Live a life of love

Introduction: We have been looking at the book of Ephesians, and reflecting on its major theme—the church. How God has created the church by His grace, and then from chapter four onwards, what it means for us to be the church. The first three chapters of Ephesians paint a marvellous vision: God’s eternal purposes are now being worked out through Jesus Christ in the church. In Christ, God is reconciling an alienated humanity, he is uniting a fractured humanity, and—as remarkable as it is for us to grasp this—he is actually creating a new humanity. This new humanity is described in 4:24, we have been given a new self - created to be link God in true righteousness and holiness.

And as we move on in the book, we’ve noticed a distinct shift. The focus shifts somewhat from what God has done, to how we must now respond. God has created this new society, this new humanity, and now we are to live out its implications. And so as we move into the final section of chapter four, and prepare ourselves for chapters 5 and 6, we will see the apostle starting to focus more and more on the down-to-earth, concrete implications of what it means to be a Christian in everyday life.

And in this section in particular, we are going to see the apostle exhorting us to live a life of love. Paul has been hammering on about the need to live a new life. In fact, he repeats that idea three times in this section:

Ephesians 4:1 NIV

As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received.

Ephesians 4:17 NIV

So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking.

Ephesians 5:2 NIV

and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

And then, just because we might need a bit of help when it comes to thinking through what this new life might look like, Paul gives us some really practical, concrete examples to think through. These things are not exhaustive, but give us a helpful snapshot of what a life of love looks like. And so let’s review the passage before jumping into each example.

Reading

Thanks Suzanne. Now, as we approach each of these examples, I want you to notice how the practical examples follow the conceptual pattern of what Paul laid out in verses 22-24. Look again with me:

Ephesians 4:22–24 NIV

You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

Notice the pattern: put off, put on, and be renewed in your thinking. And so with each example, we’ll see a put off, a put on, and a theological reason (sometimes explicit, and sometimes implied).

So when we think of what it means to live a life of life, consider these five examples.

Don’t lie, speak the truth

The first element in a life of love is a life of truth. We are to avoid falsehoods, lies, deception and rather speak the truth. As Christians, we worship the One who describes Himself as the Truth - and so, if we are to reflect Him faithfully, we must be known as honest people. Our word is reliable. Our speech is trustworthy.

Whilst a simple concept, this can be incredibly hard to live out. There are all sorts of reasons why we might be tempted to be economical with the truth, or exaggerate or misrepresent something.

I think a common reason behind a lot of falsehoods have to do with fear. So, for example, we might fear rejection, so we say things in order to secure the approval of others. Or, and I think this is something that’s become very common, we want to win an argument (and therefore approval/respect), and so we falsely summarise someone else’s view on an issue.

We are to be people whose words can be trusted. Are your words reliable? Are they trustworthy and true?

Notice the reason - we are to speak the truth because we are members of one body. As the Early Church Father John Chrysostom remarked, it is monstrous for the foot or the arm to play false to the eye or the ear.

Illustrate: the body needs accurate messaging to function. If the eye lied to the foot, it would be a disaster for the body. If the ear lied to the hand, you wouldn't be able to function.

Likewise, the body of Christ cannot function when there is falsehood. Our functioning as a local (and global) community of Christians depends on accurate messaging.

We see this dynamic playing out when it comes to fake news: why is fake news so destructive? Because it prevents a society from functioning. We don’t know what decisions to make if the news you’re receiving isn't accurate. But that same issue can play out in a local church, a Life Group, and a family. Falsehood creates dysfunction. Truth, by contrast, enables us to build community. True words are trustworthy, and relationships, which require trust, can only be built on trustworthy words.

How are we doing at speaking the truth? As Christians, we are to always speak the truth. A well-known psychologist had a helpful rule about this: he said, Tell The Truth or At Least Don't Lie.

Put off lying, put on speaking the truth.

Don’t nurse your anger, deal with your anger

Secondly, if we are to live a life of love we are not to sin in our anger but rather deal with our anger. Paul quotes from Psalm 4, where anger is permitted - but then restricted. There is, of course, a form of righteous anger. And God’s people can learn to be both righteous and angry - in fact, there might be situations where anger is actually an expression of your love.

But, righteous though it can be, Paul permits anger rather than commands it, because we need to be aware of how easily our anger can become toxic. And so Paul gives three negatives—firstly, do not sin in your anger. Secondly, do not let the sun go down on your anger. Now, this verse is often read in a completely literal way. But Paul’s point is clearly that we are not to indulge our anger. Don’t nurse your anger, rather, deal with it by seeking to address the issue that caused it.

Apply: if you want to nurse your anger, there’s a simple way to do it—just do nothing. Just leave it. let is stew. Let is simmer. Let it calcify into hatred, bitterness and malice. Let the sun go down on it.

Illustrate?

So the put off is nursing our anger, the put on is dealing with our anger, and the reason? Why? Take a look at verse 27: give no opportunity to the devil. Don’t be an angry person, because the devil knows how to take advantage of anger— he knows how to inflame it, how to turn anger into hatred and violence.

In the late modern West, this is a real surprise. We tend to have a more neutral understanding of anger—it’s a relatively neutral emotion. And so Paul’s reasoning might strike us as rather odd. And yet, if we had to track how often anger is linked to destructive actions - road rage, domestic violence, child abuse, physical assault, and even murder - surely we would take the apostle’s warning more seriously. By nursing anger, we give the devil a foothold. And so God’s people need to resist the devil by dealing with their anger.

