Listen!

Read: Proverbs 18:13

Introduction:

You are driving a bus. You go east 12 miles, and turn south and

go 2 miles and take on 9 passengers, and then you turn west and go 3 miles and let off 4 passengers.

How old is the bus driver?

The clue to this teaser was a simple, three letter word that starts

the whole question off. “YOU are the bus driver.”

How often is it though that we have this same problem with

listening in real life?

Listening is an extremely important qualification to cultivate relationships - and according to this Proverb is vitally important when it comes to wisdom and spiritual wellbeing as well.

Dale Carnegie gives seven types of listeners - See if there are any you identify with -

The “Preoccupieds” - Come across as rushed and are constantly looking around or doing something else. AKA “multitaskers” almost impossible for these people to sit still and listen.

The “Out-to-Lunchers” - These people are physically there for you, but mentally they are not. You can tell this by the blank look on their faces. They are either daydreaming or thinking about something else entirely.

The “Interrupters” - Ready to chime in at any given time. They are perched and ready for a break to complete your sentence for you. They are not listening to you. They are focused on trying to guess what you will say and what they want to say.

The “Whatevers” - Remain aloof and show little emotion when listening. They do not seem to care about anything you have to say.

The “Combatives”  - They aren’t listening for understanding. They are listening to get ammunition to use against you. These people are armed and ready for war. They enjoy disagreeing and blaming others.

The “Analysts” - These people are constantly in the role of counselor or therapist, and they are ready to provide you with unsolicited answers. They think they are great listeners and love to help. They are constantly in an analyze-what-you-are-saying-and-fix-it mode.

The “Engagers” - These are the consciously aware listeners. They listen with their eyes, ears, and hearts and try to put themselves in the speaker’s shoes. This is listening at the highest level. Their listening skills encourage you to continue talking, discover your own solutions, and let your ideas unfold.

It takes a great man to be a good listener. 

—CALVIN COOLIDGE

It is easy to jump to conclusions or think you know what a person is going to say or as we have been seeing more and more frequently issues settled in the court of public opinion rather than through the justice system.

In our passage I want you to notice there are two issues or one goes so far as to say sins.

First of all - Not Listening

Far two often we don’t have conversations but rather carry on two simultaneous monologues.

The story is told of Franklin Roosevelt, who often endured long receiving lines at the White House. He complained that no one really paid any attention to what was said. One day, during a reception, he decided to try an experiment. To each person who passed down the line and shook his hand, he murmured, "I murdered my grandmother this morning." The guests responded with phrases like, "Marvelous! Keep up the good work. We are proud of you. God bless you, sir." It was not till the end of the line, while greeting the ambassador from Bolivia, that his words were actually heard. Nonplussed, the ambassador leaned over and whispered, "I'm sure she had it coming."

Leadership Magazine asked seven questions to determine how good of a listener you are. I confess to you I struggle with some of these, and intend to improve.

How good a listener are you?

1) Since you think about four times faster than a person usually talks, do you use this time to think about other things while you're keeping track of the conversation?

2) Do you listen primarily for facts rather than ideas when someone is speaking?

3) Do you avoid listening to things you feel will be too difficult to understand?

4) Can you tell from a person's appearance and delivery that there won't be anything worthwhile said?

5) When someone is talking to you do you appear to be paying attention when you're not?

6) Do certain words and phrases prejudice you so you cannot listen objectively?

7) When listening are you distracted by outside sights and sounds?

Leadership, Vol.1, No. 4, p. 99.

We are often so eager “to have the floor” so we can talk, that we are more concerned about what we plan to say than we are about listening to someone who is already talking.

A Bible Teacher once said, “It was only 5 words that cost Zacharias (father of John the Baptist)40 weeks of silence (Luke 1)!”

Second, Interrupting

Dietrich Bonhoeffer a Lutheran German pastor wrote in his classic work, Life Together,

Christians . . . so often think they must always contribute something when they are in the company of others, that this is the one service they have to render. They forget that listening can be a greater service than speaking.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Life Together: The Classic Exploration of Christian in Community, HarperOne, 2009.

Another has said, “You can win more friends with your ears than with your mouth.”

Or perhaps a little more closer to home, “Once a man learns how to listen, he and his wife can remain on speaking terms indefinitely.”

The author is trying to tell us, it is important to hear the whole matter before making your statement lest you make a fool of yourself.

I’ve done the whole, “make a fool of yourself” thing before.

This was perhaps more of a “you had to be there” thing but it illustrates well my point -

Angie and I were driving Mom for some reason from Great Bend to Wichita - It is possible that this was when they were trying out at Great Bend. Mom Akard seeing a large structure of some kined ahead on the side of the road and was trying to ask if it was a granary.

I (looking out the other side of the vehicle and seeing a cemetery and assuming since they were from TX and sometimes said things I wasn’t used to hearing and sure that I knew what she was asking) interrupted her question ever so confidently, “Yes that is a gravery.”

Needless to say, I was the foolish looking one and we had quite a laugh and still every once in a while it will come up and we get a laugh out of it.

If you answer a matter before you hear the whole thing - it is folly and shame on you.

That’s why I want to challenge you to THINK before you speak

Here is what it means to T.H.I.N.K Before you speak

T - Is it true?

H - Is it holy or harmful?

I - Is it inspiring?

N- Is it necessary?

K - is it kind?