Dealing with Rejection
Notes
Transcript
Over the past 5 weeks, sports fans across the globe have been raving over the Last Dance a 10 part documentary detailing the career of who most consider to be the greatest basketball player of all time - Michael Jordan. Although it’s been over 20 years since the prime of Jordan’s career and we know how the games ended, there are still moments in the documentary that left us watching in amazement thinking, “How did he do that?” Jordan often points to one event in his life that fueled his tireless work ethic and ferocious competitiveness. It goes all the way back to his sophomore year of high school when MJ was not selected to play on the varsity team. Now Jordan didn’t really get cut, he was placed on the junior varsity team where most of the other players in his grade would be placed. But one of Jordan’s best friends who was also a sophomore was placed on the varsity team because of his size. Jordan took it as an insult that another sophomore was placed on the varsity team before him. He viewed that as being rejected. As Jordan tells the story, when he looked at the list and saw his name was not listed with the varsity players, he went home, locked himself in the room, and cried his eyes. The first crying Jordan meme. But that feeling of rejection fueled Jordan to work harder than ever before. He said anytime that he got tired during his workouts, he would just close his eyes and picture that list without his name on it. And as we often say - the rest is history. Instead of allowing that feeling of rejection to crush his dreams and give up on basketball, he used that feeling of rejection to propel him to greatness.
This morning, I want to talk about dealing with rejection. In our text, we are going to be talking a man in Scripture who was an outcast a reject, but God still used him to accomplish His will. One of the reoccurring themes in the book of Judges is that God can use anybody to accomplish his purpose. I’m really thankful that God put these examples in the Bible, because it lets us all know that despite our failures and limitations, we can still be used by God . From the physically disabled Ehud, to the woman in a male dominated culture - Deborah, to the Gideon the scaredy cat. God used different types of people who all had different types of personal and social obstacles to overcome in order to accomplish His purpose for the nation of Israel showing His strength through our weakness.
Remember last week, we discussed how Israel had once again turned away from God, and God sent two nations - the Ammonites and the Philistines to oppress Israel. Well, after Israel finally experienced true repentance and turned away from their sin, God became compassionate about Israel’s misery and moved to deliver them.
In the next few chapters, the Bible gives us the story of how God dealt with the oppression of the Ammonites. Let’s start reading in Judges 10:17-18
Then the Ammonites were called to arms, and they encamped in Gilead. And the people of Israel came together, and they encamped at Mizpah. And the people, the leaders of Gilead, said one to another, “Who is the man who will begin to fight against the Ammonites? He shall be head over all the inhabitants of Gilead.”
So the Ammonites started to gather together their armies to invade the region of Gilead on the eastern side of the Jordan River. The leaders of Gilead were preparing for battle, but they had no leader. In chapter 11, we are introduced to the judge that God would use to deliver Israel.
Judges 11:1-3
Now Jephthah the Gileadite was a mighty warrior, but he was the son of a prostitute. Gilead was the father of Jephthah. And Gilead’s wife also bore him sons. And when his wife’s sons grew up, they drove Jephthah out and said to him, “You shall not have an inheritance in our father’s house, for you are the son of another woman.” Then Jephthah fled from his brothers and lived in the land of Tob, and worthless fellows collected around Jephthah and went out with him.
Jepthah was a skilled warrior born in Gilead. As a matter of fact, his father was Gilead which meant he was likely from the ruling family of the region. But Jephthah had a problem, nothing of his own doing, but he was the product of an adulterous relationship. Not only had Gilead conceived a child by someone that was not his wife, the woman, Jephthah’s mom was a prostitute. If you remember, prostitution was part of Baal worship during this time, so it was likely that Jephthah’s mother was a temple prostitute used to worship Baal. Needless to say, Jephthah’s background was nothing to be proud of.
