Horse and Carriage
Notes
Transcript
Introduction
Introduction
You may have heard that marriage has 3 rings...
Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering
Marriage often carries a negative tone...
Maybe it’s because we’ve been doing it wrong!
There are 3 places that define marriage for us
Varying degrees of what marriage should be
Our parents marriage
For most, We watch in real time a marriage in action for 18+ years
Depending on the marriage, we may learn what marriage should be
Or we learn what it shouldn’t
If you’re married, you see components in your marriage
Tash will say, “You’re just like your dad!”
Dang it, I AM just like my dad...
That’s not always a bad thing!
My dad is very supportive, excellent provider, great at discipline
Slow walk of fear
2. Disney movies
Really, any media… but Disney is a great example
We learn about fairy tale romance
This may surprise you… these movies are often VERY ACCURATE!
Beautiful girl is treated like garbage by her step-mother. In response she moves out to live with a guy, or 7, and ultimately waits for a some guys who is a really good kisser to fix the problem.
Yeah, Snow White does happen!
Or another girl grows up having to work hard, is jealous of her sisters who are mommy’s favorite, so she sneaks out at night to find the guy who is going to change that.
Yeah, Cinderella does happen too! One more...
A sweet girl falls for a guy when she is really young, and throws her life away to marry him way before she’s ready. She knows nothing about him, but figures out he’s a huge jerk and is missing the other awesome guy in front of her. But a living snowman comes to help...
Yeah, Frozen happens too! Well, except the snowman part...
The accurate part is that relationships often start with problems
The inaccurate part is the last line of the story—happily ever after
Everything starts horrible...
...but is fine once they get through this one teensy little time period
3. Scripture
This is the best place to learn what marriage is
Marriage was instituted by God, makes sense!
But we don’t like what Scripture has to say
Often because it doesn’t look like Disney or our parents...
It doesn’t look like what we want it to be
But if we can clear our minds of our opinions, and open ourselves to God
Marriage can be way better than anything Disney can come up with
YouVersion: Horse and Carriage (always a song)
We’re in 1 Peter 3:1-7
Ladies, we’ll start with you
You have an important job in submitting...
The world places an emphasis on leading, and puts down submitting
However, as Jonathan Haidt says, “Focusing on effective leadership without focusing on a willingness to follow is like studying clapping by studying only the left hand.”
Your role is equally as important
1 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct.
Wife is to submit
Talked about this in 1 Timothy 2 about behavior in the church
Today is more detail on marriage
Some say this means “support”
But there’s a problem...
Starts with “Likewise”
Means, just as this is, so this is
What was it before? Submit to government
NT talks about submitting a lot!
Jesus to His parents (Luke 2)
Christians to church leaders (1 Corinthians and 1 Peter)
Servants to masters (Titus 2 1 Peter 2)
A.W. Tozer: “The reason why many are still troubled, still seeking, still making little forward progress is because they haven't yet come to the end of themselves. We're still trying to give orders, and interfering with God's work within us.”
We always harp on that, but this is bigger
Wives you are called to submit to your husband
Notice I said wives, not women
NOT EVERY MAN!
In a marriage relationship, the wife submits to the husband
Not my idea, it’s just what God says here
2 things are important to realize about that
You get to choose whom you marry!
A woman once said to her husband, “I was an idiot when I married you!”
He said, “Yeah, but I was in love and didn’t notice it!”
Sorry… The other is:
2. You don’t have to get married!
Greta Garbo: “There are some who want to get married and others who don't. I have never had an impulse to go to the altar. I am a difficult person to lead.”
Marriage isn’t a requirement - Paul never got married
But if you CHOOSE to, it is a huge decision
You should select your spouse carefully
That is why dating is SO important, but we mess up that process
Dating is the process to determine if the person is the one
Starting a Podcast for school
9 episodes (I think) about making your marriage better
We will talk about the importance of dating...
Specifically understanding & looking for what you need
Too often we romance it: after one date “He’s (or she’s) the one”
Then we see things are messed up, but if we can just get through it...
This guy is horrible!
If we sleep together he’ll love me
If we move in together it’ll be easier
If we get married we’ll try harder
If we have kids we’ll fight less
If we get past this, we’ll get to our “happily ever after”
Disney gets right there are problems, but they’re always there!
That’s why you find the right person to navigate them with you
Romance is the fun part of marriage, but it’s not the purpose
It’s certainly not the foundation!
Christ is our foundation!
But what if you’re already married?
Know this: submission isn’t a reward...
Peter doesn’t say, submit if he’s nice to you
He just says submit
“But I HATE submitting to him! He’s an idiot!”
Well, remember this YOUR covenant, the one YOU chose!
You have a choice: Fix it, let it rot or quit
Submitting may not fix your marriage right away
Not submitting DEFINITELY won’t fix it!
Notice Paul also mentions that this action can win a man
Not just dating (although it works there too)
If a man doesn’t obey the word!
Nonbelievers OR Christians who don’t listen to the Bible
If you are a submissive wife, this can win him over...
…without a word!
Maybe that strike you… maybe you’ve been trying to win with words
I’ve tried to fix it, I’ve told him everything he’s doing wrong!
Peter says your conduct will win him to Christ
And Christ will change his heart
Peter doesn’t stop there
3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.
Again, Peter isn’t saying you can’t be pretty...
He’s saying the inside is far more valuable!
You may be gorgeous, but if you act like a witch no one likes you!
God is focused on incorruptible beauty!
