My Marriage Is In Trouble, When Is It Time To get Help?

1. You're living like a single person, not a married person.

If you're married and are still acting like you're not in a committed relationship, that's a major red flag.

2. Imagining your spouse with someone else doesn't hurt you.

"Your marriage is in trouble when you start saying I love them but I’m not in love with them.

3. Your view of the future doesn't include your spouse.

4. You don't have sex anymore.

Sex isn't everything, but it's important. When both of you are physically and mentally healthy enough to have sex but you go months or even years without it, that's a serious sign your relationship is in trouble.

"If you have noticed that your sexual attraction to your spouse has significantly diminished, this is a red flag that something serious is going on in your marriage. Intimacy is a strong part of a healthy marriage.

5. When major money decisions are being made without your spouse's knowledge.

6. You want to cheat.

"If you have consistent thoughts about cheating on your spouse (even though you haven’t acting on it),it’s time to seek help why you are beginning to have these thoughts.

7. You're having an "emotional affair."

"If you are finding yourself talking with or texting another person where you wouldn't want your spouse to see, or you begin meeting up with someone you’re fantasizing cheating with, even though there’s no physical intimacy, you are risking your marriage and this is a sign your marriage is headed for an ending in the wrong direction.

8. Your goals don't include your spouse.

9. You speak two different languages when it come to the kids.

If you and your spouse aren't on the same page about the kids, and especially if you are a blended family, you’re going to have major problems.

10. You're not invested in fixing your marriage.

Fixing a marriage is hard work, and if either of you are not will to put in the work or change, but just expect thing to change, but you’re still displaying the same behaviors, you don’t really want your marriage fixed.

11. You make excuses to spend time without your spouse.

Having alone time isn't just normal, it's healthy. However, if you constantly find yourself looking for excuses to spend any and all of your free time away from your significant other, that's not just a minor issue. Having a loving relationship means you want to spend time together—and if you don't, you might be headed for divorce.

12. You or your partner won't go to therapy.

13. Or therapy isn't working.

Just because you're getting therapy doesn't mean you can necessarily save your relationship, either. Therapy can be a great tool for couples, but it can't fix a relationship that's irreparably broken.

14. You refuse to compromise.

Compromise can be difficult, even in the healthiest marriages. But if you or your spouse won't even attempt to compromise on an important issue, that's one of the clearest signs your marriage is over. Couples who want to make things work will go to great lengths to do so—even if that means one or both parties can't get what they want all the time.

15. You jump to the idea of divorce when you're upset.

For most people in happy, loving marriages, divorce is a four-letter word. However, if your marriage is already over, it may be the first thing you think of when you and your spouse get into a fight. If your spouse does something minor to annoy you and you suddenly imagine yourself living your life without them, that's a definite sign there are greater issues at play.

16. You express contempt toward your spouse.

Those eye rolls, scoffs, and "whatevers" aren't the sign of a marriage that's on the right track.

"Contempt is the most destructive negative behavior within relationships, whether overt or covert. Essentially, contempt behaviors communicate to your partner, 'I'm better than you, and I don't care about your perspective,'" says sex therapist Erika Miley, M.Ed., LMHC. "Contempt is often the result of negative thoughts about your partner over time."

17. You don't want to listen to your spouse's problems.

Of course, it's not always a picnic to listen to someone unload all their personal baggage. That said, if you're completely uninterested in what's bothering your spouse—or if you refuse to listen entirely—that's a major sign your relationship is on some seriously unsteady footing.

18. You keep secrets from one another.

If you're hanging out with your ex and keeping it from your significant other, have gotten yourself deep into debt and haven't mentioned it, or are making plans for the future without your partner, those big secrets are all sure signs your relationship isn't long for this world.

19. You ignore advice from members of your inner circle.

Friends and family members may be eager to give you advice on how to fix things in your marriage, but if you refuse to take their well-intentioned suggestions to heart, that's yet another sign you're on the fast track toward a divorce.

"If friends, family, and even your spouse are searching for solutions and ways to help your marriage strengthen but you don't want to hear them, this may be a sign your marriage is over but you are not ready to admit it,"

20. Your fights turn into personal critiques.

Your spouse forgot to put the cap back on the toothpaste again. Your response? Reminding them of that time they