Jephthah lived in his father’s household until his half-brothers, the sons of Gilead’s wife, wanted Jepthah out of their family because they did not want to share their inheritance with him. Because of his father’s sin, Jephthah was looked upon with contempt. His brothers didn’t really consider him to be part of their family. With the unwanted son out of the way, their portions of Gilead’s inheritance would be larger. So they ran Jephthah out of town. He was a reject. A social outcast. He ran away from his home to the city of Tob where other men like him, men who did not own any land, men that had been disinherited, and cast out from the people gathered around him. The implications is that Jephthah became like an organized crime boss. He was like a pirate or at best, like a Robinhood who would rob others care for those who had nothing. Rejected by his own family, not because of what he did, but simply because of who he was. Jepthah was forced to live the life of an outcast, the life of a reject, looked down upon by society as worthless criminal.
Transition: The first thing I want to talk to you about this morning is
I. The Realities of Rejection
I. The Realities of Rejection
Consider with me these very real thoughts about rejection.
A. Rejection is inevitable
A. Rejection is inevitable
At one point or another. For one reason or another, we all experience rejection. I would say that everyone in here has a time when they felt rejected. Breakups, being cut from a team, being passed over for a job, not being invited to a party. We’ve all had those times where we felt like others were saying, “You’re not good enough.” Perhaps there’s something in your background like Jephthah that causes you to be rejected. Perhaps people often made fun of you for the way that you look or talk or walk or whatever. People just always made you feel like you were an outcast. Maybe you’ve been rejected by a job, or friends, or family.Some of you sadly have felt rejected at church and you’ve never recovered. It’s tough being rejected by those that are supposed to be “your brothers”. Maybe you even feel rejected by God because of sin that’s in your past, and you just feel like you’ve just done too much wrong for God to ever love and accept you. I think we can all identify with that feeling of rejection in one way or another. It’s just part of life, something that we must all endure.
B. Rejection is painful
B. Rejection is painful
Rejection is one of the worst feelings known to man. I heard one pastor say this. At core, the fundamental thing that all people want is to be loved and accepted. Which is why rejection is so painful. Knowing that someone is denying that fundamental desire, telling you that you are not worthy of receiving their love and acceptance. That hurts.
There’s quite a bit of science that deals with the affects of rejection on the human brain. Studies show that the areas of our brain that affected when we experience rejection are the same areas that activated when we experience physical pain. Which explains why many people turn to popping pills when they experience rejection, it relieves their pain. Also, studies have shown that our brains relive and re-experience pain from rejection much more vividly than physical pain. You can somewhat recall the pain from a past physical injury, but that memory doesn’t bring back physical pain. But try bringing up a painful memory of rejection, you often feel the same emotion and hurt that you felt at the time of the incident.
You can imagine that being rejected by his family did not make Jephthah feel very loved. It had to hurt being cast out your own family for something that was not his fault
C. Rejection can be crippling
C. Rejection can be crippling
Rejection can leave huge scars. Those scars can cause one to live in fear of suffering rejection again.
And for many, putting themselves in a situation in which they could be rejected is not worth it. So they isolate, they become a hermit, they become cold and callous towards others. They would rather not let anyone else in than risk being rejected. Some will never seek a job promotion, never date, never get out of their comfort zone because they fear that they will be rejected again. It can be crippling and cause one to never experience the fulness of life.
Studies show that rejection can also affect our decision making. One’s IQ actually lowers when confronted with the feeling of rejection, again this can be crippling. If we literally can’t think straight because of our fear of rejection then it can cause us to do things that we normally wouldn’t do. At the end of verse 3, Jephthah is a man without a home, without a family, and without a future. And while the rejection you have suffered may not have left you in as bad as a place as Jephthah.Rejection can still have a severe impact on our lives, but rejection does not have to be the end of your story. It definitely was not the end for Jephthah. Let’s see next chapter in his life Judges 11:4-6
After a time the Ammonites made war against Israel. And when the Ammonites made war against Israel, the elders of Gilead went to bring Jephthah from the land of Tob. And they said to Jephthah, “Come and be our leader, that we may fight against the Ammonites.”