The U.S. spends $62 billion annually on anti-aging products
And it’s growing!
No matter what you will look older
Frank Anaya face lift
Youthful beauty perishes… Peter says to focus on the imperishable
Someday no one will care you used to be pretty
What God considers precious is a gentle and quiet spirit
5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.
As we talked about in 1 Timothy...
…Submission doesn’t mean you’re an absolute slave with no voice
Peter uses Sarah as an example
She listened to Abram when he was wrong...
She followed him out of their home country
He told her to lie about being his wife a couple of times
Abram also listened to her
It was her idea to get Hagar pregnant and have Ishmael
She has full control over how to treat her slaves
The Lord visited Sarah directly, not through Abraham
The nation of Israel was planted through HER
Abraham already a first-born son
But the promise was for Sarah
Read that 4,153,237people got married
Shouldn’t that number be even?!
Yeah, it takes 2 to tango!
So let’s take some time for men here
7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
There’s some important stuff in 1 verse for men!
Playing basketball with Matt’s boys
Never once called double dribble or travelling
I was understanding of their shortcomings
That is NOT what the word understanding means here
The Greek word is Gnosis (Guh-noce-sis)
As in diagnosis, or prognosis, or we get the word gnostic
As in agnostic or the gnostic gospels
Agnostic is different from atheist
Agnostic means you don’t or can’t know if there is a God
Peter is saying to live with your wife, and KNOW HER
But don’t just know her
I know many men that KNOW what their wife needs
But they don’t DO it
Instead of saying, “know your wife...”
Peter says, “Live with her like you know her”
There are 2 things I do when marriage counseling...
Give a prepare and enrich test
Determines what direction we go for counselling
His and her perspectives on different areas
Asks questions couples never thought to ask!
2. Love languages test
Measures the 5 ways we communicate love
Quality time, physical touch, gifts, words of affirmation, acts of service
Often couples are different
You learn to show love THEIR way, and recognize when they show you in theirs as well
Example, (Tash and I are the same) but lets say we’re different...
Men, that means we have a responsibility to learn about our spouse
We’re not just indifferent bosses walking around barking orders
Then he says to “Show honor to the woman as the weaker vessel...”
It’s important not to get hung up on “weaker”
Refers to general physical strength
In general, women are not designed to be as strong
Yes some women are stronger than some men, but in general
Yes, some Honda Civic’s are faster than Corvette’s...
But in general...
A couple of things...
“Weaker” physically does not refer to intellect, ability or spirituality
The opposite verse could easily say, “Respect your husband as the dumber vessel.”
Weaker in general, it also doesn’t refer to value
Think about this...
What’s worth more - a wall safe or a Faberge egg?
In a physical sense, there is a natural pull for men to provide and protect
Just as a safe protects a faberge egg
25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,
Of course, Christ’s love was to give Himself up for the church
He gave his grace, comfort, and His very life for the church
For women it is about submission
But for men, we have a call to sacrifice ourselves for our families
Again, this isn’t about pounding our chests and barking orders
Tash read me something very interesting this week
Men, I want you to listen closely
This is from “The Masculine Mandate” by Dr. Richard Phillips
When Paul says that a husband must embrace self-sacrifice for the sake of his wife’s well-being, this of course includes her physical safety.
But the main threat against which a man must protect his wife is his own sin.
A friend expressed his awakening to this truth in these words. “I used to think that if a man came into my house to attack my wife, I would certainly stand up to him. But then I came to realize that the man who enters my house and assaults my wife every day is me, through my anger, my harsh words, my complaints, and my indifference. As a Christian, I came to realize that the man I needed to kill in order to protect my wife is myself as a sinner.”
Man, mic drop by Doc Phillips!
Guys, we have a huge responsibility
Sadly, we often don’t take it seriously
God has entrusted us with something delicate, fragile and important
And we toss it into the back of the car like a McDonald’s bag
Not acceptable! Especially to God
Why? Peter says, “...since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.”
Do you ever think about that?
Your wife isn’t just “YOUR wife!”
She’s your sister in Christ! The daughter of God...
Someone who is equal to you in the eyes of God
You and your wife have different roles, but the same inheritance
For now, God has entrusted her care to you!
If you abuse that, it will hinder your prayers...
Not your wife’s prayers, YOUR prayers will be hindered
There is a spiritual consequence to not caring for your wife in a Godly way
What’s crazy to me is for some, that’s not enough
They hold prayer in such a low regard, hindering it doesn’t bother them
But to most, it’s terrifying
Hinder is the word, “egkopto” (eng-cop-toe)
Means to impede one’s course by cutting off his way
Your prayers will be cutoff from reaching God by dishonoring your wife
Incredibly powerful picture of how important marriage is to God
Closing
Closing
Nothing in life shows your shortcomings more clearly, and gives you a better opportunity to work on those shortcomings, than marriage
Let me say that again...
Ruth Graham said, “A good marriage is made up of two good forgivers.”
You will mess up in marriage, and the challenge is moving on from that
How can two imperfect people learn to make each other better before they kill each other?
Think about this
God sent His Son to die for mankind. He came to earth, He died, He rose again that we might have a chance at life
That is the relationship between Christ and the church
Of all the things in the world He could use to mirror this...
He chose marriage
There’s only one way to replicate this well, with God’s help
Are you praying for your marriage daily?
Do you pray for your husband, do you pray for your wife?
Do you pray that you would showcase God’s love well?
I hope so!
If there is any one place we need to live the gospel, it’s in your marriage.
Prayer
Prayer