How to Stop Conflict
Notes
Transcript
MAIN POINT
The way we avoid fights and combat jealousy is by celebrating God’s blessing in others’ lives.
INTRODUCTION
As your group time begins, use this section to introduce the topic of discussion.
What is the silliest fight you have gotten in lately?
How long did it go on?
You’ve likely been involved in a foolish fight that you knew was silly.
Why do we prolong silly fights?
If you could identify one core issue behind most of the fights you get into, what would it be?
Silly fights happen all the time, just ask someone with siblings or a spouse. No one likes to be wrong so we dig in our heels, even when we are wrong. Often it is the smallest and most insignificant fights that become long-term sources of strain in our lives and our relationships. When we fight about petty things and allow those arguments to get out of control, James says there is one main cause—jealousy. We want something we don’t have, and believe it is so important to have our way that we fight for it. Today we will look into James’s practical wisdom to see why we fight and how to stop.
UNDERSTANDING
1 What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? 2 You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. 3 You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions.
How has jealousy been the cause of some of your disagreements?
If you are honest, what incites your jealousy?
James said that fights come from unmet desires and disappointments. So how are our desires linked to jealousy? The word James used for desires is where we get the English word “hedonism,” which is the pursuit of pleasure. We want things, and we don’t get them. Those unsatisfied desires lead to all kinds of fighting. We feel as though we don’t have what we need and see someone else who has it. If you think back through many of your fights, you should be able to identify some kind of unmet desire as the root cause.
Where do you see self-indulgence working in our broader culture?
How does what you see around you support what James is saying in Scripture?
Look through
1 Now Adam knew Eve his wife, and she conceived and bore Cain, saying, “I have gotten a man with the help of the Lord.” 2 And again, she bore his brother Abel. Now Abel was a keeper of sheep, and Cain a worker of the ground. 3 In the course of time Cain brought to the Lord an offering of the fruit of the ground, 4 and Abel also brought of the firstborn of his flock and of their fat portions. And the Lord had regard for Abel and his offering, 5 but for Cain and his offering he had no regard. So Cain was very angry, and his face fell. 6 The Lord said to Cain, “Why are you angry, and why has your face fallen? 7 If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is contrary to you, but you must rule over it.” 8 Cain spoke to Abel his brother. And when they were in the field, Cain rose up against his brother Abel and killed him.
What led Cain to kill his brother?
Why can we simply not afford to let jealousy and sinful desires continue unchecked (see verse 7)?
How would you respond to someone who chases sinful desires with excuses like, “live and let live,” or “I’m just pursuing my own truth”?
Modern American culture is among the most self-indulgent cultures. In our culture, fulfilling your desires at any cost is seen as a virtue. We like things fast, and we like things easy. Marketing campaigns focus on our desires and how quickly they can be met with a product. Additionally, many people believe that if our desires don’t hurt anyone else, then it gives us license to do whatever we want. Christians are called to care because people whose primary goal is to chase their desires only hurt themselves in the end. Furthermore, wanting what God does not want us to have leads to all manners of brokenness. This is obvious in the first murder. Cain wanted the approval that Abel received, so he killed him. The same sin that lurked at Cain’s door lurks at yours.
4 You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. 5 Or do you suppose it is to no purpose that the Scripture says, “He yearns jealously over the spirit that he has made to dwell in us”? 6 But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” 7 Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8 Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. 9 Be wretched and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. 10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you.
The same power that raised Jesus from the dead gives us the power to overcome our desires. Why, then, don’t we turn to God to overcome our sinful desires?
How can we make turning to God in the midst of our desires a pattern in everyday life?
How does being in love with the things of the world harm our relationship with God?
Is there anything you need to change about your relationships with people or your desires for things as a result of being taught by God’s Word?
Who is the most humble person you know?
What could you emulate about his or her life?
How does cultivating a humble heart keep us away from jealousy and conflict with others?
We are a proud people—too proud to admit that we need help with our jealousy, and too proud to submit ourselves to God. This was the problem from the garden. When we deny God the chance to overwhelm our desires, we keep the resurrection from being effective in our lives. Jesus died for your sinful desires. To spurn His help is to spurn His sacrifice. We reject the cross when we reject the transformation it brings to our lives. Humility is the path to God and away from our sinful desires that cause jealousy and conflict. Relief from jealousy comes when we come near to God and confess our sins.
11 Do not speak evil against one another, brothers. The one who speaks against a brother or judges his brother, speaks evil against the law and judges the law. But if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge. 12 There is only one lawgiver and judge, he who is able to save and to destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor?
Have you ever gotten in a fight because you said something that you shouldn’t have said?
What led you to speak those words?
The way out of jealousy is to celebrate others. How is celebration the opposite of jealousy?
What has God done for someone else in your life that you need to celebrate?
How does celebration warm your heart not only toward other people, but also toward God?
It is hard to slander someone and be jealous of them if you are celebrating them. Celebration acknowledges all the ways that God is blessing someone else instead of focusing on all the ways you feel as though you have been slighted. God loves you and wants to give good gifts to you. The most profound gift is the grace of Jesus Christ. When we humbly accept His grace, we will become thankful people who have no desire to slander others and malign the work of God in their lives. To be content is to trust that God wants and will give good gifts to you.
APPLICATION
How does your own selfishness affect and harm other people?
Why is this something that we cannot afford to ignore as followers of Christ?
Which relationship in your life could benefit from greater humility?
How could actively celebrating people instead of judging them and being jealous of them lead to opportunities for you to share the grace of God with them?
PRAYER
Pray that God would work in your heart and life and keep you from jealousy. Ask Him to help you celebrate His grace at work in others’ lives, and to help you come to Him in humility and receive His grace.