So when this war with Ammon breaks out, the leaders of Gilead, which likely includes his bothers, come to Jephthah and ask him to come lead the into battle. After running him off, now they are asking him to come back and save them. Jephthah was just as puzzled by this as all of us. He says in verse Judges 11:7
But Jephthah said to the elders of Gilead, “Did you not hate me and drive me out of my father’s house? Why have you come to me now when you are in distress?”
So Jephthah wanted to know why were they coming to him when they had cast him out? Why should he be inclined to fight for them after the way that he had been treated?
Judges 11:8-11
And the elders of Gilead said to Jephthah, “That is why we have turned to you now, that you may go with us and fight against the Ammonites and be our head over all the inhabitants of Gilead.” Jephthah said to the elders of Gilead, “If you bring me home again to fight against the Ammonites, and the Lord gives them over to me, I will be your head.” And the elders of Gilead said to Jephthah, “The Lord will be witness between us, if we do not do as you say.” So Jephthah went with the elders of Gilead, and the people made him head and leader over them. And Jephthah spoke all his words before the Lord at Mizpah.
The leaders of Gilead’s only response is that they need Jephthah to lead them. And after confirming that they would make him the judge over Gilead when the Ammonites are defeated, Jephthah accepts the offer and returns home to lead them into battle.
It’s interesting to not the parallel between this passage and the passage we covered last week in chapter 10. Remember, Israel had rejected God in favor of Baal, but when they needed deliverance they running back to the Lord. And in this passage, they had rejected Jephthah, but when they needed help, he is who they turned to. In chapter 10, the Lord questioned why they would turn to him instead of the gods that they had been worshipping. Here Jepthah questions why they would turn to him in their time of trouble after they had cast him out. In chapter 10, God made Israel ask again and confirm their heart of repentance before He was moved to help them. And Jephthah in this passage had to affirm, and re-affirm that if he returned, the men of Gilead would make him their leader before he agreed to lead them. We often deal with other people the same way that we deal with God, so it’s important that analyze how we interact with other people. Do we attempt to manipulate others? Do we use people? Do we only love others to get what we want? Are we deceptive?
Just something to think about because it probably parallels your relationship with God.
Jephthah’s story highlights the fact that rejection is not always the end of the world. If you are still living and breathing, God still has a plan for you, and whatever He has called you to is worth living for. I believe that Jephthah had a proper response to rejection, and that allowed him to still be used by God when the time came.
Now taking this the wrong way, this story is one that could really appeal to our flesh. Oh you’re gonna reject me? I’ll show you, You’ll be crawling back to me later. But I don’t think that is the main thought that the Bible is trying to share with us here. Here are a few principles that I believe can help us deal properly with rejection and be able to move on when God has something us for us.
II. Overcoming Rejection
II. Overcoming Rejection
Transition: First thing is this
A. Find your identity in Christ
A. Find your identity in Christ
In verse 1, the Bible described Jephthah as a mighty warrior. That is what God had created him to be. God had gifted him with a unique skill set that God could use to accomplish His will for the nation of Israel. When God looked at Jephthah, he saw that mighty warrior that He had created him to be. But at the beginning of the chapter when the people looked at Jephthah, that was not what they chose to focus on. They chose to focus on the fact that his mom was a prostitute, and he was an unwanted child. But in the second half of the story, when they needed a military leader, they chose to look at Jephthah’s positives. This illustrates the fickleness of the human heart and human opinion.
All us could probably put our name and situation in verse 1. He is a really nice guy, but blah blah blah. She is a really hard worker, but she has this or that in her past. All of us have something in our past, or some annoying character trait, or physical defect. We all have areas of our life that extraordinary, and some that are problematic. That’s what makes us humans. But much of our life is spent trying to showcase the positives to others while we try to conceal things that may cause others to reject us. And that can get exhausting. Trying to put up a front so everyone will love and accept us can just be plain tiring.
