her chances of marriage-because she was no longer a virgin, she could not be given in marriage.

A. Jesus makes us whole.

B. Our identity is found in Him and not in our hurts.

C. God has a purpose for us beyond our pain.

I. Tamar experience Rejection

II. Tamar experience Separation

III. Tamar experience Depression 2 Samuel 13:18-19 18 So his servant put her out and bolted the door after her. She was wearing an ornate[a] robe, for this was the kind of garment the virgin daughters of the king wore. 19 Tamar put ashes on her head and tore the ornate robe she was wearing. She put her hands on her head and went away, weeping aloud as she went.

Tamar had been wearing the distinctive dress of a royal virgin daughter when she was raped, but afterwards “she tore the ornamented robe” (v. 19), and overwhelmed by shock and grief, she “put her hand on her head … weeping” as she returned to her residence

Tamar’s garment. The costly, embroidered robe worn by Tamar marked her as one of the virgins of the household of David. It implied that she was pure and not yet spoken for, and therefore still under the care and protection of the royal house. Now, by tearing her robe, Tamar demonstrates her grief and the fact that her honor has been compromised. Her right to wear this special garment has ended, and her future prospects have been dramatically changed.

ashes on head. Like tearing one’s garment and wearing sackcloth, placing ashes on the head is a sign of mourning (Esther 4:3; Jer 6:26). The gesture of placing her hand on her head has perhaps been illustrated by the mourning female figures, but there the mourning women are putting both hands on their head.

A. Acknowledge it!

B. Deal with it!

C.Press beyond it!

Apply It! W.I.I.F.M.? (What’s In It For ME?)

In conclusion, family relationships can be sources of strength or systems of dysfunction. We can think about childhood by counting scars and nightmares or by remembering security and dreams. We may be creating in our own children one or the other of these histories. In what specific ways have you been settling the painful issues of the past in your own life? In what ways are you contributing to a better past for your children?

Children who have everything often lack purpose and direction in their lives. Thoughts and impulses turn self-destructive if not controlled or channeled. Parents contribute good or evil by action or inaction in their children’s lives. The distance between lust and hatred is very short. How might we use the principles from our lesson to continue our path to healing and wholeness beyond our worst experiences? What will be our personal markers and indications that we are moving forward?