Don’t steal, work and share

The third example of what it means to live a life of love has to do with stealing versus sharing. Don’t steal, says Paul, which of course covers all sorts of things from the theft of someone else’s possessions, to tax evasion, oppressive work practices, or - from the employee side - stealing by giving poor service to your employer. And it would be worth reflecting on the full scope of this prohibition, but of course Paul doesn’t just spell out the negative side - he gives us its positive counterpart. It’s not enough to put off stealing, we must put on honest work and generous sharing.

Again, we would do well to pause here and reflect on how challenging this really is. One of the things I am to think about regarding my paycheck is how I can share what I have with others.

Apply: I do want to thank the Jubilee family on this because this is a very generous church.

Generosity is a beautiful virtue: our God is generous, and He has given us His very best. Our Heavenly Father has given us every spiritual blessing, He has lavished on us the riches of His grace, and we are to imitate Him in being generous to others.

Notice the renewal of the mind that this implies: instead of a mindset of taking, God’s people are to have a mindset of giving.

Don’t have rotten speech, use nourishing words

Ephesians 4:29 NIV

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

The word translated as ‘unwholesome’ here was used to refer to rotten fruit. Of course, the perfect Afrikaans word for this is vrot. Now, stick with the imagery for a bit. If you eat a vrot eier, a rotten egg, or a rotten apple, instead of nourishing you, it actually harms you.

Paul is teaching us that there is such a thing as rotten speech, words that actually harm you instead of helping you. Rotten words can include a wide range of words—anything that hurts the hearer: words that are false, words that are mean, cruel, vulgar or malicious. Even words that are careless can actually be extremely damaging—

Proverbs 12:18 ESV

There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

So we need to put off rotten speech and put on speech that nourishes, edifies and helps the hearer. Communication is meant to be a vehicle of grace, benefiting those who listen.

Apply: The challenge here is to think about the goal of our communication. Of course, it’s good to have fun with friends and joke around with each other. But sometimes, even there, we can end up hurting a friend or spouse rather than helping them.

Proverbs 25:20 ESV

Whoever sings songs to a heavy heart is like one who takes off a garment on a cold day, and like vinegar on soda.

This proverb warns us to understand the person we are speaking to. You may feel like you have a happy song to sing but what you say actually needs to match the condition the person you’re speaking to is in.

How about this Proverb?

Proverbs 27:14 ESV

Whoever blesses his neighbor with a loud voice, rising early in the morning, will be counted as cursing.

Even a blessing, given at the wrong time, will be counted a curse. The timing and the manner are important - and so Paul’s counsel is that when we speak to someone our words need to be true, but they also need to be appropriate to the need of the moment, so that it might give grace to the hearer.

So put off rotten speech, put on nourishing speech - and here’s why, verse 30.

Ephesians 4:30 NIV

And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.

Now, again, just as we were surprised with the reference to the devil in verse 27, so we might be surprised at the reference to the Holy Spirit here in verse 30. Why does Paul say that rotten speech grieves the Holy Spirit?

Well, if we remember what we’ve seen so far in Ephesians, we’ll remember that the Holy Spirit enables us to experience unity. He is the ‘one Spirit’ in whom we have access to the Father. Look at 4:4 - Paul says that there is one body and one Spirit. Speech that hurts the body of Christ, hurts the Spirit of Christ.

Because the Holy Spirit desires our unity and purity, when we sin and fracture, He is grieved.

The Message of Ephesians d. Don’t Use Your Mouth for Evil, but Rather for Good (Verses 29–30)

For the Holy Spirit is a sensitive Spirit. He hates sin, discord and falsehood, and shrinks away from them. Therefore, if we wish to avoid hurting him, we shall shrink from them too. Every Spirit-filled believer desires to bring him pleasure, not pain.

Don’t be bitter and angry, be kind and forgiving

Ephesians 4:31–32 NIV

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

As this chapter comes to an end, Paul closes with a series of ungodly attitudes and behaviours. It’s a shocking list, six absolutely horrid but sadly all-too-familiar words that describe human behaviour. We are to get rid of these things, we are to put them off. Being bitter and resentful, being angry and hostile, slandering others and even being physically violent - all of these are inappropriate. They need to be put off, rejected, discarded.

Instead, look at what needs to be put on: kindness. Compassion. Forgiveness. We are, in other words, to be like Christ. How did Christ relate to sinners? With kindness. With compassion. With forgiveness.

And that’s especially hard when people are hurtful, unjust, unfair and ean to us. We may well be tempted to retaliate. But that’s not an option for the Christian.

Martin Luther King: “Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.”

“Always be sure that you struggle with Christian methods and Christian weapons. Never succumb to the temptation of becoming bitter.”

And so as we conclude this list, consider again this change process that we’ve been looking at the last few weeks: we are to put off, put on, and be renewed in the attitude of our minds.

When it comes to putting off, we need to put off falsehood, sinful anger, stealing, unwholesome talk, bitterness, rage, brawling, slander and malice.

We are to put on speaking truthfully, working honestly, sharing generously, speaking helpfully and practicing kindness, compassion and forgiveness.

And don’t forget the renewed mindset: we must remember that we are part of One Body, we don’t want to give the devil a foothold, we want to be giving not just taking, we want to please the Holy Spirit, and we want to imitate Christ. That’s the mindset, the new attitude of mind, that produces these behaviours.

Let’s end in verse 32, by reflecting on Christ. We treat each other like this because of how God, in Christ, has treated us.

How can we live a life of love? Because Christ already did. How can we treat people with such kindness and patience? Because of how he treated us. How can we be full of truth and generosity? Because he always spoke the truth and was generous to the point of giving us his very life. How can we keep on forgiving others? Because he forgave us, and keeps on forgiving us. We can live a life of love towards others, because he first lived a life of love towards us.

And to the degree that we believe this, to that degree will we be able to behave in a manner consistent with it, and walk in the way of love.