That’s why it’s best that we find our identity in Jesus Christ and not what other people say about us. As David says in Psalm 139, each of us is fearfully and wonderfully made. When we can accept what God has created us to be. The good, the bad, and the ugly, it can help us move forward and fulfill the purpose that God has for our lives.
If you’ve been rejected because of something in your past 2 Corinthians 5:17 says
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.
If your rejection leaves you feeling guilty Romans 8:1 says
There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
If rejection leaves your fearful or worried Philippians 4:7 says
And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
If rejection leaves you feeling unloved Romans 8:38-39 says
For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
If your rejection leaves you feeling inadequate 2 Corinthians 12:9 says
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
If our primary focus is always on what others think, it will drive you absolutely insane.We don’t need to constantly boost ourselves up like we are something more and better than we are, but we also don’t need to beat ourselves like we are worthless, even if we are experience rejection. The reality is that all of us are just sinners that are in need of the matchless grace of Jesus Christ. While it’s nice to be loved by other people, in the grand scheme of things you need to be accepted by only one. David writes in Psalms 19:14
Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart
be acceptable in your sight,
O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.
Transition: Here’s the second thing that can help us overcome rejection
B. Realize rejection may be an opportunity
B. Realize rejection may be an opportunity
Yes, Jephthah was rejected from his family, but he went to Tob, and it was there that Jephthah began to hone his skills as a warrior and leader. Maybe his application was a little misguided at that time, but nonetheless had he never been rejected from his family, he probably would not have been able to develop those skills that Israel found so valuable that they were willing to ask him to come back.
Rejection in one area may be an open door somewhere else. Instead of looking at rejection as the end, we must see it as a new beginning. It could be that God has something for your somewhere else. I know that happened to me. I got passed over for a job that I felt that I had rightfully earned, and I felt like my world was over. But little did I know that God had me to experience that rejection so I could come to Memphis and be a part of this church, and end up speaking to you this morning. At the time I didn’t understand the rejection, but now I see that it was part of God’s plan to get me to where He needed me to be.
Rejection is also often an opportunity for growth. Sometimes we are rejected because of things that are out of our control. Like in Jephthah’s situation. But many times, we experience rejection because of some flaw in our character our attitude. Sometimes we need to experience that rejection to get us to look introspectively at ourselves. We need to think, why did they feel that way about me. I know our tendency is to go to something that we can’t change. You’ve heard something like, “They just don’t like me cuz I’m black!” No…They don’t like you because you are a lazy jerk. Of course there are situations in which people are rejected because of the race or gender or something like that, that cannot be changed. But before you play those cards search yourself and see if there is something about yourself that can be changed that could have made the situation turn out differently. Use that rejection as an opportunity for growth and improvement.
Transition: Here’s a third tip for overcoming rejection
C. Let it go
C. Let it go
There was absolutely nothing that Jephthah could do about the details surrounding his birth. There was nothing that he could do about the way that his brothers felt about him. All Jephthah could control was his response. Jephthah could have become very bitter, and knowing Jephthah’s skill set, he could have gathered his band of men and came back and killed his brothers for how they treated him. We saw this in Judges before when Abimelech, who was Gideon’s illegitimate son, came back and killed of his brothers because of how he was treated. But Jephthah didn’t do that. He just let it go and lived his life in Tob
Then when the men of Gilead, which probably included his brothers,come to him and ask for help most of us would have just looked at them like they were crazy and told them to kick rocks. After the way that you treated me, there’s no way that I am going to help you. Am I right on that? Understandably, he questioned why they were coming to him for help because he did not trust them, but in the end he did not allow his pride to keep him from coming back and leading his people.
Think back to our opening illustration, imagine if pride and bitterness would have got the best of Michael Jordan. After having an amazing sophomore season with multiple 40 point games on the JV team. What if MJ told the coach I’m not going to play on the varsity team next year because you cut me from varsity this year. O now you want me to play on the varsity team after you see how good I am and how hard I work. Forget, you can keep your roster spot - I want to play baseball anyway. I think the legacy of Michael Jordan would look a lot different don’t you? MJ never forgot that he got cut, and he let it motivate him to always work hard to never feel that feeling again, but at the same time, he had to let it go or his pride, anger, and bitterness toward his coach would have kept him from achieving his goals.
It seems that by the time that Jephthah was asked to come back, he had already let the past go. I think that’s illustrated by the fact that he still referred to Gilead as home. He remembered how he was treated, yet, there was no anger, no pride, no bitterness, no seeking of revenge, no vendetta - had Jepthah felt this way, he could not have accomplished what God had in store for him.
Rejection can affect the way that we treat and respond to other people. In 2001, the Surgeon General issued a report stated that those who were experiencing the feeling of rejection were at greater risk to display anger and violent. The studies indicated that people experiencing rejection would often take out there aggression on innocent people. Many schools and work mass shootings, domestic violence cases, and assault charges are the result of someone feeling rejected. Now maybe you haven’t taken it so far as to kill go on a shooting spree when you’ve been rejected, but you can admit, you often take out your feelings on people that have absolutely nothing to do with the situation. You see when our pride is hurt, we tend to overcompensate to recoup some of our pride. They rejected me? I’ll show them. And that pride can turn into bitterness, and that bitterness into hatred. And we may end up hurting those around us, innocent people that have nothing to do with the situation, and even ourselves if allow ourselves to stew in pride and bitterness. We need to have an Ephesians 4:31-32 attitude if we are to overcome rejection.
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
The reality is the rejection is inevitable, it’s painful, and the fear of it can be crippling. But the bottom line is this. We cannot allow rejection to keep us from accomplishing God’s purpose for our lives. Jephthah went through a rough experience, but that did not keep him from becoming what God wanted him to be. In fact, his rejection was part of God’s plan. I know this message may not be for everybody, but it’s for somebody. There is someone listening this morning who has been rejected, someone who feels like an outcast, and you need to know this morning that God is not done with you yet! Don’t let a hurtful experience or rough past keep you from serving a loving God. Psalm 34:17-19
When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears
and delivers them out of all their troubles.
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted
and saves the crushed in spirit.
Many are the afflictions of the righteous,
but the Lord delivers him out of them all.
God accepts you where you are and will lead you to be who He wants you to be if you will follow Him. You may experience more rejection from man on the way, but as the Bible says in Romans 8 If God is for us, who can be against us. Overcome rejection. Find you identity in Christ, Realize that rejection may be an opportunity, and let it go. Don’t allow rejection to keep you from God’s will in your life.
Christian’s let me leave you with one more application. I believe that one our biggest obstacles to making disciples is the fear rejection. Mainly when it comes to evangelism aspect of making disciples. What are they going to say? What will they think? What if they don't want to hear it. All of those are legitimate concerns, but realize this. It is inevitable that people are going to reject us as we share the gospel. People rejected Jesus himself remember Isaiah 53:3
He was despised and rejected by men,
a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief;
and as one from whom men hide their faces
he was despised, and we esteemed him not.
John 1:11
He came to his own, and his own people did not receive him.
And Jesus gives the disciples fair warning on how this was going to go for his disciples John 15:18
“If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you.
The Bible tells the gate that leads to destruction is wide and the way is easy and there will be many that find it. Unfortunately, more people are going to reject Christ than that are going to accept him. Ultimately it’s not us that they are rejecting it’s God. One last Scripture on this Luke 10:16
“The one who hears you hears me, and the one who rejects you rejects me, and the one who rejects me rejects him who sent me.”
God has called every believer to be a disciple maker. That’s not optional. We cannot allow the fear of rejection to keep us from being what God has called us to be.
If you are listening this morning and you have never received Christ. If you will choose to turn from your sin and follow after Jesus, he will accept you into his family and He will never cast you out. Jesus loved you so much that He died on the cross for your sins and He rose in power three days later. And the Scriptures say that all that receive him, He has given the power to become a son or daughter of God.
I hope this helped someone this morning. Maybe you needed this today or maybe you will need it in the future.